Within 30 minutes of being interested in a guy, I usually ask him if he’s a tits or ass kind of guy. When I was younger I had this theory that men who answered ass were probably gay. Men who answered tits were probably not interested in me. Now that I’m older I know one of those theories is false.
I always thought I was a boobs type of gal, but after compiling the Booty Queens team… Well, this tingling feeling that happens down there when I look at them makes me question my judgment. What’s your answer?
BOOBS
Sophia Loren
Elizabeth Taylor
Jane Russell
Dorothy Dandridge
Brigitte Bardot
Diora Baird
Jayne Mansfield
Pamela Anderson
Jodie Marsh
Michelle Bachmann
BOOTIES
Vida Guerra
Jennifer Lopez
Kim Kardashian
Beyonce Knowles
Scarlett Johanson
Eva Mendes
Megan Fox
Eva Longoria
Jessica Alba
Jessica Biel
BONUS
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STREET BONER 1118
Just to be clear, this is not a hole in her tights. It’s a hole in the ass-time continuum that will swallow your entire paycheck if you go near it.
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Scarlett’s ass would be a bit droopy without the undies – Id put her in the tits category
04.10.09 at 3:36 am
the butt thing at the end totally hypnotized me
04.10.09 at 3:41 am
Booties totally win, although it’s kind of sad that there’s only one black chick on this entire list.
04.10.09 at 3:56 am
those were the best tit pics you came up with? seriously? im all about tits, but dont get me wrong, i love ass. ass is tricky cuz it goes hand in hand with legs, they kind of depend on one another. a really nice pair of tits almost makes up for no ass, whereas a nice ass doesnt make up for shitty tits period.
04.10.09 at 4:00 am
The correct answer is Boobs > Face > Legs > Ass. Anyone who answers ass is gay. And that’s the worst pic of Diora Baird you could’ve posted. A grainy black and white one like this where she’s even fully clothed is still better (http://diora-baird.org/images/diora-baird_org/559/r_DioraBaird-014.jpg)
04.10.09 at 5:09 am
I check face then shoes (to see her personality) then general figure then outfit then ass then tits. I know it sounds queer but I don’t want to get with a girl who has shitty style because I know we’d have to talk after and if you disagree with me go get a prostitute.
04.10.09 at 7:28 am
If you want INSANE asses read a black magazine like Smooth
a lot of these girls don’t have an ass and are just pushing it out like: Eva Langoria (what is she, Asian?), Biel, and Megan Fox.
http://www.smoothmag.com/
04.10.09 at 7:29 am
The butts win.
04.10.09 at 8:04 am
@Red
The B.O.O.T.A.Y’s in Smooth Mag are so awfully photoshopped. Like asses that gigantic AREN’T gonna have patches of cellulite? Not havin’ it.
@Arv
Ok, tried searching for “black women booty” & ended up on some hardcore porn sites that had me dry heaving for the rest of the day.
@quadruple x
Really? CLICK http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/yX6zGzbltlg43w4rh8nBr24zo1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1239452983&Signature=3Se%2BubKN0VkLORFPd3GG2k9jOGI%3D
Sit down, rub one out, & shut the fuck up.
04.10.09 at 8:32 am
i’ll never walk the same
http://www.cafepress.com/jesushadballs
04.10.09 at 8:49 am
I love dicks!
04.10.09 at 8:56 am
the tit girls u posted winn, but IRL i like butts
04.10.09 at 9:02 am
Just give me something that I can hold on to. If I had to play favorites it’d be ass, and anyone who says guys who prefer ass over tits is gay, you are the dumbest, saddest fucker I’ve ever heard of. Asses are amazing. I spend hours licking my girlfriend’s asshole while she watches The Food Network. I’m happy, she’s happy. You just can’t do that with tits, nice as they are.
04.10.09 at 9:10 am
Street Carnage: ass lovers united
04.10.09 at 9:25 am
for the most part, this was about “big tits” vs “big ass”. Personally, I’m a “small and nice” person with tits and “nice” with ass.
