I used to sell drugs. I thought it was an awesome way to make money, meet coke sluts, and generally party for free along with being invited to the party as that guy who’s gonna bring the party. I thought it had all these perks until you actual get into the practice. It’s not exactly what it’s all cracked up to be and let’s say I gave myself a quick retirement.
If you ever thought about getting in the business yourself as a black market entrepreneur because you saved up a lot of cash, make sure you’re not a drug addict yourself, smoking and snorting all your revenue. That’s a no-brainer, but also consider the following:
1. YOU MIGHT GO TO JAIL
Duh. That’s the #1 thing you’re worried about as slinger. As soon as you get that brick of weed, coke, or that pharmacy in a bag, you become that guy looking for black helicopters and developing code words for various paraphernalia. You’re now a Winston Smith hiding from Big Brother. But you know what? You have every right to worry. There are various ways you might attract the attention of the police and they don’t give a fuck about warrants and privacy since the Patriot Act, so once you catch their eye, you are kinda fucked. The stress itself gets kinda gay and the major cost of selling drugs is peace of mind. You will be spending all that money money you made on a good attorney to represent you when you’re being indicted with possession and intent to distribute.
2. YOU MIGHT GET ROBBED / KILLED
I really wasn’t too paranoid / vigilant about this until I got jacked. You have two ways of selling drugs: You either deliver or have people stop by your house to pick up. Both ways have their pros and cons. You either run the risk of letting sketchy people know where you live or having drugs on you, thus risking getting caught by some cop being a dick and frisking you. As a drug dealer you are a criminal and guess what? You are attracting other types of criminals and thugs. These guys don’t give a fuck about pointing a gun at your face or pulling a knife on you and taking whatever you got, whether that’s drugs or whatever else is on you or in your place. I’ve known a handful of guys who have gotten robbed either way. So you are dealing with being mugged or risk experiencing a home invasion. And what the fuck do you do after that? Call the police? And a word of advice: A good way of avoiding 90% of all potential robbery and jacking is not dealing with niggers or other races who aren’t as white-washed as the next token hipster. So yeah, if you don’t wanna be racist, don’t deal drugs.
3. IT’S NOT THAT MUCH MONEY
If you live on the West Coast in states like California or Oregon, being a pot dealer is like selling snow to Eskimos. The capitalism of the black market of drugs has the same trappings of all other businesses. It’s supply and demand, and right now the market is flooded. Unless you are a major player investing in dozens of pounds of marijuana at a time, you are barely gonna break even selling the green. Besides, you won’t be selling weed fast enough to make rent. You are also competing with all those other guys who sell better strands. Don’t even think about making it out in California or Oregon selling pot. It’s fucking pointless. You can flip a good amount of money selling blow, but then there’s this other problem …
4. YOU’RE ALWAYS ON CALL
Expect to find out which one of your friends are total cokeheads once you start selling yayo. They’re gonna be the ones giving you repeated calls or knocking at your door at 3 AM because they still wanna “rage on for the party.” By the way, about partying: Most of the time you are trying to stay sober because you don’t wanna fuck up the math during transactions and be short changed 50 bucks or whatever. It’s fucking lame. Most of the business is based on getting calls while you’re running errands. And you don’t wanna disappoint them do you? Because sooner or later they’ll find someone else who will give them the candy they want and forget your flakey ass. Fuck. There goes your clients.
5. DON’T BE THAT GUY.
Wow dude, so you never got caught. Good for you. Now you’re a 30-year-old loser selling drugs to make ends meet. Seriously, you wanna be that guy? Hell, if you some how “move up the ladder” in the drug business, it’s more of a likely chance you are gonna get caught by the police / Feds / DEA or killed by rival drug dealers. The odds don’t look good for you any which way and being “that guy” isn’t really all that cool. Certain people will look down on you for being a drug dealer and probably cut you off socially while certain people are gonna be your “friend” to mooch drugs off you. It’s not a cool thing. Besides, it takes some street smarts to be a drug dealer. A good one anyway. You might as well use that intelligence to find other means to make money, otherwise you get whatever is coming to ya: jail or death. You’re Your [thanks, Super Broker] choice.
-EX-DRUG DEALER
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yea
03.03.10 at 11:01 am
uhhh, you don’t get “indicted” for possession w/ intent. doubt they need to convene a grand jury for the fact that you’re selling coke.
maybe this should have been written by someone who’s not a complete fuckwad
03.03.10 at 11:08 am
holy shit! on your capitalism/pot point it becomes clear this article was written by a 15-year old. the only people that deal in weight and make money grow the shit you fucking idiot. have you even done drugs, let alone sold them?
03.03.10 at 11:13 am
Thanks for the advice, cool guy.
03.03.10 at 11:21 am
What is with Street Carnage and their fucking obsession with how well written or terribly written this crap is? It’s fucking Street Carnage, what do you expect? Take it for what it is and use your fucking three year English Lit. degree to finish the fucking crossword.
03.03.10 at 11:22 am
Sneaky Leaf? Oh wait, nah, he’s in NY and probably dead/in jail by now (anyone know?)
