Dear Lesley,
I am in a bind and am hoping you can help. I hooked up with this guy about a month ago and we’ve been sleeping together about five times a week ever since. Pretty exclusive but nothing “official” has been declared. He is super hot, makes me laugh, and is fun to go out with. My friends like him and he has a large penis. Problem is, he is ALWAYS broke. He is in a band, and builds sets supposedly but I’ve only known him to work two days total in the time we’ve been seeing each other. As far as I can tell, he smokes pot and hangs out with his bros during the day (who also have a great deal of free time, apparently) and then goes out with me at night. He’s never taken me out for a meal, and I am starting to feel like a sugar-mommy each time I pay for his beer or dinner. I am 30 and have a full time job, by the way. Do I drop him? I am dying to have a boyfriend who actually takes me out on a G.D. date!
Where are all the real men? With jobs!
By the way, he is sooooo hot (I think I mentioned that.) The sex is awesome too.
Sincerely,
Flummoxed in Flatbush
Dear Flummoxed,
I can relate to this situation. I dated basically the same guy (actually, it might’ve literally been the same guy). You know: hot, huge cock, great in the sack, popular ‘n such. All pros except for that ONE thing. Sometimes I used to pretend that that thing didn’t matter. I mean, I didn’t even want to say it out loud. What does money have to do with love anyway? Well, nothing if it’s not his fault and everything if it is.
We can pretend everything’s a short-term joke but deep down we’re all looking for a long-term partner. As girls it’s only natural to feel attracted to someone who can take care of us so this money sitch has got to change if things are going to work out.
The only way to do this is to call his bluff. This guy is either a mooch or a hobo. An easy way to test this is to have no money yourself. If you have really big cunt balls you will not let him know this til the check comes at the restaurant or the cabbie says it’s $6.82. If he stops calling you after these, “He’s just not into you.” If he still wants to hang out you can either enjoy the life of a hobo with him or find someone with a job.
Love,
Lesley
If you are confused by your sexuality or are considering cheating on your boyfriend or are addicted to cocaine or just had yet another abortion or don’t like your friends anymore… Ask Barfin Arfin what to do. She’s over 1,000 years old and went to rehab a bunch.
Email sbtvc at streetcarnage dawt com with “Ask Barf” in the subject.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4351 access attempts in the last 7 days.
If women want equality then this is part of equality. millions of women mooch off guys. Now if you’re in manhattan and raking it in, then well…
10.06.08 at 1:00 pm
you dont have a girlfriend do you carl.
10.06.08 at 1:09 pm
“I am dying to have a boyfriend who actually takes me out on a G.D. date!”…a g.d. date?!?!
you are definitely older than 30….liar..
10.06.08 at 1:13 pm
Men have been taking care of women long enough. Now it’s our turn for a bit of taking care of.
10.06.08 at 1:16 pm
Carl Marks is 100% fucking right.
What Barfin said: “As girls it’s only natural to feel attracted to someone who can take care of us so… ”
What Barfin meant: “Deep down, we’re all gold digging whores.”
10.06.08 at 1:21 pm
Carl Marks is right.
Now if a guy suggest that women want money..suddenly they’ll all be up in arms calling a dude sexist.
fucking bitches.
10.06.08 at 1:35 pm
listen, we all want to take it easy and not have to work and pay for our meals anymore. but these days, since girls working in the media are coming of age these days (i.e. entering their late 20s-early 30s) you read a lot more about women wanting a guy that has a job or money. that’s fine and all but the whole “feel attracted to someone that can take care of us” that women try to blame their gold digging thing on is bullshit. otherwise women wouldn’t be writing letters like this. in other words, you are reading a demographic, not a general feminine predisposition.
the hierarchy of female sexual attraction is generally as follows:
- inexplicable chemistry
- (perceived) status
- ass-holery
- entertainment value (“does he make me laugh”?)
- sexual performance
- looks
job/money is the wildcard/clincher for most non-robotic women.
guess what, ladies? men w/ money are the equivalent of chicks with looks. they’re out there, but they’re not settling down with you because they don’t need to, because chances are, there’s something better out there. so maybe the next letter should be titled “where are all the hot chicks?”
10.06.08 at 1:39 pm
The letter-writer isn’t a gold-digger. She’s paying for his meals and drinks and she’d like him to be able to return the favor sometimes. L’s answer points out that this wouldn’t be a big deal if it “weren’t his fault,” but he hasn’t been laid off or anything — it seems he just has no ambition. Quit using this letter as an excuse to post rants about how chicks all want rich assholes. It makes you look like bitter misogynists.
10.06.08 at 1:58 pm
I get it, the WASTED PUSHUPS post is related cos the letter-writer is actually dating Sam. He does have a job! What is it, you ask? Oh. Well…
10.06.08 at 2:09 pm
hahaha, 30. how old is the mooch? maybe this girl is just attracted to the things that make guys losers. if she is attractive she should just shut the money gates (i.e. quit buying this dipshit a good time) and become queen of the hobos. she could just fuck them when she feels like it and they’ll sit around all day hanging out waiting for it.
i guess that doesn’t solve the long term thing though.
10.06.08 at 2:17 pm
She’s paying for his meals and drinks and she’d like him to be able to return the favor sometimes.
like d00des havent been paying for meals , buying drinks, plane ticket, buying full holiday packages the list is endless., for fucking years!
the hierarchy of female sexual attraction is generally as follows:
1 inexplicable chemistry (if its there. If it isn’t 2 & 3 are higher on the list)
2 (perceived) social status
3 ass-holery
4 entertainment value (”does he make me laugh”?), (will i have an emotional roller coaster)
5 wealth
6 looks
the end
10.06.08 at 2:38 pm
I have a handful of friends that are like this. They meet every criteria for perfect man status, with the exception of income. They’re edging on 30 and still shitty musicians, spend their pidly paychecks on various contraband, and have few aspirations of responsibility other than getting around to it eventually. Some have kids, some have mental problems, all of them have no money.