04.10.09 at 9:43 am
I think this person said it best:
uma theremin Says:
03.24.09 at 4:54 pm
I really hope the lady posting these is exclusively into women herself
otherwise these stupid 12 photo posts are really the epitome of the whole “female chauvinist pig” phenomenon. “Hey guys! I can talk about hot chicks too!! Look I’ve supplied you with pictures of hot women! PLEASE LIKE MEEEEE!” etc.
This sort of behavior is just a few bad choices away from being the token woman in the human trafficking scam. One minute you think you’re talking to a really hip chick whos just one of the guys, the next thing you know youre on a plane to Chechnya.
04.10.09 at 9:57 am
yowza, they’re all hot.
i’ve got to say 12 neat pics is easily one of the best columns on this site.
always worthy of a quick wank session.
request: maybe this would be demanding to much content, but it would be nice for some content to occasionally accompany the pics. for instance, who is jodie marsh and why does she have spiders on all my favorite parts of a woman’s body? who is diora baird and why does she want to make my penis is explode so hard that it becomes permanently handicapped by the experience? do you and your bf have a superhot threesome filled relationship? you get the picture.
04.10.09 at 10:25 am
p.s.
uma theremin and whiners suck theoretically have good points, but in practice, they’re probably the sort of person you hear about when it is discussed that “magazines promote unhealthy body image”, etc. i.e., they’re insecure.
keep the hot pics coming.
04.10.09 at 10:28 am
elizabeth taylor’s body sucks. i have the same body as a young brigitte bardot. sophia loren’s body kills all the others, hands down. i wish there were one of ava gardner. big butts gross me out, all i can think when i see one is “that thing must be hard to keep clean” so i’ll go with jessical beil for best ass. scar jo for the loss, her ass and tits are going to be so far south in just a few years, you can already see it.
04.10.09 at 10:44 am
tits or ass? thats a game for amateurs. why pick one when you can have them both?
04.10.09 at 10:45 am
also, anyone who knocks scarlot jo’s body is retard that shit is natural perfection. haha what is wrong with yous
04.10.09 at 10:47 am
real men like ass. whats better than a nice pair of legs and hips. only closeted homos like tits.
04.10.09 at 11:07 am
stupid bitch. the “booty queens” were bony as fuck except the black chick, vida and j-lo) eva longoria? ass? jessica biel, slightly…
this is a booty
http://www.king-mag.com/online/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/maliah.jpg
http://www.king-mag.com/online/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/mya.jpg
seriously, bitch, if you’re going to keep posting pics of chicks, just post them. stop trying to make a connection between the pics. it just makes it seem like you’re trying too hard to be cool. more pics, less words, bitch.
04.10.09 at 11:08 am
True that. Check these beauties out.
http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s253/LenDt64/BigAss.jpg
04.10.09 at 11:14 am
Agree with homeless on this one – this is a false dichotomy.
04.10.09 at 11:53 am
Didja read Gavin’s treatise on guys who are really into big tits?? Closeted gay.
Real men like ass- and vagina.
04.10.09 at 11:57 am
this is an ASS. and this is FTW.
04.10.09 at 11:58 am
You should change the name of this column to “12 Frat Boy Avatars.”
04.10.09 at 12:08 pm
god you are the vorlds beegest faggot, did you just say AVATAR? fuckin die already
Jim GOAD wrote the thing about titty men being babies, check YO SELF NIGGA
04.10.09 at 12:24 pm
sorry about the N-bombs I can’t stop dropping em. it’s like a nervous spic
04.10.09 at 12:26 pm
I think Kimmy Gibbler put it best when she said at first when you sniff dat black ass it’s kinda like HONG KONG POOEY but then you find yourself going back for another nostril look see direct into the Brown Brown (eye)
04.10.09 at 12:28 pm
oops I mean WRONG PONG POOEY
04.10.09 at 12:29 pm
i’m feeling like a lot of these have both great asses and tits…
what’s the requirement for being in either category?
04.10.09 at 1:01 pm
Ass…. and no I’m not gay. The female ass is entirely different than the male ass unless you’re talking about models. The female ass, when done properly, is a thing of amazing boner inducing jiggly softness. And when spread apart it reveals its prizes. Boobs are great too.
04.10.09 at 1:02 pm
Ok, this time you’re fired for real.
