About a month ago I met two guys; let’s call them A & B. The one I spotted first was A, and I was really into him until this afternoon. I had to go at his place because last week he had a party there (and I was dead drunk and puked on his bed) to take back my cellphone and a few clothes I had left there.
Earlier that night we kissed and I think I blew him in the bathroom (I was dead drunk, remember? I would normally not do that to a guy I want to date). We had kissed before and I thought he was really into me (he had sent me texts afterward), but I started having doubts when he said we couldn’t kiss in front of everyone. Then I remember nothing. So today when I left, he wanted to kiss me on the cheek (we’re French) and I asked, “What? You’re gonna kiss me on the cheek? Seriously?’ and then he asked what my expectations were and I said I didn’t know, I wasn’t making plans. He explained to me that when we met, he was just out of a three-year relationship and that he didn’t want to get involved in anything, and that he regretted that we got carried away in the bathroom. Fuck him!
The thing is I also like B, and I don’t think they have talked about me. I know B really fancies me (I am totally sure about this one — he took care of me after I puked and brought me home), but how can I date B without making him think he is second choice? He leaves for Beirut for two weeks tomorrow. Should I make a move before he leaves or text / email him while he’s gone or wait until he comes back?
Sincerely yours,
Chasing Two Rabbits (is-not-good)
Dear Chasing Two Rabbits,
Right, obviously we’re over A. You don’t like him and he doesn’t like you. Done and done … or is it? I mean, you went on for a whole paragraph about this A guy who you “don’t like” but I’m kinda thinking you do and you just feel dissed because he gave you a kiss on the cheek after you blew him, that relationship excuse, etc. Here’s a thought: Maybe if you like a guy, don’t blow him in the bathroom? Or you can — sometimes true love does come out of that (the odds are against it). Also if you like a guy, puking on his bed AND THEN going home with another guy … well, it doesn’t exactly give out a message of clarity. But oh yeah, it doesn’t matter because you don’t like him.
So what was the question? How do you tell B you like him without him feeling like he’s “B”? I guess don’t do anything? You said you knew for a fact that he liked you, so he probably doesn’t care. Why not just cross that bridge when you puke on it? In the meantime, maybe ask yourself if you actually like B or are just rebounding from a shame spiral.
If you really do, then I don’t think you have to worry.
-LESLEY
LesleyArfin.com
CafeconLesley.BlogSpot.com
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Trust me from experience, DON’T DO IT!!!!!!! Listen, when a girl comes between two guys who are friends, even if dude #1 has never officially claimed you as his, he has “dibbs” on you (as far as his friends are concerned) just by virtue of getting there first. You say they haven’t talked, but once guy #1 sees you with guy #2, he will DEF tell him every little detail of his encounter with you and perhaps embellish a little. He may not be possessive and he may even give his blessing, but said blessing is only a lease of your physical self; you may be passed around from dude to dude in his circle, but he owns and has confiscated any chances of you being girlfriend material to dude #2. In other words, you’re just a jump off.
There is no way to win in this situation, unless u just wanna casually bang #2 before he leaves (you’re still a jump). Dudes are weird about this. They never blame their friend for layin’ hands on a potential love interest; all that tension is transferred to you. Their reasoning: “Yeah bro, it was kind of a dick move for you to sleep w her but I understand. She’s SUCH a slut that it makes guys who are normally decent committ a robbery”
The last thing you need is dude #1 chanting “Chasing 2 Rabbits, she smashed the homie!” a la ray j: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9hgSZOSBFc
03.18.10 at 9:19 am
Maybe try not being a whore. Next question.
03.18.10 at 9:40 am
Jetpack nailed it, I don’t know what mothbreafa is talkin’ ’bout!
03.18.10 at 9:52 am
Maybe B is just into you because his mate told him you were super easy.
