Cow chip tossing began in the early sometimes and has become one of middle America’s greatest triumphs. The process is as traditionally fun as it is traditional. First, a farmer collects upwards of 200 cow patties into a big trailer and brings them into town for the state fair. Then, the local newspaper tells the world there will be cow chip tossing at the day’s events. Then, people come to the fair dressed up in all kinds of funny outfits and sign up for the toss. The groups are divided into male and female and the winner is eligible for some kind of amazing prize I didn’t stick around for.

The trick, however, is not to listen to any of the locals who love to piss in your ear about how to beat the system. “Grab the heaviest one you can find” they say with a beer in one hand a giant brick of cheese in the other, “don’t worry about aerodynamics, it’s not a Frisbee” they add with a grin wider than a Glasgow smile before adding, “Go for small. The diameter minimum is 6 inches and you should stick as close to that as you can.” Well, it’s rather fitting we should be throwing cow dung through the air because all of the above bullshit is fucking horse shit. The secret to Cow Chip throwing is 1) wait for the perfect moment no matter how long that may be, 2) give it way more than everything you’ve got, and 3) use your left hand. The record for the women the day we were there was 80 ft and for men it went up to 130 ft but using the above technique I was able to easily clear a very considerable distance that is difficult to determine at this juncture.

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