STREET BONERS and TV CARNAGE

Madonna always said Italians dooooo it better and she ain’t lying! All my straight gal pals constantly cry about dudes they date who cheat on them with less pretty Forever 21 guido girls with fake tans and low-lights. The truth is that homos are no different! We ALL fantasize about boning a guido guy!!! For those of you gays that beg to differ: you are lying through your faggy da Vinci veneers!!! If I scored Seven Minutes in Goombah Heaven this is what I would do with the dudes of Jersey Shore:

RONNIE

I would just want a good old fashion suck off from Ronnie, but how could he deep throat when he has no neck? I doubt I could even get just the tip in, so instead I would just give him a BJ while I JO.
—

VINNY

Vinny is such a sweet heart! No really, he is! So I would be totally vanilla with him and just make out … with his BUTT!!!
—

THE SITUATION

I would totes take the Situation to the shadiest bathhouse, so he can learn what a real sex club situation is all about! The Sitch, all strapped into a leather sling and all my bathhouse Betties runnin’ the fag train on him! Golden showers and barebackin’ galore!!! Maybe he’ll even get AIDS … payback for all the “grenades.”

DJ PAULY D

DJ Pauly D, I have one thing to say: Fist pump my number two hole!!!

Love ya! Mean it!

-JONNY MAKEUP
Twitter.com/JonnyMakeup

This entry was posted on 01.18.10 at 11:15 am by Jonny Makeup. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 2.0 feed. You can E-mail it to a friend.

23 Comments

Super Broker Says:

Hahaha, this was perfect.

01.18.10 at 11:25 am
Manhole Says:

Gross

01.18.10 at 11:42 am
Salad Says:

I hope you emailed this link to those guys. I bet they would appreciate the compliment.

01.18.10 at 11:44 am
Stephen Glass Says:

they were asking for it with the lip gloss

01.18.10 at 12:06 pm
slut up Says:

The best. love you jonny makeup

01.18.10 at 12:07 pm
toast Says:

AHAHAH I bet Johnny Makeup would be smearing not only his lipstick

01.18.10 at 12:14 pm
spamburglar Says:

i’m gay for JONNY MAKEUP

01.18.10 at 12:17 pm
chi chi Says:

this is golden, please make sure they see this…anyone???
j make-up forever.

01.18.10 at 1:43 pm
jerz Says:

this is the funniest shit I’ve read on here in months

01.18.10 at 1:50 pm
Sewer Rats Says:

Yeah, more articles like this and I won’t have to use my S.A.D. lamp.

01.18.10 at 2:03 pm
Anonyourmom. Says:

Dude, what? This wasn’t good, it’s just kinda gross, a little bit. This took you 3 minutes. Fail.

01.18.10 at 3:34 pm
Brian Says:

” . . . just make out . . . with his BUTT!” I lol’d.

01.18.10 at 3:49 pm
stoops Says:

bravohomo.

01.18.10 at 6:36 pm
the realist Says:

johnny makeup sucks

01.18.10 at 6:41 pm
Mike Says:

The Situation is a bug-chaser.

01.18.10 at 8:00 pm
ew Says:

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

01.18.10 at 9:21 pm
I get it Says:

Overtly gay article about overtly homophobic men, hilarity ensues?

01.18.10 at 10:42 pm
Vane$$a Says:

i wonder if the sich’s wangino is as crooked as his fingers.

01.18.10 at 11:53 pm
poopsmear Says:

lololol. this was the funniest thing i’ve read about that stupid show

01.19.10 at 12:44 am
Rodney Says:

Nasty

01.19.10 at 3:34 am
bull Says:

so gay, it’s straight

01.19.10 at 11:13 pm
anne frank Says:

I’d let Ronnie do anything he wanted to me, as long as it involved pulling my hair. I’d date Vinnie until his Oedipan complex got to be too much, booty call Pauly D and I’d donkey-punch The Situation while pegging him.

…just sayin’

01.27.10 at 7:40 pm
Jackie McChuckles Says:

Well put Miss Frank. Love hear some dyke on Snookie/J-Wowww scenarios. Ladies?

01.29.10 at 1:51 pm

STREET BONER 1127

Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.

ENLARGE

E-mail it! | 45 Comments

STREET BONER 1126

“Wiggers” is a mean word that stings like a motherfucker but, somehow, “Bonkies” doesn’t pack the same wallop.

E-mail it! | 29 Comments

STREET BONER 1125

Pulling back your sleeve to show your tattoos seems queer but that’s what tattoos are: accessories.

E-mail it! | 19 Comments

STREET BONER 1124

You may have noticed there’s a lot of music industry chicks at SXSW all dressed up with no interest in you whatsoever. You may have also noticed you’re not in a band.

E-mail it! | 15 Comments

STREET CARNAGE is mostly a website that features street fashion critiques called STREET BONERS and compilations of bad television called TV CARNAGE. The site also has a blog, a radio show, and regularly features video shorts made by Gavin and Derrick.

STREET CARNAGE is also a live presentation you can have in your town where Gavin shows a Street Boners "Best Of" and Derrick shows his latest TV Carnage endeavors.

STREET BONERS will eventually be compiled into a huge book which will feature hundreds of pages of Boners as well as contributions from Chloe Sevigny, Debbie Harry, Fred Armisen, Tim & Eric and many more.

Derrick makes videos for various bands as well as his own movies. His most recent project is called "Cop Movie" and is comprised of about three dozen different cop movies and he also has a workout video coming out that is made up of a million disgusting workout tapes. Gavin does freelance writing for TV, film and magazines and they both do funny acting stuff as well as other hilarious video shit we'll tell you about later. They are both dicks.

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