Dear Street Carnage,
Long time reader, first time e-mailer. My name is Daniel and I’m a 20 year-old student from Detroit. My best friend and I are coming to New York via Greyhound to visit friends and we’ve got very little cash. What’s there to do in New York when you’re underage and broke? Any advice would be good advice, we’re just looking to forget Michigan’s soul crushing economic depression for a few weeks and have a good time.
Thanks,
Daniel
Hi
My wife and I are taking to trip to new york from the 3rd to the 6th and more coincidentally then anything else we are going to be there for your independence day. Is there anything particularly entertaining going on that day? What do you folks at street carnage recommend?
I know there is a concert going on at battery park where I we could go watch jenny lewis (of “the wizard” fame) and be depressed by conor oberst but if there is something with more drinking and handheld fireworks? Maybe a cynical or ironic celebration of america that we can enjoy as visiting canadians generally confused by the concept of patriotism.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated as trying to find neighbourhoods to shop through and sifting through venues to find a good show to see have eaten up most of my planning time. I think the japanther deathset ninjasonik show @ lit fuse cyclery? Might be a must see.
Sincerely
Jacob Dean
Lucky for you guys, we here at Street Carnage just opened up a tourist agency that can help you with all your New York sightseeing, shopping and more!
Let’s start with you, Daniel. Underage, broke, and looking to get away from hordes of poor in Detroit? Sounds like you should walk around some rich New York neighborhoods. People with money build tons beautiful houses so you can check out the architecture and best of all, it’s free. Now you don’t want to take the beaten path and wander around the Upper East Side. Instead, take the subway over to Jamaica in Queens. It’s a little out of the way, but the subway ride is scenic and cheap (if you don’t have any money, just hop the turnstyle; we do it all the time and there’s really no risk of being caught). Unlike the monotony of the Upper East Side, the cobblestone streets of Jamaica are homely and the beautiful houses there have individual character. Just take the F train to Jamaica-179th Street, the last stop in Queens.
After a bit sightseeing, you’ll probably work up a thirst. Since you guys are underage, you’ll have to avoid most of the bars in the city ’cause they tend to card. This is where Brooklyn comes in handy. Take the 3 train to Saratoga Ave in Brooklyn. A short walk away from the station, on the corner of Chester Street and Dumont Avenue (ask anyone; people in the neighborhood tend to be friendly and helpful) there’s a fantastic dive bar named Manning’s. A pitcher runs for $8, they have great wings, and they don’t card. You definitely don’t want to skip it.
Now on to you, Jacob. It’s great that you’re going to be in town for the 4th of July ’cause you’ll get to see the fireworks spectacular! They’re launched from boats on the East River so you’ll have to be close to the water to get a good view. But you don’t just want to watch other people light fireworks–you want to light some fucking fireworks yourself! This is why you want to head to the south Bronx. If you take the 6 train up to Brook Ave, there are a bunch of little stores about that sell fireworks and you’ll be close enough to the water to see everything happening on the river. Don’t show up too early because you’ll obviously have to wait ’til it’s late to see the fireworks and there isn’t much else in the neighborhood to do to kill time.
It’s seems like you’ve already familiarized yourself with the city’s venues and the shows going on here, so we won’t waste any time on that. As far as shopping is concerned, there are two really great strips that will have basically everything you want, minus all the stupid “I (heart) NY” shit, which you’ll easily be able to find anywhere. The first strip is in uptown Manhattan, from 134th Street to 145th Street on Amsterdam Avenues. Records, clothes, whatever, it’s all there. The other strip is Myrtle Ave between Knickerbocker and Cypress. Tons of great thrift stores, if that’s your thing. Also, possible the best Turkish food in the city.
We here at Street Carnage hope this bit of advice helps you out. Please write back to us and let us know how New York treated you.
Love,
SBTVC
P.S. Feel free to drop by our office at the corner of East 4th Street and Avenue D in Manhattan. We’re in from 9 to 5, Monday through Friday. Maybe we can grab a drink together!
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4379 access attempts in the last 7 days.
Are you guys above the pharmacy or the H&R Block? Also, I saw a raccoon while taking a piss between 2 buildings near that stop in Jamacia. I was afraid it was going to bite my penis but I came out okay.
