It’s hard to believe we said this an entire year ago. Here’s a tip for partying today: If you are going to wear an insane outfit like sailor fag or Pirates of Piss Pants, make sure you can roll down socks and hide hats or somehow make the costume relatively normal when you get stranded. Cell phones are not perfect and it’s very possible you’re going to lose the group and be lost somewhere for several hours. Bring a cell phone charger with you and be prepared for a party lull. There’s nothing worse than being all alone in full costume.
Ten things Canadians should be proud of today…
1- We read non-fiction books and can argue about stuff.
2- We’re polite and say “You’re welcome” after “Thank you.” We are really cool to each other for the most part.
3- We’ve had passports since we were little kids.
4- Our healthcare system really is as good as they say it is.
5- We know how to give ‘er in two languages. Let’s fuggin’ Give ‘Er today hostie d’chalice d’tabernak!
6- We do the dishes.
7- We are all funny because it’s so cold we end up watching TV all winter but with the highly developed mind (see #1) so we end up memorizing shitty pop culture and giving it a fucked up analysis AKA humor, sorry, “humour.”
8- We have redneck hunters and pretentious frogs in the same country. Sometimes in the same person!
9- Degrassi
10- Again, we burned the White House to the fucking ground. In your face Pearl Harbor, sorry, “Harbour.”
HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
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“We have redneck hunters and pretentious frogs in the same country. Sometimes in the same person!”
——The best LOLOLOLOLOL
07.01.09 at 10:05 am
Where is the Canada Day party in New York this year?
07.01.09 at 10:21 am
you also have Montreal and Vancouver. 2 of the 6 best cities on the continent – (others are NYC, LA, Miami, Mexico City). and no I don’t include San Fran, i find it annoying. and ya’ll can hate on LA all you want, but if you know the right people its fucking EPIC there. So yeah 1/3 of the cool cities – congrats Canada.
07.01.09 at 10:25 am
Why didn’t you just copy and paste last years post if you wanted to say the same bullshit. It would have taken you less time.
07.01.09 at 10:37 am
Degrassi should be higher on the list. I wouldn’t even know what Canada is if not for Degrassi.
07.01.09 at 11:01 am
11- Our cities (some of them) have some of the best urban parks in North America. That said, you can head down to these parks to light a big ol’ joint and the most cops will ever do is politely ask you to put it out if kids are around.
But who am I kidding, 95% of people on this site are Canadian so it’s just singin’ to the choir at this point.
07.01.09 at 11:20 am
Vancouver is not one of the best cities in NA. It’s not even the best city in the PNW.
It’s boring as dog shit, full of annoying Indians/Asians/junkies, has no good places to drink/see shows and is overpriced as a city gets. Easily one of the most overrated places anywhere.
07.01.09 at 12:20 pm
yeah, but nothing can save you if you live downtown in ottawa today.
i’m big into being canadian but jesus, why the hell do people think it’s a great idea to bring their babies/dogs/wheelchair grandparents to fill the streets and make things chaotic?
maybe i’m just grumpy because you can’t drink if you’re taking allergy meds, so i can itch and drink or not itch and be sober. what do y’all think i should do?
07.01.09 at 12:40 pm
#4
Took you long enough.
07.01.09 at 12:48 pm
It was british soldiers who burned the whitehouse down, not canadians. But it’s adorable how canadians always try to take credit for it.
07.01.09 at 1:35 pm
Number 4 did make me proud to be a Canadian.
Though, the last time I was in N.Y. I did fall seriously ill from food poisoning. I taxi’d over to Bellvue, and had, in my opinion, the best emergency care I’d ever had in my life. With very little wait time & I didn’t have to pay a dime, because as their Resident Physician told me, “it would cost us more in administrative fees and labour to process what coverage your public health did offer you here in the states, (OHIP covers about 30% of medical costs if you get sick abroad within a certain timeframe) than it has to actually treat you thus far.” So, with my prescription, I scuttled off and was drinking in Brooklyn not 2 days later.
Re. #2: Thank you America.
07.01.09 at 1:40 pm
um, dont rich canadians all come to the US to get proper healthcare? my grandmother had to wait six months for hip replacement surgery. also, her doctor killed himself, and now she cant find a new one since there is a shortage of doctors and no one will take on new patients. also, isnt there additionally a shortage of doctors now in canada? your healthcare system may be good for the poors, but overall, it kinds of sucks
07.01.09 at 1:56 pm
“um, dont rich canadians all come to the US to get proper healthcare”
No.
07.01.09 at 2:07 pm
we have those guys and they have manpower
07.01.09 at 2:25 pm
@jimbo: asserting that Canada has a shitty healthcare system because your grandmother had to wait on a non-essential service? “Everyone” doesn’t equal your granny’s busted knees, bro. Try riding an Amtrak going up to Canada filled with women who can’t afford OB/GYN care, so they end up bleeding out on the train before they can hit a Canadian hospital to get treatment. It really gives you faith in the US healthcare system.
07.01.09 at 2:44 pm
Women like that often work for shitty employers (e.g. Walmart) who won’t pony up to provide decent health care options. It’s not the fault of the system that it is abused by greedy savages and fatcats.
