We all know that if the roles were reversed in that AC Transit bus fight, things would have been different. Not because it would have provoked different sympathies. No, because an old black man would have just laughed in the younger guy’s stupid honky face. Because old black men are about as zen as it gets.
And how could they not be? Being black is pretty tough. Every now and then you become president, but most of the time crowds of white people are parting like the Red Sea for you when they see you on the sidewalk. Getting to be 67, like the Motherfucker ©, is like making it through the real-life version of that computer-animated maze in those Marine commercials where you have to climb up sheer rock without a harness and then fight a dragon with a sword that falls out of the sky at the end. 67 for black people is basically 102 in white-person years. The only people who live to be 102 are those guys who smoke cigars and drink scotch every day; in other words, those who have made their peace with the world and hold PhDs in relaxation.
There’s a reason all blues musicians worth a damn are Negroes. The blues are all about getting shafted by the man for seven decades without coming up for air, and nobody knows more about that than old black guys. White men are used to having the upper hand, making it hard to accept cosmic defeat.
Is it a surprise to anyone that the Motherfucker is a ‘nam vet? He had to fight his balls off to make it out of the jungle, only to get into the harder battle of getting spat on and ignored once he got back to native soil. He never accepted that this was just the way of the world because he was white and not born into disenfranchisement. Nothing puts a guy more on edge than being consumed by the sense of injustice, and the black fool on the bus managed to tap right into it. If the Motherfucker were black, he’d roll his eyes and be all, “Cracker please. I’ve been taking bigger white dicks than you in the ass for longer than you’ve been alive. Go sit back down.”
So the plan was to segue from here into a treatise on how I’d go gay for Morgan Freeman, who’s basically the black Buddha. In the middle of Googling that image up top, though, I stumbled upon one of the most upsetting things I’ve read all year. I can’t believe I somehow missed this:
Morgan Freeman, 72, and his wife of 25 years, Myrna Colley-Lee are in the middle of a bitter divorce. And reports are starting to emerge on the Web of an alleged decade-long affair with … his step-granddaughter.
NO!!!
E’Dena HInes is the granddaughter of Morgan’s first wife, Jeanette Adair Bradshaw, but was raised by Morgan and Myrna.
“Myrna said E’dena told her that when she was a teenager, she and Morgan went to dinner at a friend’s house one evening. Both had been drinking and when they returned home Morgan attempted to have sex with her. They stopped just short of having intercourse,” a close family insider told The Enquirer.
Myrna confronted Morgan about the incident, but the undercover relationship continued and escalated.
E’Dena has been Morgan’s escort to several Hollywood events, including the premiere of “The Dark Knight.”
What the fuck Morgan? What the fuck? I’m all set to sing your praises and then you go and get all Woody Allen on your step-granddaughter? I haven’t felt so betrayed since that shitty Rob Reiner movie you did with Jack Nicholson.
There’s no justice in this world.
Love
-BEN
BrutalFuckingMurder.BlogSpot.com/
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indifference
03.02.10 at 9:42 am
Why is that a bad thing?
She’s probably way hotter than his shriveled 60 year old wife.
Morgan Freeman’s wife at 25 years old wouldn’t have even talked to Morgan Freeman if he was a truck driver instead of a movie star.
If you can trade up for a younger prettier less fat version of your wife. Go for it.
Women have all the power in their 20’s and they use it to find dudes with money or with rediculous artistic talent. It’s a good thing for the species to keep good genes going.
But men have all the power over them once those hoes get shriveled and nasty past 35.
So I say trade up.
03.02.10 at 10:10 am
Plus, she’s his ’step’ grand daughter.
03.02.10 at 10:11 am
“old black men are about as zen as it gets.”
nope.
03.02.10 at 10:12 am
Well, if you’d nearly gotten your balls blown off in ‘nam….you should then enjoy getting your balls blown off by a step grandaughter; the law of causal effect.
03.02.10 at 10:19 am
even buddha wants 2 bang young pussy…
03.02.10 at 10:24 am
dude isn’t there anyone normal any more? every celebrity is either an undercover peter puffer or a rapist or a drug addict or a democrat. next thing you know i’ll find out chuck norris is a homo…
03.02.10 at 10:27 am
Yuz gets it whar ya gets it.
And dats whats its all ’bout!
03.02.10 at 10:39 am
^settle down little girl
03.02.10 at 10:39 am
Morgan Freeman, like all actors, is a fraud. There’s nothing Zen or soulful about him except for his soooooothing voice which he uses to narrate cheesy adverts. Filthy old pervert.
03.02.10 at 11:16 am
Pfft, so he’s got a dodgy private life, so does everyone. As for the old black men being zen shit, I can’t find a clip of it but there’s a pretty good Chris Rock bit about old black men being the most racist, bitter fucks of all. “Old black men hate white people more than ANYONE else, cuz they been through some REAL racism. He didn’t go though that can’t get a cab shit, back in the day he WAS the fuckin cab.”
03.02.10 at 12:05 pm
“He never accepted that this was just the way of the world because he was white and not born into disenfranchisement.”
Did you learn that word—”disenfranchisement”—at the school of higher learning you attended?
Good. Glad that’s settled.
You just proved you’re far more privileged than anyone, regardless of color, who had to serve as a soldier in Vietnam.
Anyone who wound up fighting in the trenches in Nam can comfortably be assumed to have not sprung from any privileged class.
03.02.10 at 12:20 pm
haha! its called “getting change”
swap that 60yr old for 3 20yr olds morgan!!
03.02.10 at 12:23 pm
The term you’re looking for is “Magical Negro”.
03.02.10 at 12:38 pm
This is no problem.
03.02.10 at 12:39 pm
I think I learned the word “disenfranchisement” at the public high school I attended. But you’re right, my apparent privilege DOES render my half-serious opinion totally invalid.
03.02.10 at 12:55 pm
I like how the first time I read this it was written by Arv.
03.02.10 at 1:16 pm
holy fuck- white kids love to talk about how great black people are. yawn.
03.02.10 at 1:22 pm
This was written by a white person. At the very least by someone who might as well be white.
03.02.10 at 1:46 pm
why are you printing this insipid, race-baiting yella journalism?
03.02.10 at 2:08 pm
Ok ok, old black men aren’t so zen in real life, yada yada, yella journalism. Jeeeez. But did you consider that for privileged young Jews like myself Morgan Freeman was basically Santa Claus? Grow a heart, ya jerks.
03.02.10 at 4:14 pm
the only thing that should surprise you about this story is the fact that his step-granddaughter isn’t white. that shocked the fuck out of me. i just hope he doesn’t end up in jail. sounds like she was pretty young when the shtupping commenced.
03.02.10 at 7:10 pm
Freeman is so white I wouldn’t discount his vulnerability to a little bout of jungle fever.
03.02.10 at 8:37 pm
What’s with the picture? I thought only my parents subscribed to Vanity Fair.
03.02.10 at 11:53 pm