I was just on a road trip and saw this kit available for a mere fifty cents. It contains everything you need for excellent spy work: a bug (not cordless though because it’s a felony to bug people cordlessly), a dredel, a drug dealer, and a black midget playing basketball.
So yeah, if you leave a bug somewhere that transmits a signal, you will go to jail. True story. If you order one online the Feds will show up at your door the same time the package does. They’re really heavy about bugs. I learned this at a real spy store.
However, if you leave something somewhere that can record and you pick it up later, that’s fine. The Feds assumed anything that does that would be too huge not to notice but the technology is faster than the rules so we got them beat. Unfortunately, with this kit you can only go about two feet from what you want to hear, I think “spy” is a strong word in this case. Maybe “hearing aid” would be more accurate. Ironically, this is the most spy thing of the bunch.
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The driedel comes in handy if someone figures out you’re spying and asks you if you’re a spy because you can go, “Huh? I’m a very young Jewish boy from the 1800s playing with my toys. What do I want with a, what do you call it, spy?” Practice spinning it a few times so it looks legit.
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This looks like an East Indian wigger (Pigger?) but in the context of the Spy Kit, it’s got to be a drug dealer or at least something linked to crime. I guess this is who you’re supposed to spy on? The weird part is, the Spy Ear is a real thing you can sort of use to spy in the real world. This Homie is an imaginary thing for pretending. So do you put your spy ear up to the toy? Which brings us to our next and final part of the kit…
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What the fuck has a black midget playing basketball got to do with spying? Is he an informant for the Pigger drug dealer next door? Or is he just another cheap toy some Chinese company threw in the pack because we outsource everything now and nobody gives a shit anyways or even reads the packages they buy their kids so we have toddlers playing with the Muffin Knife 5000 and the Super Fast Soccer Ball Saturday.
Shit.
We used to make fun of them for wearing coats that said ROCKET STAR TRADING COMPANY MARIJUANA CAT and now we’re buying spy kits made of driedel’s driedels.
America = FAIL.
UPDATE: Just to be clear here. You don’t get every single thing for 50 cents total. You get ONE of the things above. So you could put in your money for a spy thing and get a driedel no problem. Great.
UPDATE 2: Shit. That’s not a driedel. It’s just a top. And I know they lure you in for better shit but the point is these all go under the category “spy.”
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fail my ass, this shit looks like fun! and its only 50 cents!
02.03.09 at 10:05 am
That’s not a bug.
It’s a listening device.
That’s not a dreidel.
It’s a spinning top.
That’s not a black midget playing basketball.
It’s a black baby eating candy for breakfast because of a lack of a proper family structure and the inability of his single mother to comprehend what is healthy to eat and what is not.
02.03.09 at 10:21 am
Okay first of all you’re funnier than Gavin. This is good. But, on the other hand, you obviously never bought something from this type of machine as a child. They always lure you in with the cool things, and you end up with the shitty ones (that are knockoffs of more popular toys) instead. They’re like a claw machine but without illusion of control, and it’s been going on for all my 30+ years on this planet.
02.03.09 at 10:53 am
Spy ears = a good time. The best is to get two and walk around with another person, both whispering into each others. This is what you do with your nights off in Orillia, ON. Or, if your 13-17 years old and female, you get pregnant.
02.03.09 at 11:33 am
They say “plus other top secret toys” implying the other toys are spy-related.
Perhaps we just don’t know enough about spy-craft to make heads or tails of the situation.
02.03.09 at 11:46 am
“It’s a black baby eating candy for breakfast because of a lack of a proper family structure and the inability of his single mother to comprehend what is healthy to eat and what is not.”
rich hahaha
02.03.09 at 2:01 pm
Christi knowing the difference between plural and possessive = FAIL
dreidels not dreidel’s, jackass.
02.03.09 at 4:15 pm
i like the pigger. i could really get into this hard guru look.
02.03.09 at 4:58 pm
Or you could just get the sticky-hand-on-string thing and throw it against the ceiling, and your parents get pissed because it leaves a huge grease stain.
02.03.09 at 5:31 pm
I don’t need to spy on my neighbors, they practically fucked themselves through my wall last night. The girl was WAILING for a good hour and a half, then the dude yelled “uh-uh-ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” and that was just about the most disgusting thing I witnessed this week. So here it is for you and your imaginations.
02.04.09 at 4:44 am
please vegger!
02.04.09 at 12:23 pm
Anybody can be me. I don’t have time to comment under this handle anymore. Too busy with eggplant fap
02.05.09 at 2:40 am
what could be gayer than a :”vegan jules”? “organist brucey”? “Slinky Illusion the Breakfast Taint Tickle Tran Let Me Suck Ur Sack Fuckin Fagbag”? like simon cowell in a blonde wig slowly fucking E.T. in his own blonde wig/fancy hat halloween getup?
02.05.09 at 4:29 am
This made ma laugh hard, the comments made me laugh even harder.
02.06.09 at 6:08 am