The main thing to remember about living with cockroaches and rats and rat shit is to never take your shoes off (even while you are sleeping). When they tear down old buildings in the city, all the displaced roaches and mice and rats run around looking for a new squat. These guys just show up unannounced. They don’t pay rent and they eat garbage and leave chewed-up wrappers on the floor. And then they shit on the floor. Fucking rude. I asked around for advice because I am a rookie at this. These are my three favorite suggestions so far:
A) Get rattraps and a bb gun. Keep the gun loaded and ready until you see the snitch. The rattraps are not as fun but they might be more practical than trying to shoot the little guys, because roaches and rats dodge bullets like you wouldn’t believe.
B) Give the rat a cute name like “Earl.” Then when people mention the rat, just be like, “oh yeah, that’s Earl.” Get a cat dish and inscribe the rat’s name on it, but put rat poison in the food.
C) Just say “fuck it” and let them stay. If you get sick of your little houseguests, just do exactly what they do: show up at your neighbor’s place and hang out and eat crackers and take craps in their bathroom. You’ll know when it’s time to leave.
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girls from California have pet rats. The white kind with little red eyes (the rat, that is)
08.21.08 at 11:34 am
sam, the key to improving your sub-standard living conditions is quite easy: date a drug dealer.
08.21.08 at 11:59 am
no rat or mouse could possible reach that bait you boob. Sprinkle it behind the fridge and stove.
08.21.08 at 12:36 pm
hopefully earl like fruity pebbles, if that doesn’t work sitting around with no pants and a toy gun might just be enough to scare the poor bastard away.
08.21.08 at 12:36 pm
Loomis, you’ve never seen a real rat, have you?
08.21.08 at 12:50 pm
Loomis, rats can jump and climb and swim and squeeze through cracks and even crawl up a dead escort’s vagine if that’s what the situation calls for.
08.21.08 at 1:01 pm
fuck, this was dumb.
08.21.08 at 1:15 pm
tommy gun does it again, kudos to you sir on making me laugh.
As for this article, is it really worth critiquing? It was just a light read — an amusing post.
08.21.08 at 1:42 pm
rat traps are a joke. Rats see that shit and actually laugh, like “are you kidding me? I’m not stupid”
08.21.08 at 1:52 pm
Its all about glue traps because you can use them multiple times. Sometimes if left in them for a few days the animals will begin to knaw off their legs in an attempt to get out. Fun to watch.
08.21.08 at 2:36 pm
the problem with poison is that the rats die in the walls and smell really bad.
08.21.08 at 2:39 pm
Sage counsel, but the potty mouth adds nothing.
This may be the white trash hick in me saying this, but hunting rats with a bb gun sounds like a blast.
08.21.08 at 5:56 pm