Cult leader David Cross recently challenged his 16,630 followers to create a tagline for the lonely man’s new best friend, the Fleshlight Motion. Here are a few highlights:
@revpjack Fleshlight Motion: When you’ve come to the end of the “things I’ll put my dick into” list
@vicarpac Fleshlight Motion: Because Sometimes The Dog Has a Headache
@theatredogg Fleshlight Motion: Just like the real thing without the hassle of a shovel and wheelbarrow
@artlab Fleshlight Motion: Jonas Bro Practice Hole
@Mavillionaire Fleshlight Motion: The best part of a lady combined with the best part of a couch
@bnig Fleshlight Motion: For today’s active masturbator
@mattcbrown Fleshlight Motion: No need to put your sandwich down
@ED209 Fleshlight Motion: The Interpretive dance of loneliness
@marcmaron Fleshlight Motion: Straddle the future and fuck it
@FireJerryManuel Fleshlight Motion: Rock Bottom Is Just a Thrust Away
@ThirdProject Fleshlight Motion: Why hide your sex toys when you can disguise them as furniture?
@Kerry_White Fleshlight Motion: When Craigslist rejects your personal ad
@johnhawkinsrwn For a look at what may be a new historic low for Twitter Trending topics, check out “Fleshlight Motion.”
@the_real_scorpy Fleshlight Motion: 100% Harder to Disguise as a Flashlight
@waxlion12 Fleshlight Motion: Because sometimes the sofa has a headache
@djsnow Fleshlight Motion: Now even more tearstain-resistant
@hooper_x Fleshlight Motion: Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel Into A Vagina Shape, Then Fucking It
@mattcbrown Fleshlight Motion: A gloryhole for OUR generation
@MattMill88 Fleshlight Motion: Likes you for who you are
@Tea_Phrase Fleshlight Motion: Crippling depression’s newest accessory
@hotdogwheel Fleshlight Motion: The Ottoman That Won’t Say No
@jdcrowley Fleshlight Motion: Now all you need is a throw pillow that’ll lick your asshole
@suddain Fleshlight Motion: Because it’s easier than filling the gaping hole in your soul
@Kyattsuai Fleshlight Motion: Whoever pulls you out of it becomes the next king of England
@bradiscranky Fleshlight Motion: Not turned off by the clown makeup
@malusman Fleshlight Motion: If your erection lasts more than 4 minutes, seek immediate mental help
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too weeks ago
09.18.09 at 12:05 pm
Save 1 small tree a year by elimating the use of cum rags.
09.18.09 at 12:10 pm
owning that thing is really the next step where masturbation is not out of necessity but your fucking hobby.
yo, bitches use dildos all the gotdamn time, dont call me a loney dude cos i dont want to fuck some strange on a monday night.
09.18.09 at 1:45 pm
sort of like your computer but without the pretense of “getting work done”
09.18.09 at 3:20 pm
I fapped
09.18.09 at 3:25 pm
I vote for Kyattsuai’s line, made me choke on my coffee.
09.18.09 at 4:29 pm
Iwas going to say kyattsuai as well. I remember Stern saying he threw his away because it was “too good”.
09.18.09 at 4:34 pm
Fleshlight Motion: Never have a houseguest again.
09.18.09 at 4:35 pm
Fleshlight Motion: Couch Potathole
09.18.09 at 5:26 pm
Fleshlight Motion: Fuck the stuffing out of her.
09.18.09 at 5:29 pm
Fleshlight Motion: Rocky Dennis is just getting started.
09.18.09 at 11:48 pm
Fleshlight Motion: The blackest thing *you’ll* ever fuck!
09.19.09 at 12:03 am
Fleshlight Motion: Because who needs another public indecency charge?
09.19.09 at 3:50 am
this isnt a tagline, but imagine the photoshoot that went on for that thing.. the male model was probably all excited to get a part, then found out he would be the face of fucking a vaccuum cleaner..
09.19.09 at 11:49 am
yeah, but a in a really highbrow fashion magazine you would prolly see something similar. just the context makes it change from “sleazy” to “visionary”
09.20.09 at 5:00 am
For virgins, it’s just like the real thing.
09.20.09 at 11:27 pm
Fleshlight Moonlight: It’s not gonna fuck itself…
09.20.09 at 11:35 pm
I doubt anyone can top Kyattsuai’s tagline.
But I got one more.
Fleshlight Moonlight: Pocket Pussies are for Pussies
09.20.09 at 11:42 pm
I prefer the au naturale organics of mother nature aka hole in the ground aka ostrage in the sand http://elkilby.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/chestnut.jpg
09.21.09 at 1:32 am
i like how it’s made by Liberator -liberating you of any last shred of self-worth
09.21.09 at 4:39 am
What he is using is actually the Top Dog Fleshlight Mount.
12.30.09 at 12:24 am
The closest thing to being in mickey mouse’s happiest place on earth!
03.24.10 at 12:17 am
(Please remove the baby from the box BEFORE your initial penetration, SICKO!)
03.27.10 at 1:05 am