Schizophrenics make the best pen pals because they are sweet, poetic, romantic, perambulatory, hyper-sexual, refreshingly graphic, and boy are they loyal. Percentage-wise, I like them better than sane people. They know a lot about the politics of mind-fucking that sane people refuse to acknowledge.

My first ex-husband is a communist. He lives sometimes in a village in French Guyana where they don’t treat mental illness; they let them run around. The idea is there is no boss of what’s real. Truth and perception run in cycles, and what’s freakish in one era is perfectly normal in another. So I used to publish schizophrenics and live with them, but then I shut down my magazine, plus my boyfriend went off his meds and stabbed a lady 17 times, and that stopped me being so liberal and Jungian and literal about my love for crazies. Now I just receive their messages and don’t meet them for coffee.

6/12/2007 10:26 AM
To: Drugs Are Nice

all that jewish talk was a real turnoff. i haven’t been the same since.

every time i click your page, it takes a long long time to load up on my computer. no other pages are like that.

even though you haven’t been receptive to my emails, i am still hoping that you will someday regain your senses and make your way into my arms. i am hoping you regain your arms and make your way into my senses.

you never did tell me what your job is. i hope you’re not a cops.

6/28/2007 4:28 PM
can you come and spend the night with me tonight or sunday night or all day tuesday and tuesday night or sunday thru wed or the month of august?

i am not kidding.

please?

preferably sober and noone has to ever know.

7/10/2007 2:35 PM
i am wondering why you haven’t responded to my last message. i expected a reply.

i am in new hampshire. i just dropped a load here. there are broken lightbulbs on the ground. i am wondering where they came from.

i have been noticing strangeness when i come to new hampshire. the programmy shit i hate gets extra-weird in new hampshire. they aren’t as asshole-ish but they become more intense in a way. one of the last time i came up here, there was an electronic road sign on the highway and someone had programmed it to say ‘crack’. i just went to eat and it was weird. people were staring at me a bit more than usual.

yesterday in CT a lady who looked exacly like you, except older, drove by me and looked at me. it was at a place i go repeatedly for my job and every time i ever go to this place, people who seem threatening drive by me during the few minutes i am doing my work there.

i am feeling like a stalker kind-of. your silence is no fun. i don’t wanna be stalking you. i won’t come to find you unless you tell me to.

another thing i noticed is that i have been approached by rushes of ‘too good to be true’ single attractive girls in the past week. more girls that looked like girls i would like than i have seen in the past year, lingering wherever i go, one at a time or in pairs. almost every day for a week. i am wondering if you know the source. i am hoping you are not the source. i am not looking for a dating service hookup from you. i obsessively don’t want anything to do with any ‘participants’ of any kind, even if they are my type. i obsessively DO want to know the source of all these things that are happening to me that ruin my whole life and violate my civil rights and privacy over and over and over.

i was hoping you would accept my invitation to hang out on july4. i was thinking maybe you would go with me to see the Spin Doctors in albany.

am i going to spend eternity without you?

7/29/2007 12:38 PM
do you ever wear that outfit i gave you?

the one i gave you nine years ago.

can you please come with me for a while? i will pay yer expenses and get you home when you want. i got a roland voc300 to play with. can you run away for a while?

i just left new england because you ignored me. i was there for 9months. how long do i have to wait?

9/2/2007 10:26 PM
dear suckdog:

i’ve had it up to here.

why must you ignore me? yes or no

do you sign yer own guestbook or what? what kind of person can just ignore my too-good pleas and then just sit there signing their own guestbook? yes or no

if you HAVE a boyfriend, then what am I for?

i’ll tell you what i’m four.

if you let me come over, and we do it at just the right angle, i can rub it against whatever that hard thing is way up in there.

signed-

The Colonel

9/3/2007 6:07 PM
do you have a marble deep inside of you?

10/17/2007 5:43 PM
dear lady

dear lisa

i am confused. i am wondering where/why you are moving, if it’s a good move or a bad move and i am also wondering if i am ever gonna see you again, if you are ever going to answer any of my questions, if you are going to allow me to douse you with my love. if we are friends. why you are so silent. how you live. why you won’t need your shoes. are you going to come with me for a neverending drive and stay barefoot the whole time or wear ballet slippers? i have 2 beds. bottom and top. you could get on the top bunk and make monkey noises. how many shoes do you have?

i have loads and loads of questions. it’s a shame you won’t answer me. i am your biggest fan and your best friend and you don’t even seem to know or care.

it’s a lonely way to go….waiting in the lisa-wings.

i found some photos of you online at a baby shower on a blanket. you sure look fat.

i also found a profile page that says you are bisexual. please take that line off there. i am embarrassed.

i dont understand. i dont understand you. i sense something other than nothing but i dont know if its good or bad. i can imagine you jumping on me and hugging me like a crazed monkey. i can also imagine you poking my eyes out with your fingernails.

do you have alot of admirers?

i refuse to believe that you don’t care and that you are ignoring my pleas.

9/1/2009 10:09 PM
you have to talk to me somehow. even if its telepathically. i barely believe you even get my messages and that they are not intercepted.

on wed between 8 and 9 pm eastern sit down, close your eyes and tell me what you really think. i will be waiting for you at that time.

i looked and i still have 603-742-1447 474 dover nh 03821

tell me if this is correct and what sizes and if and when i can call you.

love,

your husband for the past 20 years

9/3/2009 10:09 PM
i didnt feel anything.

can we try it again?

10/5/2009 8:24 AM
you look like pj harvey in that suit.

can i come over ?

10/9/2009
Answering machine:

Hi Lisa, this is Steve Power. We’re just out here in DC in my apartment. Yay we’re having fun playing music for each other, me and Olo, writing reviews of it and being completely honest, Lester Bangs style. Olo wants to say something to you.

Hi Lisa. It’s Olo. Well, you and I don’t know each other and have never talked or whatever, but we’ve been getting good work done here, Olo and Steve, figuring a couple of things out.

What with all that is coming down this winter — and what that might be, if you want more clues into that, you can ask me. But you probably already know.

But let’s just say, with all hell coming down breaking loose this winter, we may be heading for some hills. So, if you’ve got a hill over there that we need to head for, just let us know.

Certainly D.C. epicenter, as always, will be the first on our list to get out of, and not to be the last out of. So my dear, let the work continue. And let us all be in better touch, please? My best to you and yours, always.

Hi Lisa, this is Steve again. You’re probably putting your children to bed. I just, um … I don’t know, I lost something. When my friends don’t answer their phone, I think, Oh God, and I had to dial this number. I asked you if I could come up there, but the law is after me in D.C., and it’s so scary. I dyed my hair blond, I wear all these different shirts, but my same blue jeans. But the kids act like they’re scared of me. Call me back if you wish. Thank you.

-LISA CARVER

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