How I Met Your Mother is more than a hilarious television show starring Britney Spears. It’s also an important part of figuring out who you are. I met your mother because we both liked punk and that brought us to New York because we thought New York was cool and punk. What is punk you ask? Good question…
After WWII, most Southern Italians looked at their bombed out country and said, “Fucka this. I’m oudda here.” Now, these are some of the stupidest people in Europe but they’re very enthusiastic and they have a great work ethic so they jumped on a boat and headed to New York City without a second thought. That didn’t pan out so they moved to Brooklyn instead which they then claimed as their own.
A generation later, we had the baby boom and right after those kids got pubes, a huge 50s revival swept the country. Though their IQ was in the low 100s, the Italians in Brooklyn ate this 50s revival for breakfast and did it with way more gusto and accuracy than anyone in the country. It was around this time the modern idea of “cool” was born. Brooklyn was Hollywood back then and when these dimwits made a terrible movie called The Lords of Flatbush it changed the cool landscape. Before you knew it, everyone wanted to be a mentally handicapped Gumba from Brooklyn dressed like a machismo douchebag from the 50s. The Fonz (an offshoot from the movie) was a sad and lonely boyman who fixed cars and lived in a suburban attic but his character personified this strange time and everyone loved him. Another fictional character that summed up this epoch was a fucking dense-as-lead-shit wop named Bowswer who sang in a fake doo wop band called Sha-Na-Na.
When a bunch of really, really slow immigrant offspring from Queens wanted to start a band they basically copied Sha-Na-Na but played sloppy 50s rock and burped out the words. They were an awful band but New York loved them because they came from New York and showed up for gigs. When critics shat on The Ramones for being awful, their fans shot back and said it’s supposed to be terrible. It’s called “Terrible Music” no… wait… it’s called “Punk.” The band was just as enthusiastic as Bowser and The Fonz and had no problem hopping on a plane to go to Britain. A lot of American bands were doing this at the time because they had traveling across the Atlantic in their DNA.
British people have a far superior education to America’s and this was especially true back in the 70s. They did a thing called O-Levels where, at 13 they separated the idiots and sent them to trade schools leaving the smart kids to flourish. Today this is seen as fascist but smart, poor kids got scholarships to join the rich kids so shut the fuck up. Anyfarts, it was the smart, British kids who saw the Ramones play their historical show in London and it was their well-educated brains that thought, “Holy shit, this is revolutionary.” The UK wasn’t having a 50s revival at the time so, instead of seeing a poor man’s Bowser fuck up rockabilly, they saw an ingenious parody of the roots of rock ‘n roll. The band’s inept playing became an empowering message to the people that said anyone can play music. Somehow, this terrible Sha-Na-Na rip-off got stuck in a blender and became performance art.
Britain then went back to the drawing board and created great bands like The Clash and The Sex Pistols and The Damned and Sham 69. Oi Vey the list goes on and on and on. They gave this pop culture accident called “punk” a tsunami of context so when it made it back to New York, everyone at CBGB couldn’t say anything but, “Uh, yeah, that’s what we meant” and the punk we know today was born.
To suburban middle-class kids like your Mother and I, New York City always had this mystique about it. We didn’t know the whole Bowser background so we just thought punk was born there because it was the magical kind of place where great things come from. We had no idea it was just the same as our hometowns but way more expensive and with way more Puerto Ricans. We finally got the resources to move her in the last gasps of our 20s and got married soon after. Then I put my dick in her cunt without a condom. Then you came out the same hole.
Love,
Dad.
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I always wondered why The Ramones sounded like shitty 1950’s music. Now I know.
04.17.09 at 12:16 pm
The Ramones were Jews, so this is theory is shot because obviously they had the brains of champions.
04.17.09 at 12:19 pm
It is incumbent upon you to write a general history book. Not one of those just-kidding books that dumb hep cats will use to cut lines on, but an actual, hardbound, scholarly tome that will teach proper history and enrich the minds of youngsters in classrooms across the country.
04.17.09 at 12:19 pm
So when are you moving back to the suburbs?
04.17.09 at 12:22 pm
I agree.
04.17.09 at 12:24 pm
He never said The Ramones were Italians. He said “Immigrants offspring.” Italians from Brooklyn defined all immigrants back then. Greeks, Jews, even the N in Sha-Na-Na was aping Italian steez. Though most Jews are smart The Ramones were idiots so they sided with the coolest idiots in the land, WOPs.
04.17.09 at 12:24 pm
Not every Jew is smart…
04.17.09 at 12:25 pm
ah! europe invented you assholes.
04.17.09 at 12:44 pm
No, Europe invented assholes named “Sacha.”
04.17.09 at 12:54 pm
Sham 60?
04.17.09 at 12:57 pm
Sha Na Na was at fucking Woodstock, man.
So, yeah, if we had just nuked Woodstock the world would be a much better place.
Fucking greaser hippies.
