Recently I was in Silver Lake doing stupid shit like shopping for bike parts when I saw something that horrified me. Silver Lake is the unspoken hipster epicenter of LA so seeing a generically-tattooed, tight-jean and Chuck wearing dude with a five-a-clock shadow alongside his pea-coat-and-boots clad girlfriend is typical, but there was one problem: The dude was pushing a stroller. Yes, I spotted hipster parents.
Now this isn’t exactly a recent phenomenon; I’ve seen the NY Mag article on “the Grups” and another on “hip parenting” in TIME Magazine. My problem is, this has been more of an analysis than an outright INDICTMENT against this sort of behavior. I felt sorry for that little baby in Silver Lake. I’m hoping to God that down the line the parents just drop the fashionable power couple shtick and become old and boring like the rest of the civilized world.
The idea of hipster parents might not seem so bad. Yeah dude, you’re the coolest kid in the block because you had a copy of Loveless and Celtic Frost in “your” record collection since you were in diapers. But seriously, do you like the idea of proving some sort of street cred because your mom dressed you up in a Clash onesie and put you up on her photo blog? Let’s go even further: Do you wanna be the kid at American Apparel or Urban Outfitters shopping alongside YOUR parents? Does the idea of sharing a dressing room sound like a good way to spend time with the family?
My parents are gook to the bone. My dad is a computer engineer who likes to spend his weekends doing shit like playing golf and that’s something impossible to pull off in an ironic fashion. My mom is a house wife who lives to watch Korean soap operas. There is a BIG cultural and generational gap between me and them, and I fucking LOVE them for it. I did not appreciate it when I was younger but I do now. Being socially alien and in some ways embarrassing to your child is the minimum requirement of being a parent. I’ve grown to understand that and there’s nothing I want to change about my family being safe, normal, and not cool. That’s the way it should be.
My mom and I both love listening to ABBA but I have a hard time telling her about the difference between punk rock and metal. I don’t even want to explain it to her and I’m glad she thinks the rock and roll I listen to is all noisy trash. I remember putting Black Flag on in the car with my dad and when “Nervous Breakdown” came on he grimaced. It only affirmed my love of that music even more. Jesus Christ, it would’ve bummed me out for life if instead of disapproving of the music I love, he just turned to me and asked what I thought about Mastodon’s last album ’cause Pitchfork is on the fence about it — let alone said something like, “God, you’re still listening to Vampire Weekend? That’s SO 2006.”
I’m in my early 20s and having little shits to take care of myself is far from my mind. But I do consider this: Most guys and girls my age had parents that lived through the golden era of 80s punk rock, new wave, post-punk, glam metal, and whatever. But you know what? They did their thing, then dropped the act of trying to be hip, and became boring, unfashionable normies. And fuck, if I knocked up a bitch I’m gonna try and follow those footsteps. I’d ideally be like those middle-aged Jewish dudes in LA who quit wearing track suits all the time and read the Wall Street Journal. And once my kids are at that age where they get really into punk or whatever the fuck is out there, I’ll clue them in little by little but I’m not gonna shove my superior music tastes down their throats. Shit, I’ll just pretend I don’t listen to anything that came out past 1977. How the hell will my kids rebel against ME when the time comes if I didn’t do that? If I was a total hipster asshole to ‘em, they’re gonna end up wearing AFFLICTION shirts and Ugg boots and becoming born again Christians just to get the same reaction from me as I did from my parents. Douche bag hipsters aren’t gonna give birth to douche bag hipsters — they’re gonna raise douchier kids. You know who didn’t outgrow punk rock once he started to have kids? Fucking Don Bolles. And have you met his kids? Fucking trainwrecks, ALL of ‘em.
My whole point is when you have kids, stop trying so fucking hard or trying altogether. Just drop the act of being urbanely cool once the kids pop out otherwise you are in perpetual arrested development. It’s lame to see 23-year-olds becoming parents but it is a TRAGEDY to see 30-something-year-olds with kids still pretending they are 23. 30 ain’t the new 20, and 40 ain’t gonna be the new 30 anytime soon.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4413 access attempts in the last 7 days.
But maybe the stuff all the hipster parents are into (a.k.a.: you’re, I’m into, he’s, she’s, he-she’s, she-he’s into) actually won’t be cool in 20 years?
Maybe that’s how it works.
Maybe it isn’t cool now.
01.07.10 at 9:12 am
I really hope you don’t get paid (or at least not well) for this.
