Recently I’ve started shitting blood, good times. I’ve been a complete wreck since this started. Is it all the drugs? booze? cancer? or is it possible that my ass is just dying? So I mustard up all the courage my small balls have and headed to my doctor at the walk-in-clinic to see what my doc has to say. This is when it took a turn for the worst, she pulls a gigantic tube of medical lube, sticks out here index and middle finger and begins to apply the clear, jelly like substance to her digits. This is when my stomach flipped and I realized she was going to take those slender arab fingers and jam them in my arse-hole. Im 22 fuckin years old I didnt think I’d have to endure this for atleast another 18 years. Anyways heres some pictures to show what I had to do next. They gave me two brown paper bags one with two containers to fill with my bloody poop and another that contained three wooden sticks im suppose to use to smear some poop onto this cardboard for three days in a row. I haven’t been able to do this yet, due to it requires me to follow a strict dietary plan involving no booze, drugs, red meat or citrus. Im completely bummed about this whole experience so I figured I’d share it with people so when they go through it they dont have to feel like there the only one like I did. Aint that some motivational shit. Be expecting the poop smear in your inbox within the week.
Love,
Thomy Croft
Thomy,
Nine times out of ten, blood in your shit comes from ass-splitting poos. When you drink coffee all day and booze all night you dehydrate yourself so your shit becomes an enormous football that’s hard to get out. However, your shit (which is hard to look at without dry-heaving, no offense) looks pretty liquidy. That means you have prostate cancer.
Sincerely,
SBTVC
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STREET BONER 1118
Just to be clear, this is not a hole in her tights. It’s a hole in the ass-time continuum that will swallow your entire paycheck if you go near it.
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best answer ever?
04.10.09 at 10:48 am
You probably have Crohns or Colitis. Welcome to the shitty club.
04.10.09 at 10:52 am
crohns. does your shit smell like pus and dead flesh?
04.10.09 at 11:28 am
watch “one guy one jar” on repeat for an hour. then call me in the morning.
04.10.09 at 11:53 am
No, when it’s bad it smells like baby diarrhea or dead squirrel, the pus has no smell.
04.10.09 at 11:56 am
Street Carnage, discussing the many qualities of shit
04.10.09 at 12:38 pm
Alright… that’s a lot of blood. So much blood, that i would say it looks fake. Not good.
04.10.09 at 1:03 pm
you might have a tumor on your colon. good luck with that.
04.10.09 at 1:04 pm
i want to know the results!
04.10.09 at 2:37 pm
That sucks. I had to shit on plastic wrap for a poop sample once too. I used chopsticks to get it into the jar. I felt somehow humiliated afterwards and didn’t talk to anyone for 2 days.
It turned out I had h. pylori and I also suddenly had a wheat and gluten allergy. Since I lived in NYC, I ate about 3 slices of pizza a day. That’s why I shit blood. Another side effect was that when my girlfriend sucked my dick, she was sucking blood out if it. I still don’t understand how my stomach connects to my wang, but that’s what happened.
04.10.09 at 6:51 pm
i ve had that same exact kit the bottle the liquid etc, not fun! but hey, i m all good! just a torn something or other
04.10.09 at 8:57 pm
“mustard up all the courage” – I wholeheartedly endorse the use of “mustard” instead of “mustered” forever more. Bravo!
04.11.09 at 12:33 am
dickzits yer gf is probably sucking so hard it’s her gums that are bleeding, it happens.
04.16.09 at 12:41 pm