Far from the Bowery, carving the Christmas goose.
Isn’t charity the best? The Season of Giving just finished giving itself to us and every year the message becomes clearer and clearer: Charity is the best feeling in the world.
What charity you ask? Who cares? It’s all about giving. All people need to say is, “He gave it to charity” and our heart swells with smiles. Where the money goes is irrelevant. If you’re walking around New York and you see those guys with the giant water cooler containers that say UHO on the side, throw a coin in. Sure it recently came out that the owner was just letting the guy keep all the money after taking a $25 fee, but that’s neither here nor there. Charity is about giving. Who receives it is none of our business.
A few years ago, I decided to start a Christmas family tradition of going to the Bowery Mission and serving food to the homeless. My wife and our infant daughter arrived early Christmas afternoon to see about a dozen homeless people voluntarily smoking like chimneys outside in the cold. I had my family wait in the lobby and went towards the kitchen to ask where our help would be most effective. Maybe we could schlop out some mashed potatoes as our daughter watched from a booster seat and learned the true meaning of Christmas. In the dining area, I walked past about five non-smokers watching the original Black Christmas (the scariest movie I have ever seen in my life). When I got to the kitchen, I met at least 20 volunteers manning three industrial ovens that contained tray upon tray of roasted potatoes, three turkeys, plenty of vegetables, and more Brussels sprouts than there are homeless people in Manhattan. The man in the apron regretted to inform me there is actually a waiting list for volunteers and the only way I was going to get a spot was to sign up for next Christmas, like, today.
Then it hit me. What am I doing? We’d like to think of the homeless as average Joes down on their luck but the vast majority of them are average Joes completely out of their fucking minds. Just up the road from the Mission you had the seminal punk club CBGBs where bouncers always carried tazers when asking the homeless to move because you never know how a bum is going to react. A few blocks from there you had George Drescher who was stabbed in the brain (through his eye) and killed after questioning a bum who was rooting through the garbage. I put my family in jeopardy in order to fulfill some primetime notion of the spirit of Christmas because I wanted to feel good about myself. How idiotic.
Since then I’ve spent every Christmas serving food to my own family, at home, and trying to make each holiday as memorable as possible for the kids (another one came out since the daughter was on the Bowery).
I still reach out occasionally. Some friends of mine recently asked to help them with Movember, a prostate cancer charity wherein participants get their facial hair sponsored to help the cause. These charities usually manage to raise about $10,000 per group and this year I was about $50 of that. Unfortunately, cancer research is the last of the big spenders and $10,000 is a mere 0.0002% of the five billion dollars cancer research needs to get through the year. “Raising Awareness” is the go-to reason for ignoring the numbers but let’s face it, you’d have to be dead not to know about cancer at this point. Marathons and marches are a great way to raise morale and form a sense of community but they don’t help fight cancer.
My lawyer asked me to sponsor him for the 100 Mile Man Foundation. I put in $200 but only because he’s been very good to me in the past and I wanted to say thanks. The charity helps underprivileged kids go to community colleges and get a degree. Sounds good but do hardworking poor kids really need help getting into community college? If a kid gets a private scholarship at Manhattan’s Baruch College for example, he’s looking at about $4,000 for tuition and then $4,000 in Financial Aid. That’s $4k profit. Kids are now being paid to go to school. What is this, England? Even if he doesn’t get a private scholarship, the Financial Aid for a poor kid with pretty good marks is almost impossible not to get. In short, if you’re poor in New York and you work hard, school is free.
I’m sure there are some great New York charities. I always hear about them. While interviewing Susan Sarandon, I learned she is a huge proponent of City Harvest, a group that takes excess food from restaurants and donates it to New York City’s homeless (that is if Bloomberg doesn’t prevent them due to trans fat). That sounds like a great idea. There’s also New York Cares, which donates coats to the homeless. We performed at a benefit for them that raised over $10,000. I never looked into where the money went though. Neither would you. Nobody cares THAT much.
So, if you’re not doing the math or looking into where you’re money’s going, let’s just call a spade a spade and admit you’re going to the Bowery Mission to feel good about yourself. Actually, try to be a little more cautious about what colloquialisms you use. You don’t want to get stabbed.