07.02.09 at 9:28 am
You guys forgot to mention the activities they have in Central Park after midnight all summer long. Duh!
07.02.09 at 9:48 am
HAHAHA “GO TO JAMAICA QNS”
i love that he’s just sending them to the ghettoooO~
07.02.09 at 10:05 am
STREET CARNAGE:
gettin people killed since ‘07
07.02.09 at 10:42 am
Canarsie has a really nice beach. Take the L train (best train ever, everybody is really good looking,) to New Lots & walk towards that group of really tall residential buildings that all look the same and are fenced in. If you get lost just go into any bodega. Make sure to wear blue, they love that color.
07.02.09 at 10:58 am
Man this joke never gets old. Between Streetcarnage and Vice I’ve only seen it fifty times or so and it’s still funny and fresh.
07.02.09 at 11:01 am
hahahahahaha @ “(ask anyone; people in the neighborhood tend to be friendly and helpful)” on Saratoga Avenue.
07.02.09 at 11:24 am
You guys are not getting any nicer.
07.02.09 at 11:38 am
this is over my head. i dont get the insider NY references.
07.02.09 at 11:44 am
Shooting fireworks in central park after midnight is a lot of fun. Make sure to dress nicely in case you run across any garden parties.
07.02.09 at 11:54 am
Jesus,
The old Queens gag works every time if you’re Clark Griswold.
07.02.09 at 12:25 pm
hahaha wait til’ it’s late and then go to the bronx, solid advice
07.02.09 at 12:29 pm
hahaha, ’cause he’s from Detroit.
07.02.09 at 1:00 pm
YOU ASSHOLES
07.02.09 at 1:42 pm
you guys are dicks. you’re gonna get some 20 year old beaten to death.
come to Toronto instead. take the Jane St. bus and get off at Finch. walk just a block east to Driftwood and see if anyone’s out on their porch. they’ll have beer to share.
07.02.09 at 2:44 pm
What a bunch of fucking stupid tourists. Trying to get to “know” New York like they’re gonna know it like me the true New Yorker. New York is totally the greatest place on earth because I can be surrounded by smug fucks who share the same opinions and inside jokes as me. I totally don’t even have to give a shit about understanding anything else because there’s nothing better than this! You should’ve told them to go to a gay bar, those fucking stupid midwestern retards who actually want to see the city.
07.02.09 at 6:18 pm
^ You are obviously some transplant that moved to NYC from some shitburg town and now thinks they are special. You are a tool.
07.02.09 at 8:05 pm
do what all other tourists do when they visit new york…pretend that your from here
07.02.09 at 8:23 pm
actually the ghetto-est training day/across the 110th street ghetto in all of new york looks like the set of fucking gossip girl compared to 75% of detroit.
07.02.09 at 8:42 pm
^ whoops, cap’n glitterfuzz already said that. o well.
07.02.09 at 8:45 pm
DON’T LISTEN TO THEM IT IS A TRAP!!!!!!!
07.02.09 at 9:20 pm
And don’t forget to go behind an alley, or back to your hotel room with one of the nice guys on Christopher Street. They talk a little funny but it’s just New York.
07.03.09 at 7:28 am
funniest part is that Amsterdam between 135th and 145th isn’t at all bad anyway. There is a college there. Albeit a commuter college, watch out for marxist minority students, agggg! Actually, CCNY’s campus is pretty nice, 137 & Amsterdam is the gate entrance.
07.03.09 at 8:27 am
I live in New Orleans(born and raised) and I’ve been pistolwhipped in the back of the head. I would walk though Harlem wearing “nigger” sandwichboards like Bruce Willis before walking through the projects here.
07.03.09 at 9:49 am
@Kennedy
I live in New Orleans too and never had a problem.
What brand of diaper do you use?
07.03.09 at 10:03 am
SBTVC are not from ny
09.03.09 at 11:50 am
YOU ACTUALLY JUST HAVE TO TAKE THE 6 TRAIN TO BROOK AND WALK 20 STEPS IN ANY DIRECTION TO HAVE A GREAT TIME.
02.04.10 at 6:33 pm