As you may well know, I have had a long-standing battle with the AMI and their No Beard rule. They call it the “Spousal Compromise” because they assume the ONLY reason someone would add a beard to their mustache would be because their wife told them to.
I sent them this video, which makes it quite clear that there are several reasons one would have to grow a beard, the most obvious one being to hide deformities. They ignored the video and refused to budge.
Imagine my glee then, when I discovered the president of the AMI in a bar here in New York. I showed him face-to-face why I need to disguise my face and he was blown away.
After experiencing first hand what a beard can do for the handicapped, the AMI issued the following statement: “Due to recent events and pressure from our membership, the AMI is currently reconsidering its No Beard policy. Please stay tuned for further updates.”
Not since Harriet Tubman got to sit at the front of the bus has there been a greater leap forward for all of mankind. Vive le Any Means Necessary! Revolution has come!
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zach just shaved his beard in SNL
03.09.10 at 11:52 am
you did it for the lulz.
that was pretty fucking funny dude.
03.09.10 at 12:09 pm
from the front you look god. just always face people and you’ll be fine.
03.09.10 at 12:10 pm
Finally those motherfuckers couldn’t stand in the face of reason any longer.
Down with those fascist dogs.
03.09.10 at 12:12 pm
funny but it ended too soon. i hope they don’t change for you. your approach to this smacks of modern day socialist/lesser people entitlement. what they are is clearly stated in their name. why make them lower their standards just because YOU are crippled? i personally feel very confused these days about facial hair. right now i’m sporting a goat with a good bit of side stubble. this is what i call MY compromise. i don’t really like goatees because they’ve become sort of white trashy and remind me of ass pubes around a big asshole with teeth. i don’t really like beards because people always think you’re hiding something or that you’re a hipster or a Muslim or maybe even all three. and i don’t like mustaches because of the way gays own them. as for going commando with facial hair, i look fine and everything (women always encourage it, of course) but feel like such a total pussy when clean shaven. my basic problem is that i hate shaving and love facial hair but feel culturally unrepresented by all the options. that’s pretty fucked, isn’t it?
03.09.10 at 12:18 pm
@Che – “face” of reason?
Maybe you also meant “face-ist” dogs.
03.09.10 at 12:45 pm
That made me laugh!! Bravo!! Hosannah!!
03.09.10 at 12:49 pm
I shaved the beard on my clam into a Fu Manchu with handlebars. It is shocking!!!!!
03.09.10 at 12:51 pm
rofl that copter
03.09.10 at 1:01 pm
this made my morning.
03.09.10 at 1:18 pm
Hey Gavin…perhaps when you are simply rocking the ’stache, you try NOT making stupid faces and just sit there like a normal(ish) dude.
03.09.10 at 1:18 pm
This has been done to death, but I laughed when the AMI dude poked your lack of chin. Funny.
03.09.10 at 1:36 pm
Gavs, love how you tracked down Dr. Stash. You know, you should be a Private Dick instead of just a public one. P.S. You shave in the bar again and you’re banned.
03.09.10 at 1:53 pm
I can’t grow a beard or moustache cuz I’m an american indian! Stop whining Gavin and the rest of you hairy mofos!
03.09.10 at 1:58 pm
Gavin, you’re getting so much mileage out of your millimeter-deficit chin! So much from so little.
03.09.10 at 2:05 pm
A Fu Man adds irony to the whole thing, which I think is also a kind of compromise. Having a moustache is about having balls, which is about not pandering to the ‘ironic’ elite, which is about having a Chevron.
03.09.10 at 3:05 pm
Wait, Vane$$a is man??
03.09.10 at 3:11 pm
hahahahaha u got a simpsons head
03.09.10 at 3:47 pm
^Hahahahahahaah
03.09.10 at 4:12 pm
Good Shit.
03.09.10 at 4:46 pm
Whatever. The “president of the american mustache institute” is a fag. Homeboy doesn’t even have a good ’stache. He has an unconnected goatee, which has become one of the least respected styles.
You see “the handlebar” a lot during idiotic events like “mustache march,” when dudes grow mustaches (actually, they just shave their beards) who don’t normally have the balls or originality to go it alone. In my experience, dudes who only have staches during organized events usually aren’t very witty.
I have heartburn now.*
*For the record, I have worn a curly moustache for nearly 3 years now.
03.09.10 at 5:09 pm
You looked like Beaker from the Muppets
03.09.10 at 5:36 pm
@homeless
Maybe she was talking about her pussy hair? I heard it’s pretty thick and pliable.
03.09.10 at 6:16 pm
congrats
03.09.10 at 7:16 pm
I too was following the tweets of the American Mustache Institute!!! How weird is that?
03.09.10 at 9:45 pm
godspeed you black emperor
03.10.10 at 1:29 am
the emotional godspeed you! black emperor was a nice touch
03.10.10 at 7:39 am
I see London, I see France….
03.10.10 at 2:16 pm
@ BILLY COX: You’re right.
http://www.geekologie.com/2008/03/24/homer-as-human.jpg
03.11.10 at 4:07 pm
Best use of Godspeed possible.
03.11.10 at 7:03 pm
Insanely good
03.12.10 at 1:49 pm