Ronnie James Dio or Prince?
Sincerely,
-Steffy D.
Dear Chris Nieratko,
Didn’t you shoot some interview for Jackass wherein Ronnie James Dio attacked you because you called him short or some shit?
Sincerely,
SBTVC
Dear SBTVC,
I did almost fight Dio. Spike shot the footage of it but Dio’s people got all the tapes back. I would have fucked his little ass up. So, in the matter of Prince vs Dio, my money would be on Prince. Even in heels.
Sincerely,
Nieratko
Dear Steffy,
We’re inclined to agree. As we learned in Purple Rain, Prince came from an abusive family and watched his dad smack the shit out of his mother on a regular basis. This plants a seed in a boy’s mind that grows into a beanstalk of battery when he is provoked. Our guess is Dio would appear to be winning but he’d get Prince in some kind of hold that would get Prince so pissed, he’d turn into the Hulk and come flying out of the headlock like a fucking tornado. Prince would not be able to stop so you better hope someone is there to pull him off and go, “Jesus dude, calm the fuck down. He’s unconscious.”
So, if you come from an environment where you see violence on a regular basis, at least know you are being trained to be a fighter of superhero proportions.
Sincerely,
SBTVC
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Prince is an amazing basketball player supposedly.
05.12.09 at 9:22 am
Yeah Jules, I think we all watched Dave Chappelle too. Brilliant comment. Does the lack of animal protein affect your cognitive skills?
05.12.09 at 10:02 am
@ vegan jules: Did you get that hot tip from Chapelle’s Show? Shit, I wish I watched DVDs of Comedy Central shows in college like you.
05.12.09 at 10:04 am
Jules, you should just go back to stealing your mom’s cash.
05.12.09 at 10:08 am
i heard that prince has a couple albums’ worth of unreleased songs just sitting in a purple vault. that sounds weird, i know, but he’s supposedly really into the color purple, but maybe i misread and it’s actually the movie the color purple that he’s really into.
05.12.09 at 10:09 am
Purple vault AKA your mom’s vagina.
05.12.09 at 10:11 am
I am sitting here, hitting refresh … Wait! vegan jules replied. I must reply quickly! “… your mother’s vagina.” fucking brilliant comeback! … Huh. I am having a funny feeling. Maybe the vegan jules I just replied to was actually a troll. Could it have been? Nah!
05.12.09 at 10:18 am
This one time I heard that Prince changed his name to some funny question mark thingy, like in the 90s or something. I heard the 90s were Kerrrrrrrrraaaaaazzzzzzy! He also wore a silver bluetooth ear piece before bluetooth ever got invented I heard that too!
05.12.09 at 10:32 am
Moar!!!!
05.12.09 at 10:46 am
my dad knew dio when he was in his teens and hes said he was a pussy, so this all sounds about right.
05.12.09 at 11:07 am
Dio is a pussy, Prince is a pussy magnet, and a heck of a guitarist.
05.12.09 at 11:19 am
Hey Vegan Jules, I heard one time that Prince could basically pick up any instrument and learn how to play it in a matter of minutes? He’s also good at making waffles.
05.12.09 at 11:24 am
wowzee, apparently all the guys have got their panties in a twist over vegan jules. i sense hard cocks beneath those feverishly-quick pounded out replies to him. carry on with your sexual tension, boys.
05.12.09 at 12:10 pm
Someone once told me that Prince plays nearly all the instruments on his albums.
05.12.09 at 12:42 pm
Word on the street is, Prince can sing in a falsetto.
05.12.09 at 12:42 pm
It is rumored that Prince keeps his genitals in a tight coil.
05.12.09 at 1:10 pm
I hear Prince eats Daytons like Now & Laters and shit…
05.12.09 at 1:41 pm
^^^Hah. I heard it from a hipster record store clerk while sitting in Cake Shop on Ludlow Street–not from Chappelle’s show.
Anonymous, you’re not a girl I used to date named Beth are you?
05.12.09 at 1:55 pm
Anonymous, you’re not me pretending to be a girl I dated, are you? Do you still have that eyeliner I let you borrow?
05.12.09 at 2:03 pm
If only my parents would have beaten each other!
05.12.09 at 3:53 pm
@ Vegan Jules: thats enough
05.12.09 at 4:01 pm
Vegan Jules, I really like your Myspace music page. I heard rumors that Prince played guitar on OVER 9000 of your songs.
05.12.09 at 5:35 pm
“Anonymous, you’re not a girl I used to date named Beth are you?”
no, i’m the dude who fucked beth when you were out working. that narrows your guess down to ten guys. take a guess.
05.12.09 at 6:28 pm
@ Anonymous
Lulz. Did you make babby with her?
05.12.09 at 6:38 pm
- You never dated any girl named Beth and you never dated any girl named Beth as a Anonymous commentor.
05.12.09 at 6:42 pm
@ Prince Dio
It should be “an Anonymous commenter.”
Moar lulz PLZ
05.12.09 at 6:48 pm
So the fight is tag team between Prince & Dio versus Vegan Jools & his Mom?
Is that it now?
$2 on Prince leaving with the MilfMeat.
05.12.09 at 6:59 pm
i now love vegan jules. by making one of the worst comments ever he has spawned the the best comment thread ever. Now i now how the mothers of rape babies-that -grow -up -to- be famous feel.
05.12.09 at 10:30 pm
my work here is done!
05.13.09 at 4:04 am
I heard Prince jammed with James Brown and Michael Jackson, took his top off and then knocked over a giant pillar and kind of fell over.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CoxNzOOoQU
Maybe he was on drugs. But I don’t know.
05.13.09 at 10:57 am
Can anyone prove that Ronnie James Dio and Rhea Pearlman are not the same person?
05.13.09 at 12:29 pm
@ vegan jules
“work” AKA “sucking lots of cock”
05.13.09 at 3:49 pm
I use to shit on Dio a lot but I’ve warmed up to him with his Heaven and Hell years with Sabbath.
Prince will still win though.
05.13.09 at 10:14 pm
Alright motherfuckers, here’s the deal –
First of all, to all those sons of bitches ragging on Vegan Jules for obviously repeating a Chapelle’s show bit – Chill the fuck out – like you didn’t walk around screaming “I’m Rick James Bitch” for weeks on end after that episode.
Imitation is the best kind of flattery, jive honkey!
Second, to Vegan Jules; no one gives a shit about your non-meating! Fuck your goddam beliefs, fuck your pussy assed name, and go to Saipan’s in Alphabet City for the best cock-smoking veal there is – FALL OFF THE FUCKING BONE, EXCEPT THERE ARE NO BONES, CUZ VEAL BONES DON’T DEVELOP CUZ THERE LOCKED IN A CAGE OF DELICIOUSNESS!
Third – this celebrity death match is bullshit! Ronny James Dio is a huge faggot faced fuck tart; I’ve seen him fight, he uses a big black dildo dipped in AIDS! Prince on the other hand never leaves his mansion without his trusted catapult-n’-cauldron-o’-flaming-tar (travel edition). Together with Morris Day’s jive-funk Gang of Bastards, what’s lil’ ole Ronald James Dioschultz gonna do, wave a rainbow flag of festive defeat!?!
Hey commentators, what did the five fingers say to the face?
SLAP!
Wiff yo bitch ass…
Anon. Q. Moot out -
05.14.09 at 12:05 am
you guys are mean
05.14.09 at 3:36 am
@ vagina jules
Let’s kisses and make babby.
05.14.09 at 11:15 am
u guys all suck
05.26.09 at 8:51 pm
Dio looks like my uncle-aunt Betty.
11.27.09 at 1:44 am