03.03.10 at 11:23 am
@ChuckMySuck, I can’t just accept that “you’re choice” at the end of this piece. It’s so retarded it’s like a piss-take of shitty writing; I’m like, is somebody fucking with me?
03.03.10 at 11:34 am
Let’s pretend they are some meta motherfuckers and float away on that cloud of self-satisfaction.
03.03.10 at 11:49 am
@ModelCitizen:
Yes. You can be investigated and indicted by a grand jury for dealing any controlled substance, especially if you have been being clocked by the cops while their confidential informant made several contolled buys off your ass while they built a case on you to be presented to a grand jury.
03.03.10 at 11:52 am
This writer signs off like he were Nancy Reagan.
03.03.10 at 11:53 am
the other problem you neglected to mention is that when you’re dealing, your professional adult trajectory basically stops so once you quit dealing and try to re-join the workin world, you’re basically the same 19year old retard you were when you started dealing. only now you’re 29 and the last job on your resumé is fucking flipping burgers part time, after school, at the local burger joint. yeah, that part sucked…
03.03.10 at 12:18 pm
This article is dead-on and surprisingly well written. It’s hard to write about a subject that can put you in the pen for a dime without actually going down for said dime in the process. Good job keeping it legit without sounding like like a PSA.
No to mention, it probably feels good to get this shit off his/her chest. There is the occasional drug dealer who is not a total fucking c*nt and who is very aware of the harmful shit he/she does. What is a criminal anyway…are pot growers criminals? Not where I live.
Anyway…cue the haters mashing keys on mommy’s keyboard. You’re adorable and I love you too.
Thanks for the article.
03.03.10 at 12:22 pm
Around here, drug dealers seem to be mutant white trash mongoloids, which are infinitely more scary than a thugged out black turd.
My reasoning behind this is that the white trash mutant is more likely to rip your dick off with a telephone cord while simultaneously microwaving your girlfriends dismembered head in his trailer.
03.03.10 at 12:29 pm
“You are choice?” YOUR choice, damn it.
03.03.10 at 12:47 pm
Sorry but this is so true, dealing drug is good for a minute but never turns out to be a good thing in the end,
03.03.10 at 12:48 pm
and yes if your white make sure you stay in your race or hipster college kids or you will get jacked.
03.03.10 at 12:51 pm
Someone’s gotta do it.
03.03.10 at 1:18 pm
Also, do you give talks at schools as well? Seems like you were living the real fucking life out there bro
03.03.10 at 1:19 pm
ehhhh–meh?
was the olympic hockey final any good? i missed it.
03.03.10 at 1:26 pm
@Capt. Obvious: I am mystified by your comment. His point about California seemed pretty common sense to me. Weed is essentially completely legal there, with supply easily satisfying the demand. This ultimately makes it a harder market to excel, and reap great profits, in. Do you disagree, or were you trying to make some kind of point about that being so obvious that it goes without saying? Also, I have known plenty of people in my time who handled large quantities without ever having grown a single plant. Where are you from?
03.03.10 at 1:41 pm
my dealer friends all have real jobs too…
03.03.10 at 1:55 pm
nick diamonds from islands
03.03.10 at 2:10 pm
please don’t discourage drug dealing. how will i get drugs?!!
03.03.10 at 2:20 pm
also, ChuckMySuck,is seriously right!
03.03.10 at 2:22 pm
I am impressed by this.
03.03.10 at 2:35 pm
I like how most of the conversation here centers on the “you’re choice” at the end – which is really fucking stupid – and not the massive N-bomb right in the middle, which he attempts to justify by pointing out that he’s racist, and you should be too, if you want to be a good petty drug dealer.
03.03.10 at 2:43 pm
^^ my movie-talker-detector is going off.
03.03.10 at 2:49 pm
He didn’t even get into the nightmare of how to report this on your income tax or what to say about your “line of work” on a resume or job app. Talk about feeling hunted. HAHAHA
03.03.10 at 3:57 pm
thanks for the post you racist white piece of shit
03.03.10 at 3:58 pm
thanks a lot you dick sucking fag
03.03.10 at 3:58 pm
racist scumbag on the internet calling people niggers, fucking coward
03.03.10 at 3:59 pm
easy there john. getting mad at people saying ‘nigger’ on this site is like trying to convince rosie o’donnell to give you a bj: ie, really stupid and not worth the time.
03.03.10 at 4:05 pm
entirely accurate. one of my friends was killed for owing $ to a dealer he was slinging for.
03.03.10 at 4:51 pm
I briefly experienced, and saw all of this in my time as a ‘raver !’
Pretty spot on the money I’d say
I’ve had a resonsible job paying tax for 20 years, but I can still remember those six months.
A bit fun but a lot of shit to deal with.
03.03.10 at 5:09 pm
I was a drug mule for this guy in leesburg(NJ LOCKUP). I had 4 vials of heroin in my ass. Anyways, While in line waiting to get in to see my boo, a shoving match started. I got all caught up in it and wound up falling on my ass, breaking all for vials in my rectum. I start to convulse on the ground,foam and shit comin out my mouth and nose. AND MY ASSHOLE WAS BLEEDING terribly!!!!!! They rushed me to a hospital where a nurse noticed the blood. She told a doctor and By the Grace of God, they did a toxicology test and realized why I was having the seizures. LUCKILY, The policeman on duty had an emergency and never got the paperwork of the incident. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Moral of story: DON’T CARRY DRUGS IN YOUR RECTUM? It almost Killed me.