From here.
Leave a Reply
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Nice job. But…it matters a lot where the money goes. What most of these charities do is anchor these drunk/addicts/mentals in certain neighborhoods (housing them is the primary way) and hence keep the lilly white suburban folk who most ‘love’ the bums free of contamination. There is also the Tammany Hall South Bronx Poverty Pimp aspect as these ‘nonprofit’ charities are usually led by honkey toady elite friends of the politicians who give them our money. It is all a scam. Never do the charities require the bums do anything for the gifts bestowed on them…The elite seem to adopt them as pets…the same elite that loves free trade and no minimum wage which screws the working class.
I live in Denver which is like living in NYC in the 1970’s which I did. We have crooked cops, a John Lindsay like double for Mayor and endless crooked nonprofits….Same thing all over again. Think about a serious article on the ‘charity’ subject…Follow the money.
01.08.10 at 12:25 pm
“average Joes down on their luck” is a bit simplistic. Guess you figure your mental health and addiction issues will never bring you down that low, huh?
01.08.10 at 12:37 pm
oh a canadian horror movie, i’m so scared.
01.08.10 at 12:51 pm
Bums in NYC are a little different to say like Bums in Montreal or UK. My ex girlfriend got beaten with a frozen cucumber by one in NYC, I been looking for this homeless dude for a while. He looks like Gary Busey she said.
01.08.10 at 1:00 pm
^And then what? You’ll internet him to death?
01.08.10 at 1:25 pm
If your gary busey bum dresses like this dude from star wars
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/thumb/f/f8/Dengar2.JPG/250px-Dengar2.JPG
then I have not only seen him, but had to keep him from attacking my girl in a similar manner (though sub out cucumber for sharpened ruler) in that McDonald’s next to the Continental.
01.08.10 at 1:48 pm
I used to post at takimag but the problem with it and probably other “paleo con” sites was it was lousy with racists and nazis and also militant catholics who hobby horsed their concerns into every possible thread. this was not really un encouraged by the editor who just left recently. eventually they stopped allowing comments, probably so they could get the higher profile columnists like Peter Schiff and Steve Sailer (you likely haven’t heard of them but they are actually high profile in my weird universe believe it or not)
YEEAAH
01.08.10 at 1:53 pm
Gary Busey bum gets creative with his weaponry I have heard, and a lunatic. He must be stopped. The last people heard from him was when he beat off on Max Fish’s window.
01.08.10 at 2:15 pm
Bums have no friends or family to take care of them; they are most likely douches. Charity for douches is something I can’t get behind.
01.08.10 at 2:20 pm
Another neo con piece. How the fuck do you get away with this?
01.08.10 at 2:41 pm
http://www.theawl.com/2010/01/some-people-send-angry-emails
01.08.10 at 2:46 pm
my boy told me UHO was a scam back in 90. but reality – what’s the dif. it’s still charity when you put a coin in a bum’s cup.
01.08.10 at 3:00 pm
haha maxipad. maybe that was the real gary busey. ever think of that? he’s crazy enough to do some shit like. you have to admit, getting beaten by a frozen cucumber makes for a great story. gary busey did your friend a favor.
01.08.10 at 3:05 pm
LOL@u I never thought of that actually, come to think about my ex was a real cunt so I shouldnt even care. She banged Gavin back in the day, though I know for a fact Im a better lay than him.
01.08.10 at 3:20 pm
omg: “Taki is a descendant of a titled family from the Ionian island of Zante. His father was a self-made shipping magnate who served in both the Greek armed forces during the World War II Balkan campaign of 1940-1941 and the anti-German resistance movement. Taki was educated at the Lawrenceville School and the University of Virginia, and is married to Princess Alexandra Schoenburg.”
01.08.10 at 3:35 pm
Gorilla that was lame.
01.08.10 at 3:36 pm
taki’s daughter Mandolyna is the new editor. her columns have been good so it should be good. I remember his last name this way: theodore acropolis.
