One of the 2 fires I’ve seen here in 9 years.
When Flavor Flav said, “You got to shut that garbage off” he was talking about soap operas but how about those fucking fire alarms going every half hour, every night of the week (BTW the irony of that song, now that Flav is the spokesman for terrible television, is almost too sweet to bear). I’ve lived in New York for 9 years and I’ve seen about two fire-engine-worthy fires that ENTIRE time. Despite this low fire rate, I have heard, on average, about three fire trucks blare their fucking 10,000 megawatt sirens every single goddamn motherfucking night. That’s about 5,000 alarms per fire. Doesn’t quite add up. So the other night, I completely lost it, ran down the stairs, got on my bike and chased one of them. The fucking thing was full of dudes careening down the street honking and wailing like the headquarters of America was on fire. When we finally got there (near a restaurant in the L.E.S.) we see an ambulance slowly taking out one of those wheelie stretcher things from the back. The fire engine had stopped next to the ambulance to block traffic because I guess tons of ambulance workers get run over every time they stop to help someone? Thank God four streets were blocked so two guys could cross at a crosswalk that had a walk sign anyway.
I asked the ambulance guys what was going on and they said, “Someone’s having cardiac arrest.” Then I asked the fire guys if there was a fire and they did this tough guy thing that had a “Who wants to know?” kind of vibe. I said I live around here and am worried. He then changed his tune and said they were there for the ambulance and will probably leave soon if they’re not needed. He seemed annoyed by the ambulance like they called him there for no reason. Now, if you’re used to combing garageland with your bullshit detector you can tell when someone is full of shit. The way he tried to push this whole thing on the ambulance REEKED of someone who had been caught in a scam.
Here’s the scam: These assholes know they’re overstaffed. They know their funding will be cut if they don’t drag that truck out and flash it around the block a few times. So, they link up with ambulances and make their machine scream it’s fucking head off every night as a way of saying, “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it.” Cops do this too. They noticed their funding went up when more arrests were made, so instead of simply scaring bad kids when they were called into school, they actually started filing arrests. This led to stats that had “youth crime” skyrocketing (it isn’t). Hence the biggest police force New York’s ever seen. Of course, nobody wants to go near shit like this because since 9-11 everything’s all 9-11y and NY’s Bravest and Finest can do no wrong. Well, they’re doing wrong.
So, the next time you are in your apartment trying to watch a movie, and the loudest vehicle in the history of noise goes by, know you are paying good money to be annoyed for no reason. Thanks guys!
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
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Very insightful. A+
07.15.08 at 11:40 am
ask anyone who has been forced out of their building by the fire department, most likely they were robbed. also, after 9/11, century 21 was looted, jewelry stores were robbed, and many businesses were robbed as well. its been going on for years… lock your doors if you are ever forced out for a fire alarm. cops won’t go after their buddies and the media doesn’t want to shed a dark light on the heros
07.15.08 at 12:47 pm
i live right by a fire station and it’s supposedly about first response; when somebody calls 911 any emergency vehicle in the area has to flip on the siren and get their asses over there, as all cops/firefighters also have cpr/first aid training.
that’s what they told me when i walked by and asked them one day, anyhow.
07.15.08 at 12:58 pm
i think you mean “combing garbageland” not garageland, that couldn’t be new york
07.15.08 at 1:25 pm
Gotta agree, all the Guido Axe-Penguins I know are entitled assholes.
07.15.08 at 3:12 pm
hey spellcheck you forgot “ENITRE”
07.15.08 at 5:23 pm
A garbage can directly outside of my building was set on fire one night. I noticed it first because- lucky me- my bedroom window is 3 feet above it. I was alone in my apt and sort of freaked out, so I called 911 but tried to explain that the situation wasn’t dire and just 1 fire extinguisher (which I did not have) would probably do the trick. In the meantime I started carting jugs of water to help the flames die down. In a few minutes, three blaring firetrucks came. Three, people!! One of the fireman explained that they’re pretty much required to show up full force like that. I felt bad wasting their resources, but according to this, I guess they didn’t mind!
P.S. Some crazy midwestern tourist lady walking got in my face and yelled at me for calling ‘all those trucks.’ What’s with that?! I should have thrown the water on her.
07.15.08 at 5:26 pm
Firemen really are assholes too. If you don’t believe me go talk to one.
07.15.08 at 5:41 pm
It’s actually written into the code here (Providence, RI, NOT NYC) that fire and paramedic both have to arrive on scene– even when it’s a crackhead calling about her broken toilet (my former neighbor).
It’s ridiculous, but this is: late-stage labor unions + nanny state + sue everyone– even the city– if my shit goes bad.
07.15.08 at 6:13 pm
That’s funny, apparently in Boston the firemen use our tax dollars to tie eachother to chairs with caution tape and send the chairs out into the middle of the street. Maybe all the trucks were gone and they wanted to block the street anyway.
07.15.08 at 9:01 pm
I guess I kind of understand the First Response thing but can an ambulance not radio someone in the convoy of apartment-sized trucks and say, “I got this”? It works in baseball with outfielders. Better yet, how about a 9-11 call comes in and the ambulance calls the fire dept if they DON’T got this? There are basically no fires in New York and firemen make up 60% of the local population.
AND they fucking stand in traffic with buckets in their hand asking for change. I already gave you change. It’s called “the highest local taxes in the world.” These are people with a job where plenty of them can hold down an extra full time day job! Tell me another career where you can ALSO own your own bar and be there every day well-rested and ready to work. I guess one day a month they’re a little groggy after that garbage can fire that got them up at midnight. Just like the rest of us.
Not saying there shouldn’t be firemen or they have to be abolished or they don’t see some really gnarly shit or risking your life is boring. Not saying that. Just saying they are doing pretty well for themselves and it would be nice if they could shut the fuck up while I’m trying to watch a movie.
