I hate hipsters. There’s no irony there, no self loathing, no misplaced rage towards youth or whatever bullshit fucking faggity half-assed window dressing anyone wants to cover it up with. I hate them. When I see multicolored Ray-Bans, I want to rip them off their heads and drive my fingers into their disgusting eye pits until I rip out the eyes and smear the gooey slop all over their graphic t-shirts. I want to choke them with their own little fucking sweat bands until they fucking shit their tiny undersized shorts and die.
I want to cut their fucking stupid pierced ears off and wear them as a necklace to display how many fucking dickless faggots that listen to Grizzly Bear will never be able to now that I fucking jammed a screwdriver into their ear drums and sawed off their useless ears.
I don’t give a fuck how they distinguish themselves between hipster, scene, whatever the fuck–I just don’t give a shit. I’m honed into those faggots, I can fucking smell it like a stink. “Oh, I’m not one of those hipsters. I just like a lot of indie bands.” Shut the fuck up, I’m going to fucking saw their stupid fucking heads off with my rambo knife while holding onto their retarded looking beards, those fucking Grizzly Adams faggots.
Not that it will be very hard, the weaklings lift nothing heavier than a fucking record all day. I can’t wait to burst into their roof parties and murder them all where they stand, all crookedly with weight distributed unevenly like they’ve got iPhones up their asses.
Then I’m going to take their girlfriends, those stupid, cow-eyed girlfriends who have never seen a real man and have only bitchnagged weaklings into becoming effete doormats. I’m going to rape them so hard, their fucking hippy dresses will be in tatters from the force of my finish. The floor is going to be littered with fucking cowboy boots and combat boots and those stupid fucking ballet flats from all the braindead hipster sluts I’m going to fuck up the ass, nose, ear, cunt, I just don’t give a fuck.
Gotta go. I’m making a skin tapestry of stupid tattoo sleeves from dead hipster faggots, and I’m going to dry it out in the sun while fucking the 19 year old “night life blogger” who had a tight cunt and ass. I keep her in my panel van. She wanted to hang out in the big city, but now she just cries for her mother. Her asshole is like a kangaroo’s pouch now. It’s where I keep my Bonnie Raitt cds.
Feel free to use that as an article. Have a nice day.
- Dirk
Dear Dirk,
Sounds like someone’s girlfriend just left him for a skinny jeans wearing, PBR drinking, 20-something year old guy from Greenpoint. Get over it.
Love,
SBTVC
P.S. For someone who claims to despise hipsters and everything they stand for, you sure do know follow their trends pretty closely (Ray-Bans, Grizzly Bear, party blogging, etc.); self-loathing much?
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4389 access attempts in the last 7 days.
All I’m reading is irony, self loathing, and misplaced rage towards his youth or whatever bullshit fucking faggity half-assed window dressing he wants to cover it up with.
07.28.09 at 9:39 am
i predict that you will not do any of this, the only thing phonier than a skinny tight no fighting pussy covered with sailor tats is a faux psycho who only talks about homicide but never commits it. Come on pussy man, make ur face front page news. Doooooo it!
07.28.09 at 9:44 am
are you 12
07.28.09 at 9:52 am
Can’t get laid in the normal fashion.
07.28.09 at 9:54 am
This was written by a clever hipster.
07.28.09 at 9:55 am
something about emailing plans of mass murder rings entirely false.
a handwritten note stuck in the front door with a bowie knife?
now we’re talking
07.28.09 at 9:59 am
i read this on a easter card at the mall.
http://www.cafepress.com/dronehome
07.28.09 at 10:20 am
did a little girl write this?
07.28.09 at 10:38 am
you kids don’t know how to party
07.28.09 at 10:50 am
i think i dated this guy. he eventually admitted he was just upset that they were prettier than he could ever hope to be. you’ve got to love yerself, guy. no matter how fat, short and ginger you may be.
07.28.09 at 11:00 am
Usually, when I hate something, I don’t really want ot stick my cock in it.
