Skimming Cinemax today I stumbled across the 1974 movie Death Wish starring Charles Bronson, A.K.A. Mr. Stone Face Mustache. He plays a man who lost his wife due to some thugs who mugged her and snuffed her and now he’s pissed. Then JR from Dallas gives him a pistol and he goes fucking crazy.
What I don’t understand is why this guy ends up getting mugged every time he leaves his apartment:
“Hey, I think I’ll get groceries. *MUGGED*
“Ill take a stroll in the park.” *MUGGED*
“I feel like getting mugged.” *MUGGED*
I don’t get is why they chose him every single time. They passed tens of old ladies and didn’t even notice, and we all know those are the only people you can legally rob.
What I want to know is, what the fuck, New York? You’ve got more muggers than residents, midgets selling newspapers on the corner, and cops who let this obvious murder get away after knowing it was him leaving dead bodies all over town. I understand now why I haven’t seen a tourist ad on TV to come vacation in NY. I’ll stay on the west side.
-MIKE ONCLEY
heyelefante.com
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Ugh. Would’ve been better if I’d clicked on that million year old banner ad for 88-Keys instead.
01.26.10 at 9:20 am
pre guliani that’s how it was especially in the 70’s
01.26.10 at 9:58 am
stay on the west coast. we don’t need pansies like you anyway. actually, wait…we do. come over here and bring your wallet. our muggers need fresh meat.
01.26.10 at 10:00 am
murderER.
01.26.10 at 10:15 am
still not past the point where you realise your stoned ramblings are not funny to anyone besides you at that moment.
01.26.10 at 10:52 am
Bronzies daughter was raped in the first Death Wish
01.26.10 at 11:42 am
That’s a Sci-fi movie dude. Real New Yorkers aren’t allowed to have guns. We just get stabbed by kids now anyway.
01.26.10 at 12:28 pm
dude that was THIRTYSIX years ago during nyc’s bankruptcy.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/untergeek/17881729/
01.26.10 at 12:43 pm
Mike is if this isn’t an attempt at humor then Charles Bronson needs to shoot you and make your community a better place. Mike you’re asking questions about New York as it is now, based on a film made in 1974 about New York in 1974. Shocking isn’t it that New York was not an inviting place for overgrown man children to flock to before the Giuliani administration?
01.26.10 at 12:48 pm
You lost all credibility when you said you were excited for the MAcGruber movie. I found myself laughing at mugged, mugged, mugged, but the frame for the rest of your piece is too frail to hold any water to laugh at.
01.26.10 at 12:51 pm
it’s like asking why people don’t wear yankees outfits and beat each other down with bats like they did in the Warriors.
01.26.10 at 12:59 pm
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x211/juelzdahomie23/Warriors.jpg
01.26.10 at 1:02 pm
the only mugging going on in nyc these days is for the camera.
01.26.10 at 1:11 pm
you’re living in the past.
and if you’re staying on the west side, you’re living in the land of rapist cabbies and psycho drifters. i’ll keep new york, thank you.
01.26.10 at 2:25 pm
whoever wrote this was in a K hole at the time right? I’m not even from NY and I know that PRESENTLY after Guliani sent all your homeless here to Chicago that it’s not like that AT ALL anymore. Actually I wish it was I wouldve loved to watch some Porno after buying coke in Times Square than visit MTV studio. If you want to get mugged come here to Chicago. We do it right.
01.26.10 at 4:02 pm
new york was ranked the safest metropolitan city in the us, as of the end of 2009. so yeah. thats all that need to be said.
01.26.10 at 4:21 pm
for real; new york now is soft as baby bottoms.
01.26.10 at 6:21 pm
Who is it that is trying to bring 1970’s New York back?
01.26.10 at 7:20 pm
I just watched Death Wish last week. I like the part when Jeff Fuckin’ Goldblum is one of the thugs and he mouth-rapes Bronson’s daughter and all the thugs in the movie skulk around like they’re in West Side Story, all exagerated creeping and shit. Conservative gun nuts love movies like death wish because they’re basically 10 year old retards that fantasize about their daughters getting raped so they can jizz out their gun-holes.
01.26.10 at 7:59 pm
@ed koch, seriously it’s like a kid just moving to the Lower East Side and standing in Piano’s and asking where have all the baseball furies gone?
01.27.10 at 1:15 am