You guys are getting so damn lazy. You can’t even be bothered to write in your questions anymore? From now on I am no longer going to give you my frankly very valuable sex advice over Gchat, even if you are maybe someone I’ve slept with a couple times. The sex is free, the advice is going to cost you.
READER: HI DR. I have a great sex column question for you.
DREW: OK. Write it in an email!
You can write it however you want.
No, dude. The question, you have to write in the question.
Why?
Because that’s the format
Can’t you just write the question? It’s just your opinion on the ethics of the fleshlight.
No. Why would I want to do both parts?
Because you are a writer.
You can write me an email and not sign your name.
I just saw an ad for a fleshlight on a website today. I giggled at the thought of what would a chick think if a dude brought her to his house and he left it out.
So write in a goddamn hypothetical question. OK, fine. You know what? Here is your answer: People masturbate to all sorts of weird shit and one time I let this boy come over and he sat on my vibrator and that shit was like a jackhammer. I totally forgot to put it away. Whoops! So like, seeing porn or some sort of weird … sex thing over at a dude’s house, that’s cool. A fleshlight though, is something you have to put time and effort into ordering.
www.fleshlight.com
I know what the fuck it is! They are not cheap — unless you buy them secondhand, in which case, even grosser!
And you have to pick a preference.
But like, it’s a specific fetish thing that could turn some girls off, like its like leaving your RealDoll out or your latex body suit.
That’s OK.
First of all, you should already have been convinced by society that these things are SUPER shameful, so you would not just “leave them out.” Unless you are retarded.
I think a body suit would invoke wonder rather than disgust, or really lazy and drunk.
I mean, fine, really lazy and drunk, but do really lazy, drunk people have enough money to throw away on a fleshlight?
Of course! They have exactly enough money to throw away on fleshlights.
And then to take a girl out on a date? I mean, if this hypothetical scenario is happening, this hypothetical chick is not batting that high.
When you can just buy a fleshlight? That’s like a quarter of a date.
“Yeah, he was really drunk and lazy, but those are qualities I like in the perverts I date.”
Yeah, you are probably right.
I always am.
Send “Dear Drew” sexual queries to SBTVC@StreetCarnage.com
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portable butthole
03.24.10 at 12:12 pm
dude looks like a lesbo
03.24.10 at 12:25 pm
^ by Aerosmith?
03.24.10 at 12:38 pm
Yeah, I’m pretty sure the kid in the photo is thinking ‘butt-hole’.
Also, why bother making a fleshlight when you can have triple the fun with a melon and a microwave ?
03.24.10 at 1:12 pm
Uh, there’s a photo in the background of a naked dude staring down at his snorkel fins.
03.24.10 at 1:30 pm
^^^ Yeah, and his snorkel is tiny.
03.24.10 at 2:17 pm
best drew post EVR!!!
03.24.10 at 3:37 pm
haha nah, come on, this isn’t so good. If it had “Donald Crunk” or “Arv” at the end everyone would be ragging this bullshit. But Drew has tits.
03.24.10 at 4:22 pm
Hot n spicy. ha
03.24.10 at 4:58 pm
seriously, its cool if youre into fleshlights and shit, but really why would you need one? its permissible if you are missing both your hands. on a side note, chicks leave their vibrators out all the time, why would it really matter if you leave your fleshlight out?
03.24.10 at 5:38 pm
Wait, so some dude at the fleshlight.com office sits around eating cans of pringles and then making them into make believe sex holes for the lonely people of the internet?! America, what a country!
03.24.10 at 5:55 pm
is this unreadable to others? just me?
03.24.10 at 6:26 pm
hahahaha i fucked one of the fleshlight girls. when i first met her she had it sitting on her coffee table n i was like “um why the fuck do u have a pocket pussy on your table?” and shes all like, its mine, n im like uh ok. then after a month of dating her she told me oh yea btw…. and i was like NO SHIT THAT RULES!
03.24.10 at 7:40 pm
How much fudge can a fudgepacker pack when a fudgepacker decides to whack?
Dude with the Pringle’s can pleasure pack, you wanna take this one?
03.24.10 at 7:47 pm
connor: yes, it is completely unreadable.
03.24.10 at 10:45 pm
He looks like one of those lesbians that look like Justin Bieber.
03.25.10 at 12:50 am