07.28.09 at 11:02 am
Switch to decaf man…….choose your enemies wisely
07.28.09 at 11:16 am
What group does Dirk belong to? Ricans? Sport people? Italians? I wanna hang Dirk, it’ll be rad when we get this neighborhood back to the way it was! Fuck yeah! A bunch of broke ass third-worlders who love Mobb Deep. Fuck yeah! Mobb Deep!
PS: I’m gonna get my GED before you and all your kids. And my girlfriend is way twelver than yours. Eli Manning Jersey’s all the way. And guess who’s got a cellphone? Me, you poor piece of shit. Haha just kidding Dirkster. My ringtone is louder than your repressed homosexual rage and you have to listen to it all the way home! So glad I never left the neighborhood I grew up in an made anything of myself! Fuck yeah! Small minds are like the tight pussies of thinking! Mobb Deep!
07.28.09 at 11:16 am
Nice try hipster faggot.
07.28.09 at 11:18 am
this guy wants hipster cock.
07.28.09 at 11:22 am
Awkward white men with Asian girlfriends suck.
07.28.09 at 11:22 am
SBCTV Response sounds whiney.
Dirk – 1, SBCTV – 0
07.28.09 at 11:23 am
this is so played
07.28.09 at 11:26 am
I hate hiptsters too. they are like hippies – all clicky and think they are soo cutting edge. just like any fad all I see is abunch of cult followers. Quit tryin’ to fit in uncoolies.
07.28.09 at 11:37 am
Dear Dirk, you had to post a new comment just to make yourself look good because nobody agrees with you.
Dirk-0, SBTC-12
07.28.09 at 11:37 am
Dirk?! Ummm…more like Jerk.
07.28.09 at 11:39 am
i liked it
07.28.09 at 11:43 am
As pointless as it may be to go on anti-hipster rants, this site’s tendency to defend hipsters at all costs strikes me as far more pathetic.
Especially when it comes to Gavin.
He tries to maintain a facade of being “hardcore,” but I believe deep down he knows he got very, very lucky writing one-liners for a fashion/”youth culture” magazine that catered to what could fairly be called the “hipster demographic.”
So unless he defends these poofy, effete, vapid children of privilege, he has to admit he was a sellout.
Recently he wrote that everyone wants to live in New York and be a part of the edgy nightclub scene that eulogizes dead junkies instead of calling them the fuckups that they are. He needs to stop projecting his own values onto the rest of the world.
07.28.09 at 11:46 am
Dirk? More like burke.
07.28.09 at 12:04 pm
The panel van is the new Prius.
07.28.09 at 12:08 pm
People still bitch about “hipsters”? Its 2009, in case this guy forgot.
07.28.09 at 12:26 pm
There is a toilet filled with shit to the right of this.
07.28.09 at 12:27 pm
This is why I don’t listen to Bonnie Raitt.
07.28.09 at 12:29 pm
Oh, the irony…
07.28.09 at 12:55 pm
Uhh let me guess…. Polish dude from Greenpoint, too many roids, got shot down by some cool chick, now he’s on the rampage.
I did like the use of “effete”… 15 points for that word.
07.28.09 at 1:17 pm
The Junior High level of most of these retorts is cringeworthy. Sure, rip a page out of the Hip-Hop Playa Hata book and accuse anyone who says they don’t like you of seething with jealousy because they actually want to be you.
Because it can’t possibly be that some people actually find the group loosely termed as “hipsters” to be empty and weak and boring and whiny and, worst of all, entirely unoriginal. That’s simply not possible. As Mrs. Seinfeld said to Jerry, “How can anyone not like you?”
07.28.09 at 1:30 pm
Gavin may have been lucky, but(and I can only speak for myself – not other SC readers) I no longer read Vice because Suroosh and Shane(?) are unfunny, pretentious, and whiny. This site is like Vice, but without all that “gay.”
07.28.09 at 1:32 pm
“I can’t wait to burst into their roof parties and murder them all where they stand, all crookedly with weight distributed unevenly like they’ve got iPhones up their asses.”