01.07.10 at 9:14 am
“People who go on for more than about two sentences of opinions should go fucking die. Like right here at this point. Opinions are for the weak and homosexual.”
01.07.10 at 9:16 am
I just shat my pants at “gook to the bone”. Tiiits.
01.07.10 at 9:28 am
“I’m in my early 20s…”
Shut it.
“30 ain’t the new 20, and 40 ain’t gonna be the new 30 anytime soon.”
Until you get a little older then you are gonna change your story. gay is the new straight.
01.07.10 at 9:38 am
hasn’t this ground been well covered
01.07.10 at 9:40 am
Did the hipster mom stick her head in a pencil sharpener? What bone heads!
01.07.10 at 10:12 am
this is stupid
01.07.10 at 10:32 am
people in glass houses…
YYEEAAHH!!
01.07.10 at 10:34 am
Are you sure the hipster mom is a woman or some guy that just dresses the part? Her femininity isn’t exactly carved in stone in this photo.
01.07.10 at 10:36 am
‘Hipster mum’ looks more like ‘Auschwitz mum’ to me. And for some reason that’s given me a sick woodie…
01.07.10 at 10:50 am
Call me back when you’re in your early 30s. Also, I kinda liked the Clash onesie.
01.07.10 at 10:58 am
Seems pretty easy to me: if putting on Chucks and tight jeans and listening to decent music is really “trying so fucking hard” for you, then yeah, maybe you should give it up. And why wait till you have kids?
01.07.10 at 11:15 am
I’d hit hipster mom and never quit it. Granted cool dad looks like a douche, but they seem to be euro trash so what can you do. This article sucks. Yes, we assumed you were in your early 20s. Shouldn’t your mom give up on Korean soap operas or your dad golf? Since you know being old means you can’t enjoy anything that you actually, ah ya know, enjoy. Doesn’t the owner of this site wish he was 20 and fap fap fap to generic hardcore bad brain wannabes? I firmly believe that 30 is NOT the new 20, but i’ll be thinking dirty thoughts whenever I see hot girls walk by till the day I die.
01.07.10 at 11:16 am
Look at those two smirking yuppie cunts, even the baby is like WTF.
I’m 40 and I still listen to Celtic Frost but I’d never get my nephews any of that ‘cool baby’ shit. You really think your 4 year old ‘wants’ a clash shirt? Don’t be such a clever dick, get them spongebob like they asked for, it’ll stop them from despising you in the future.
Taeil, you’re right on the money.
01.07.10 at 11:28 am
one of my friend’s moms is all like ‘o want to smoke up with me honey?’ and that is just fucked up for the kid.
01.07.10 at 11:30 am
the mom in that picture is a total boner
01.07.10 at 11:44 am
here here
well said and interestingly written.
also, hipsters who bring their kids to the cool brunch spots drive me fucking nuts.
tough to be ironically dressed folding a stroller and carrying a diaper bag whilst trying to squeeze into a booth at the back of a narrow restaurant
01.07.10 at 11:56 am
Bad writing
01.07.10 at 12:26 pm
isnt gavin a hipster parent too
01.07.10 at 12:28 pm
eww ur aZn
01.07.10 at 12:28 pm
Soundgarden?
01.07.10 at 12:33 pm
in response to this kid fredMS:
Olddy timey friend’s mom gave him and his friends meth. No big deal.
When I grew up though I would go over to his house and mom would
beg you just to let her take a hit(pot).
She would cook these lavish meals if you smoked her out. Really insane
actually.
So kid grows up & dies. And less than two months later his mother dies
of guilt or heartbreak or god whatever kills people these days?
Another dude I know smokes with his parents and him & his parents
are the most well adjusted people there is to know
01.07.10 at 12:38 pm
hating on hipster parents is saying you dont want the world to get better
01.07.10 at 12:41 pm
only people in their ‘early 20s’ give a shit what their parents are doing. move out of their basement and then you don’t have to look at them anymore. huzzzahhh!
01.07.10 at 12:44 pm
I’m forty and you are amusing. Like a 10 year old that doesn’t want to share.
01.07.10 at 12:51 pm
…’ golden era of 80s punk rock, new wave, post-punk, glam metal, and whatever’..huh…i was there and i never realised i was in a ‘golden era’.i always thought the golden era of punk was the 70’s.i was,however, aware of being in the ‘golden age’ of hip-hop in the late 80s/early 90s,and i’m sure even you young whippersnappers remember bouncing around to a tribe called quest in your bran nubian onesy…
01.07.10 at 12:59 pm
Don’t worry, no matter how much you chase the trends, your kids will always be embarrassed by you. Also Punk was pretty much over and stale by the Eighties.