03.18.10 at 9:53 am
If he took care of you after you puked and helped you home, then he is the one. Obviously he cares. He is the one that will stay on with you after you have a child, your hips get huge and you cut your hair into a “sensible, low maintenance” style. I would have probably threw the bedspread over your puke, wiped off your mouth with the other guy’s t-shirt and drilled you like a gas well. I’m not the one…
03.18.10 at 9:59 am
B is going to do the same thing as A cause he knows you’ll blow him in the bathroom… Either that or he’s a fag
03.18.10 at 10:24 am
Haha Ask Barf, how ironic. Ugh, this girl needs to stop puking and blowing and maybe she might find more respect. Right?
03.18.10 at 10:30 am
keep blowing dudes
03.18.10 at 11:31 am
You are obviously a French whore that likes to run game and bring chaos and destruction into the lives of men. Time to move on to more gullible victims.
03.18.10 at 12:19 pm
i think i speak for everyone when i say the answer is to give more blowjobs to as many people as you can.
03.18.10 at 12:42 pm
yeah, this chick is a total slut mess asshole
03.18.10 at 12:50 pm
“Maybe try not being a whore.”
a whore?? a whore???? a WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEEE?????? that’s what i have to read on this website, of all places, regarding a bj? what part of blowing a guy in a bathroom, a guy that you are attracted to and want to eventually fuck, is being a goddamn fucking whore, you imbecilic, cubedwelling, jennifer aniston loving, flag waving, future homeschooling, obese flyover frau? get lost, you primitive repulsive fuckface.
03.18.10 at 1:21 pm
just because you hideously unattractive creeps can’t land decent, random acts of lust from hot women doesn’t mean you have to shame this poster. your jealousy is so fucking obvious and pathetic. and for any other women who replied and called her a slut, don’t you have boyfriends to annoy with your inconsequential emoting about “relationship issues” and withholding of any sort of truly enjoyable sex.
i wash my hands of you all, especially you female commenters. traitors.
03.18.10 at 1:27 pm
i’m with Anonymous on this “whore” thing. Hooking up the first night you meet someone with whom you’re flirting is basically de rigueur. You’ll be made to feel like a cocktease and EVERY girl remembers what Jud Nelson and Ally Sheedy said about a tease, that they’re the worst, worse than prudes or sluts, no one likes them.
also fuck it, isn’t the guy equal participant in the slutty bathroom act? but the chick’s the sullied whore?
03.18.10 at 1:34 pm
there’s nothing wrong with being a whore. she just needs to accept that she’s one and stop thinking that anyone gives a shit about her games or what she thinks. focus on being a whore is what she needs to do.
03.18.10 at 1:42 pm
girls, if you think giving blow jobs to random first-nighters doesn’t make you a whore, then you have totally and completely fallen for every dude’s misogynistic fantasies about what a woman should be like.
don’t come running to me when you can’t figure out what went wrong with your life…
03.18.10 at 2:43 pm
hey god, you need to get laid more. and it’s not about “the dude’s misogynistic fantasies” you stupid hick version of a theological fantasy, we wimmins got fantasies and desires too, hard as that is for you to believe. or wait, according to men we’re not supposed to want sex, not really, really it’s all about not succumbing to the men’s shameful desires, we ain’t got our own, right? riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
03.18.10 at 3:05 pm
ok who picks the pictures that go on top of these things because they are always fucking GOLD. blow em’ and leave em’ ladiesssss.
03.18.10 at 3:07 pm
He regretted a blowjob? HAHAHA!
03.18.10 at 3:31 pm
I don’t know that it should define you as a whore, but women who make it a habit to blow and fuck dudes they just met more often than not find it more difficult to get what they want. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, and not ALL women want a committed boyfriend, but most do.
Nearly every guy I have ever known is completely capable of maintaining multiple long-term sexual relationships without being hindered by a need to validate that relationship with anything beyond the physical. On the flip side, I can’t think of any girl I’ve ever known who goes through life sucking and fucking casually for an extended period of time, that isn’t damaged, or in the least, fairly unhappy with her situation.
Life isn’t fair, and men and women are just different. I’m not denying women their sexual desires, but living like men seems to be the means to an unhappy end for most. I will also say that I am highly suspicious of any girl that claims otherwise, I need to see it to believe it. I don’t hate women and do just great in that department, and was only prompted to write anything after reading the vitriolic comment posted by anonymous above.
