TRAFFIC SIGNS AND SIGNALS ARE FOR EVERYONE
DMV (Manhattan): This photo was taken with an iPhone in about one tenth of one second. They are really strict about pictures at the DMV because a lot of planes come in and out of that place and people could plant a bomb or hijack them or whatever. You can’t really see this but in the bottom right corner a small piece of white paper says, “Traffic Signs and Signals Are For Everyone.”
Once again we’re forced to sit on a rock like The Thinker and ponder the question, “What the fuck does this ad mean?” Either they are trying to say: you need to obey traffic signs because you could hit a gimp and gimps are people too OR they’re giving the guy in the wheelchair shit for thinking he is above the law. Um, drivers have obeyed signs based on how many handicapped people are on the road about as often as handicapped people have ignored red lights and gone into traffic with a chip on their shoulder — which is never.

DOROTHY LYNCH DRESSING
St. Paul (Nebraska): It may be easy to love this salad topping but how hard is it to find an artist under 80? Who fucking drew this Al Jaffee’s great grandma? That guy looks like a wet homosexual from The Monkees who makes his own clothes but doesn’t really know how. The bottoms appear to be some kind of snow pants that stay up by themselves and his shirt is so polyester and cheap looking you can almost smell the b.o. from here. We get it Dorothy, your dressing is from another time, another world. You don’t need Alfred E. Gary Neuman over here to drive the point home.

DAVIDSON HEARING AID CENTRES
Ottawa (Ontario): Apparently Dr. Davidson’s son knows how to use Photoshop and has been pretty good at it for over a week now. It’s great to be able to use paths and layers and “transform-scale” there kid, but what the fuck does this picture mean? Davidson hearing aids are so comfy and form-fitting it feels like there’s a guy in your ear? Nobody wants a tiny doctor’s hard dress-shoes pushing up against their antitragus with his ass parked on their tragus and his optimistic-but-awkward head jutting out of their crus of helix. It’s painful and disturbing like it would be if Tinkerbell was drunk.

RESISTENCE
Williamsburgh (Brooklyn): If the FBI come up to your tiny, shitty apartment in what is known as the hipster capital of the world, SLAM THE DOOR. If you answer questions about your cool neighbors being Al Queda the feds will start throwing everyone in jail and next thing you know we have gas chambers and holocausts and World War III and oh lord, don’t even get me started.
Oh, they haven’t come to talk to you? Wait, they wouldn’t in a million years? Okay, well, if they ever do just promise me you’ll slam the door.

Related posts:

1. TV CARNAGE: B.H.M.™ PRESENTS – WHITE PEOPLE WALK FUNNY
2. 42 FUNNY JOKES
3. OPEN MIC: THE SEQUEL TO THE FUTURE
4. DEAR STREET CARNAGE: DIVERSITY GUIDELINES
5. PUNK MONDAYS: MY OLD PUNK BAND STILL RULES