I got my MacBook a little less than two years ago. It has that built-in camera thing, and for some reason, I’ve felt compelled to take pictures of myself looking like absolute, dog-shit hungover when I wake up in the morning. That photo above was taken this morning.
This one was taken on my 28th birthday. I had gotten the worst wig-like haircut the day before and I cried for about two hours, ordered two $50 bags of coke, and got shit housed alone. The day of my birthday I was so wrecked and tweaked out that I canceled my party plans and watched TV on a blanket on the floor.
Totally another coke hangover. I guess I was still wearing a bra by the time I finally fell asleep.
Coke hangover #3. I can tell by my hair in this one that I had so much energy to burn off at the end of the night that I had one of those nights where I decided to clean the entire house and organize my junk drawer. That’s task hair, right there.
The tree in the background would suggest that this was taken after my office Christmas party last year. And that would mean that this was my last-ever coke hangover, because after that night—in which I ended up with my boss and some other gays at a gay strip club at 5 AM and got hit on by a male stripper named Otto who, oddly enough, was not gay and wanted my phone number, and I accidentally walked in on a hand job in the bathroom, but ignored the two guys jerking off next to me, because taking a bump at the moment was so important—I never touched the stuff again.
Look at how much more chipper I am when I’m hungover from booze alone.
I’m not the only one affected by my difficulty with moderation. My dog gets just as ugly, laying around, waiting for me to get my act together. Doesn’t she look like Burl Ives?
She bit my boob last week when I wasn’t wearing a bra and she seriously fucked it up. It’s healing OK now, though.
After I quit doing hard drugs, I had the brilliant idea that I would quit hard liquor, too, and only drink wine, because that was more ladylike and I wouldn’t get as wasted. WRONG. The hangovers are way worse, and you get crusty, purple lips.
And a stained, dehydrated tongue.
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you should kill that shitty dog for biting you..nice fat tit, though..
11.07.08 at 11:00 am
yup – coke hangover is the most depressing shit ever.
nice bloody breast though…mmmm…
11.07.08 at 11:02 am
Winebender gives you the shit breath for two whole days. I think wine drunk makes me feel A-OK and the hangovers are sharp and hateful but I feel like Arturo Bandini when I get ‘em. Or a divorced auntie. Or hooman shite.
11.07.08 at 11:07 am
go on with the coke… you looked way better those days
11.07.08 at 11:19 am
redwine hangovers are the worst.. they start before you even hit the bed
11.07.08 at 11:21 am
gross
11.07.08 at 11:31 am
The blowover, as we call it, is exactly the same sensation as waking up knowing you murdered a mother of four last night. You looked pretty hot in all of them, btw.
11.07.08 at 11:32 am
amazing and inspiring. i have this same gross-self-portrait-taking impetus as well.
@ bad news,
totally totally right. i want to start bar fights and black out on the murphy bed.
11.07.08 at 11:44 am
WHAT?!?!?!?………………………ever
11.07.08 at 12:20 pm
if you put the tit pic at the top i could have saved myself some time and not read this shit.
11.07.08 at 12:22 pm
Look how hot I am when I’m looking gross!
11.07.08 at 12:29 pm
Except for the 2nd to last one, I think you look hot. I like the hangover look. In the 2nd to last one you look like the girl in that junkie poster I stole from rehab (remind me to show you, it’s awesome).
11.07.08 at 12:41 pm
wine hangovers took their toll on me finally and now i have to take relax pills YES
11.07.08 at 12:43 pm
Jesus… Bummer. You remind me of my roommate. I hope you aren’t doing this after you hit the big 3-0, because that would be extra pathetic. Get a grip. A little extra effort and a little less feeling sorry for yourself and you might actually have something.
11.07.08 at 12:48 pm
“That’s task hair, right there.” So awesome.
11.07.08 at 1:05 pm
lol at duder
11.07.08 at 1:19 pm
Red wine does not give me hangovers — somehow. I think it depends on the quality of wine…or maybe I drink it so often that my body doesn’t struggle to metabolize it.
11.07.08 at 1:35 pm
this is off the charts boring. you’re ending coke story is record breaking boring. but you have pretty hands.
11.07.08 at 1:54 pm
your pretty hot
11.07.08 at 1:54 pm
i’m sorry. your.
11.07.08 at 1:57 pm
Why isn’t this on One D? Guhh..
11.07.08 at 2:19 pm
coke hangover use to make my bones ache and crack when I first started. Now after 6 long years it just makes me so depressed I can’t leave the house for a few days. I way prefer the bone cracking thing!
11.07.08 at 2:23 pm
can we c ur boobs more?
11.07.08 at 3:41 pm
[...] Street Boners and TV Carnage: faces of death, my hangover pictures [...]
