The biggest mistake you can make when getting a tattoo is to follow the fashion of the time. Right now everybody’s getting too-colorful Sailor Jerry shit. In 10 years these people will be easily identified as another one of those Emo dads that got all his tattoos in 2008. For those of us who got cooking in the early 90s, we are forever Chilli Peppered with tribal swirls that make us look like Maori jocks.
The best way to get a tattoo is to think up something yourself, let it stew for about 6 months, then find a good tattoo guy that can take your shitty drawing and make it into permanent picture good. Our two favorite tattoo shops are Lotus Tattoo (run by Civ of Gorilla Biscuits) and of course Saved run by Scott Campbell.
The key to keeping your idea personal and not easily dateable is to get really fucking out there. For example, choose a saint who you think sums up your life. There’s a list of them here. Say you were abandoned at a very young age by a shitty dad and you think that defines your personality the most. Go to “Children, Abandoned” and select St. Jerome Emiliani. Then you google image him and find the weirdest picture. This one might work.
Actually, scrap this one because it’s going to look like you feel bad about how badly you want to fuck little boys. This one seems like a better bet.
Now, if your Father’s dead to you or something and you want to spice it up, maybe give him a skull face. Let’s use Damian Hirst’s Diamond Skull.
This is obviously muddy and low res but that’s not your problem. Your tattooist has to make it all fancy and cut off the edges and frame it and all that.
Speaking of “his problem.” They say you shouldn’t drink because it makes you bleed more and that’s a pain in the ass for the guy. Fuck that. He’s getting, what, $100 an hour? The guy can wipe away a little extra blood so your pain level can go down from crying happy face to mildly uncomfortable happy face. Sorry pal, some people have to work in the rain.
Now, to really give it the zing of originality you need check out these hobo markings. Traveling booze enthusiasts used to scrawl these on various buildings to warn their peers of possible danger.
Your mother was the one who raised you so you could take the “Woman” symbol (which means, “There’s a kind hearted lady in here who will take you in”) and have the dude stick it on your skull saint somehow. If you’re still bitter about the dad thing, why not scrawl the “Dishonest Man” logo over top? Oooh, you could even have the guy make it in dripping blood like a sword did it or whatever.
There, now you have a tattoo that nobody else has and it’s about a private thing that you never tell anyone about until everyone thinks you’re a bad ass, which you probably are because you grew up without a father. What was that like by the way?
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I have a tattoo of a cartoon skull on my forearm I deeply regret. But I hate coverups. They look so weak.
11.03.08 at 1:20 pm
my favourite tattoo i ever saw was a rhombus. to majorly paraphrase, i asked the guy ‘uh, is that a part of something larger under your sleeve, or is that just a rhombus?’ ‘just a rhombus’. ‘why?’ ‘i can’t explain’.
anyways my point is, he didn’t look like a douche and him being all mysterious about it was hot.
11.03.08 at 1:40 pm
sailor jerry tattoos will FOREVER be cool
because they have been cool since norman collins started that shit
thats why they’re called TRADITIONAL
new school versions of his flash are NOT cool, however
11.03.08 at 2:28 pm
being a douche is hot
11.03.08 at 2:30 pm
Amazing!
11.03.08 at 2:43 pm
or just not get tattoos and actually have a personality and interesting hobbies
but that’s hard as shit
11.03.08 at 2:51 pm
Anyone who gets a Sailor Jerry’s tattoo is a jackass.
11.03.08 at 3:11 pm
who the fuck still gets sailor jerry shit? all the kids nowadays r sportin ironic conceptual shit like notepads or h.p. lovecraft shit.
11.03.08 at 3:30 pm
i just threw a dart at the wall and wound up getting one of those sailor joey tattoos.
i like it.
11.03.08 at 4:19 pm
tattos our dum
11.03.08 at 7:35 pm
now everyone’s going to get saints and hobo markings as tattoos.
11.04.08 at 12:50 am
what about those cool russian prisonners tattoos? the only downside of them is if you show them to a russian mobster, he may not appreciate the intellectuality behind it… (think Viggo then). Maybe not having a tattoo is safer.
11.04.08 at 6:20 am
The “Faces Pain Rating Scale” would make a good tattoo.
11.04.08 at 7:05 am
That’s a terrible tattoo. The saint looks like Gavin’s hairy mug.
11.04.08 at 9:36 am
tattoos are for yoga instructors
11.04.08 at 10:48 am
i got a huge turd tattoed on my belly, it’s really cute.
11.04.08 at 11:59 am
What if you got a disco ball tattooed on your ass? Is that gonna be cool in 10 years?
05.21.09 at 3:58 am
I love tattoos on other people. I’ll tell ya, it really fuckin hurts getting them lasered off. A hell of a lot more than having them put on. I’ve done it…twice. The neck tattoo is a very, very bad decision. Very bad.
01.10.10 at 10:11 pm