Street Carnage
1- Nobody is taking Michael’s death harder than Ryan O’Neal.
2- Michael Jackson’s body finally caught up with his nose.
3- The only thing harder than bringing someone back after a cardiac arrest is trying to care.
Blognigger
4- Okay Ahmadinejad, NOW!!!!!!
5- Farah Fawcett dispatched to keep David Carradine from strangling Ed McMahon? Seems like an odd choice, but Charlie works in mysterious ways.
Jim Goad
6- Farrah Fawcett’s rotted anus is furious that Michael Jackson’s striped penis has stolen her thunder.
Lesley Arfin
7- I bet it’s all a publicity stunt for him to come back as a zombie, get a twitter account, and set his icon as green.
Trace
8- Two stars dead. One was the dream of adolescent boys everywhere. The other dreamed of adolescent boys everywhere.
OTHER
9- Come on white folks? How come when a brotha dies it don’t get all this attention?
10- I hope the MJ impersonator on Hollywood Boulevard takes a few weeks off so he doesn’t freak everyone out.
11- Sad day for music fans. Good day for children everywhere.
12- He’s molesting angels now.
UPDATE: From Popbitch
13- Reports of Michael Jackson having a heart attack are incorrect. He was found in the children’s ward having a stroke.
14- Michael Jackson died of shock after finding out Boyz II Men was a band not a delivery service.
15- McDonald’s are bringing out the Michael Jackson tribute burger: 50 year old meat between two 7 year old buns.
16- When Farrah Fawcett arrived in Heaven, God was such a big fan he decided to grant her one wish. She asked that all the children in the world could be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson.
17- Michael Jackson actually died of food poisoning. He ate some 12 year old nuts. …Er or was it a five-year old wiener?
18- Fifty kids have volunteered to identify the body as they have first-hand experience of seeing Michael Jackson stiff.
19- Michael Jackson’s legal team announced that he had agreed to be melted down by undertakers to make plastic toys. So, kids can play with him for a change.
20- It has been reported on the “Angels News” Michael Jackson was refused entry to heaven due to the fact they don’t accept plastic.
Leave a Reply
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4377 access attempts in the last 7 days.
I give this… 3.5 out of 10
06.26.09 at 10:05 am
I hate you.
06.26.09 at 10:13 am
2 out of 10 – blogniger’s are the lamest!
06.26.09 at 10:14 am
Apparently Jacko put in his will that the Beatles song rights will go back to Paul McCartney now that he’s dead. McCartney was heard to say about this, “Great so that pseudo-nigger gives me my own songs back after using them like a $2 whore for the past 20 years and I’m supposed to be grateful?”
06.26.09 at 10:24 am
this sucks.
06.26.09 at 10:26 am
Upon further investigation, authorities have determined that Michael Jackson’s cause of death was food poisoning. Apparently he joked on a 7 year-old wiener.
06.26.09 at 10:32 am
Looks like your Tweets got served by Popbitch.
06.26.09 at 10:32 am
Michael Jackson died the way he lived, his face frozen in a horrifying ghostly rictus.
06.26.09 at 10:36 am
His heart just couldn’t Beat It.
06.26.09 at 10:37 am
the Ahmadinejad one was good
06.26.09 at 11:09 am
Why did Michael Jackson hang his baby out the window? HE WAS TRYING TO SHAKE THE CUM OUT!! Ta-da!
06.26.09 at 11:18 am
at least we still have R Kelly.
06.26.09 at 11:54 am
The Lesley Arfin one was not her, it was a re-tweet from @injoyed. Also, I didn’t know popbitch was still around
06.26.09 at 11:54 am
Perhaps Michael Jackson will be reincarnated as a black man.
06.26.09 at 12:06 pm
whats black and white and dead all over?
06.26.09 at 12:51 pm
yeah mine was a re tweet. my joke was “This is thriller. Literally.” meh.
06.26.09 at 12:56 pm
“michael jackson molested a kid to death. the kid is fine.”
06.26.09 at 1:03 pm
“If MJs heart stopped, why didn’t someone beat it?”
