I’m 18 and finishing my high school years in three weeks. As soon as I finish my last exam, I’m moving in a friend’s flat for two weeks. He has an available room and proposed it to me. I like him more than a friend, and he has a girlfriend for three years who will not be living in the flat (for a mysterious reason) and who is a very pretty and nice girl, but they seem to go through weird periods. He is also six years older than me.
I have been living kind of “independently” in a foreign country since I was 16. I’ve been moving houses a few times but never in my friends’ houses, just with weird housemates/creeps (so I can concentrate a little bit on my studies).
Anyway, this guy is so hot, really nice, and really funny (really ideal to summarize the story). He talks to me every single night and texts me probably everyday, and it’s always him who comes around. He also picked me up after school a few times. My general feeling after all this is that I think he just considers me as a friend but I’m not sure. Or it makes him feel good to have a younger girl blushing every time we talk (not every time). What’s going on? Are we just friends? Am I getting in a weird jealousy/fucked-up couple game between him and his girlfriend? Am I allowed to have sex with him without feeling like a total slut? I just think the situation is very awkward.
I’m leaving this foreign country in a month and a half forever and I probably won’t see him much after that, but I think I have principles in life: to not get with boys who have girlfriends because I got my heart broken into pieces when I knew my first love cheated on me, and I don’t want to have a Macbeth tragedy following me around. But I like him. Really.
Should I still move in with him (for my ten last days in this country)?
Help.
Much love,
K. B.
P.S.: I apologize for all the grammar mistakes that could have been left there, English is not my first language.
Dear K.B.,
You know what? Do it. Move in there for ten days. Fuck it. You’ll probably hook up. Shit will get awkward. You might expect things — but it’s 10 days. Open that box and get inside and have fun, and then you’ll be gone. I’m not saying this is great advice, but would I do it? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I would.
This guy is a creep anyway, so just do you and get yours while the gettin’ is good.
xx
-LESLEY ARFIN
LesleyArfin.com
CafeconLesley.BlogSpot.com
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best. advice. ever.
05.11.10 at 11:12 am
first!! love barf
05.11.10 at 11:12 am
leslie, how old are you? it’s alright to fuck another chick’s dude if you feel like it? fuckin little brats, go find another warm body, what’s so hard about that?
05.11.10 at 11:32 am
gee great advice “bang a dirtbag”
way to conduct your life, barfing
05.11.10 at 11:32 am
Hi. I’m FEDERAL CUM and I approved this message.
05.11.10 at 11:33 am
typical female whore bullshit. selfish. unconcerned. love like a shopping spree. completely awful advice. leslie arfin is discredited.
05.11.10 at 11:44 am
wonder whe ms. arfin will give up this ‘i’m perpetually 15 in my mind’ shtick. i know it sucks getting older w/ tattoos, but let it go girl!
05.11.10 at 11:49 am
bad advice. if she feels guilty beforehand, then it’s a good indication that she shouldn’t do it. sometimes shit happens, but premeditated creeping is bad kharma and just makes you a slave ass bitch. besides, you may unleash the beast and have some crazy girlfriend following you.
05.11.10 at 12:15 pm
Hate to sound cliched but this will be bad karma for you.
05.11.10 at 12:19 pm
Guess I will read other comments next time so I won’t bite off of moufbreatha again. What he said.
05.11.10 at 12:23 pm
amen.
05.11.10 at 12:44 pm
the dude wants it, who gives a fuck about his girlfriend? Sounds like a problem between the dude and his girl.
05.11.10 at 12:46 pm
if you think this advice makes you seem free spirited and sexually liberated it doesn’t. it makes you sound like a selfish brat. boo.
05.11.10 at 1:37 pm
You’re a whore, and have been planning to fuck him all along. Cut the shit.
05.11.10 at 1:53 pm
“Am I allowed to have sex with him without feeling like a total slut?”
If girls ask something like that, they know they’re sluts, but they want to hear the inverse.
05.11.10 at 4:28 pm
ms. arfin:
is the “other woman” karmically responsible for hurting the girlfriend if she knows said girlfriend exists? i know it’s MOSTLY the sleazy guy, and if it wasn’t them it’d probably be someone else, but surely it’s not a respectful thing to go around knowingly participating in causing someone else a great deal of pain. i’ve been on both sides, and i can’t decide how i feel about it.
05.11.10 at 4:40 pm
“Am I allowed to have sex with him without feeling like a total slut?”
if you have to ask this question, you should already know the answer
05.11.10 at 5:21 pm
The advice is sound. The relationship is void. He is bored of his lengthy relationship and wasting his girlfriends time chasing strange ass. Take a fucking chance.
05.11.10 at 5:55 pm
hey Arfin, have you ever been the other girl in this story? because that’s some fucked up advice. or do you just pretend not to really give a fuck, until you give a fuck?
also, this little girl is going to be just awful when she gets older.