01.07.10 at 1:18 pm
You said “phenomena” when you meant “phenomenon.”
01.07.10 at 1:20 pm
why are kids in their early 20s even caring about Celtic Frost and MBV? Do your own shit, you fucking pussies.
01.07.10 at 1:21 pm
Teal is right. It wasn’t until I went to a party in Oklahoma City, a place where everyone over 20 has a kid, and ended up making out in a bathroom with some cybergoth with pink dreads down to her ass who was also telling me about her kid that thank god both of my parents were really really really fucking boring. I could not handle the thought of my mom making out with some guy like me while I was watching sesame street.
01.07.10 at 1:49 pm
this site wouldnt even exist without hipster parents.
and why are the kids gonna go weird religious or affliction? theyll just come up with some other thing just like everyone does. affliction kids parents arent hipsters, theyre dipshits. just like all our parents. so dont ditch shit you like just yet to try and manipulate your kid into liking all that same shit. all parents fuck up their kids no matter what, its up to the kids to know better than to write retarded posts on shitty websites.
01.07.10 at 1:59 pm
of all the things to get made about, this seems pretty mundane frankly.
01.07.10 at 2:11 pm
I’m sort of a victim of hipster parents, 70s style. My parents had me when they were in their early 20s and my dad was a rock band roadie, and I grew up backstage playing with the children of some of the coolest adults in the era. I had Led Zeppelin promo copies in my record collection as a little kid. My mom was super hot and my dad was super cool.
The irony? I grew up to be a libertarian gun nut. I’m a proud right wing extremist (with a really good knowledge of rock music history).
And my little sister is the most boring suburban housewife/soccer mom you can imagine (but she knows lots about music too).
So the universe balances itself out. Hipster parents are breeding the young Republicans of tomorrow. Rebellion is doing the opposite of what your parents did. And all new music is noise to older people. Anything with autotuned vocals feels like a drill in my brain.
Dear hipster parents, your plans will fail.
01.07.10 at 2:39 pm
^^I can’t even imagine how fucking tedious charles would be in person
01.07.10 at 3:23 pm
UMMMMM > embrace it. By the looks of the comments… people agree!
01.07.10 at 3:26 pm
it is possible to be old, cool, and an enigma/embarrassment to your kids. it depends on what’s going on in your head, not what fucking clothes/music you like.
01.07.10 at 3:56 pm
At least these are better than the old hippie parents. Those ones would be scraping the crap out of their kid’s one cloth diaper and throwing it into their garden because it is organic and completes a natural cycle of regeneration.
01.07.10 at 4:15 pm
oh my god didn’t any of you watch Family Ties?
in other news, some loser cares about how everyone’s parents dress.
01.07.10 at 5:04 pm
i felt the same way at 24. now i’m a 34 year old father who truthfully doesn’t know what’s appropriate.
01.07.10 at 6:13 pm
article is neither interesting or funny or redeemable in any way so why the fuck is it on here
01.07.10 at 10:04 pm
Technically, sonny, Black Flag’s “Nervous Breakdown” belongs to us 40-somethings. Go out and find your own damn music. I hear the kids are really digging the Death Cab for Cutie.
01.07.10 at 10:23 pm
“Ordinary fucking people. I hate them.”
01.07.10 at 11:17 pm
Why’d u even write anything? that baby’s face sums everything up.
01.07.10 at 11:31 pm
I’m so glad I bum alot of you guys who read this site.
01.08.10 at 4:19 am
Patton Oswalt already did this
01.08.10 at 6:12 am
this author doesn’t get it
01.08.10 at 6:21 am
I am the cool Charles. Fuck that guy above.
01.08.10 at 11:10 am
Whats more awkward than a hipster parent? A hipster in the armed forces. We all think it’s cute that when you aren’t being bitched at in a shitty foreign country you get to express yourself (do they let you put little punk pins on your uniform? Oh, they don’t? damn.), but with your logic I think it might be over, sorry dude. Having a kid or joining the military is the official sign of “fuck it, I’m a grownup”, which according to you is very un-hipster. Why should someone change into a completely different person because they have a kid? Are you some jock douche bag who listens to Drowning Pool? Do you want to kick my ass for because I know you’re full of shit? Maybe. But guess what, you cant. You’re in the military. 98% of hipsters aren’t in the military, and find being around they’re friends who are, like, totally weird, so you have to give it all up (tight jeans, writing for street carnage, being a nerdy Asian). I don’t know why, you just do. Sorry.
