I loved your post about Akon’s song where he says “Can you believe my fantasy girl is a Go Go dancer?” I’ve always thought pop music is hilarious because you’re basically listening to poetry by people who didn’t finish high school. Of course I can believe that Akon, you moron. It’s obvious what happened with that song. When he first heard the hook he said, “Da na nee nee fantasy girl is a Go Go dancer” and he stuck in “Can you believe?” later because it fit the syllables.
Popular music rarely stands up to any kind of lyrical analysis but it’s an obsession of mine. Have you heard the remix of “Why” by Jadakiss? As if the original song wasn’t retarded enough. The stupid questions (with no snappy answers) include, “Why Halle have to let a white man pop her to get a Oscar?” Is that why she got an Oscar? Isn’t she half-white to begin with? There’s also “Why they still hanging black bodies in Mississippi?” What? There hasn’t been a lynching in America since 1960 1968 (Mississippi since 1960). What the fuck is he talking about? Just when you’re head hurts from question marks, they bring in a remix with Nas to confuse us even more.
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(From Nas’ verse)
“Won’t we build our own airline, states, and highways
Fly to Africa, do some trades with Zimbabwe?”
Zimbabwe? Is he out of his fucking mind? He wants to take a Soul Plane to the poorest country in the world and buy what, rotten zebra carcasses? Somebody needs to buy this guy Google.
“Why do half America got AIDS?”
I remember reading on your site that Steven Seagal thinks the government invented AIDS to get rid of blacks and gays. Nas is in good company. By the way, about one 300th of Americans have AIDS.
“And why is Nas the best thing in rap since Chuck D?”
This is according to Nas of course.
“And why this record ain’t sell 5 mill yet
Jada’s as real as it get
Put my money where my mouth is”
This is my favorite line. Is he giving himself shit for not buying enough copies of this single? Please explain.
Sincerely,
David E
David,
Are you Canadian? Because long winters and a pretty good education usually leads to overanalyzing pop culture to the point of absurdity. This is why we’re funny but it’s also why we get on people’s nerves.
Sincerely,
SBTVC
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STREET BONER 1118
Just to be clear, this is not a hole in her tights. It’s a hole in the ass-time continuum that will swallow your entire paycheck if you go near it.
Bad Behavior has blocked 6060 access attempts in the last 7 days.
Man if he ever tries to take apart any of that bullshit rap from Atlanta or Houston, his brain will explode.
04.17.09 at 11:17 am
word. let some of the down south drop on your led. screw.
http://www.cafepress.com/jesushadballs
04.17.09 at 11:22 am
who cares what their saying? i like rap cuz i can dance to it and it make me feel tough when im driving
04.17.09 at 11:23 am
I always wondered with every rapper taking his album to the next level, what level are we at? I heard Nas is a level 17 Mage and has 6th level secondary necromancer attributes. He can cast Wither Soul at -76 HP.
04.17.09 at 11:35 am
I think rap is dope because I’m scared of black people
04.17.09 at 11:44 am
Shit, Nas trippin’, everybody know hiphop’s pinnacle is Rakim.
Nas couldn’t shine his Shelltoes.
04.17.09 at 11:45 am
This is called; Being really into something you’re really not into.
Oh, the irony!
04.17.09 at 12:00 pm
Scrutinizing a rapper’s lyrics is like ogling photos of a triple bypass surgery as you’re stuffing chunks of that weirdo’s Bacon-47 down your throat hole.
04.17.09 at 12:04 pm
holy fuck lyle just killed it and explained the rap phenomena o a t
04.17.09 at 12:21 pm
This was a weird post. It’s basically just racist and not funny. It’s also weird that Akon, Jadakiss, and ‘04 Nas are the only rappers you people have heard. Since when is Akon a rapper? How do you start a letter talking about pop music and then just shift to rap like it’s the same thing? Oh, because they both have black skin. My blunder. How could you ever consider the tool that wrote that well educated? And what music does have good lyrics? The fucking Beatles? Radiohead?
I’m glad you dumb motherfuckers don’t like rap.
04.17.09 at 12:22 pm
I just shit my pants.
04.17.09 at 12:39 pm
Well no fucking shit, BKBS. We’re talking pop music here, and we’re ignoring the exceptions.