04.17.09 at 1:01 pm
MC5? The Stooges?The Velvet Underground?Blue Cheer? They were pretending to be like Sha Na Na, too?
The New York Dolls were the 1st “punk” band to go to the U.K.
yer dum
04.17.09 at 1:02 pm
Pussy
04.17.09 at 1:03 pm
you are woefully ignorant.
04.17.09 at 1:06 pm
cool and punk (interchangeable terms, being on the opposite side of orthodoxy) has been around forever. swing music was cool and punk, jesus was a cool punk, and i’ve yet to hear an example more punk than buddha.
so no, i don’t think eyetalians and jews created it in the 50s.
04.17.09 at 1:29 pm
I know your theory doesn’t really depend on Sha Na Na being a bunch of imbeciles, but apparently it all got started at Columbia U. Bowser went there too, and also Julliard. So it’s more like the brainiacs actually kicked off the movement in the US, and then some non-brainiacs (the Ramones) transported it over to the brainiacs in the UK.
04.17.09 at 1:29 pm
Suicide, formed in 1970 or so, was described as “punk” before anyone else. also, in contrast to the ramones, they were inventive and interesting and def don’t remind me of 50’s music.
04.17.09 at 1:31 pm
Swing wasn’t punk - decidedly pop, not punk. Bebop was analogous to punk.
04.17.09 at 1:39 pm
Sham 60? You shortchanged the Hersham boys.
04.17.09 at 1:41 pm
swing was most definitely punk. in white culture at that time it was considered rebellious, even dangerous (it was considered “negro music”). to engage in this type of recreation over in germany in the 30s, w/the winds of fascism blowing in the air, was to behave in ways society deemed both primitive and degenerate. it was considered to be animalistic behavior among cultured western europeans before it gained acceptance.
04.17.09 at 1:50 pm
I saw this Jeffrey Lewis video the other day and it’s basically the antithesis of what you’re saying. I’ve never been into punk and don’t know much about it, but it does seem like he’s done his homework. Or he at least took a history of music class in college.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88QLxLHQW_M
04.17.09 at 2:11 pm
Ooh, are we going to finally determine once and for all what is the essence of ham-fisted rock’n'roll? This thread could be the supercollider that once operating at full capacity reveals the elusive Punk Boson.
I’ll bet it’s the Kingsmen.
04.17.09 at 2:16 pm
You can keep liking swing - but it is standard pop, not punk. Cultured people like the ones you mentioned have never liked anything pop, and so of course they didn’t like swing.
But swing musicians still tried most of all to please the listener - therefore it wasn’t punk. Bebop was punk because it was played for the enjoyment of the musicians, all about breaking through the sonic threshhold, and wasn’t ever concerned with becoming popular, mainstream, etc. That’s the difference between punk and other forms of pop culture.
04.17.09 at 2:17 pm
It’s Sham 69 Gavin. Oi vey indeed.
04.17.09 at 2:35 pm
“You can keep liking swing - but it is standard pop, not punk. Cultured people like the ones you mentioned have never liked anything pop, and so of course they didn’t like swing.
But swing musicians still tried most of all to please the listener - therefore it wasn’t punk. Bebop was punk because it was played for the enjoyment of the musicians, all about breaking through the sonic threshhold, and wasn’t ever concerned with becoming popular, mainstream, etc. That’s the difference between punk and other forms of pop culture.”
you’re addressing musical style alone and i’m addressing the idea in a societal context. i get your point but you’re missing mine.
04.17.09 at 2:48 pm
I like how he “slipped in” the birds-and-bees talk right there at the end. Subtle, but moving.
04.17.09 at 3:07 pm
Before you go into the fucking 60s and all that shit I think we can all take for granted Punk as we know it began when The Ramones went to London. That’s what it says in “Please Kill Me” and that’s what everyone from Joe Strummer to John Lydon say about the UK punk movement. You could argue fucking Bonnie & Clyde or even Attila the Hun was “punk” but that’s not what we’re talking about here.
It came from the Ramones and the Ramones came from Italian Brooklyn’s interpretation of the 50s revival. Look at their name. They may have had Jews in the band but they were called THE RAMONES. NotThe Hymans.
04.17.09 at 3:13 pm
Only two of the Ramones were Jewish, Joey and Tommy. The rest were as white as they come. Including Marky who was related to the head of the KKK.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_H._Bell
04.17.09 at 3:19 pm
this was the best of the “letter from your father” posts. the ending killed.
04.17.09 at 3:29 pm
“That’s what it says in “Please Kill Me” and that’s what everyone from Joe Strummer to John Lydon say about the UK punk movement. ”
no need to take out the big guns. i can see that critical examination is not your strong point. “i think we can all agree” punk as “we know it today?” someone using phrases like that is trying to argue about what constitutes punk and from whence it came?
your guess as to why they chose the name ramones is as obtuse as the rest of your ineffectually defiant rant.
04.17.09 at 3:40 pm
I know three things.
