STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE » EPIPHANY #38 I’M SO GROSS

Hi you guys, my name is White Lightning and I sometimes have really horrible taste in Bone Fantasies.

I’ve always had umm slightly off-kilter taste in dudes but I feel like I can at least justify it sometimes with like, an explanation of his deep intellect or giant peen.

But I have one recent teevee crotch-throbbing crush that is possibly UNjustifiable and I TOTALLY HATE MYSELF FOR IT. But I feel like if I unburden myself of this gross truth here in this SAFE HAVEN* I might be able to sleep at night.

I totally want to do it with that OCD emo bowlcut kid on Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing.

I know.

I KNOW, OK? I know.

(First I guess I need to be comfortable with admitting that I WATCH M.D.L. I do. All the time. And I like it, for reasons that escape even me. I mean, I guess I watch it mostly because I dig CHAD and I want to TOUCH IT.)

Gross. I am so so so gross. He is like, totally everything I normally hate in a dude: He is completely self-obsessed and talks like a valley girl gets LASER HAIR REMOVAL ON HIS BACK and has a TINY DOG he calls STARLYCAKES and I get a sneaking suspicion that he might be a little bit dead inside. I am sure he wears concealer and his closet is probably alphabetically arranged by designer and color and ew, omg I hate myself.

I am such a sucker for that black shaggy tinyflip bowlcut. I can’t get enough of it. I think he is REALLY HOT YOU GUYS, I AM SORRY I CANT HELP IT.

OMG, his dog has a twitter.

Shoot me now.

-WHITE LIGHTNING
feelslikewhitelightning.blogspot.com

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This entry was posted on 11.05.09 at 3:38 pm by White Lightning. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 2.0 feed. You can E-mail it to a friend.

25 Comments

Jesus shit Says:

Shut up

11.05.09 at 3:44 pm
stoops Says:

um, i think the correct label for this little boys’ do is ‘lego hair’.
i suspect a lego man has more personality than he does, and may be a better lover than this chap as well.

11.05.09 at 3:46 pm
just a cunt hair away Says:

you like him ’cause you’re like him. now fuck off.

11.05.09 at 4:15 pm
fat zero Says:

dont listen to them u rule lightening lady

11.05.09 at 4:16 pm
drippy dog dix and cum bubbles or something Says:

I concur, fuck off.

11.05.09 at 4:19 pm
JuCIFER Says:

EASY.

Two words: FAG HAG

11.05.09 at 4:46 pm
loosejuice Says:

There are terrible. What are you, somehow simultaneously fourteen and from the cast of Clueless?

p.s. you have the worst taste in the world

11.05.09 at 4:57 pm
fighting women is easy and fun Says:

get away from the internet.

11.05.09 at 5:05 pm
Jimmy Fucking Carter Says:

If the way you talk remotely resembles the way you write, then you are perfect for each other. TOTALLY LIKE PERFECT.

11.05.09 at 5:43 pm
B Says:

Oh WL.
It seems that some dont understand your unbelievable awesomeness and biting wit.
Trust me, I do.
Also: I feel for you sister. Dude man is def douchey… and yet… gahhhh no…. I too am being sucked in by the bowl cut…

11.05.09 at 6:20 pm
PORKCHOP SANDWICHES Says:

They’re gonna be laughing at that Brady Bunch hairstyle in the near future.

11.05.09 at 6:51 pm
You're Killing It! Says:

Set up an email verification for comments, it’s time to separate the men from the boys.

11.05.09 at 6:58 pm
Penis Largo, DDS Says:

If HIV wrote a love letter to AIDS for Valentine’s Day, it would read similar to this blog post.

11.05.09 at 7:39 pm
fat zero Says:

i think this guy is gross, but i agree, these pussy ass commenters are worse. i love you wl.

11.05.09 at 7:40 pm
Satan Davis Jr. Says:

Just think of Rod Blagojevich.

11.05.09 at 7:46 pm
random bro Says:

I read your blog all the time. You rock. Fuck the haters!!

11.05.09 at 9:21 pm
Yvettie Says:

Oh I watch it too and I love it too..him and all his ridiculousness. I do have to say Josh is my favorite though :/

11.05.09 at 9:48 pm
skeeter Says:

yeah, i watched mdl stoned for an hour and was completely fascinated by this d bag. i was confused or something. maybe seeing some emo dude on mainstream tv is odd.

11.05.09 at 9:58 pm
Clayton. Says:

This was really funny, especially because I was reading it thinking you were a gay dude. Sorry. Now I’ll just scroll up.

11.06.09 at 12:30 am
Gayboners Says:

Yeah, I thought it was a gay dude thing too.

11.06.09 at 7:03 am
moth eaten deer head Says:

Its because you’re also a self obsessed cunt…

11.06.09 at 7:38 am
mimi Says:

The 16 year old canadian turds commenting on this site make me tres fatigue.

11.06.09 at 7:47 am
Dork Says:

Lust away; it’s not like you will ever get close enough to him to bone him. It’s not like you are going to marry him.

11.06.09 at 3:27 pm
A.H. Says:

I feel you WL!!
I also had a wee bit fantasy about him.. because he looks exactly like my ex but not the same personalities at all!

LOVE YOUR BLOGG!
xoxo

11.08.09 at 5:01 pm
la kinkajou Says:

WL i think you’re hilarious, and i get your HUMOUR. don’t let those a-holes get your down. they’re just not as cool as you.

11.09.09 at 1:59 am

STREET BONER 1677

You can keep your California girls. I wish they could all be breathtaking slobs who don’t give a shit.

E-mail it! | 7 Comments

STREET BONER 1676

I don’t care how he died. I still think that cheetah is a lucky fucker.

E-mail it! | 16 Comments

STREET BONER 1675

Black people never smile in photos. Even when they’re dressed like gay crusty clowns.

E-mail it! | 16 Comments

STREET BONER 1674

Way to remind us of that incredibly irritating woman from The Coffee Party.

E-mail it! | 4 Comments

STREET CARNAGE is mostly a website that features street fashion critiques called STREET BONERS and compilations of bad television called TV CARNAGE. The site also has a blog, a radio show, and regularly features video shorts made by Gavin and Derrick.

STREET CARNAGE is also a live presentation you can have in your town where Gavin shows a Street Boners "Best Of" and Derrick shows his latest TV Carnage endeavors.

STREET BONERS will eventually be compiled into a huge book which will feature hundreds of pages of Boners as well as contributions from Chloe Sevigny, Debbie Harry, Fred Armisen, Tim & Eric and many more.

Derrick makes videos for various bands as well as his own movies. His most recent project is called "Cop Movie" and is comprised of about three dozen different cop movies and he also has a workout video coming out that is made up of a million disgusting workout tapes. Gavin does freelance writing for TV, film and magazines and they both do funny acting stuff as well as other hilarious video shit we'll tell you about later. They are both dicks.