HOT LOOKS THIS SUMMER: V-NECK TEES FOR BOYS AND SANDALS FOR GIRLS
I have no problem with v-neck tees. In fact, my only beef with the Hanes Beefy Tee V is it’s become so popular I can’t wear one myself. They are everywhere. Wait, maybe I have one more half-beef with them. They kind of make you look like a rich kid from LA who does a lot of coke and calls Lindsay Lohan “Fire Bush.” If you have some dirtbag tattoos (something like “Wharf Rat” with some badly drawn tits above it) however, the LA thing gets erased.
As far as the other half of the population goes, sandals are here to stay, all summer, on every woman in the world, no matter what, so why fight it? Last year they were lazily stumbling into flip flops and the whole season was one big, perpetual laundry day. This time they’re saying, “I am not going to wear heels every day you fucking sadist and I realize you’d prefer Chucks or other sneakers as a substitute but I’m sick of those too. I am going to wear these sandals in the day and heels when I go out at night and MAYBE Chucks when I go to the country and that’s the deal. It is what it is.”
Though “It is what it is” is one of my least favorite phrases, I’m kind of OK with the rest. At least it’s honest. At least it’s accepting the fact that it’s going to be Toe Summer and nobody’s trying to bullshit us. Besides, sandals are better than seeing a girl’s black-stained heels and dirty toes squelch around Rat Shit City in flip-flops
AND HEY! Don’t think this perennial concession gives dudes the OK to show their toes. They are still verboten to wear ANY kind of naked foot-breathing gear and that includes mandals, sandals, flip flops or even: nothing. If you are a male and your feet are sensitive to the heat (you realize how pathetic that sounds don’t you?) your options include…
1-High cut Chucks with those weird mini socks underneath. Seeing sockettes is enough to get you killed but what we don’t know won’t hurt you. That is to say, you can wear them with High Tops because they’re totally disguised but they are still a no-way when it comes to low tops or anything that makes the tiny socks visible in any way.
2-Rod Lavers or another classic sneaker with no socks. This is much less hot than socks and you can eradicate the slime factor with a few splashes of Extra Strength Acme Medicated Gold Bond.
3-that’s it.
If we can keep a positive attitude and accept the things we cannot change, this is going to be a great summer you guys. It’s all about PMA because, as Nick Swardson used to say, “This ain’t the Facts of Life, bitch. Leave the Tudi at home.”
Related posts:
- GOOD NEWS: FLIP FLOPS ARE BAD FOR YOU
- LAST NIGHT’S PARTY: BONER ALERT!
- $200 MIU MIU SOCKS
- JEZEBEL: WEARING HIGH HEELS (PART 1)
- STREET BONER 422
06.13.08 at 9:57 am
Sooo…. men wearing low top sneakers with ankle socks is a no? only chucks are allowed, and high tops at that? what do you have against socks? you like to let your feet sweat into your shoes so that after wearing the sneakers on a hot summer day the shoes smell like 10 locker rooms?
socks are there to absorb the sweat and keep your gay feet fungus free.
fuck you
06.13.08 at 10:36 am
No socks? You Dumbinican or something? Idiot.
06.13.08 at 10:39 am
Falcon Punch i think you miss the point, theyre not arguing that you shouldnt wear socks only that when you wear those mini-socks they look like they should have a pom-pom on the back and guys look like total assholes when they wear them, learn to interpret what you read.
06.13.08 at 12:11 pm
Whoa! Gavin, you sound like an enormous fag in this video. Maybe you should heed your own advice and stick with the Chucks.
06.13.08 at 12:42 pm
falcon crest, learn to shut the hell up.
06.13.08 at 12:48 pm
My dad rocks sandals with socks,… all summer.
06.13.08 at 1:01 pm
haha falcon punch internets tough guy, awesome
06.13.08 at 1:39 pm
Nothing beats a pair of alpargatas for summer. No man toes showing, no socks necessary, easily slips on and off, perfect for summer. You could get some Toms or ensure a poor kid gets a pair too, or you could get the real thing from some place that sells gaucho stuff.
06.13.08 at 2:51 pm
i am still not accepting sandals, the most i will give into is a peep toe.
06.13.08 at 3:30 pm
socks are gay, I agree, but barefoot always always ALWAYS works. and the only time sandals are okay on either sex is when they’re made from an old tire using the instructions in Steal This Book.
06.13.08 at 4:32 pm
no skate shoes or slip ons? just rod lavers? but yes, man toes shoudl never be seen unless your a hobbit and their covered with delicious fur.
06.13.08 at 4:51 pm
Good thing I know nothing about fashion. I don’t give a fuck about anybody else’s toes, so fuck off about mine. Suck ‘em.
06.13.08 at 8:26 pm
+1 for slip ons
i like the gray ones best. no homo patterns
gray slip ons+good jeans + mono colored tshirt + dress shirt unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up + buzzed hair (hat optional)= me in the summer, oh yeah
06.13.08 at 8:29 pm
I used to have disdain for flip flops and sandals, but one summer, in the intense humidity, i caved and bought a $10 pair. They are the the most amazingly comfortable footwear i have ever owned and i recommend for all the naysayers to give them a shot. You will not look back.
06.13.08 at 8:31 pm
BUT you have to take care of your feet!! Don’t rock the flip flops with long toenails and ashy heels!!! That’s just mean.
06.13.08 at 8:54 pm
v-necks can be pretty fucking bad. especially if the person wearing it’s trying to be “hot guy”.
Midwest (Ohio) option: khaki cargo shorts w/ flip flops - I don;t care if you can pull it off (2 % of the population), but every college age fucker out here does it. I don’t want to see your pasty deformed feet with thick black toe hair and legs that looks like your a flea
06.13.08 at 8:58 pm
sperry topsiders are making a comeback
06.13.08 at 9:16 pm
When the fuck is gavin going to start writing about shit that matters? Has anyone read that article in the vice era about political correctness bullshit? That article was phenomenal… When is he going to stop pontificating and use his phenomenal writing style and nihilistic leaning to write about… say… China.. wait didnt he do that with david cross?
06.13.08 at 11:36 pm
He has girl legs.
06.14.08 at 5:04 am
Men+sandals a no-no, rod lavers/ chucks. . .duh everyone knows that. Barefoot is not cool unless you’re at home. I do however where ankle socks with my nice sneakers that I don’t want to ruin with sweat when it’s hot, you can barely see ‘em anyway so what’s the big deal?
06.14.08 at 9:14 am
that guy is totes gross. you shouldn’t have used him as your ‘male summer style’ example. ick
06.16.08 at 5:20 pm
Whats wrong with 3 ring tube socks pulled up just below the knee?