04.10.09 at 1:10 pm
Vene$$a if you want to get any pie you gotta stop acting like you dont want to snatch it up off the table and bury your face in it.
04.10.09 at 1:33 pm
Ass.
04.10.09 at 2:00 pm
Fuck, the tit pictures suck. Tits can be amazing — I appreciate an ass but come on, not fair.
04.10.09 at 2:02 pm
This song scared me so bad when it came out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDOC7JRDzYI
04.10.09 at 2:23 pm
wouldn’t scarjo qualify for both categories? also i cannot believe i just saw jessica biel’s 7th heaven nipple.
04.10.09 at 2:43 pm
I see no criteria being followed for what a fine ASS woman is or what a fine TIT woman is. This looks like it was Googled together by woman who is not really into women. You know if a heterosexual male had done this column, there would be no doubt about the examples picked.
04.10.09 at 3:08 pm
this was fun, thanks val. nice meeting you the other day- that was your right?
Ass. duh.
I appreciate “ ‘Big wobbly boobies’ in a Northern accent” as well though.
04.10.09 at 3:13 pm
I can go to mrskin.com and post picks and put people’s names under them too. Although I will not toss your salad….so you probably won’t give me a job like this dizzy bitch
04.10.09 at 3:52 pm
I wonder what kind of epic, million-dollar magic a photog has to conjure in order to air-brush the mounds of cheese off Kardashian’s ass? And yes, this shit is weak. It’s so much better to look at pics of women that you know absolutely nothing about. That way, the sex drive doesn’t get bogged down by the ass-piece’s mind-numbing attempts at having “beliefs” (i.e. “I’m an Obama supporter”). It’s also better to not know who they’re dating or married to, especially in the case of Kardashian and Scarlett Johannsen. Swank Magazine rules.
04.10.09 at 4:19 pm
this is your worst list yet. How do you fuck up tits and asses?tThere are 3 billion out there and these r the ones u come up with? lame.
04.10.09 at 4:55 pm
What an excellent way to get traffic. Also? Stupid.
04.10.09 at 5:03 pm
I was watching this science show and by nature, guys were attracted to hips and the motion of hips. Who cares what I have to say though.
04.10.09 at 9:49 pm
Where were the boobs and where were the booties?
04.10.09 at 10:02 pm
Diora Baird officially dethrones Alexa Chung as the world’s top boner. And the bush is just the icing on the cake.
04.11.09 at 1:57 am
@ bryan Yea that was me! Nice meeting you at the film festival. Good luck with your future project! It will turn out bad ass for sure. Thanks for telling me about your super secret plans! i leaked em out to the Russians already. (This is just so you know it’s me & not Vane$$a posing as me in the comments)
@ Joey Odessa
“this shit is weak. It’s so much better to look at pics of women that you know absolutely nothing about. That way, the sex drive doesn’t get bogged down by the ass-piece’s mind-numbing attempts at having “beliefs” (i.e. “I’m an Obama supporter”). It’s also better to not know who they’re dating or married to, especially in the case of Kardashian and Scarlett Johannsen. Swank Magazine rules.”
What really? I’m a girl & i don’t even know who Scarelett Johannsen or Kardashian is dating. Is one of them bitches married already? Do i give a fuck? No. Case in point, you’re probably a People Magazine reading, Perez Hilton loving motherfucking FGGT.
04.11.09 at 6:15 am
But you know who Perez Hilton is. Nice try.
04.11.09 at 8:22 am
i am more of a pussy man
04.11.09 at 11:16 am
@Joey Odessa
Uh hello that motherfucker is doing shitty commercials on the boob tube. He’s not very “underground” anymore.
& unlike you i don’t have fantasies of sucking his wanna be d-list penis & eating his bright pink (probs fake tanned) asshole until he can’t hold his poop in any longer.
04.11.09 at 11:16 am
way to kill a boner.
04.13.09 at 4:25 am
I just trying to see if I can post as gavin!
04.14.09 at 1:04 pm
Ohhhhhhhhhhh shit
05.06.09 at 10:59 pm
You guys can look at as many pictures as you like but you aint never gonna get no action. Bunch of freaks.
10.20.09 at 2:40 am
what is up with all the old bitches in the tits section
11.14.09 at 12:56 pm