I’m a hetero male and I have herpes. Big deal. Actually, it is. I am so fucking nervous when it comes to breaking this news to potential lovers and fuck buddies that it makes my dick go limp. Why? Because I have guilt and a conscience. The true kicker is my herpes only exists on paper. I’ve never had an outbreak. Never had a cold sore. I didn’t even get it from sleeping around. I got it from an ex and I accepted her having it and whoops, I got it too. But she had nasty outbreaks and all that. The paper said its Herp #1. That’s the good one right? Anyway, if you look at Herp sites they really make breaking this news into a melodrama. “Herp only” date sites? Barf. I’ve gotten laid a handful of times since getting Herpes in the mail. Ladies have been surprisingly cool about it. But I could have gotten laid even more if I didn’t find breaking this news so nerve wracking EVERY TIME I do it. When is a good time when dating someone, and for just hooking up? Whats a good way to go about telling? It’s super fucked if I break the news or play dumb after fucking, even if I use a rubber, right?
Sincerely,
H
Dear H,
Sort of calling bullshit on this one. You’ve been tested for herpes even though you’ve never had an outbreak? Isn’t the herpes test a culture swab? Not that I would know, but I DO know that it’s at least blood work you have to ask for, meaning a) you’re just assuming you have the herp cuz your ex-girlfriend had nasty cold sores (and what were you doing hooking up during sore season?), or b) you’ve had an outbreak, had it tested, but after that initial encounter — first time cases tend to be the worst — you’ve never had another incident so you’re ready to go back out there and infect a whole new group of women. Circle of life, hakuna matata.
Yep, like 1/5 people in the world has herpes (I’m not bothering to fact check this), but not everyone gets really gross outbreaks from it. But in the off-chance they do, wouldn’t you feel shitty giving it to them? And unless they’re hooking up with a bunch of randos, she’ll KNOW it was you, dude.
Oh and Type A or Type 1 or whatever the kids are calling oral herpes today is totally transferable to the genitals if you go down on her right before you have an outbreak. That’s when the shit is most contagious.
But enough Dan Savage shit. If it makes your dick go limp from merely the idea of telling someone, than what am I going to tell you? Don’t have unprotected, casual sex with people whose last names you don’t know, let alone sexual history of? That’s just crazy talk. If you’ve NEVER EVER had an outbreak and this herpes exists just on paper, then I say most girls wouldn’t give too many shits anyway. And hell, if you have a piece of paper saying the only STD you have is herpes, laminate that shit and make copies. Don’t forget to hang one on your wall, since you’re also apparently part of the 10% of Americans who don’t have HPV.
Sincerely,
-DREW GRANT
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Up to 8 out of 10 American adults have oral herpes according to Planned Parenthood. You are a total fag.
09.29.09 at 11:19 am
Look man, the crazy thing about herpes is it can strike any part of your body, even your brain (it’s called herpes encephalitis and it’s super deadly, look it up, the worst amnesiac ever is the way he is due to that one). I made out with a broad with a cold sore once, caught the herp, it hit my esophagus, and I had to be put on a nasal gastric feeding tube. 16 days of being bed ridden with a plastic goo-tube hanging out of my nostril and 40 lost lbs later, I can at least say I’ll never get a cold sore, but it was at a hell of a price.
My point, you got off easy son. If you haven’t gotten a cold sore by now you probably never will. Rest easy on this one, you dodged the bullet.
09.29.09 at 12:42 pm
Good read.
Not necessarily bullshit, Drew. Hard to believe yar, but possible.
09.29.09 at 1:18 pm
Seriously doggy, if it’s type A and you did hypothetically transfer it to someone’s gash then they will have a terrible couple of days and probably never have to deal with it again.
BONUS: If you get type A on any region of your body it’s non-transferable elsewhere. For example, if you get cold sores on your lip you could conceivably get a hummer from a tranny on Capp Street with an open sore and not get a sore on your cock. I wouldn’t recommend it, though.
09.29.09 at 1:19 pm
Jesus, dude. Don’t even worry about it. Medically and morally, you are at no obligation to even disclose it. Here’s why:
You, like 80% of the population, have type I herpes. Since you’ve never had an outbreak, I’m assuming you found this out through a type-specific blood test like the HerpeSelect. The blood test can’t indicate WHERE you are infected, leaving two possible scenarios:
1. The very, very, very likely scenario: you’re orally infected. Just like almost everyone else. You probably got it in childhood, just like almost everyone else. No need to disclose. No big deal. ESPECIALLY since you don’t get sores.
2. The very unlikely scenario: you’re genitally infected. I say this is unlikely because even if your ex had genital type I (also somewhat unlikely), genital type I practically never gets transferred to other genitals. (This is also why you don’t have to worry about disclosure.) The only possible exceptions are if she gave you oral sex while shedding type I from her mouth, or if you fucked her while she had open, active type I sores on her genitals (which is also unlikely because genital type I is rarely a symptomatic condition, and even when it is, it very rarely recurs).