RU KIDDING this is great! HAHAHAHAHA!!
07.28.09 at 1:43 pm
I don’t even know what a hipster is.
People say that it’s a person who takes fashion way too seriously, believes they are an “artist” (especially if they have no talent whatsoever), are well educated (extra points for self-educated), and spend the majority of their time drinking at bars/taking drugs, paying way too much attention to music and acting sarcastically (using the term “irony” is a misnomer).
Is this right, b/c then I don’t see the difference b/t these people and hippies (except tighter clothes of course)
I am a dork
07.28.09 at 1:48 pm
i like this guy.
07.28.09 at 2:28 pm
that ’standing all crooked with their weight distributed unevenly’ line is brilliant…..
07.28.09 at 3:02 pm
I like sex.
07.28.09 at 3:17 pm
everyone hates hipsters. even hipsters.
07.28.09 at 3:45 pm
I’ll bet he loves Vince Vaughn.
07.28.09 at 4:13 pm
I hate fucking Puerto Ricans. One day I’ll go down to Los Seweres and read and birth control them all to death while I make them stop fucking littering everywhere. And! And I will point out to them how fucking greasy their women are. Also, Niggers, what’s with the always yelling? Is that some Invisible Man reaction shit? I’m not paying attention to you because you’re boring and poor not because you’re too quiet. Hassids? I would make them back home to jewland after I raped them of their cellphones, dandruff and Toyota Previas. Polish people will die out on their own because they’re retards. Grizzly Bear fuckin’ rules.
07.28.09 at 4:24 pm
What about artsy niggers? They’re not even really black to me. Or that black.
07.28.09 at 4:26 pm
I hate poor people.
07.28.09 at 4:27 pm
Nice sockpuppets Dirk.
07.28.09 at 4:46 pm
I can smell your comment from twenty miles away old man. Get back to work on your book. Pronto
07.28.09 at 4:58 pm
Simsun = Huge Jew.
07.28.09 at 5:01 pm
Whatever happened to Korn? Fuck they were good.
07.28.09 at 5:15 pm
This guy is so time-fucked. Everybody knows that the new shit is to actually become whatever it was you’ve been halfheartedly emulating for the past decade. Now that you’ve had time to get comfortable with your “ironic” mustache it’s time to step it up. Park the van next to where the high school girls’ volleyball team practices and offer the ladies some joyrides on on that push broom. Stop pretending. Start being.
07.28.09 at 5:39 pm
Was this article emailed via timewarp? It’s 2009, Dirk, get with the program.
07.28.09 at 5:39 pm
booooooooooooooooooooooring…who gives a fuck what you like or don’t like? “nehhhhh, i don’t like cheese and here’s why in incredibly florid, dull language: and then i fuckin’ hate it me go boom boom on its head.” get off the fucking rag, man. you ARE BORING. no one wants to hear your problems.
07.28.09 at 6:21 pm
Go get a dick up yer ass…fairy.
07.28.09 at 6:22 pm
that’s some deep ass shit you be spittin yo.
07.28.09 at 6:27 pm
stop whining, he writes well.
07.28.09 at 6:42 pm
Supposedly Korn has a new album in the works. Cool.
07.28.09 at 6:50 pm
hipsters were the ones i thought that were so way ahead of you in terms of fashion and music that you dont really know what it is theyre listening to (or you wont untill 3 years from now) & that you have no idea wtf is going on with their fashion because you dont understand what theyre wearing (maybe in three years you will) you’ll never go to their parties or even know they exist, and if you DID go you’d have no idea wtf theyre listening to or what their jokes are about or anything etc etc
hipsters are supposed to be on some next level scene shit thats 5-10 years in the future like some tron-warholian nightmare i wouldnt even begin to be able to comment on.
i thought that was the deal. The people ‘Dirk’ is complaining about are just the WANNABE hipsters or something, or even just some kids following a trend, sooooo whats the big deal?
Some kids dress in a way you dont like and listen to music you dont like? STOP THE PRESS!! or go and have a cry-wank or whatever.
