Scene: Exam Hall

A class of students slowly files into the examination hall. Hugo takes the desk at the very front. He removes his books from his book bag and piles them neatly on the desk. Then he raises his arm, middle finger extended, directed back to the rest of the class. He stays in this position for at least five minutes.

Proctor: Do you have a question?

Hugo: No.

Scene: Hip-hop Music Video Shoot

Hugo is seated at the center of a group of actors and dancers. He is wearing sunglasses, a tilted baseball cap, and no shirt. The year is 1992. He is having an animated discussion with the video director.

Hugo: Listen, I had a vision for this shoot and if we don’t execute it perfectly I’m not going to let it be released! Now I need that girl — no, not you, the half-Asian one, yeah, you — to come sliding down the hood of the car EXACTLY as I reach the third step when I hit the chorus.

Video Vixen #3: Like this? (slides down the hood of the car)

Hugo: (winking) Gimme more slither and less snake, baby.

An assistant motions to the director to join him.

Video Director: One second.

He goes to the assistant, who whispers a few words to him. His expression becomes a mix of surprise and anger.

Video Director: (pointing at Hugo) Wait a second … I thought that HE was LL Cool J!

Hugo: (runs away)

Scene: Airplane, In-flight

Hugo is in his seat near the rear of the plane, next to an elderly bearded man. He waves with both arms to get the attention of the flight attendant, who walks briskly past him. She is astonishingly beautiful. Hugo sinks back into his chair. Then he bolts upright.

Hugo: THIS GUY BESIDE ME JUST SAID THAT HE’S A TERRORIST! I SAW HIM! HE JUST REACHED FOR HIS SHOE! I HEARD HIM TALKING ON HIS CELL PHONE BEFORE WE TOOK OFF SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT AL-QAEDA!

Elderly man: I’m Jewish.

Hugo: YOU SEE?!

The flight attendant walks back toward him, angrily.

Flight attendant: Look, I am sick of this. You come on the plane already drunk, you try to grab my ass every time I come by with the drink tray, and then you get into a food fight with a five-year old–

Hugo: — he started it –

Flight attendant: Whatever. Listen, do you realize what you’re doing? Making jokes about terrorism is a criminal offense. I could have you arrested right now. Do you understand?

They stare at each other intensely, for a long moment. Then, spontaneously they move toward each other and engage in a long, passionate kiss.

Hugo: Let’s get married.

Flight attendant: OK.

-NELSON

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2. HUGO VS. EVERYONE
3. KENNY VS SPENNY SEASON 6 TEASER
4. PLANE AND SIMPLE
5. DEAR STREET CARNAGE: CANADIAN HIP HOP