In any case, NO BIG DEAL. Let it go and count yourself lucky.
09.29.09 at 2:00 pm
High five for the Dan Savage reference.
09.29.09 at 2:07 pm
Actually, the legal ramifications for transferring an STD to someone when you know you have it can get pretty serious in some states.
And don’t think their asshole lawyer can’t get his/her hands on those medical records!
09.29.09 at 2:57 pm
Wack-boy, Yeah, but only for the biggies like Hep-C or HIV.
09.29.09 at 3:02 pm
Wack-boy: if you have something more serious like HSV 2, HIV, hep-C, etc. AND have had positive confirmatory tests in the past AND you don’t disclose AND the victim chooses to see it as a willful intent to infect and pursue litigation, yes, of course there could (and should) be legal precedent. But never on the sole basis of a HSV 1+ blood test result.
Consider HPV. Everyone who has had sexual contact at some point in their life most likely has some (most likely MANY) forms of it.
Again, the majority of us could get the herpes blood test today and would come back with a positive result, whether we’ve ever had symptoms or not. Even type 2 is ridiculously common — 1 in 5 people. Barring some major medical development, by 2025 50% of American females will have it.
This is kind of a downer of a conversion, huh? Nature is fucked up.
09.29.09 at 3:26 pm
*conversation, not conversion.
09.29.09 at 3:29 pm
i’ve had herpes since i was 21 i’m 24 now, i have yet to have a relationship work out after i told a guy i had herpes. its a disease that is so much more socially detrimental than anything it every did to my snootch.
09.29.09 at 3:42 pm
Eh, after a couple of Herraduras I think I would only slightly hesitate before boning you.
09.29.09 at 4:07 pm
girl told me i she had herpes, and i was all like”that’s cool, we can just do it in the ass, and we don’t have to worry about rubbers!”
I busted the shit out of dat ass.
09.29.09 at 4:39 pm
fuck all of you who sit here saying this isn’t information to be disclosed. if you’ve got herpes, you be a fucking man and step up to it. don’t be some fucking asshole who thinks if they’ve never had an outbreak, they never will and won’t fuck someone else up in the process of being ignorant.
do you honestly believe planned parenthood’s stats? as though there’s no bias or motive behind their data? half the shit they do is good for us sexers. the other half is to scare us into protecting outselves.
either way, there is only one RIGHT thing to do, and that’s open your minefield of a mouth and say something, patient zero.
once again, just for emphasis, fuck those of you who suggest covering it up. jj. you dick.
09.29.09 at 4:51 pm
Whoah, Streetcarnage is populated by herpes experts.
09.29.09 at 5:02 pm
Dude, whatevs. The reason we know such a great deal about herpes is because public schools tried to scare us abstinent for FUCKING YEARS. We represent the generation who was told you could contract HIV from toilet seats, retard. I have thought I had AIDS like, a million times. IF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD AN OUTBREAK YOU PROBABLY DON’T HAVE HERPES. GO GET LAID AND STOP CRYING.
09.29.09 at 5:19 pm
@ seriously now:
If you’d read my comment rationally you would realize that I’m not advocating “covering it up.” There is nothing TO cover up. I work in this field, and am simply frustrated by the misinformation here. This poor guy is needlessly complicating his sex life.
Here are the facts:
The guy has an ex with genital herpes.
The guy later had a blood test that showed him positive for HSV-1.
He assumed, somewhat understandably, that he got it from sex with his ex.
However, HSV-1 is both extremely common (to the extent that most people have it orally from childhood and don’t know it until they take a blood test), and very, very rarely transmitted genital-to-genital. Mouth-to-genital, yes — but not commonly enough that given the absence of any symptoms, he should automatically assume that he has it genitally just because of a positive blood test. It’s statistically implausible, to say the least, and — ask ANYBODY in the field — not cause for disclosure.
Disagree with me? Go get a type-specific herpes blood test. It’s quite likely that, like most people, you’ll be positive for type 1. Then inform every partner from here on out that you have herpes.
I’m not even going to address your bullshit Planned Parenthood conspiracy theories.
09.29.09 at 5:52 pm
One more thing that might clarify this a bit: if he’d said “HSV-2,” this would be an entirely different situation.
09.29.09 at 6:03 pm
I don’t wanna sound like a queer or nuthin’ but I’d really like to make love to you tonight
09.29.09 at 7:52 pm
Come on now. Go get tested, take your meds, wrap it up, and call it a day. Be a man and handle your business.
09.29.09 at 10:45 pm
Was this supposed to be some kind of auto-critique of whiteness? Cause this shit is corny as hell. I know niggas who be fuckin’ all day and all night who’ve had the HIV since 1974.
09.30.09 at 6:23 am
Wow JJ, very interesting.
09.30.09 at 11:48 am
i once had a couple min-wart type things on the side of my penis. i cut them off. they never came back.. another time my entire genital area from above my pubes to the head broke out in some sort of chicken pox. that was years ago. i assume everything is okay. i never wear a condom. ;{
09.30.09 at 6:43 pm