04.17.09 at 12:50 pm
As somebody who used to listen to a metric ton of rap all day every day, I really agree with this post. Lots of “intelligent” rappers say some pretty dumb shit. Take that one Tribe Called Quest song, “Infamous Date Rape”. What the fuck is that shit? In fact, that whole fucking album is full of dumb shit that doesn’t make sense and really heavy misogyny. Fuck that album, and fuck rap (not made by whites).
04.17.09 at 12:51 pm
yeah, this is racist, like bkbs said. watch nastradamus drop some real knowledge right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F8lyAlRsjs
04.17.09 at 12:57 pm
Hasn’t been a lynching since 1960? Maybe google “Jasper, Texas” you hick.
04.17.09 at 1:02 pm
Also, I like a penis in my butt.
04.17.09 at 2:02 pm
dear author of this article: its called smoking weed, dancing with girls and having fun you fucking geek.
pretty sure my easter nite was more fun than yours, dickhead.
04.17.09 at 2:41 pm
Dear Tommy: Your ‘easter nite’ traditions are strange to me. Could you please write a rap song to explain?
04.17.09 at 2:59 pm
@ fleezel – ok:
It’s Big L and I’m all about taking funds
I’m a stone villian known for killing and raping nuns
Ayo I even kill handicapped and crippled bitches
Look at my scalp real close and you’ll see triple sixes
There’s no doubt I’m all about a dollar
I just signed a lifetime contract with the funeral parlor
This kid that owed me dough, I didn’t take his life
Instead I tied him up and made him watch me rape his wife
One nigga cold tried to diss me and that shit is risky
The nigga took a swung but he missed me
So I popped off mad chunks not junk
I spit in his motherfucking face and then walked off
Once a hottie shot me with a shottie
I died but then I came back to life in another body
The way I’m living is dead wrong
I’m a devil from Hell without the tail or the red horns
Killing is fun, I’m #1 with a gun
Front and get done, cause you can’t run from the Devil’s Son
04.17.09 at 3:19 pm
it’s about smoking weed and dancing you white devil, not about intelligent lyrics
04.17.09 at 3:20 pm
yeah ’cause Love Me Do and The Archies and Wild Thing and AC/DC and The Four Seasons and Boy Bands and every other form of pop music don’t have stupid lyrics too
04.17.09 at 4:43 pm
!HOMO ALERT! – u can catch aids from all the faggotry going on in these comments.
04.17.09 at 4:57 pm
I listen to punk rock because the lyrics are so good
LISTENNNNNNN!!!!!!!
04.17.09 at 5:00 pm
I listen to indie rock because its so original
WE DA BEST!!!!!!!!
04.17.09 at 5:02 pm
And I listen to eltroclash/pop because I’m a little bit gay
WE TAKIN OVA!!!!!!!
04.17.09 at 5:04 pm
seriously though, if you think jay-z is bad, you’re a fucking hoser
04.17.09 at 5:11 pm
end of argument
04.17.09 at 5:55 pm
“Eli Says:
04.17.09 at 1:02 pm
Hasn’t been a lynching since 1960? Maybe google “Jasper, Texas” you hick.”
Hick? Glad you displayed your anti-rural prejudice right at the start.
Jasper, Texas? You must be referring to the black man who was dragged to death by a truck-driving white. I remember that story. So do you. So does everyone, because the fucking media wouldn’t shut up about it, since they’re starved to death for real black-on-white hate-crime stories.
Try Googling the phrase “Patricia Stansfield” alongside the name “Christopher Coleman.” Coleman, who was black, dragged the white Stansfield to her death from a truck almost at exactly the same time the shit went down in Jasper, Texas. But you didn’t hear about that one, now, did you?
The lyrics in question say black bodies are still hanging in Mississippi, when the truth is that no one in Mississippi has been lynched in nearly 50 years. The lyrics in question deserved to be challenged because they’re fraudulent and whip up all sorts of unnecessary racial animosity.
04.17.09 at 6:13 pm
Oops! Make that “real white-on-black hate-crime stories.” There are oodles of real black-on-white hate-crime stories, but the major media, even though we know it’s fucking INSANE to allege their perspective might be biased, shies away from telling them.
