I can vividly remember the feeling I had after the first time I watched the movie The Football Factory. I had a tickle in my balls that I hadn’t experienced since the first time I wore my NWO wrestling shirt to elementary school and won my first fight. Or the first time I finger-fucked a girl on a park bench on a Friday night under the stars. After the movie was over, I immediately wanted to move to the UK from Southern Ontario (Stoney Creek), join a firm (didn’t matter which football club I supported, but preferably one whose firms didn’t lose a lot of flights), do bumps and beat the shit out of people.
Footballing, fighting, and fucking was my plan.
Then I realized I was a pussy and moved to Toronto to attend Theatre School, which I later dropped out of to take a trip to the Dominican Republic.
In DR I partied with a shit load of real hooligans. After spending a week with them, they told me that all the firms were breaking up because of “PANSY FUCKING HOLLYWOOD CUNTS TAKING A SHIT AND HAVING A LAUGH WITH OUR LIFESTYLE.”
Sometimes drunken Hooligans can be the only wise people left in this world:
Thanks,
-ERIC J.
P.S. I auditioned for the video above, but they said I was too pretty.
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ya cunt
03.17.10 at 9:43 am
I believe it’s pronounced “coont”. You’re welcome.
03.17.10 at 10:32 am
I usually just watch the games stretched out on the sofa. I don’t really want to be out there fighting and dying for some sports team.
03.17.10 at 10:51 am
Wow — those hooligans can really sing.
03.17.10 at 11:06 am
yoooooooou’re a wanker
03.17.10 at 11:14 am
whenever I hear “I’m forever blowing bubbles”, I think of Michael Jackson.
UP THE ‘AMMERS!!!
03.17.10 at 11:24 am
Come on Chelsea!!
03.17.10 at 11:29 am
Danny Dyer couldn’t beat up Ghandi in a phonebox.
03.17.10 at 12:10 pm
If I showed up at a Man U game and started singing “Glad to be Gay” would I be welcomed by the mates?
03.17.10 at 12:30 pm
‘I believe it’s pronounced ‘coont” You believe wrong. What’s a coont? Cunt.
Why can’t Americans get to grips with saying CUNT?
Cunt.
03.17.10 at 1:49 pm
Danny Dyer couldn’t beat up the music nerd.
03.17.10 at 2:35 pm
That’s quite beautiful. Too bad it had to be a fucking Puma ad.
03.17.10 at 3:23 pm
Dany Dyer is a homo…Football Factories:International is sorta OK. ANDz, what kind of homo comes out stoney creek? Ah yes, a homo who moves to teh big city(with 2 subways lines) OMG NIGGGGGA…relevant lifestyle in kensington market.
03.17.10 at 5:55 pm
those are spurs fans. come on you spurs!
03.17.10 at 5:57 pm
Anyone been to stoney creek wouldn’t think it’s a cakewalk. Place is hard. You don’t know fear ’til you’ve been chased by 5-10 rez grimes with nowhere to duck and cover.
The football factory film is very very lame. The book is titties. Read it, then make fun of the twats in the show.
03.17.10 at 11:44 pm
that video could be a scotia bank commercial
03.19.10 at 3:00 am