06.26.09 at 1:24 pm
Gold.
06.26.09 at 1:33 pm
12 is from metafilter, and 8 might be.
06.26.09 at 1:34 pm
MJ is really going to have a hellish time in hell, cuz little kids that die go to heaven.
06.26.09 at 1:45 pm
I’m apolled by the way you are treating the death of a man who was not only a musical genius but also severely disturbed. He had no childhood, was abused for many years, and lived in media spotlights forever. He was practically bred to be what he was. He should be respected in death. Wether or not he did those things should no longer be in question men like that are sick and need to be treated, not gossiped about and disrespected in death.
06.26.09 at 1:56 pm
Damnit, I put my joke on the wrong post! So to repeat:
I don’t think that Michael is dead so much as he just decided to be Latoya full time now.
06.26.09 at 2:08 pm
Ha ha look how witty and topical you are.
Weak.
06.26.09 at 3:17 pm
He’ll never get his come back . . . it’s been in Cory Feldman’s ass for 20 years!
06.26.09 at 3:52 pm
hahahhaa nice
06.26.09 at 6:20 pm
A part of me hates all of you right now.
06.26.09 at 6:33 pm
I’m apolled by the way you are treating the death of a man who was not only a musical genius but also severely disturbed. He had no childhood, was abused for many years, and lived in media spotlights forever. He was practically bred to be what he was. He should be respected in death. Wether or not he did those things should no longer be in question men like that are sick and need to be treated, not gossiped about and disrespected in death.
Women like this are why Ted Bundy was up to his eyeballs in pussy when he was on death row.
06.26.09 at 7:49 pm
fuck all of you this is great. two fucking words — fucking great.
06.26.09 at 8:45 pm
Are you lost?
06.26.09 at 9:13 pm
Lots more Michael Jackson death jokes here!
06.26.09 at 10:13 pm
best sbtvc of the month. We don’t break stride for a second with our jaded, malicious humor! not for a second.
06.27.09 at 4:39 am
frankly jules, i know being french is homo as shit, but ‘vegan’ really? do you not see how lame it sounds? please, you have to get it man.
all the vegans i met had dread locks and the political knowledge/views of a very young girl. why do you have to publicize it, does it make you any special or interesting? i don’t understand. really.
06.27.09 at 7:01 am
Michael Jackson wanted his ashes to be put in an etch-a-sketch, so kids could still twiddle his nob.
06.27.09 at 7:26 am
French, do you remember the “Hardline” movement? It combined militant straightedge with militant veganism. There was actually a band called Vegan Reich. It only got weirder as these misguided clowns got into being muslims too. Vegan Jules is like normal compared to that. I could produce a Vegan Jules in my imagination. Vegan Muslim Nazis, on the other hand, the cognitive dissonance is killing me. Now I want to see Bubbles rip someone’s face off at the funeral, and devour it live on television.
06.27.09 at 8:03 am
More like king of skin-poppin that killer D amirite?
06.27.09 at 8:08 am
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson who?
Exactly, kid. Now here’s your ten million.
06.27.09 at 12:14 pm
In real life I give my veganism a rest. I don’t talk about it with new friends. I don’t talk about it with girls, at least as much as I can. I think it can save the world and make the world cool, without all the things that suck about it (i.e. you have to work all the time, and you can’t sit out on a stoop anymore with a tambourine and a guitar, and practice your street dance moves.) So yeah. That’s why I’m full throttle on here. It’s my outlet. You french fag.
P.S. You’re not the real Hot Carl are you?
06.27.09 at 12:49 pm
Heres a fuckin MJ joke, “MJ is about 90% plastic so his family are gonna have him melted down into lego blocks, this way kids get to play with him and not the other way round”.
I think i fucked the timing up.
Sha-mone motherfuckers!
06.27.09 at 4:49 pm
You kind of people disgust me this man has passed and continue to disrespect him your karma is DEFINITELY going to catch up with you R.I.P Michael Love you forever!
07.09.09 at 9:42 pm