01.08.10 at 3:05 pm
fuck! -for
01.08.10 at 3:06 pm
I have a feeling Randy is a dad. I’ve noticed I’ve upset quite a few of you with all of these guys who must must write me off and do their best with these attempts at breaking me down with random comments. Which probably means you guys saw a little bit of yourselves when I make fun of this crap. By the way, I’m pretty sarcastic half the time and no matter what extreme lengths I do to convey that it still flies over people’s heads.
I still don’t get this concept of me quitting any notion of having FUN if I joined the military. What so after I joined the Marines I’m supposed to be a robot who walks around in uniform and say “oorah” and “semper fi” all the time? My article was about people dropping the hip act in terms of having REAL responsibility over someone’s LIFE. You don’t deal with parenting in the warzone. I have every right to be young, fashionable, and arrogant just like everybody else MY AGE who don’t have kids alongside my fellow brothers and sisters in the military when they get to enjoy day to day life in the civilian world.
Again this still isn’t the point. The point is give up the charade of “young and fashionable” when you’re a mom and dad. Your kids will thank you for it. Also, no idea Patton Oswalt did this bit before me. I feel bummed out about my unoriginality but if someone could link me to it through email I’d appreciate it. I’m sure it’s funny.
01.08.10 at 3:45 pm
And also, it’s best for the kids to think they are cooler than their parents. Spoil them in that way and let them feel entitled to being truly hip themselves and not be totally embarrassed by your pitiful attempts at trying to be cool. It’s all stupid anyway.
Also I just you to know. I’m still just like all you hipsters. I joined the Marines to be ironic. I’d really wish to be vegan and be all liberal and against the system like all you art fags living in the true “alternate” lifestyles away from the mainstream.
01.08.10 at 4:18 pm
I’m 24 and very childless, thank god.
“I still don’t get this concept of me quitting any notion of having FUN if I joined the military. What so after I joined the Marines I’m supposed to be a robot who walks around in uniform and say “oorah” and “semper fi” all the time?”
Duh you dont have to stop having fun, thats what im trying to tell you. Neither do 20 something hipsters with children, and as we know, that shit happens. So these parents have to stop being young and fashionable, thats the point? Look, if my friend pops out a kid at 21, she’s still young no matter how you look at it. Is she supposed to take a solemn look in the mirror with her pregnancy test in hand and say, “this is it”, and go buy velcro sandals? no dude, its not a fucking fashion death sentence. Those hipster tattoos are permenant, and if youre not a complete tool, youre atleast somewhat into having your tattoos and sonic youth records, some people legitimately like that band and the tattoos they have. you dont fucking hold yourself and cry like edward norton in American History X.
lets face it, as long as the kid’s getting raised properly, we can all go fuck ourselves as far as the parents personal bullshit is concerned.
p.s. imagine if you got a girl pregnant? “ex-marine drops entire lifestyle due to pregnancy” sounds like a recipe for knee jerk liberal douche who’s gonna hate your ass.
01.08.10 at 9:29 pm
Hey man. Once a Marine always a Marine. And yeah, I would probably drop whatever fun lifestyle I had before to raise a kid. That’s the problem with kids. No more shopping for designer clothes for me along with partying and listening to records all night. It’s a done deal when you have a baby. It’s not about being liberal or conservative or whatever whatnot. It’s about forgetting the notion about being cool and being a fucking parent.
01.09.10 at 8:09 am
some people can juggle a few things at once
01.09.10 at 7:44 pm
auschwitz babes yum teh baby looks like magoo tho, soz bro
01.10.10 at 4:09 am
Not only did Patton Oswald already do this act but he did it sooo much better with the grace and intelligence to not have to revert to using the term “hipster” which I think is something we’ve all agreed bares next to no meaning anymore. What is even more alarming is how popular the Patton skit is, so popular in fact I’m willing to call this plagiarism outright. Who are you going to get writing on this site next Carlos Mencia?
01.18.10 at 7:29 am
If I was ripping off anybody I’m pretty sure it would be Doug Stanhope on boomers.
01.21.10 at 4:10 am
what a waste of bandwidth. you just predicted your own future. Die hipster scum!
03.20.10 at 8:22 pm