The ACTUAL ‘hipsters’ you think you’re talking about are on some invisible illuminati time-travelling reptillian fashion-overlord-V-robot-alien-terminator-benevolent-master-race-superior-being shit.
You dont even know they exist.
The guy that empties your trash cans and sleeps under a bridge is actually doing research for Christian Louboutins 2011 footwear range.
Its like ‘They Live’ but with fashion cognoscenti instead of skelleton-alienoids
The people you’re complaining about are just kids following a trend, which just makes you kind of a dick.
(not like me)
07.28.09 at 8:55 pm
fuck you darkangelo. FUCK u.
07.28.09 at 9:25 pm
I wasn’t fully with Dirk until I read BJs’ comment.
Dirk— We all hate them. Unless you’re one of them, or make money off of them, you hate them. Thing is, they feed off this kind of shit, and the only reason anyone would care as much as you do about them is cause you’ve got some lingering desire to be in with some kind of group and see hipsters as a shitty version of what ought to be good. There is nothing there. Hipsters aren’t “up” on anything, nor do they move any real culture in any way; they just parasitically attach themselves to that idea. It’s the same shit in slightly different clothes. They have no influence beyond the cash they spend.
Just do what the rest of us do and ignore them.
07.28.09 at 9:48 pm
Ronbenet Jamsey is the best name yet.
07.28.09 at 10:33 pm
Jeezus, What a romantic that bj is. Although, I am 99% sure my garbage men are not doing research for Christian Louboutins 2011 footwear line.
07.28.09 at 10:44 pm
Dear Dirk,
TL;DR
07.28.09 at 11:14 pm
Gavin’s a great writer, like Mark Twain. I want to defend Gavin and point out that he transcends this hipster nonsense. He should get a good site editor though; this is the second reader-submitted juvenile piece of trash I have had to comment on. All killer no filler please
07.29.09 at 1:30 am
my weiner hurts
((((
07.29.09 at 2:50 am
Ethnic slurs being used too liberally. Fix that shit.
07.29.09 at 3:06 am
rape threats, very nice.
if this guy is so offended by fashion, imagine how he would react to something that matters.
07.29.09 at 8:46 am
“if this guy is so offended by fashion, imagine how he would react to something that matters.”
Perfect.
07.29.09 at 11:13 am
do you feel excluded, dirk? would you like to be invited to one of those parties and have everybody hug you and accept you as one of them? would you like it if those girls liked you more? maybe they would want to hold your hand as you wipe away your tears? well, it’s not gonna happen, pal. you’re a creep.
07.29.09 at 11:15 am
Man, beards sure are great.
07.29.09 at 12:48 pm
he is totally gay, way to many asshole references.
07.29.09 at 12:57 pm
Ahhh the hipster arguement! Still! More importantly who fucking cares?
Dude lost his fuckin bird tho…defo!
07.29.09 at 3:53 pm
Oh beards ARE great, i loves em, i’m wearing one right now.
07.29.09 at 3:54 pm
needs more hairspray
07.29.09 at 10:44 pm
More praise for the ‘they stand, all crookedly with weight distributed unevenly like they’ve got iPhones up their asses’ visual. Effing hilarious
08.01.09 at 7:07 pm
Carles!!! one to many Huh???
08.03.09 at 12:38 am
you do know that just because you arent alternative doesn’t mean you have to be a backwards homophobic moron. you can still be a intelligent human being and not have good taste.. but if you want to have bad taste and be a raving idiot, well, no one can stop you.
08.03.09 at 12:53 am
I am large, I contain multitudes.
08.03.09 at 1:42 am
What a shitty blog. Do us all a favor and delete your site.
08.03.09 at 5:15 am
Dear Street Carnage, you’re boring. Peace.
08.03.09 at 7:12 am
an hero. dooooo eeeet.
08.03.09 at 10:30 am
damn bro, this is CARNAGE
08.03.09 at 12:54 pm
Dear Oxymoronica,
I hope you get your ass beat by kryptonite weilding fixies. And I pray they feel bad afterwards and cry salty tears into your open wounds.