11.07.08 at 4:49 pm
actually you look hot in all of those. I kinda wanted to start beating off, then the last shot with your tounge sticking out… well, um. yeah I beat off.
11.07.08 at 5:06 pm
you look the worst in the wine ones
11.07.08 at 5:44 pm
I would suggest you lay off the booze too and stick to the occasional percocet and pot. From the looks of it, you’re 28 going on 40.
Fewer face shots, more tits.
11.07.08 at 6:27 pm
oh god why am I jerking off … it was supposed to be sad
11.07.08 at 6:28 pm
hey, cokehead girl… you´re cute. my email is rdijehan@bol.com.br, tell me rest of the story…
11.07.08 at 6:53 pm
Wow! I’ve had Burl Ives in the ethers of my memory since childhood yet could never remember his name or in what movies I’d seen him. I only vaguely recalled his kindly presence and singing voice. Thanks, Slut Machine.
11.07.08 at 7:03 pm
i do this too, on my macbook
11.07.08 at 7:50 pm
YOUR DOG SHOULD BITE YOUR LABIA NEXT.
11.07.08 at 7:56 pm
Raymi?
11.07.08 at 8:16 pm
i LIKE WHAT FRANK SAYS
11.07.08 at 8:26 pm
Alala Lala Lon Lon Li don
11.07.08 at 8:33 pm
It’s nice that someone mentioned this. As a doctor, I would just like to inform you all that “moving on to wine” is the worst thing you can do. Like: if you come home everyday and have a couple double whiskies (or whatevers) you most likely won’t make it far past 70. If you come home and have half a bottle of wine everyday, you’re on your way to cirrhosis by around 60.
(unless you have a strong constitution)
thanx
11.08.08 at 2:13 am
Also, don’t forget to get at least a pint of Coca-Cola (regular strength) in you first thing in the morning. Not so easy on a wine hangover.
11.08.08 at 2:20 am
I jerked off to it – you are very hot. best post of the week besides blognigger
11.08.08 at 11:00 am
Pete, how the hell would whiskey be any less hard on the liver than whine? Seriously, not a doctor.
11.08.08 at 12:54 pm
Clearly he is not a doctor. He’s just a fucking sad sad man imposing as a doctor. The fact of the matter is that alcohol is alcohol. The alcohol from whiskey,vodka,rum etc. is not going to damage anything in your body any less than the alcohol in wine. Why? Because it’s the same thing. The benefit in wine comes from the lack of preservatives and artificial sweetners and the presence of antioxidants and polyphenols.
How much your liver is damaged is all dependant on how much alcohol it has to process, not what type of beverage contains the alcohol.
Fuck you, Pete.
11.08.08 at 1:06 pm
Sorry if I offended anybody from the wine community.
11.08.08 at 10:12 pm
GIRL. I don’t care what anyone says. You look good all the time.
11.09.08 at 4:10 am
hangover picture number 2 looks fantastic whatever you were on was a recipe for hot
11.09.08 at 7:18 pm
Coke hangovers are the pits, but red wine hangovers are not to be messed with. I used to laugh at my mom when she would get drunk from one glass of wine, but then I started drinking wine more often and I realized how harsh that stuff can be. Plus, the hangover feels like you are waking up after taking a Benadryl.
11.09.08 at 8:04 pm
That’s totally true. I always wondered why my body rejects wine so much more passionately than other booze.
11.09.08 at 10:13 pm
You guys are fucking pussies. What wine are you drinking? I never get bent off of wine.
11.09.08 at 11:10 pm
Really? Which alcohols do turn you into a gay?
11.10.08 at 5:43 am
Chicks get fucked over on wine because they drink it like frat boys drink draft beer. They just bang it back without the tube and funnel setup.
11.10.08 at 6:46 am
I like your engagement ring. Your fiancee’s parents must be so proud.
11.10.08 at 9:07 am
This is the shittiest street carnage post ever.
11.10.08 at 12:18 pm
more tit biting please– i officially have a crush on this one
11.10.08 at 5:05 pm
Everyone got to throw in their 2 cents it seemed, at least the chick can fill a 0.50 cent rollup from all the cunty blogs and knock those fuckin losers out that could not resist the dumbfuck inside being dicks spewin verbal diherrea. I thought the story was funny at least, I dont get the blow-overs like the past, they royally fuct with your mental image for at least a few hours after waking! and.. As long as you werent doin that bump off some fagotty dick, then considerin your a chick, who gives a fuck. End story. Moral of the lesson… NEXT.
11.18.09 at 7:46 pm
[...] Street Boners and TV Carnage: faces of death, my hangover pictures [...]
06.21.10 at 11:10 pm