07.01.09 at 2:49 pm
“your healthcare system may be good for the poors, but overall, it kinds of sucks”
Mmmm, no. I’ve honestly never ever had a bad experience with the Canadian health care system. S’pose you could have called my family growing up perfectly middle class, I never had to worry about anything. Long (4 hrs) wait times in an E.R. for a few stiches and a black eye? That’s about the only sucky thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but in all honesty, to good far outweighs the bad.
WOOO 142 years old! Fuck, Israel is probably the only country younger than us. Oh, Palestine too! Oh, wait.
07.01.09 at 2:59 pm
Yeah, ’cause people don’t wait for hearts and kidneys and shit here in the States. Fuckin’ Christ, when are we gonna get on board?!
07.01.09 at 3:03 pm
canadians do have way better senses of humor than americans. also, drinking in canada is very merry and fun.
07.01.09 at 3:38 pm
GET THIS SHIT OUT OF U.S.A. WEBSPACES, PINKO!
07.01.09 at 3:52 pm
Canada is pretty good (because 9 out of 10 is an A-), but fuck Rhonda Howard and those asshats at the Denver Post. That bullshit was purely political,–or was that the point? Anyhoos.
07.01.09 at 4:53 pm
I love Canada because she’s full of different cheap booze in the provinces. No one in Vanc drinks Labatt 50 and in Toronto they have no idea why you’d drink Cider. Quebec will just drank anything and newfies have Screech so props for that.
07.01.09 at 5:32 pm
Alright motherfuckers here’s the deal –
1. Shitcock: listen jizzface, the soldiers who burned down the White House were predominantly born in Canada. Shove your hair splitting bullshit up your ass; you weren’t born here, you don’t understand subtlety – let it go fag-face.
2.jimbo: FUCK YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S FILTHY HIP! One fucking exception to a generally great and egalitarian system. Just wait until that faggot-eyed bitch cock Prime Minister is thrown out and we can return some hot-blooded socialists to the House. Then who’ll be crossing the border for testical enlargement surgery!?!
3. Beefy McManstick: I COULDN’T AGREE MOAR WITH YOU; DONKEY BONER!
4. Cap’n Glitterfuzz: Sir – I beseech ye to file a formal complaint to the privy council. Though I do not agree with the particularities of your argument, I will ensure the Minister responsible reviews its contents prior to adjourning for an afternoon of shuttlecock on the Quad. Yours with utmost sincerity, Reginald J. I’ll-Eat-Your-Children.
Happy motherfucking Canada Day you bitch ass pansies! Eat my smegma!
07.01.09 at 7:23 pm
CANADA SUCKS! and I’m Canadian, Eh…
07.01.09 at 8:17 pm
Seven seasons of “Trailer Park Boys”. I can’t hate Canada, just like I can’t hate the French for giving us Andre The Giant.
07.01.09 at 10:51 pm
remember when ashley went goth?
07.01.09 at 10:53 pm
@/b/tard: Like I said, adorable. “The soldiers were mostly born here!” My ass they were. Give it up, the British ruled at warfare, America rules at warfare now, Canada only rules at having cute waitresses at their truck stop diners. And comedy.
07.01.09 at 11:10 pm
SHITCOCK!
You’re taking this too seriously you gigantic pus-filled douche!
It happened two-hundred years ago, dick smuggler!
Let it go you sausage sucking pederast!
Just accept it, it happened, now move on – move on like you moved on from your last three abortions!
MOVE ON IN COMPLETE DENIAL!
MOAR LONG TERM PSYCHOLOGICAL CARE FOR SHITCOCK!
Stop crying you deaf-mute! You sound ridiculous! Plus there’s a lot of shit in your mouth from your relentless pursuit of a satisfying ATM; consider – this may have something to do with your many abortions – harlot.
In conclusion – to Shitcock (stop using your pansy-assed symbols and type two keys idiot –
YOU ARE NOT EFFICIENT!) we won, we burned your presidential suite to the ground, eat the ashes and stop wasting all these scum sucking worm’s time.
I SALUTE YOUR ATTEMPTS AT MEANINGFUL DEBATE – YOU FAGGOTT-EYED VAGINAL DISCHARGE! GO EAT A POT-POURI OF PUPPIES!
07.01.09 at 11:43 pm
Uhh apparently you didn’t get the memo, this is the place where all serious historical debates are handled now. You violated Code of Etiquette 504b Sub-section 12; No mis-spelling “faggot”. Good day.
07.02.09 at 12:30 am
and RUSH of course…hahah lol hah lmao wtf FAGS!
07.02.09 at 12:36 am
You two make John A. MacDonald cry giant Irish-hating tears of sadness.
07.02.09 at 1:20 am
Canada is boring as shit and it only seems good if you’ve never lived anywhere else. Why do you think all the talented people leave that shit hole?
07.02.09 at 4:56 am
“There’s nothing worse than being alone in full costume.”
That was fucking PROFOUND!!!
07.02.09 at 9:55 am
Andre the giant was from Bulgarian and Polish descent.
07.02.09 at 3:24 pm
Cheese Bottoms, if you are rich and talented it is definitely worth being in NY or London etc… on a 12$ an hour not so much.
07.02.09 at 3:27 pm
vancouver = wack. top 6 cities in NA? Not likely.
07.02.09 at 5:32 pm
canada is cute
07.02.09 at 6:34 pm
I almost made Vancouver but was waylaid by a binge on Portland titties.
07.02.09 at 11:31 pm