Dear Lesley,
How do you make a ‘guy you’re dating’ your ‘boyfriend’ in a post-high school world? I’m finally getting bored of sleeping with random dudes and so actually date them in advance these days. I figure that if I can’t stand their company at dinner, it won’t be any better at breakfast. Though there’s no shortage of guys I’ve dated in the past year, none of them have become anything more serious. After a month or so, things just fizzle out. I am worried this is because I’m not the doting type and usually downplay my feelings of like-like but my Catholic friend says it’s because I have sex with them too soon (usually first or second date). What do you think I could do to turn the next guy I like into my guy? (And do I really have to wait to sleep with them??)
Sincerely,
Just a Friend
Dear Just A Friend,
It seems to me like you have more of a problem actually liking someone than anything else. Sex or no sex, if you really like someone you will want to have breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner, dessert, and a midnight snack with them. I think you have a case of what my friends and I call “hate you first.” When you diss someone first or come up with excuses of why you don’t like them, you never have to get dissed. You’re protecting yourself from the pain of getting hurt. It’s pretty common. Everyone on Seinfeld is a good example of it. I’m all for getting laid and sleeping with dudes who might not be potential soul mates, but isn’t it more fun to sleep with a guy you actually have a big crush on? Maybe save your ever-expanding vagina flaps for those guys instead? I think a good way to measure having sex with someone is if you can see yourself eating a meal with him. If you can’t, don’t bother. That’s just me, some girls are sluttier than I am though, which is fine. But those girls don’t have boyfriends, and I do. Don’t pick apart every guy you like until you decide you don’t like them. That’s “hate you first” and it really says that you hate yourself first but want it to appear like that guy just isn’t good enough for you. All the girls I know who do that are single and getting older by the minute. No one is perfect, including yourself, so what’s a lazy eye or a Sneaky Christopher mean in the big picture? I might be way off the mark though, I don’t really have any deal breakers it seems. If you want to turn the next guy you like into your boyfriend, my suggestion is tell him (or show him) that you like him. Make him a mix. Ask him on a date. Make yourself vulnerable to that. He might not like you back, but that’s part of the deal.
Love,
Lesley
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good use of “sneaky Christopher”.
06.18.09 at 11:15 am
i second that re: “sneaky Christopher” – such a gem of a saying.
and “just a friend” – i don’t know what you look like but sounds like your aiming a bit too high if they keep “fizzling out.” date a zany dork who knows too much about middle earth – he’ll stick around kiddo. oh, and don’t be annoying when your drunk.
cheers!
06.18.09 at 11:23 am
“Those girls dont have boyfriends, but I do.” You date some private school rich boy cornball who pretends to be hard for a novelty rap group. get over yourself.
06.18.09 at 11:30 am
and sneaky christopher means what? help me expand my feeble pre-pubescent brain.
06.18.09 at 11:36 am
Goofus,
You obviously care about who she is or what she does. How the fuck do you know so much about her boyfriend? Jealous?
06.18.09 at 11:40 am
8 kitties. i didn’t read the article.
06.18.09 at 12:19 pm
HE WONT BUY THE COW IF HES GETTING THE SEX FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
06.18.09 at 12:24 pm
just google sneaky christopher you lazy gus.
06.18.09 at 12:30 pm
You gotta fuck a lot of frogs before you find your prince!
06.18.09 at 12:34 pm
Google is not showing me anything on sneaky christopher. Someone please help.
06.18.09 at 12:37 pm
I am going to spend the rest of today hacking teh interwebs so that this page comes up whenever a girl opens up her browser.
Seriously we live in a bizarro world where girls are the superficial, insecure shitbags now. It’s totally gettin’ on my damn nerves.
06.18.09 at 1:11 pm
Good advice!
06.18.09 at 1:18 pm
One time I got drunk with a girl in a bar. We stumbled back to my apartment and fucked all night before I even knew her last name. But wait! Now we’ve been together for five years!
06.18.09 at 1:28 pm
I too have a boyfriend while “just a friend” doesn’t. These are the things that have helped me:
not taking too long to get ready
sucking a dick like I’m in a porno
being able to hold my liquor (and drugs)
liking anal
06.18.09 at 1:35 pm
“turn the next guy I like into my guy”
It kind of sounds you want a boyfriend like you want a nice purse or an expensive pair of shoes.
06.18.09 at 1:55 pm
Spot on again, JANE.
06.18.09 at 2:02 pm
“Sneaky Christopher” Is a phrase Gavin made up while he was stoned. The context of it was that there was an old woman who found everything overly cute, so when a robber breaks into her house one night she says “ohh you sneaky christopher!”
06.18.09 at 2:03 pm
Shitcock says: Seriously we live in a bizarro world where girls are the superficial, insecure shitbags now. It’s totally gettin’ on my damn nerves.
I’m also way fucking sick of girls like this. They are literally all over the damn place. They have that whole “hate you first” attitude not just towards guys, but towards other girls too. I’m glad you called them out that this is a symptom of them hating themselves. Which they should. Fuck a dumb bitch.
Also dating never worked for me. My bf saw me from across the room at a party, it was a week later we were finally introduced by a mutual friend. After a week or so of max chilling/making out we were officially a couple. He told me he knew he wanted to be my bf when he saw that we could just hang out with each other, doing whatever.