GET THIS: AS I’M WRITING THIS, A FIRE ENGINE IS GOING NUTS IN THE BACKGROUND. SWEAR TO GOD. 9:12 PM KENT AVE. BROOKLYN.
07.15.08 at 9:06 pm
GET THIS!
Between the gun rants and the tax gripes, I half expect to see you brandishing an aluminum cane next show.
07.15.08 at 9:30 pm
But I totally feel you on the buckets in traffic thing. And I like the outfielder analogy. “Yo la tengo.”
07.15.08 at 9:31 pm
Oh, for fuck’s sake, would you rather be living in 17th century London, or worse? Get used to it, you utterly spoiled bohemians. Buy some earplugs from the corner drug if you must but otherwise thank your lucky stars that we live in such luxury. You’re setting your irony sights too low. Stick to criticizing street fashion and covering Fear or move to to Idaho, please.
07.15.08 at 11:55 pm
Ride the t-train express to Realityville.
Thanks, Dr. Phil!
07.16.08 at 12:33 am
thank you for reading my brain. i too am sick as hell of being woken up by screaming loud ten car and helicopter entourages en route to absolutely nothing. kind of difficult to get over waking up with someone’s penis yelling in your ear on a semi nightly basis.
07.16.08 at 1:45 am
At least you hear them coming.
07.16.08 at 2:08 am
Does uh… anybody remember the firefighters getting fired after 9-11 for wheeling
there fire trucks around to the bars looking for ass? I think this phenomenon happened all
across America. Definitely a brilliant way to meet women, I mean drunk girls + thinking your a hero = laid.
07.16.08 at 2:53 am
That’s useful!!Live down town and bitch about the FUCKIN noise!What does the club you live over (that was there before you?)also make to much noise when your sleeping?Does alcohol give you a hangover?WAAHH!!
07.16.08 at 3:11 am
This is just to let y’all know how it works out here. The FD is controlled by the city directly and paid for by taxes and the ambulance (or EMS) is run by an external company which makes its profit from insurance claims ($700+ per one way ticket to the hospital not including supplies used) Firemen must know and be certified in all the same stuff as an ambulance operator (EMT) and must arrive at the scene so that the city has its ass covered, and the ambulance is just your basic Doctor’s office on wheels.
It could be worse, some towns out here don’t have the funding for firemen and have to rely on volunteers.
07.16.08 at 3:17 am
… they’re heroes, y’all.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7547703255133751898&q=providence+kickball&ei=GKJ9SMb0MqXoqALYycyECw&hl=en
07.16.08 at 3:27 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL1TI90AOkQ
07.16.08 at 4:37 am
OVERGROWN JOCK (HP 1000) equipped with AXE and HERO COMPLEX casts LEVEL 99 NOISE on NEIGHBOURHOOD.
07.16.08 at 9:58 am
incredible article! fuck firemen!!!!
09.11.08 at 8:08 pm
Oh you trolling jackass. yeah yeah firemen suck. Of course you probably already know that firemen are the first responders to any emergency. They are all trained in cpr and first aid and if you call 911 to say your friend is having a seizure or heart attack or whatever, guess who shows up first? Yes, the firemen. “Why them? why not the ambulance?” I hear your insipid minds asking. Because there are more fire stations in the city than ambulance garages. The firemen show up first because they are almost always closer than any other help. You might get woke up a couple times, but when you are in a car accident, or jumped by teenagers who slice you up with boxcutters or choke on your morning danish on your way to work, you will be happy that the fireman showed up and saved your life.
01.03.09 at 4:43 pm
to lol@u, you are wun dumb twat, obviously not of your examples have ever happened to you either, becouse if they had you would know that cops show up first becouse they are on patrol in every substantial neighborhood, and they have the same training as firefighters.
01.20.09 at 10:36 pm
This is totally true. And if they are injured, they sue the cities for ‘undertaffing’ etc.- I know 2 firemen in PDX that play vollyball, make chili and read playboy every 2 days and make 100k+
02.10.09 at 1:40 pm
holy fucking WAHHHH…i hope you catch on fire.
04.23.09 at 7:24 pm
I’ve seen the fireman at my local firehouse drunk as shit in the middle of the day, having fist fights. I also always see them at the grocery store spending our tax dollars on like 500 steaks for their dinners (I betcha they grocery shop for their families on our dime, too!).
Its all union stuff, job protection, stats, quotas, funding, legacy, pension plan, fat ass American bullshit. Its an amazingly inefficient system and waste of resources.
04.24.09 at 1:52 pm
[...] read they fake runs to get more [...]
10.14.09 at 8:17 pm
The ‘first responder’ argument is valid – early cpr saves lives. Also, though dispatchers have systems to help delegate the necessary resources without overdoing it, they often get limited information from the caller (you ever call 911 wasted? so have i). So, your guy having a cardiac arrest could have been locked/trapped somewhere that would’ve required a (ladder) truck company to make entry, help lift the 400 lb. fucker, and help hold shit down that the public doesn’t know much about. Sure, lots of fire alarms are BS, but you have to treat every one like it’s the real deal, or what’s the point? Thanks to dispatch systems, there are also a shitload of calls without lights & sirens that you are less aware of.
Gavin – if the ambulance “has shit under control”, they can & do cancel other responding units.
The boot thing irks me to no end. If your department does their fucking job, the public will want to send them money. Except for you fuckers downstate, we’re mostly volunteers, and we need money.
10.14.09 at 10:28 pm
firemen saved me from a car wreck, sans arm, in 2005 because they were the only one’s who received the 911 call from my out of service phone. that’s how emergency dispatch works you ignorant fucks. if you just want peace and quiet move your tired shit to the burbs.
11.20.09 at 5:30 am