Col. Tom Parker invented rock and roll.
Malcolm McLaren invented punk.
The CIA invented AIDS.
All three of them conspired to destroy black culture and the influence of blacks on young white women.
Have you not read any Howard Zinn? Geeze.
04.17.09 at 3:49 pm
…but what about the rockers and the teddy boys. You’re forgetting about the rockers and the teddy boys.
04.17.09 at 4:29 pm
puerto ricans AND jews are what make this city great.
punk rock is overrated.
04.17.09 at 4:31 pm
you forgot to give Patti Smith and Richard Hell props.
04.17.09 at 6:00 pm
Gandhi was the first punk.
No, Jesus was.
Jesus or Buddha.
Or Patti Smith.
Patti Smith, Jesus, and Buddha.
And Richard Hell.
And yes, Alan Vega from Suicide gave out flyers in 72 or so advertising “a punk music mass,” but if you can’t hear a 1950s influence in “Johnny” or “Be Bop Baby,” get ya hearing checked.
04.17.09 at 6:45 pm
some retards made some cool shit on accident. how fucking ZEN IS THAT JESUS WAS THE FIRST BUDDHA.
04.17.09 at 7:05 pm
punk nerds are way worse then fantasy nerds.
04.17.09 at 10:07 pm
That dude’s muscle doesn’t flinch at the end.
04.17.09 at 10:14 pm
Let us not forget the Italians bequeathed us the great Max Casella who played Vinnie Delpino, Doogie Howser’s mischevious next door neighbor, who was the comedic counterpoint to Doogie’s insufferable serious character. Without Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie) being formed in the public eye as the wholesome young doctor, shows such as Harold and Kumar and How I Met Your Mom’s main hook- going against type in casting Harris as a sleazeball, would not exist and arguably the premise for this post would not either.
04.17.09 at 10:32 pm
Potsie from Happy Days invented New Wave, and Dwight Eisenhower invented Gangstah Rap
04.17.09 at 10:34 pm
Sid Vicious stole Bowser’s look!!!
04.17.09 at 11:03 pm
jews may be smart but they’re also pussys
04.18.09 at 2:33 am
So wait… you put the dick in the cunt, through like some sort of trap door. And then, let me get this straight - a baby comes out? You’re theory is fucked.
04.18.09 at 10:25 am
Your wrong Gavin. Kids in Britain didn’t do O-levels until they were 15-16. At 11-13 they did 11 Plus. I got a B.
04.18.09 at 6:33 pm
Gavin is probably one of three people on this site who ‘get it’.
Everyone else, allez manger la merde
04.18.09 at 7:28 pm
Who cares about punk?
04.18.09 at 11:08 pm
Bunker Hill and Little Richard (both legitimate 50s rockers) were waaay more punk than any of the bullshit you have written here.
04.19.09 at 10:08 am
The Fonz was a jew
Bowwser was a jew
Suicide can not be taken seriously b/c they gave birth to Bruce Springstein (Jew)
04.19.09 at 11:40 am
Then I put my dick in her cunt without a condom. Then you came out the same hole.
Love,
Dad.
oh my fucking god this line killed me! you put the button on that one
04.19.09 at 1:23 pm
yes the ones in the spotlight were Jews. Good. BUT they were aping Brooklyn Italians. Like Andrew Dice Clay, Bowser and The Fonz were Jews rejecting their Woody Allen upbringing and acting like machismo Brooklyn wops. Does “Fuggedaboudit” sound like Hebrew to you?
04.19.09 at 2:38 pm
the exam was taken when 11-12 and was called the “eleven plus”, O-levels were taken when you were about 16
04.19.09 at 4:09 pm
Whatevers, I’m a fan of early punk, but post punk in the late 70’s and early 80’s kills it. James Chance, PIL, Glaxo Babies, The Homosexuals, ESG, Birthday Party etc. all make my back pussy wet.
04.19.09 at 11:51 pm
I always thought Slavs were WAY more retarded than Italians. Italians for sure make better food.
04.20.09 at 6:50 am
Since we’re shitting on ethnicity here, let me also point out the fact Germans are pretty ugly. Master race my fucking ass.
04.20.09 at 7:05 am
I’ve found that Asian intellectual superiority is nothing but a hoax based on highly limited test scores and validated by white people who are happy just as long as they can claim intellectual superiority to blacks via those same test scores. There’s a big difference between creative and innovative abilities and the ability to suck up to the system and be boring and submissive enough to work your ass off for a high test score. Asians tend to take the original ideas of others and through pure gumption improve upon them, yet you’re not going to see a whole lot of truly original thought from them. In order to innovate, you need to rebel. In order to rebel, you apparently need to NOT be Asian.
@jezehell
Bruce Springsteen is not a Jew you ass. He’s a Dutch/Irish/Italian Catholic. His surname is Dutch.
04.20.09 at 7:29 am
i love the italian treatment here.
04.20.09 at 12:54 pm
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