03.03.10 at 5:53 pm
man people are such haters.
this is relatively factual account for everyone who maybe hasn’t been a loser drug dealer and maybe doesnt do a whole lot of drugs. fuckin give the guy a break.
i have been known to use the wrong “yore” occasionally… and i sympathize.
yes i probably spelt sympathize wrong.
03.03.10 at 6:23 pm
Sorry guys. I had a lapse in proper grammar. Didn’t know that ruined everything for you guys.
03.03.10 at 6:40 pm
Stop snitchin faggot. This article is gay. Written probably by some rich boy who sold drugs for a week cause he watches too many movies and fantasized about being a mobster. While his mommy supported him the whole time anyway. Now he pretends to be an ex-drug dealer to impress his other rich faggot friends and naive 17 year old girls. I know this is the internet and you feel safe enough to be the punk you are, but that’s a gross violation and you are gonna get fucked up. If you did used to sell drugs forget it ever happened and don’t mention it ever or we’ll come for you. Don’t try to talk about street shit on the internet to impress your college buddies or we’ll come for you. Eat shit and die pig.
03.03.10 at 10:28 pm
You tell’em, girl.
03.03.10 at 11:14 pm
This all seems to be in order. Good day sir.
03.04.10 at 12:55 am
“please don’t discourage drug dealing. how will i get drugs?!!”
seriously
also “you’re niggers are better than most white ppl i know”
BIG FUCK DEAL
03.04.10 at 1:03 am
Scumbag. I’m now in fear for my life. Now I regret trying to impress all my friends in an anonymous blog post. I’m so sorry I broke this sacred Man Law. Please forgive me oh Lord of Internet Street Cred. I’ll tell my mom you said hi.
03.04.10 at 2:35 am
the N-bomb was messed up and you sound like a douche
(not like me…)
03.04.10 at 3:44 am
I’d rather be racist than I don’t know… have a gun pointed at my face.
03.04.10 at 4:23 am
I think the robbery part is a threat until it actually happens, in most instances. Like when I had a shotgun pumped and pointed at me for ten dollars’ worth. I had a thousand dollars in my breast pocket and a thousand dollars in my wallet, and a half lb in my backpack, which I was holding at the time. I knew something was wrong before it happened. I was laughing afterwards, but my roommate got indignant and went out and emptied his little checking account to go buy a gun. Obviously, if people actually want you dead, the types of people and firearms pointed at you will be very different.
03.04.10 at 6:46 am
I like how the guy that got sand in his vagina about the use of the word ‘nigger’ ended up calling the author a ‘dick-sucking fag’, like that’s any better or something.
Maybe he should go ‘pump iron’ with his bros or something… y’know, to work out all that aggression.
03.04.10 at 8:24 am
This article exposed that the commentors on this site are for the most part under twenty.
03.04.10 at 11:49 am
“I like how the guy that got sand in his vagina about the use of the word ‘nigger’ ended up calling the author a ‘dick-sucking fag…”
Sand Vagina is probably also too primitive of a thinker to realize that calling the author a “white piece of shit” tends to knock his anti-racist soapbox out from under his feet, too.
03.04.10 at 2:36 pm
Also, the spaces on either side of the forward slashes are unnecessary.
03.04.10 at 2:59 pm
Should that sentence read, “[Drug dealing] not exactly what it’s all cracked OUT to be…”?
03.04.10 at 11:40 pm
[...] Ex-Drug Dealer – “Five Things for Prospective Drug Dealers to Consider” [...]
03.07.10 at 2:35 pm
Gay
12.30.10 at 5:01 am
Can we have a Take 2 on this please?
Or even, maybe, a breakdown from all the different types of dealers (weed, coke, H, E, GHB, PCP)? Because I’m sure the stress and the anachronisms are different for each type of drug you’re dealing. Most dealers I know have been jacked at some point in their careers, and it’s so funny because most don’t think it’s going to happen to them until it actually does. I mean, you’re carrying around more than 5 grand in cash or in product and tons of sketchy people KNOW that… how is it NOT going to happen? What’s funny is, in 2 of the cases I know about, the thieves didn’t even show their weapons… they just scared the dealers enough to make them part with their shit through sheer intimidation… funny if you’re not the victim, but if you are I’m sure it sucks afterwards (“well did you SEE his gun? No? ummm…”)
All that said, I think I’ve yet to see a really good movie about low-level dealing and what it’s really like (forget about big-timers, ie Johnny Depp in Blow or Scarface or whatever, that’s all Hollywood bullshit), the only one that sticks in my head is Light Sleeper, with Willem Dafoe and Susan Sarandon, directed by Paul Shrader…. not a bad movie but it probably looks out-of-date/80s now…
01.25.11 at 6:32 pm