Each one has experienced multiple failed relationships as a result of this one true deal breaker. You can be the funniest, smartest, most attractive dude, with a viper-like dong, but unless the other party is 20, naive or a trust fund baby hanging out with the wrong crowd to mask her lack of self-perceived authenticity, you’re ass is going to get dumped eventually.
Everyone should carry their own weight.
10.06.08 at 2:40 pm
Lots of people do the “hot loser/hot psycho bitch” thing in their twenties; it’s an American rite of passage. Thirty is the tipping point age. Unless she’s genuinely, incurably broken and/or stupid, there’s a good chance that this guy is the last of a string of “super-hot-in-a-band-huge-cock-pot-smoking-always-broke” types to stumble, cock first, in and out of her life. Writing her Dear Abby letter to Lesly Arfin is a last, desperate act. Y’see, the denial that the twenties last forever is lifting and she’s terrified of the change to come. And that change? A neutered, bland, gainfully employed, J.C. Penny family portrait type who’ll trail in her wake, pushing the shopping cart through Bed, Bath & Beyond, saying “Yes, Dear” as she frantically indulges her vacuous, avaricious nesting instinct.
10.06.08 at 2:47 pm
Dehhhhhh….. I heeearddd thattttt…
10.06.08 at 2:51 pm
Well, say all you want about the gold digging and all since there’s no argument about the other thing. Size DOES matter….
10.06.08 at 4:51 pm
I just pack a big cock, so I don’t sweat it. Though I am poor.
Gold digging whores!
10.06.08 at 5:11 pm
A guy with a job is boring. This girl wants to the party guy to make her still feel young instead of a 9 – 5 loser.
10.06.08 at 5:59 pm
women just want to be lied to, is all i can figger
10.06.08 at 6:25 pm
surprisingly, the women chiming in these comments are in a significant minority. come on ladies, speak up!
10.06.08 at 6:37 pm
I was that guy until I fell in love with this girl. After 2 years of being a complete bum, she gave me an ultimatum… start making some loot or we break up. Well I did end up getting a good job, we broke up anyhow and now I make buckets of money and now live with a broke ass girl with no job… moral of the story? There is none, life’s a bitch enjoy every day for what it is.
10.06.08 at 7:49 pm
i used to be a bum and had hot chics take me out for dinner/drinks, fucking, then borrow 20 bux from them in the morning before they went to work.
now i have a 9-5, money and no chix.
“moral of the story? There is none, life’s a bitch enjoy every day for what it is.”
10.06.08 at 8:46 pm
I love arfin.
10.06.08 at 10:46 pm
if you’re the one who stops seeing her first she’ll be the first one who’ll want to fuck you again
the first one to take you back even with no job no prospects on the horizon just as long as she is the dumpee and you the dumper
women like to have a sense of personal self worth
10.07.08 at 2:27 am
I am a fan of this approach to dating. I make sure I dress down a bit, and I’m not afraid to skip a shower or two to get my musk on. I find this attracts a kind of gal that a) isn’t as superficial as most, b) isn’t as stale as most, and c) will do the sex with me (and/or date me) because she wants to, and not because she thinks she will be taken care of. If she feels special, it’s because I like her, not because I bought her. The relationships are more honest without the evil of money involved. Life is more honest without the evil of money involved. That being said, I’m quite a catch. I have a big pecker, and I’ve seen Nina Hartley’s instructional videos. If I find a good 6/10 or 7/10, she knows she’s lucky to be with me, and I won’t deny her the joy of feeding me or putting gas in my car.
10.07.08 at 6:50 am
you want a guy with a good job whose also hot? be pretty. and ur not.
10.07.08 at 10:09 am
Dude is in a band. His ambition is probably to make better music. I’m 26 and that’s my first ambition. It’ll probably be different when I’m 30, but it’s a hard thing to let go of, and far more rewarding than a lust for money–even without success.
You can sell your soul for a house, a wife, and a car. What’s it gonna be?
10.08.08 at 6:14 am
Flummoxed-
Let’s see: He’s makes you laugh. He makes you cum. He’s nice to look at. He’s artistic. Sounds to me like he already has a job. Maybe you should be worrying about making enough money to keep this gem on your payroll. Seriously, a hot guy that can make you laugh and cum every day is priceless. Let him be himself. If you can’t help him do that, move on. Love the man, not the job.
10.08.08 at 9:36 am
What’s your phone # Vanessa?
10.10.08 at 5:49 am
Not only “a job” is what is needed. A “status job” is what she wants. Designing something, marketing some other thing, advertising yet something else. Fuck good paying un-cool jobs. Fuck, mechanics can make great money but just don’t tell anyone he works with his hands and you’ll be O.K.
11.01.08 at 2:29 am
The one thing you ladies have to admit is that no guy would ever have this problem. You will never ever here a guy say “yeah I’m with this girl, she’s super hot and cool and we have a great time together but she doesn’t make enough money for me”. Never.
I am totally cool with this setup, guys are supposed to make money and take care of broads. Fine, just stop pretending this isn’t true anymore.
If that’s not true, then you shouldn’t need it to be 50/50, because we don’t ask for that.
03.26.09 at 1:14 pm
pretty sure i met said dude at lit and slept with him.
12.18.09 at 7:53 am