He won my respect in 03. Neocon david frum, the guy who invented the expression “axis of evil” when he was a Bush speechwriter, wrote a column called “unpatriotic conservatives” about Pat Buchanan, Taki, and others who didn’t support the iraq war. Taki responded by challenging him to a duel. literally.
01.08.10 at 3:56 pm
Toys for Tots is still a legit and awesome charity. Run by the Marines of course.
01.08.10 at 4:02 pm
I hate seeing that fat guy at the UHO table. the one with the whiny little voice like he has a chicken wing stuck in his throat and its letting juuuussssstttt enough air out for a squeak. He makes me want to vomit everytime i see him. If i had kids, i’d hide their eyes.
01.08.10 at 5:19 pm
Gavin,
I made a donation in your name to The People Fund this Christmas.
Happy Festivus.
Your Friend,
George
01.08.10 at 5:51 pm
true dat
01.08.10 at 6:01 pm
One of the ways I get through life is to pretty much not give a fuck about anyone but my family or friends. I am respectful, polite, and courteous to all, but I can’t really let it bother me too much that people are starving in Africa while my family and friends live in comfort and luxury. It’s the luck of the draw. I will kill for those close to me but I don’t really care about anyone else.
My wife used to work in the non-profit industry. It was the scummiest, sleaziest business (and it’s a business) you can imagine. As least used car salesmen sell you used cars. The charity business just takes your money. The people that run the top charities in NYC all make over $500k a year (look it up).
01.08.10 at 6:59 pm
I only volunteer at non-profits that do cultural stuff, not charity. Radio stations, museums, performance spaces, sports events. I only donate to charitable organizations when a coworker asks. There is enough food, clothing, and shelter out there to feed, clothe, and shelter everyone. This abundance does not suffice to keep life from being too boring to bear. The donations I make to non profits make life more interesting. Feeding a stinking crackhead makes life boring. Gavin, I suggest that you consider who gets your donated money, for the purpose of your charitable tendencies making life more, not less, worthwhile.
01.09.10 at 3:19 am
@SOGGYSTAN
I only volunteer at non profits that do cultural stuff? Thats quite discriminatory dont you think? What about all the non cultural, benefit people who are suffering based on your radical ways? Only co workers can motivate you to do charity? What if a firend asks you? Do you have friends? There is enough food to feed everyone? But i like to eat all of the food….cant feed everyone if i want to eat it all….i also like to throw food out so i guess maybe not everyone….but at least north America…..lets keep going through your post shall we? Yup, im bored. Your life sounds fucking awful. Gavin, i suggest you lick the screen in the region where my message is currently positioned and then take out that fat dick i had the privilege of seeing many times on this site and just fucking go to town on it, dont leave a drop. Then when your done respond to my AWESOME comment and then invite me over and let me see the real deal, can i invite greg?
01.09.10 at 5:45 am
WTF!
Is this English class?
Are you all turning in your essay assignments?
01.09.10 at 11:35 am
i once saw a man toss a few coins into a blind bum’s cup at Yonge & College. immediately after the coins settled, the bum stood up and started swinging these wild, looping punches into the air. he smacked about four people (one woman) with pretty solid punches before being tackled by another bum. that’s why i’m scared to help the homeless.
01.09.10 at 12:04 pm
how is this article ‘neo-con’..? i dont get it, just seems like someones opinion to me, and seems pretty right on at that.
the last good sounding charity i thought was awesome was those guys building skateparks in afganistan and rounding up hundreds and hundreds of 2nd hand skateboards from skaters in the west and going over there and getting their hands dirty helping those kids to have some fun.
that was pretty rock solid i thought. to myself.
01.09.10 at 12:18 pm
i do fundraising for cancer organisations, mainly in the form of long distance hiking, mainly because i know where my money is going. however i cannot fathom how people donate money to animal shelters. sure it sucks that animals are mistreated but you must really hate people and be a tiny bit racist if you chose a dying kitten over a dying child in sierra leone.
01.09.10 at 2:59 pm
Shocking title! Wow! I was shocked!
If you’d called the article “Charity needs to direct its efforts where they matter,” which appears to be your actual point, then you might have found out quicker that in the nonprofit world this is called ‘metrics,’ and you’re right, they matter.