03.18.10 at 3:36 pm
^^that any woman would fuck a guy suffering from that much of a verbal onslaught of diarrhea is what i find highly suspicious. go tell it on the mountain to the sheep you call your “women department”, mohammad.
03.18.10 at 4:20 pm
p.s. dog dick, “I don’t hate women” is written by men who are seething towards women, 99 times out of 100. guess what? i am angry with men about half the time, but i enjoy that anger. i revel in it like a pig in dirty shirt. i fucking get off on my anger towards men and allow it to enhance my sexual and emotional relationships and friendships with them. to deny that men enjoy more priveleges in the current social construct our society dictates and to pretend that you don’t have anger about that as a woman, is the first lie women tell themselves to get along. men do the same when they pretend not to keep tabs on all the pussy they’ve never gotten but felt they deserved. own it, say the truth. “why couldn’t she suck MY dick! i want some whore to suck my dick!”
you’re all a bunch of deluded fuckers, except for the commenter who agreed with me.
03.18.10 at 4:27 pm
Cut down your drinking. You will stop doing things that you regret.
03.18.10 at 4:31 pm
” you’re all a bunch of deluded fuckers , except for the commenter who agreed with me.” Well, that statement pretty much sums up third wave feminism.
03.18.10 at 4:43 pm
you are a whore… good news though ….you can suck SATAN’S BIG RED COCK in HELL for all of ETERNITY!
03.18.10 at 4:58 pm
Lol @ ew
03.18.10 at 5:17 pm
@angry lady: There’s a certain irony in you calling me out for being wordy, maybe a character count is in order. What is there to be so angry about (men find that unattractive)? It was an attempt at a discussion, and I didn’t attack you. In fact, I partially agreed with you. I’ve enjoyed a good number of random sex acts with nice, attractive girls (and some filthy, cock hungry women as well). However, I can’t think of one who fucked me or sucked me the first couple of hours that I kept around for more than a few weeks. I believe that was essentially the point of Barf’s advice.
I believe you when you say you are a pig.
03.18.10 at 5:18 pm
Anonymous needs to get laid.
03.18.10 at 5:20 pm
“” you’re all a bunch of deluded fuckers , except for the commenter who agreed with me.” Well, that statement pretty much sums up third wave feminism.”
brilliant, you weakminded little gargoyle. shouldn’t you be performing female genital mutilation on your pristine little twat right about now?
“Anonymous needs to get laid.”
no can do, micro man. girls who get laid too liberally are whores, or hadn’t you heard?
03.18.10 at 5:31 pm
^ Whats the deal with your superfluously wordy insults? You sound like schizoid J.K. Rowling. R you schizoid J.K.Rowling?
03.18.10 at 5:46 pm
You know the wheels that pilot the old timey ships. The ones with all the knobs. Position your your genitals over one of those knobs. Have the skipper give it a go, like hes going to make it to the show case showdown if gets gets a twenty (because he got sixty on his first spin and he needs to beat seventy five). Let each knob pulverize your clit. Don’t worry about splinters, those knobs are polished with years of contact. THIS will show them all whose in charge.
03.18.10 at 6:57 pm
@anonymous
well something is obviously missing from your life.
03.18.10 at 7:41 pm
whore.
03.18.10 at 7:56 pm
I wish this whore sucked my dick.
03.18.10 at 7:56 pm
Would have been cooler if they were brothers. Have bigger balls or go home!
03.18.10 at 8:12 pm
french whore = world’s greatest linguistic redundancy
03.18.10 at 8:14 pm
“well something is obviously missing from your life.”
you, love. just you.
03.18.10 at 8:20 pm
Hello everyone ! It is me, chasing two rabbits.
I read all your comments and all of you who have called me whore are so predictable.
If you had read carefully you would have noticed I wrote “(I was dead drunk, remember? I would normally not do that to a guy I want to date)”. What do you NOT understand in this sentence?
The only spot on comment was the one that told me to cut down drinking.