08.03.09 at 2:06 pm
what a dingleberry.
08.03.09 at 2:07 pm
this guy is a fucking idiot. It’s like reading a REALLY poorly written version of American Psycho except not in any way entertaining.
This guy got cut off by one too many fixies in his dodge neon i think.
08.03.09 at 2:28 pm
both this guy’s letter and street carnage’s retort is straight up goofy shit. Kill yourselves and tweet it.
08.03.09 at 3:08 pm
Bonnie Raitt…lolz
08.03.09 at 3:41 pm
well, looks like i’m succumbing to your wish, leaving you a comment. but dude. you are fucking weird. kind of want to pet you like a forlorn cat and then put you back in your cage.
p.s. but look at all these comments you’ve garnered! success? you must be so proud. cheers!
08.03.09 at 4:21 pm
FUCK I THOUGHT I WAS READING A HIPSTER BLOG
YOU MEAN ALL THE HOURS I INVESTED IN READING UR DUMB BLOG DIDN’T GIVE ME ANY HIP POINTS FUCK NO EVRBUDDYS GOING 2 LAUGH ME WHEN I GO BACK TO MY ZANY LIB ART SCHOOL CUZ THEY WLL HAVE BEEN READING THE REAL HIP BLOGS AND I WILL HAVE ONLY READ THIS DUMB SHIT FUCK
08.03.09 at 7:56 pm
I bet this guy watches Entourage
08.03.09 at 9:27 pm
The extensive use of profanity (more than Lil Jon’s “Roll Call”, congrats new world record) shows huge amounts of immaturity and lack of content. Who allowed this post?
08.04.09 at 4:18 am
Sadist?
08.04.09 at 7:34 am
kiss yr mother w/ that mouth? life is not over, eat a whooper (it will easy the pain of a broken heart)
08.04.09 at 10:25 am
Hipsters aren’t “up” on anything, nor do they move any real culture in any way; they just parasitically attach themselves to that idea.
well said.
Keep up the good work, I enjoyed it.
08.04.09 at 3:35 pm
The great part about going to hipster parties, is that half the guys are gay and the other half are actualy gays (like as in homosexuals), And all the girls are bangiñ. SO your gareeenteed to get laid!
08.05.09 at 12:20 am
Man, have you guys heard the new Muse? Fuckin’ fantastic.
08.05.09 at 7:31 am
Im so happy i’m from the UK…
American hipsters are like mainstream faggots here.
08.05.09 at 10:00 am
Have a heart send them a fart!
08.05.09 at 12:55 pm
ahaaaa
yo you need to stop saying cunt, that’s not cool, and everyone else- chill out. but uh,
hahahaha
08.05.09 at 7:11 pm
Damn, and I thought I was harsh with my style criticisms. Made fuckin’ laugh though. How do you feel about “bros?”
http://grimygoods.com/2009/08/03/15-reasons-youre-a-bro/
08.05.09 at 11:30 pm
Anti-hipsterism is in fact pro-mainstream. This guy is bitter we laughed at his Matchbox 20 CDs and didn’t want to go to Transformers 2 with him. It’s that same thing: Why do you guys have to be DIFFERENT? I feel threatened by it.
08.06.09 at 12:58 am
[...] check out this fucked up blog post basically bashing hipsters. The shit is harsh, but [...]
08.06.09 at 4:09 am
Hipsters, while obnoxious, serve as cannon-fodder for the capitalist machine. The best way to destroy them is to make money from their pitiful, empty lives. If you are under 30 today and are even slightly on top of your shit, you should be destroying the competition, because the competition today is a bunch of entitled, weak, disaffected and mincing little man-children. Go forth and conquer.
08.06.09 at 11:18 am
i am just confused by his hatred of ballet flats. i mean, ballet flats pretty much transcend any generation, scene or clique.
