I woke up today and I hated everything. I looked around my bedroom and I hated everything in it. I looked at my girlfriend and I hated her because she doesn’t understand me and she never cleans the bath after she takes a shower. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and hated it. My nose is too fucking big.
Today may as well be “Hate Day.” Here’s a list of other things I hate:
OPTIMISTS
Life isn’t amazing. People get cancer and AIDS and other diseases, and then they die. How can you constantly look on the bright side of a turd? Wake up and smell the shitty denial, you doofus. Your glass is half empty and the rest is piss.
—
KIDS
What is their purpose? Why are they here? You can’t hold a decent conversation with them and you’ll go to jail if you let one of them give you oral sex. WTF? If I had a magic wand I’d wave it so all the little cunts could disappear once and for all. I’d be like the Nazi version of Harry Potter.
—
FAT GIRLS WHO HAVE REALLY PRETTY FACES AND ONLY TAKE HEAD SHOTS FOR SOCIAL NETWORKING AND DATING SITES BECAUSE THEIR BODIES LOOK LIKE SHIT
Hold up, WTF just happened? I looked at your profile and I fell in love. I thought you were the most amazing woman ever. Your eyes are fucking amazing. They make me want to make myself throw up so I can grab a hold of my soul and show you all my aspirations, doubts, and fantasies. You tricked me, you fat piece of shit. That’s not cool.
—
POST-90s BLACK MUSIC
What was that? Biggie got shot!? And ‘Pac, too!? Fuck!
—
SEX
I’m so over it. The best part is when you break your virginity and the first year after that occasion, or when you try to make someone who doesn’t want to do it, do it. And no, I DO NOT mean rape. That couldn’t possibly be fun, could it? The older you get, the lamer sex gets. It’s just too much work. Girls always want you to give them orgasms and “rock their worlds.” I’d rather just jerk off. It cuts out the middle-man and all that “is she pregnant / do I have AIDS?” bullshit.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4351 access attempts in the last 7 days.
lame.
02.02.10 at 11:23 am
I agree completely with the third one. Total fucking bullshit. I always refer to those as “Myspace Photos”. Horrible. LIES!!!!!! SO MANY FUCKING LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
02.02.10 at 11:33 am
I hate teens. I hate old lady’s who walk their fat, entitled asses onto the subway as soon as the door opens, and before allowing anyone else to exit. I also hate the people who insist on moving over to the subway door a station ahead of their stop. Relax cocksucker, unless you have to drag your legless body out of the subway, there will be plenty of stop time for you to make a safe and courteous exit. I hate heartburn, corporate acronyms, shits where it takes forever to get my ass clean, and a bunch of other stuff.
02.02.10 at 11:39 am
i h8 h8
02.02.10 at 11:43 am
oh cool, when’s the love issue coming out?
02.02.10 at 11:52 am
I had to be nice to fat girls several times for an hour because they had gorgeous eyes.
02.02.10 at 12:31 pm
who cleans the tub after every shower?
02.02.10 at 1:00 pm
Not after EVERY shower, but it would be nice if she cleaned it once in a while, I mean COME ON
02.02.10 at 1:17 pm
SEX:
how about when you think you finally have a good thing going on and then your girl is like, i like to be tied up and gagged and paddled etc etc etc. and you’re like, in theory, that’s sexy, but really, can’t we just bone without having to complicate everything? please?
02.02.10 at 1:32 pm
poor joe.
02.02.10 at 1:56 pm
I hate Jews. It was okay to say it back in the 20’s and I respect the traditional values that made this country great.
02.02.10 at 2:32 pm
Very nice stupid post
02.02.10 at 2:33 pm
StyleSlut!! aw , man that shit takes me back to being 16, with my 30gb ipod full of the horrors in my aa duffel, being told i had corey kennedy hair n taking it as a compliment. good times.
02.02.10 at 3:04 pm
As someone who actually has Down(’s) Syndrome, I prefer the more accurate, Goad Syndrome.
Also, I just pooped myself.
02.02.10 at 3:44 pm
I posted that comment on the wrong blog post. What the hell happened to my internet?
02.02.10 at 3:45 pm
I laughed out loud pretty much the whole time, Awesome!
02.02.10 at 3:49 pm
that girl in the misfits shirt looks alright to me. i don’t care if she’s half octopus from the waist down.
02.02.10 at 3:51 pm
#6 – This r’tartded post
02.02.10 at 4:43 pm
When I read “ou’ll go to jail if you let one of them give you oral sex. WTF?” I started laughing so hard the girl next to me in the computer lab freaked out.
02.02.10 at 4:45 pm
who are you fucking that uses the term “rock my world”?
maybe you should hate writing blog entries. that, i would love.
02.02.10 at 6:01 pm
short sweet and hilarious. I hate Northface jackets, people who ask “What do you do?”, bubble talk, professional sports mascots, girls with stink eye, anyone on an iphone while hanging out with me, guys who talk about girls they almost boned and people who think they are so fucking clever and thank you before you do them a favor (like I’m gonna fucking slow down and let you cut in front of me to get to your fucking Wholefoods because you pretend your my buddy while instead i hit the gas and give you the finger and laugh in your face hoping to ruin your selfish fucking day (happened today, really hit a nerve)).
02.02.10 at 7:30 pm
stoops, i just read your comment and it made me blow a snot on my keyboard when i read ‘octopus’. thanks
02.02.10 at 7:32 pm
@homeless, what’s “bubble talk”?
02.02.10 at 8:08 pm
pretty fat chicks who only take head shots are only second-worst to scantily butterfaces wHo TyPZ lYkk D1s
02.02.10 at 9:26 pm
i hate when billy cox comments on his own shitty posts.
02.02.10 at 9:52 pm
a rant about the myspace angle fatgirl headshot? how 2004
gaygaygay
02.03.10 at 12:16 am
“shits where it takes forever to get my ass clean”- thats a big one
btw i could deal with lame bod for a nice tit and pair of heads but just for the eyes is a crazy!
02.03.10 at 1:50 am
who gave all you D graders a login to post these trash articles?
02.03.10 at 5:06 am
bubble talk is when someone needs to clear their throat but instead just keep talking like nothing is wrong, I always end up making throat clearing sounds at them , but they usually don’t get the hint, my mum does it all the time, it makes me want to run down the street punching side view mirrors off of cars
02.03.10 at 9:39 am
What about food?
You have to eat it EVERY day. It costs money even if it’s shitty food. And it makes you have to shit a few times a week.
What could be worse than that.
02.03.10 at 1:28 pm
only a vegetarian would say something like that
02.03.10 at 2:17 pm
I hate people who ask a lot of questions.
02.03.10 at 3:19 pm
Dear Donald
I have no quarrel with life itself. Life IS amazing, it’s just society that bitch slaps you everyday. And if it weren’t for death you would take living for granted, but something tells me that you haven’t learned that lesson yet grasshopper.
02.03.10 at 9:14 pm
Chubby girls with pretty faces are kinda my type. Is that weird?
02.04.10 at 3:41 am
Bubble talk is an affectation meant to convey fearsomeness and authority. Like fight face, it’s obvious that all implicit threat is fake.
02.04.10 at 5:28 am
how did i miss this? awesome stuff.
lately i hate people with petitions. always trying to be napoleon king shits and changing things to their own little pissy way.
02.05.10 at 9:22 pm
i hate fat chicks who hate you just because you’re thin. fuck you dumbo, stop eating and you can be thin too. not that fucking hard, lazy gunt.
02.05.10 at 9:23 pm