Also, what’s with calling french girls sluts? I bet you’ve never been in France or around frenchies, you can only wish you would do one. And I’m telling you it’s not happening.
Love always, and thanks Lesley.
03.18.10 at 8:45 pm
All you guys are a bunch of hypocrites giving this girl shit. You all talk about how great it is to get blown, and rattle on about how experienced you all are at drinking and drugging — then when you read about a girl blowing a guy on the first date you all start bitching like Mother Theresa. Yeah — puke breath sucks — but please; is getting blown on the first encounter really so terrible. Minus the puke breath and she sounds like fun to me (long as she doesn’t start blowing all of my friends).
03.18.10 at 9:00 pm
For the love of CHRIST, only read the entries that start with “keep blowing dudes”. Please. Fuck the rest of these haters. I will NEVER be in France and thusly will probably never get the benefit of your “sexual liberation”, but for fuck’s sake, keep it going.
03.18.10 at 9:08 pm
And all of the dudes on here who are calling you a whore or whatever are fags. Straight up.
03.18.10 at 9:08 pm
I like to eat the cum of complete strangers and then barf it all over their bed linens. That doesn’t make me a whore, it makes me an enlightened epicure.
Also all you primitive redneck flyover country fuckfaces are stupid. Wimmenz lib 4eva.
03.18.10 at 9:12 pm
Great post.
Can you post this girls phone number so we can call her up and talk to her about it?
Thanks.
03.18.10 at 9:16 pm
Also maybe he only wanted to kiss you on the cheek because he didn’t want to eat his own cum?
03.18.10 at 9:17 pm
Shes only a whore if the guy ejaculated all over her face during the drunken bathroom blow job.
If she just swallowed then all is good.
Don’t judge people before you know all the details.
03.18.10 at 9:22 pm
@ chasing two rabbits
sorry for calling you a “whore” sweetie. i read tiger woods’ texts to joslyn james this morning. by the time i got to this site, i think i was kinda channeling his inner beast. that’s really not me. i’m sure that you’re one of the only true catholics left in france. sorry again.
03.18.10 at 10:09 pm
“p.s. dog dick, ‘I don’t hate women’ is written by men who are seething towards women, 99 times out of 100. guess what? i am angry with men about half the time, but i enjoy that anger. i revel in it like a pig in dirty shirt. i fucking get off on my anger towards men and allow it to enhance my sexual and emotional relationships and friendships with them. to deny that men enjoy more priveleges in the current social construct our society dictates and to pretend that you don’t have anger about that as a woman, is the first lie women tell themselves to get along. men do the same when they pretend not to keep tabs on all the pussy they’ve never gotten but felt they deserved. own it, say the truth. ‘why couldn’t she suck MY dick! i want some whore to suck my dick!’
you’re all a bunch of deluded fuckers, except for the commenter who agreed with me.”
Fuck yes, anonymous!!!!!!!! HERO
03.18.10 at 11:16 pm
A gaping asshole and a raging case of herpes are both signs of my sexual liberation. Or that’s what I read on Jezebel once anyway. Those who disagree are deluded republicans (party of no sex or thinking or art lol).
03.18.10 at 11:29 pm
Wow, there is actually some intelligence in these comments..
03.19.10 at 1:32 am
They called you a what, baby?
A whore? No, no, babe… you’re not a whore!
Yeah, so what!? What is this 1995, women can totally act like shitty dudes and not be “whores”. Fuck that’s so oppressive, fuck those commentors they’re probably just jealous of your sweet beejs.
His name is “Drippy Dog Dix”, don’t let it get to you. He’s wrong, they’re all wrong…everyone that doesn’t agree with you.
Yeah, you told them. I bet you commenting anonymously to every petty insult showed them how confident you are with your feminine self.
Yeah…sooo…
How about a beej?
03.19.10 at 3:12 am
No man wants a relationship with some sloppy chick that blew his mate in the bathroom. Remember not everyone is like you, most people have at least an ounce of self respect.
03.19.10 at 9:02 am
Get better at giving blowjobs.
03.21.10 at 5:47 am