Shocking titles are more effective when you have an argument to back it up. But you swing from “Everyone else is already helping the homeless, so why should I?” to “Nobody is doing enough for cancer, so why should I?” to “Everyone else is already helping poor kids get educated, so why should I?” Stop fucking whining.
Read this.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/09/magazine/09metrics-t.html?pagewanted=all
01.09.10 at 4:42 pm
nice…
01.09.10 at 4:58 pm
Over here in White Plains we had a homeless shelter that sets these faggots free everyday. Then one crazy colored homeless man stabbed a white lady in the Galleria parking lot in the middle of the day, because she was white. Now there’s no more homeless shelter. Yay!
01.09.10 at 6:28 pm
Deep freeze = dead bums.
Viva Winter!!!!!
01.09.10 at 8:27 pm
Haw… Bumsicles
01.09.10 at 9:26 pm
Wow, you don’t check in for a few months and the place is overrun by yuppies.
01.09.10 at 10:54 pm
once a year? at a soup kitchen? the other option is cutting a fucking check? man, how do you self-centered fuckers live with yourselves and feel even partially okay?
try volunteering at one of your local hospitals or nursing homes and try doing it a couple times a week instead of once a year. that’s where you’re needed most and i can honestly say that those times of the week are what always put me right with myself and the world. additionally, you need never breathe a word of it to your friends. oddly enough, it feels better to give without boasting to others about it.
01.09.10 at 11:53 pm
Anonymous is right. Volunteering is real charity you lazy, yuppie faggots. Many NPOs use only a fraction of the money they are given to feed children (or whatever their ridiculously idealistic goal is)… Unicef, for example, spends 92% of its donations on advertising and administrative costs. Even Heifer Int’l, of which I was a longtime fan, is bullshit. Unless you yourself hand the kid a turkey sandwich and a fucking flu shot that money is going to some white guy with eco-friendly chinos and brownstone in Fort fucking Greene.
Finally, fuck animals.
01.10.10 at 4:19 pm
Isn’t giving those in need something for free just teaching them to depend on the goverment and not fend for themselves? It goes back to that whole “Give a man a fish..” thing. BTW- there are plenty of states that have NO Community Colleges at all. Metro Atlanta has NONE. Only technical colleges that teach nursing and heating and air. So to go to a community college you have to go out of state. Out of state tuition is rape.. so…
01.10.10 at 7:52 pm
*government
01.10.10 at 7:53 pm
aaaaaaa…., I give to animal charities because I like animals. That’s the neat thing about charity, you can give to what you believe in, how much you feel is appropriate, etc. You can walk through the park for three hours to show your love of Sierra Leone or cancer or Sergio Leone with cancer, whatever you want, I give to animal charities and I feel pretty fucking good about that.
01.10.10 at 8:34 pm
Check your facts Anonymous. Metro Atlanta had ONE but it was abandoned.
01.11.10 at 10:38 am
Unfortunately, Zippy, you have to live with the fact you are a stupid faggot.
01.11.10 at 10:57 am
HAHA, faggot, eh? I thought doing that was ‘racist, now it shows I’m a fag? Big talk from somebody that does walk-a-thons, errrrrr “Long distance hiking”. I went on one of those once because I liked this girl in 9th grade and that way I could spend Saturday morning with her. The next year, I got a car.
01.11.10 at 2:20 pm
^ i did the Andes, hardly a fucking walkathon.
and im sorry are you complaining that i used “faggot”. do you know what site you’re on?
go save a terminally sad donkey in jerusalem or whatever, you boring fuck.
01.11.10 at 6:36 pm
same thing happened to me at a shelter in vancouver a couple of years ago. i was turned away when i came to volunteer. really? TOO many people want to help? that sounds ridiculous to me. get some people to fucking sweep or some shit.
01.11.10 at 7:24 pm
Wow, you’re a real difference maker. Did you get a particiapant t-shirt? HAHAHAHAHAHA
01.11.10 at 7:24 pm
Guess what, it’s actually way cooler to help people than to be selfish (and smugly selfish at that), even if you have to wait in fucking line to do it, dickwad.
11.19.10 at 10:27 pm