Point being: getting dragged from a truck, whether it’s a black guy getting dragged in Texas or a white woman getting dragged in Illinois, is NOT a lynching, nor is it in Mississippi.
It appears that Jadakiss was watching “Mississippi Burning” and mistook it for a reality show.
04.17.09 at 6:29 pm
why you gotta hate on nas, huh?
04.17.09 at 6:52 pm
“buhloon mind state” by de la soul is a wicked smart record.
i bring the element H to the 2
so you all knew what’s comin’ when i’m rainin’ on your new parade
it’s just mind over matter
and what matters is that the mind isn’t guided by a ton shade
i keep walkin’ on the right side
but i won’t judge the left when he handles what i feel is wrong
cuz that’s how he wants to be
the difference see i wanna be like the name of this song…”I Am I Be”.
04.17.09 at 6:54 pm
“The lyrics in question say black bodies are still hanging in Mississippi, when the truth is that no one in Mississippi has been lynched in nearly 50 years. The lyrics in question deserved to be challenged because they’re fraudulent…”
The lyrics could refer to actual lynching… OR more broadly: to a continuing sense of discrimination, oppression, & disenfranchisement felt by those living in the twilight of Jim Goad (oops I mean Crow, Jim Crow). As in, “the ghosts of those bodies are still hanging” only that sounds a lot gayer than what Jada said. The point is: I dont know, & neither do you, and after all dude, its a fucking song, not a call to race war.
04.17.09 at 8:08 pm
^ I see you’re well versed in newspeak. Too bad you seem to lack mad irony skillz.
04.17.09 at 9:13 pm
I wish we could take it back to the late 90s, when some fucktard possibly named or affiliated with Master P had a little song that went “how ya do dat dere”. Dose dere da days.
By the way, everyone knows the high-water mark of hip-hop lyricism was “Clifton” off of Kool Keith’s “Black Elvis” album.
Slidin through the back of the do’
You didn’t see me in the midst, with my pistol, Ev Dog
Flyin heads is my job, I will clobber you
Walkin backwards, shoes and jacket turned around
Gloves on, opposite hands
Can you recognize me?
I wear Blu Blocker shades so you can’t see what I see
Holdin a mirror up, so I don’t run into nobody
but I don’t care, cause I know karate (HI-YAH!)
Vulcan Pinch and that Yoga too
Don’t you know I’m Stretch Armstrong in the flesh
with a mocha tan, and a criminal mind?
Like Chairhead Chippendale, yeah
Comedy? Yes, no? Maybe not
But if I got a lip don’t zip
Baggy jeans on, walkin through a crowded room
Avoid all contact with me, click boom!
People scatter stop that chatter they resort to screamin
Am I dreamin, drunk or just zooted out?
I need help call 9-1-1 pronto
My modus operandi is complete
One down, many to go, others to show
the argonaut is ain’t no fuckin circus sideshow
Ringling and Barnum and Bailey we are not
Wild Kingdom Mutual of Northern Cal
04.17.09 at 10:11 pm
could the black bodies hanging thing just mean niggers dying on death row? that’s what I thought of
04.18.09 at 1:54 am
country and punk have good lyrics sometimes
04.18.09 at 1:55 am
“could the black bodies hanging thing just mean niggers dying on death row? that’s what I thought of”
For the sake of the dark-skinned bleeding Jesus Fucking Christ on a popsicle stick, you’re really struggling to make excuses for a dumb and dangerously misleading lyric. If some cockamamie white band asked, “Why are blacks still assaulting whites in Chicago?” and was able to cite valid stats that proved a hundred whites were violently attacked by blacks in the past three months in Chicago, you’d be swarming on that shit for being “racist” and “delusional” rather than desperately seeking a loophole to excuse it.
But I’ll play along. Last person executed on Death Row in Mississippi was 20 years ago.
http://www.mdoc.state.ms.us/mississippi_and_the_death_penalt.htm
Why they still hanging black bodies in Mississippi? They ain’t, dumbass. They haven’t done it since 25 years before Jadakiss was born, but it doesn’t stop him from whining, nor does it stop faggy white hipsters from seeking to defend a transparently stupid and demonstrably false statement they’d never defend from a white person.
Fun racist-but-true stat of the day: In the USA, more than twice as many blacks murder each other every goddamned year than the aggregate number of blacks lynched in American history.