08.06.09 at 1:26 pm
if you know what streetcarnage.com is (and write them e-mails), you’re a hipster
08.07.09 at 3:33 pm
[...] http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/dear-street-carnage-fuck-hipsters/ [...]
08.10.09 at 11:46 pm
May be they are not getting any sex, so instead they screw their imagination?
10.22.09 at 12:36 pm
GEEZUS
take a bath, read a book.
Scream into a pillow
its ok. we all know.
P.S I think this guy likes hipsters
11.27.09 at 11:22 pm
T.T. knocked this out of the park. I like a lot of the stuff on Street Carnage, including the comments. And some of its way off. But T.T. got the nail on the head in this case. Respek.
01.07.10 at 2:44 am
Definitely written by a hipster, too many clever references.
Very funny though.
ps. I like Grizzly Bear but I don’t have a mustache… I don’t know who I am anymore.
01.28.10 at 6:44 am
ps. all the fucking hipster comments in reaction to Dirk’s rant are hilarious. Particularly the quasi-psychoanalyses serving a dual purpose an insult & a self administered ego massage; or using the word ‘transcend’ to describe ballet shoes.
01.28.10 at 6:49 am
Hipsters, if you were stripped away from your American Apparel, your RayBans, your fixed gears, your MP3 mixing Dj’s etc etc etc…. what/who would you be?
Please don’t have kids.
02.02.10 at 5:03 pm
I kind of hate hipsters too, mainly for their snobbiness and pretentious attitudes, but I don’t think they deserved to be raped and murdered for their beliefs; as much as you disagree with them, don’t threaten to kill and assault people because of it. Fuck man, that’s straight Nazi/insane extremist talk. I mean, if I told someone I like to listen to Zeppelin, The Guess Who?, and the Beatles, and they told me I’m way too “mainstream”, and then rambled off a list of a bunch of indie bands I’ve never heard of that are “way better”, I’m not going to want to shoot them in the head or rape their girlfriend or anything. I’d just think they were being an asshole, and probably tell them such.
There’s room for compromise dude; just because they like something doesn’t mean you should hate it. If somebody said their taste in music was better than mine, then I might at least agree to listen to some of their favorite tunes to see if I dug them. I don’t particularly care about dressing in the latest clothes, listening to the hippest music, or hopping from one thing to another; I like doing what interests me. If hipsters want to wear tight jeans, converse sneakers, smoke parliaments, and listen to the greatest, latest, coolest bands, they can go right ahead for all I care. If it makes you happy, whatever. Do what you love, man. Unless what you love is murder and rape; if had to be around a potential murderer/rapist or a hipster, I’d probably hang with the hipster. Besides man, most hipster chicks I ever meet are almost always hot. Pussy isn’t some band you’ve never heard of; it’s just… pussy;)
02.12.10 at 6:18 am
[...] part of a new trend focused on chasing wives rather than banging sluts. This might be because the “DIE HIPSTER SCUM” thing has been exposed as grumpy old people yelling at kids who aren’t listening. Is this the end [...]
02.15.10 at 7:02 pm
so cute! i love it. on the level of ‘no one cares marginal cuteness’, i rate you, a 9!
5 years from now there will be a theme party about this and it will be fantastic.
02.16.10 at 10:23 pm
Hilarious! I too hate hipsters, but probably not as much as that fellow. I’m just sick of all of you acting like you’re some poor downtrodden depressed kids, when in reality, you’re all upper middle class coddled children. I’m on the far left, and i hate it when hipsters act like they know what the average person goes through. I live in REAL life, no one pays my bills, no one replaces my car when it dies, no one gives me an allowance. The only thing my parents gave me was love, and I guess that may be better than the money your parents gave you, because you all act like you’re 5 minutes from hanging yourself in the garage while Adam’s song is played on loop.
Good day!
03.09.10 at 5:49 pm
Also, fuck American Apparel, they bust unions.
I doubt the rant was written by a hipster, just because they know the shitty music and trends you enjoy could easily point to the fact that they know some hipsters or see far too many of you.
03.09.10 at 5:53 pm