Gavin and his wife as the Newlydeads
The night before Hallow’s is a big fucking deal to us. I guess because it’s the only holiday where humor, esoteric pop culture, and fashion collide. We hope against hope you ladies have been thinking about your costume for months now and are capable of going outside the Sexy ____ box. We’re going to a gay church in the middle of nowhere for a secret party called “Night of a Thousand Jacksons” and we assume you will be going to an event equally well thought out. If not, you have 24 hours to plan the shit out of something and then go somewhere retarded with your friends to fuck shit up. If you’re not smart enough to think of something what about …
-Goth chick who works at Starbucks at the mall. You dress Goth with a Starbucks uniform and then stick cat ears on your head at the last second and say, “They made me dress up.” Your boyfriend could be the manager of the Hot Topic next door who sweats you.
This is Johnny and his friend’s idea.
-A woman dressing up as a man. This one’s only funny for men to do. Your suit has to be way too form-fitting and your beard has to look totally fake. You need to carry a cigar around and say shit like, “Hey guys. What a great game last night. You wanna go look at some tits?” And then laugh with a fake deep voice. Wear flats.
-Sexy mace. This and Sexy Toast are about the only kind of Sexy Costumes a girl can do without being lame. You make a big cylindrical thing of pepper spray and then cut leg holes where you have your hot fishnets and high heels come out of. Same with the toast. Sexy ___ is only good when it’s not sexy at all.
Anyfarts, send us detailed pics of your costume, the making of, and what it looked like at the party and we’ll send the best one $100 and a t-shirt and some other shit.
BE WARNED: It has occurred to us that you’ll just get some kooky costume off Flickr — so we will have a fact-checking team verify the living shit out of every story. Liars will be caught and hanged (for a person you say “hanged” — “hung” is for inanimate objects).
From previous years …
Jeff WAS scary til we noticed the Mets medallion.
Meryl as Timothy T
Meryl giving birth to herself
Lesley as Anne Frank
Judi as Linda Blair (at the back)
Judi as Annabelle Lotus
Sarah as Sexy Man (This is not the same as a man dressed as a woman dressed as a man)
This guy was that weird Chinese lady who comes into 2A selling DVDs.
Gavin and his wife as crusties.
Lesley and Scott as Jeremy Scott’s muse and Gerard Depardieu
Judi just chose this because it made her ass look good
Got any other ideas? Remember, it’s going to be mad packed that night so 90% of what people see will be above the shoulders. Don’t spend too much time on your shoes and socks and don’t choose a costume that isn’t immediately facially obvious.
Well?
What are you going to be?
Leave a Reply
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
STREET BONER 1321
Not sure what kind of voodoo mojo this guy is using but he just made a pile of gay shit look badass.
STREET BONER 1319
All Tomorrow’s Parties is a great place to see people passed out on couches while their favorite band plays down the hall.
Bad Behavior has blocked 2387 access attempts in the last 7 days.
don’t forget- the better you look, the less likely you are to get mugged in Bushwick… some shit.
10.30.09 at 12:19 pm
Is that David Cross as the Chinese lady?
10.30.09 at 12:34 pm
Anne Frank FTW
10.30.09 at 12:35 pm
I’m going to a party tomorrow with the theme of “worst nightmares”. Still toying with the idea of blacking up and going as a “nigger with a badge!”. Will this be funny, or will I look like a dick?
10.30.09 at 12:42 pm
hmmmm, the only time i ever think that j.a.p. is sexy is when she’s dressed as a walking slab of bacon
p.s. now THAT’S irony
10.30.09 at 12:46 pm
Before I saw the jewish star, I thought she was supposed to be Esther from the Orphan.
Anne Frank still wins. Kermit too.
10.30.09 at 12:51 pm
@cuntybaws – you will look like a dick, which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. Just be prepared for that one asshole who decides that this is a “teaching moment” and chooses you to be his pupil re: racial harmony. This person will shit all over your night with his/her sactimonious crap, and it will not be fun. Unless awkward is your thing, in which case just go for it.
10.30.09 at 12:51 pm
uh, it’s not asshole-ish to admonish people for wearing blackface. it’s more asshole-ish to wear blackface.
10.30.09 at 1:37 pm
@comic book guy – you may well be right… but why? is it asshole-ish to dress up like a chinese guy? or an arab? or a black dude to white-up? I thought the real asshole-ish bit was having to answer, when people ask me who I am, “I’m your worst nightmare man – a nigger with a badge!”
10.30.09 at 1:48 pm
Halloween is fucking shit, fuckin hallmark holiday bullshit…
That said i am going to be dressin up as either Harold Shipman, Fred West or Gary Glitter…cannie decide for the now likes…
10.30.09 at 2:19 pm
the worst is people who dress up as some literary ponce or a “philosophical concept” i’m gonna wear this weird fur bonnet and put on cat make up.. meow
10.30.09 at 2:29 pm
the one of the weird chinese lady is the best!
10.30.09 at 2:52 pm
I think I might be imyar for halloween…should I?
10.30.09 at 2:58 pm
@ felicia… “jewish star”?
Small-Town
10.30.09 at 3:11 pm
@ cuntyballs – I WISH A BLACK DUDE WOULD WHITE-UP… Eddie Murphy style.
10.30.09 at 3:12 pm
@JuCIFER
I was going to say Jew star but I felt weird saying it.
I’m in a city known for jews. Your jewish grandmothers buy up all the potato salad and take 2 minutes at stop signs.
10.30.09 at 3:45 pm
me and my roommate have been constructing elaborate cardboard costumes over the past two days. She’s a T-rex and I’m a spaceship.
10.30.09 at 3:56 pm
the chick giving birth to herself fucking rules.
10.30.09 at 5:15 pm
bernie french maidoff.
10.30.09 at 6:12 pm
i’m gonna be doing an electro-dance misfits-cover set called “glen danCig” at a dance party at a warehouse on halloween night, so i’ll be dressing as misfits era danzig
10.30.09 at 7:07 pm
^^^Where’s the misfits cover party? Seriously I’ll go.
10.30.09 at 7:50 pm
go as a broken condom.
10.30.09 at 11:07 pm
I don’t remember Anne Frank mentioning in her diary that she wasn’t potty-trained.
10.31.09 at 5:37 pm
I’m gonna be the Flash.
10.31.09 at 9:31 pm
Anyfarts
10.31.09 at 10:10 pm
holy fuck that goy looks like he’s almost 38. (talkin bout jensen) please put these away
11.01.09 at 3:57 am
[...] The halloween costume here on Street Carnage of a woman giving birth to herself is simultaneously one of the best and worst things I’ve [...]
11.01.09 at 9:01 am
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v48/abbreviation/blog/halloween2009.jpg
Daria Darko
11.01.09 at 2:27 pm