<33 Dating seems so formal. Like, there is too much pressure. Maybe you are the one of those girls that only hangs out with other girls. If that’s the case, try to develop a unique aspect of yourself so that you stand out more.
My boyfriend is rad, his cute little pet bunny is sitting next to me licking my knee.
Wayz 2 b a rad gf: umm how about be rad. Dont be a fake bitch. Play Super NES and take bong hits (optional), do something good for the world, do thoughtful things like getting 2 Orange Crushes, and take care of yourself first,
06.18.09 at 2:21 pm
You can also just TELL THEM. This has never not worked for me. (Helps if you’re having sex at the time.)
06.18.09 at 2:25 pm
hanna hearts, get over yourself.
06.18.09 at 2:41 pm
just guilt trip them into making them into your boyfriend and make sure you set your facebook status to seeing them
06.18.09 at 2:42 pm
Hannah, holy shit. Did you just post a fucking blog entry in the comment section of a website? Are you really that self absorbed?
Your boyfriend likes to hang with you? Welcome to the real fucking world, it feels nice when someone likes to hang and not just fuck doesn’t it? It’s what all your girlfriends were talking about and at last, it happened to you! You thought it wouldn’t, “My vagina is too loose for anyone to respect me!” you mused. But alas, he came to you, with a knee licking rabbit no less! Rad!
You contradicted yourself by following “Don’t be a fake bitch” with “Play Super NES and take bong hits”. This is what mediocre looking girls think a guy wants. This is definitely what a 17 year old boy wants. Keep up the good work if you’re 17. Otherwise, you’re way off.
If you’re older than 17, just take an interest in fashion, be open to anything in the sack, have the ability to look at yourself and judge, possess a face of happiness, and the ability to soak everything in around you.
06.18.09 at 3:04 pm
real playaz don’t read this shit.
06.18.09 at 3:26 pm
@ “Wayz 2 be a rad gf”
i’m a gemini, what’s in store for me?
06.18.09 at 5:03 pm
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hahahahahahaha
06.18.09 at 5:05 pm
just give his taint a lickle tickle
06.18.09 at 5:50 pm
Guys are pretty fucked up.
Your hysterical pricks don’t know what they want.
The conclusion is, sleep with a dud[e] straight away = slut.
Make him wait, oh lets say three weeks to fuck him = non slut.
Do this same little dance a billion times (wait three weeks, put out, wait three weeks, put out – ad nauseam) Then is this non slut still a slut??? It must be the total number of dudes you bone then, or that you let them put it in your ass, and do all manner of dirty things?
A philosophical quandary that one.
I’m saving myself for Jesus!
06.18.09 at 6:04 pm
Frenchy, the doctors lied, the AIDS will infact kill you sooner than later… It will be painful, but you will still have plenty of men knocking on your door just to get a thrust at your gleaming butthole right up until the day you die.
At your funeral only two of your three close friends will be in attendance, but plenty of “lovers” will be there as well. A particularly burly man will look upon a slight decript man, your father, and contemplate with him which was more of a delight; Giving you a facial, or the paisley wallpaper behind your coffin. After a short debate, he will settle on paisley.
06.18.09 at 6:29 pm
THE FURST THING YOU HAVE EVER SAID LESLEY MY DARLING THAT HAS EVERY MADE ANY FUCKEENG SENSE
06.18.09 at 6:30 pm
Poonie Muff got it on the nose.
something i’ve always liked about the girl i’m with is when we’re both trashed with our friends, she’ll manipulate one of HER friends into going out to get US food. shit like that takes a guy’s feelings for a girl from “wow, your really hot and cool” to “i respect you and want to give you the best orgasms you’ve ever had.”
06.18.09 at 6:55 pm
don’t be so eager about it. geez just calm down, chew your food with your mouth closed, don’t lie about your music taste, make eye contact when he’s speaking to you, pay for dessert if he buys you dinner.
06.18.09 at 7:30 pm
Who’s Gavin?
06.18.09 at 8:14 pm
a big lolz goes out to hannah hearts. man you are in for one mega hellish breakup. you think you’re gonna get married and live happily ever after when you’re obviously 18ish (mentally 12). guess what? you’re not!
06.18.09 at 8:14 pm
but just so we’re on the same page… I’m in my late 30s and still like a girl who does bong hits and plays NES. you could call that emotionally retarded (that’s what my girl calls it anyway).
06.18.09 at 8:16 pm
don’t hate the playa, hate tha game
06.18.09 at 8:46 pm
Hannah Hearts = Kari Ferrell. I got my rent riding on it.
06.18.09 at 9:28 pm
too long, where are you????
06.18.09 at 10:10 pm
unless you are recovering from some sort of groin injury and the dates are very infrequent, if you’re not putting out after the third or fourth date (unless you’re on the rag), and you’re out of college, fucking grow up and put out.
Unless the dude is ugly, and that’s when you pack your shit and go “oops sorry can’t go out anymore.”
06.18.09 at 11:47 pm
Lesley, you are marvelous and I think your advice is spot on. Seriously, thank you and love you! The next time I feel butterflies for a dude I’m going to go with it and not let myself be a dumb hater.
06.19.09 at 4:56 am
It’s obvious Lesley has friends.
It’s even more obvious they left every positive comment on here.
06.19.09 at 6:54 am