05.11.10 at 6:30 pm
If you let him do you in the butt it doesn’t count towards being slutty or add bad karma points
05.11.10 at 11:18 pm
whatever, commenters. lame shaming going on here.
illicit sex is the hottest kind so, generally speaking, i think arfin gave good advice. my only problem with the advice is that it didn’t take into account that the girl sounds chinese or something (she writes in asian-speak, anyway) and the asian women often turn into the NUTTIEST chicks post-coitus, esp. when guilt/slut-based issues surround the hook-up. i wouldnt do it if i were you, chinese girl! you think you’ll be okay but you’re going to go all kamikaze on his ass after he’s done with you.
05.12.10 at 10:55 am
Do it!!!
05.12.10 at 11:32 am
do it!! it’s not your responsibility to make sure this guy is faithful to his girlfriend. just don’t get attached and don’t try to date him afterwards cause he’s obviously a shithead.
05.12.10 at 11:38 am
skanks. selfish, awful human beings
05.12.10 at 11:49 am
if, that’s if, the toolbag actually does want to fuck and cheat on his girl the blame is not completely on him. this girl would knowingly and willingly participate. awful, selfish human beings.
05.12.10 at 11:52 am
Isn’t the girlfriend a bit to blame for said boy loosing interest? why not just move on if your willing to cheat?
05.12.10 at 12:38 pm
is it cool to slut it up? is that what’s cool now?
nobody likes a slut. they smell. they never close their legs. they dress like infants. they bitch about sex and tell awful stories that no one wants to hear. so if that sounds appealing to you, then yeah, fuck this guy. you should probably find his best friend and fuck him as well. then call me and we’ll fuck. and i know a few other guys who you could fuck too.
05.12.10 at 1:03 pm
sometimes i encourage doing the wrong thing. why? because she’s young. this is when she’s supposed to do the “wrong” thing and make mistakes and fuck up. she’s building a set of balls.
and what’s with this “sluts are gross” bullshit. “afraid of feeling like a slut.” I’m sorry, is this 1987? It Heather #1 gonna spread a rumor about you if you fuck Kurt and Ram?
Come on guys, calling someone a slut is so ‘87.
05.12.10 at 1:35 pm
What the fuck is wrong with you people? This looks like the comments section to Ann Landers or something. The girl is 18, and is clearly going to end up fucking the guy no matter what Leslie says. You’d rather make the girl feel worse because you’re all a bunch of bitter women who’s boyfriends have cheated on you with 18 year olds? This is just how life goes. Karma? “oh no, I should feel really bad about doing dumb fun stuff when I’m 18 because magic is going to get me!”
Boo leslie all you want, she’s telling the truth, which is “don’t stress so much, it’s shady but it’s what I would do too.”
Also, if I was the guy I’d probably fuck her too, even if I was dating you, deal with it, we don’t live in a Ryan Gosseling movie.
05.12.10 at 3:33 pm
I have cheated and it fucked shit up for me and everyone else involved. Yeah, she’ll probably fuck this guy anyway but it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. It also won’t be a good idea the next 5 or 10 times she does it and then gets a slut reputation and then next thing you know she’s busted and working at the Ihop on interstate 95.
Karma is real as fuck, but some people haven’t had enough life experience to realize that yet OR they are just selfish/stupid and don’t notice/care when it happens to them.
05.12.10 at 4:28 pm
Fuck bitches get money!
05.12.10 at 5:22 pm
word up. i fully endorse immoral actions. be stupid when you’re young. be selfish until you decide not be, whenever that may be. don’t place place any value in others. then wonder where all those hollow, empty, selfish, fun years have gone. and why you’re so unhappy and jaded and no one worth a shit respects you.
05.12.10 at 5:59 pm
What is going to happen, they are going to Fuck for 10 days, and no one will find out and they will go their separate ways. The End. Even if the girl friend figures it out, who cares, you don’t live in the country anymore. That being said, if I was the girl friend I would be over every night and buy you drinks to make you feel bad about being a slut.
05.13.10 at 12:12 am
when did everyone get so fuckin preachy? it’s not like he’s married. fuck.
do whatever you want. i don’t think he’s gonna come onto you so…you might have to get him drunk. you won’t feel bad because you’re 18 and YOU’RE LEAVING THE COUNTRY! you’re gonna forget all about it in a month. two months, tops…
05.14.10 at 7:13 pm
dudes, making fuck mistakes is not the end of the world. I had a prolonged affair with an engaged woman in my youth, and it was fun as hell. It also caused us, and both of our significant others an incredible amount of pain, and pretty much ruined the next six months of my life. But then again, from time to time, I’m like “oh man, remember when we were fucking around at south street seaport and right when she came this police boat emerged from the east river and shined a spotlight on us and we ran like hell, laughing our asses off?” Eventually everything collapsed, she wound up working it out with her fiancee and getting married, my girlfriend and I broke up but we’re still close friends, and noone works at IHOP because of this. That’s asinine.
If I had it to do again I wouldn’t, but I’ve sure got some great memories.
01.06.11 at 3:37 pm