One more time: TWICE as many blacks are murdered by other blacks in the USA every fucking YEAR than were lynched in American HISTORY.
Roughly every two years, American blacks murder enough American whites to equal the total lynching tally of blacks in American history. (And let’s not forget that a third of lynching victims in American history have been white. Their hanging bodies don’t count.)
One more time for that stat, too: Every two years in the USA, blacks murder as many whites as there were blacks lynched throughout the entire course of American history.
Let’s see a black rapper with the balls to drop some “real talk” and “shtreeeet knowledge” about those ugly statistics.
04.18.09 at 3:09 am
I agree with Eli.
It seems racism rears it’s ugly head anytime a strong black man speaks the truth about white on black violence. Black children are terrified of going to school for fear of barbaric hate crimes being perpetrated against them (Google “Jena”), and black adults live in fear of police brutality (Google “Mumia”). This has to stop.
Racists always use FBI statistics to prove their point, even though it’s well-documented that many FBI agents frequent sites like Stormfront. Can we trust them? I don’t think so.
I hope the administrators of this site are collecting the IP addresses of the racist posters. I think it might be a good idea to add them to the “No Fly” list.
04.18.09 at 8:45 am
Oh my GOD.
Jena 6: A bunch of stupid bullies beat the living tar out of a kid who hung a noose on a tree after seeing a cowboy movie. It was clear the noose wasn’t a racial move but Sharpton ran with it anyway and turned a reckless assault into some kind of valiant act.
http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/1024/p09s01-coop.html
Mumia: A guy went to jail for shooting a cop who was arresting his brother for a crime he did committ. This is another reckless assault.
http://kikoshouse.blogspot.com/2007/12/mumia-still-guilty-after-all-these.html
I’d argue the real reason black kids are scared is idiotic liberals take every day cases of school bullies and cop killers and turn it into some war against the races from 50 years ago. Jadakiss is perpetuating this myth. Halle did not have to fuck a white guy to win an Oscar. It’s all a lie.
04.18.09 at 9:09 am
That’s what the White-owned media wants you to believe. If it weren’t for “idiotic liberals”, Black people wouldn’t be able to leave their homes without fear of being lynched, raped, or arrested by the police or the KKK.
I won’t get angry with you, since ignorance can be fixed through education. Let me educate you. Start by reading this site: http://www.adl.org/
When you are ready, I can give you more information to help open your mind. It’s not your fault — 400 years of institutionalized racism can’t be undone overnight.
04.18.09 at 10:18 am
This is Hattie McDaniel:
http://www.understandingslavery.com/citizen/scaled/3021bd72.jpeg
She won an Oscar for “Gone With the Wind,” which was made in 1939.
Here’s a picture of the cracker she had to fuck in order to get her Oscar:
http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlny/original/gavin_mcinnes.jpg
04.18.09 at 10:55 am
@ Rahmstein
It’s amazing how easy it is to guess the age of someone by their post. You sir are exactly 19 years-old.
04.18.09 at 11:37 am
lol u mad
04.18.09 at 3:53 pm
Noone feels sorry for you anymore. Shut up already.
04.18.09 at 4:05 pm
Every six minutes, someone is the victim of a hate crime.
04.18.09 at 4:32 pm
i liked the observation about pop music’s lyrics, but other than that, he was trying a little hard
04.18.09 at 4:46 pm
Dear David E -
Please learn the difference between the possessive “your” and the contraction “you’re” before you accuse others of being uneducated and/or dumb:
“Just when you’re head hurts from question marks…”
My are head hurts from your grammar.
04.19.09 at 9:08 am
A millionaire rapper sobbing about long-dead hate crimes serves the same purpose as, say, Bernard Madoff whining about the Holocaust—it deflects attention from the fact that, right here and right now, they’re acting like assholes and they aren’t white.
04.19.09 at 9:39 am
Pretty sure it was more than every six minutes, I mean, you have to hate somebody in order to commit a crime against them right?
04.20.09 at 6:28 am
no bad…
04.22.09 at 4:35 pm
[...] I thoroughly enjoyed your piss take on how bad rap lyrics are, I find the punk songs I grew up with often burn my now adult ears far worse. Have you ever heard [...]
05.18.09 at 1:17 pm