Found these two gems during random travels. Street Boners? Probably not, Street shrinkage? Without a doubt. Here is some background. One photo is of a super creepy plastic-faced Elvis impersonator from Vegas. He gave me the willies, but I saw him feel up some cougar in the casino bar. Cougar boobs are always awesome, so I feel I need to give him credit for being a lady slayer.
The other photo is of some wack-job Jesus warrior I had a verbal altercation with in Eugene, Oregon. The guy preaching love of Jesus told me I was a, “Faggot,” and that upon my death I would be, “…sucking Satan’s dick for eternity.” I said that if I lost interest in old fashioned herto love making and became a gay bottom that his cocksucking scenario wouldn’t even be a drag. He ended up poking me in the chest and screaming some ridiculous shit in my face. I ended up fed up with his bullshit. I invited some other bummed kids to play kick the can with his bible. I felt bad momentarily, but my feeling of guilt was stomped to death after realizing people like him are the reason humanity has been reduced to a steaming pile of shit.
Oh, and for the purpose of understanding Jesus Hick’s belt. That massive sign in the background was somehow plugged into the belt. Not only did this give him the appearance of a massive hardon, but his sign (which flew 15 or so feet in the air) was full of lovely information letting us know we are all damned to hell and all of that other bullshit Mother Goose make believe religious nonsense.
hope you like them,
-Nick Lipton
DUDE!
A Boner ain’t shit without the shoes. Why did you cut off the shoes?
Sincerely,
SBTVC
Dear Street Carnage,
Apologies amigo. Here is the same Jesus Freak, with shoes, and holding his hate banner.
cheers,
nick
Nick,
The highlight of that sign has to be “Misc. heathen.” Talk about dialing it in.
Sincerely,
SBTVC
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nick sucks dick. snore.
06.08.09 at 9:40 am
so THAT’S where Vane$$a got the dollar signs idea from. All makes sense now.
06.08.09 at 9:56 am
“Cult Of The Effeminate Intellect” could be a pretty awesome band name.
06.08.09 at 9:56 am
Looks like a less effeminate Tom Cruise.
06.08.09 at 10:02 am
I’d let him rape me.
06.08.09 at 10:03 am
It says ‘People who talk to pets more than god’ on his sign. Is that a sign or one of his personal gripes.
06.08.09 at 10:07 am
Haha, child molesting is not enough, you have to be a child molesting homosexual
06.08.09 at 10:45 am
What’s F.Z.? Frank Zappa? I mean, yeah, his music is mostly annoying, but does god really hate it that much?
06.08.09 at 10:56 am
“Pro-abortion baby butchers” has a nice sort of ring to it.
06.08.09 at 11:03 am
That’s a pretty dope sign.
06.08.09 at 11:44 am
Effing sports fanatics, I knew there would be some sort of cosmic justice for their hooliganism.
06.08.09 at 12:10 pm
Take note: People who talk to pets more than god are going to hell… um… on numerous occassions I have referred to my dog AS god, how do you think he would feel about this?
I don’t think this Jesus fanatic would even be able to resist a nice pair of cougar boobs… just saying.
ps: kick the bible, nice touch.
06.08.09 at 12:16 pm
i bet the recession will only bring more laid off religious construction workers to our campus.
spineless men?
nick, you loose.
06.08.09 at 12:34 pm
Nick! This is fucking awesome man… What a funny ass article
06.08.09 at 12:46 pm
I like how easily this guy gets people so upset, don’t react and he’ll stop. Obviously, not everyone had older siblings who picked on them. If you don’t react they will stop.
06.08.09 at 12:51 pm
“romanists”?
06.08.09 at 1:12 pm
Is it me or does this guy’s head seem disproportionate to his body?
06.08.09 at 1:51 pm
Now this I can jerk off to.
06.08.09 at 2:13 pm
Child Molesting Homosexuals?
Why would they be on the sign?
06.08.09 at 2:32 pm
Why does Eugene get so many of these guys? Last week they came in a 3-pack…Jesus Fucking Christ. If Jesus was real, I think he would be crying at the site of these boners and thanking Nick for his cool game of kick the bible.
06.08.09 at 2:33 pm
I invited some other bummed kids to play kick the can with his bible.
hahah. more more more.!
06.08.09 at 2:52 pm
Dude covered all the bases with that sign. I cant help but be mildly impressed.
06.08.09 at 4:20 pm
Is this Nick Lipton of Yobeat.com? Probably.
06.08.09 at 4:31 pm
What the fuck at the clipart?
06.08.09 at 5:08 pm
anyone else notice the ridiculous citation for that bible quote? shits entirely made up.
06.08.09 at 5:43 pm
how are you guys missing the BEST one of them all
“sports fanatics”. holy shit, how many times did this fucker get picked last in gym class and not make the team? goddamn this guy is fucking clown shoe.
06.08.09 at 6:04 pm
Sports fanatics is clearly the best one and you can’t call him homophobic because only “Child-molesting” homosexuals are mentioned. But, bizzarely, Catholics (Romanists) are sinners whereas Torah believing Jews are left off the hook? Huh?
06.08.09 at 6:27 pm
‘Sports Fanatics’ are on the same level as ‘child molesting homosexuals’ and ’suicide bombers’?
Wow!
What bible translation is he using?
06.08.09 at 6:33 pm
@ Douglas P.
He covered the Unbelieving Jews. Third column, third to last row.
06.08.09 at 6:36 pm
hope you poked him back real hard with something like a dildo
06.08.09 at 9:00 pm
So fucking awesome sauce.
06.09.09 at 5:06 am
It’s true. The first thing I look at in a str33tb0nerz is the shoes.
06.09.09 at 8:02 am
He didn’t consider people who can’t identify witches by their silhouettes
06.09.09 at 10:26 am
I think we need more of this dude.
06.09.09 at 12:57 pm
‘people that talk to pets more than GOD’
06.09.09 at 2:01 pm
i give him credit for making his own leather “sign holder” that loops onto his belt. i imagine him at a work bench furiously making it, saying under his breath” faggots. fucking jews…fucking…fucking baby butchers…”
06.09.09 at 3:44 pm
He should make a second sign to fit the rest of the “misc. heathens”.
06.11.09 at 9:08 pm
this guy should have a weekley advice column on this website
03.01.10 at 10:37 pm