You know that digusting Texan who was evicted from their apartment and left mounds of garbage and cigarettes and brown scum everywhere? The pictures made the place look like the worst living conditions in the world. However, I’ve lived somewhere similar.
I was in between apartments and sublet a room in Bushwick, Brooklyn from these girls in this band, a revolving door of couch crashers and their random one-night-standers. The apartment was known as “The Twat Squat.” There was so much furniture that there were coffee tables stacked on coffee tables and chairs stacked on chairs. But there was no garbage can, so empty food containers, cigarettes swimming in curdled milk in coffee cups, and 40 bottles were on every surface, so there wasn’t really anywhere to sit. If you did manage find a seat, then you probably had to move one of the dirty spoons or vibrators that littered the living room. I rarely, if ever, slept there, and would only return to get some clothes to bring back to my ex-boyfriend’s place. On one of these trips, I walked into the apartment and thought they’d gotten a cat or something because the whole place smelled like animal piss. We later found out that the apartment was completely rat infested, and the rodents were urinating and defecating everywhere. There was this plastic hamper that was filled with DVDs (because why bother buying a media storage shelf when you can just keep your dirty clothes on the floor with the rats?), and there was so much rat piss in it that it had collected into a small pool. One night, one of the chicks there woke up and a rat was eating her hair. True story.
I can’t find the original folder of hi-res images, in which I had photos of the piles of rat poop, insects in the bathtub, and empty kitchen cabinets (because the dishes where always dirty). Above you can see the girls’ house rules that they had framed on the wall:
1. If your dick ain’t working, bet your mouth still is! (It ain’t gonna lick itself.)
2. Don’t stop til you geterdun! (Or the lady doth protest.)
3. Just ’cause you made it in here doesn’t mean we’re gonna fuck you. We may just wanna smoke your weed.
Yeah.
Think you can top it? Send us pictures of your disgusting living conditions to sbtvc@streetcarnage.com
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4416 access attempts in the last 7 days.
you notice how all these shitty messy apartments belong to girls? I once drunkenly went home with a random girl at a party, and the next morning when I came to and saw her apartment, that shit looked like Afghanistan! What’s with the girls that don’t know how to clean up after themselves?
09.24.08 at 1:04 pm
Rat Piss??? Is that fo real? I always think people confuse rats and mice (which I have, even though I am fanatically clean and pay lots to live in my apt). To really have A FUCKING RAT in your house is so fucking disgusting I’m gonna cry. Is this a Bushwick thang?
09.24.08 at 1:45 pm
Imagine the smell of those vaginas.
I can almost excuse a filthy dude, but a girl?
09.24.08 at 2:01 pm
This is where STIs come from. Enter at your own risk.
09.24.08 at 2:21 pm
Yeah, you think we’re bad. Imagine the smell of those vaginas.
09.24.08 at 2:39 pm
That’s why we’d eat the ears.
09.24.08 at 2:39 pm
I wish I had pictures of the house I lived in for a couple months. When I first moved in, there were twinkies tied to strings hanging from the ceiling that were being used as beebee gun target practice. Other than that, though, it wasn’t that bad. Read: There were definitely not pools of rat piss collecting anywhere.
09.24.08 at 2:48 pm
I recently shared my place with a woman that was simultaneously dirt poor, utterly shiftless and completely out of her gourd. She got me to allow her to move in with an elaborate lie about how she was a painter and needed more space to work on larger pieces than her studio apartment would allow. I quickly discovered that there were no paintings to speak of, nor did she have the intention of ever making any. There was, however, more worthless shit than I’ve ever seen in one person’s possession in my entire life. In a 3000 square foot space one had to navigate via narrow channels carved into the mountains of junk.
09.24.08 at 3:45 pm
Yeah, I second the grossest appartments always belonging to girls for some reason. Knew a girl back in college who had an apt so filthy that the ice in the ice tray in her freezer had those little gnat / fruit fly things that start appearing in your house when you leave food out too long FROZEN INTO THE ICE CUBES. You know, like the fly in the fake ice cube you might buy at a gag shop, but real.
09.24.08 at 3:48 pm
What kind of audacity does it take to maintain such a shithole and then post rules demanding free drugs and good sex? Again, only girls get away with this shit. I recently had a questionable one nighter with a girl like this and the rotten milk smell nearly turned me temporarily gay.
09.24.08 at 4:18 pm
<3 gross girls
09.24.08 at 5:16 pm
Except for Pig Champion and Legs McNeil, the sloppiest people I’ve ever known were chicks. But Pig and Legs were worse.
09.24.08 at 5:21 pm
Post pics of the girls. I want fucky fucky.
09.24.08 at 6:19 pm
i also want to see pics of these ramp tramps. i know too many girls, all too well; who fit this description.
unfortuneately, ive also slept with a grip of them. c’mon ladies, clean your fucking livin’ quarters.
09.24.08 at 7:00 pm
“Except for Pig Champion”
God, I love this town.
09.24.08 at 7:59 pm
My drug dealer in high school had a crazy pack rat mother. His house was full of so much garbage walking through it made me feel like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars when he fell in that trash shoot (only I’ve probably got a much bigger boner). His house was so shit filthy that feral cats took it over and feasted on the hundreds of mice that were living there.
Being a nice drug dealing fellow, he promised to give us drugs if we would clean the house as a present for Mother’s day. We did. It was fucking awful beyond belief. I’ve gone down on hugely fat sweaty chicks in the middle of August that smelled better than his house.
His mother returned home from a small vacation and saw that her house was much cleaner and nearly had a nervous breakdown. She made my drug dealing friend take all of the bags of garbage piled up in front of the house and bring them back to the house. She then dumped them all over the place and went to sleep.
09.24.08 at 11:14 pm
try not to fuck gross girls. eventually you’re coming home with some bumps on your junk and trust me thats a bad look while taking a piss before going to sleep at 8am.
09.25.08 at 3:17 am
That’s the apartment of the band Drunky Brewster. I remember it from Tracie’s site. That’s one of those situations where you’re young, drunk, and having a blast with your awesome carefree friends and responsibility can fuck itself … and then you wake up with that hangover and it be like DAAAAAAYUUUUUUM!
09.25.08 at 11:06 am
^Liar.
09.25.08 at 11:21 am