I’m sure by now everyone you know is thoroughly outraged that mega supastar Kanye West stole the mic from little superstar Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMAs. Kanye broke through Taylor’s “Best Female Video” acceptance speech and went on some tirade about how much better Beyonce is. While everybody at the VMAs booed and hissed and the world dived into a frantic Kan-rage, you should take a minute off from your Facebooking regimen to be enlightened by this refreshing outburst.
Sure, it’s a wee bit disrespectful to rag on fellow performers during a totally fake and completely meaningless image masturbation gala, but who can blame Kan’ for dogging a 19 year old who’s had a tragically normal, easy life, and now spends her days turning out such creative, teeny-bopping pleasantries as “Love Story” and “You Belong With Me”? Do you know that she’s banking a million plus auto-tuned dollars per year for this royally sucktastic bullshit?
Dumbasses spoon fed Taylor Swift an entire music career because she’s blond, has a sparkly guitar, and reps for the falsely humble, middle-American indecency that people like Mr. West spend their lives desperately refuting. If mainstream media weren’t such a distasteful barrage of prototypes and promise rings, perhaps Kanye wouldn’t have to go out of his way to drop some knowledge on us. So howevs rude you may have found Kan’s interjection, he happens to be right.
Even though I can’t wait for Beyonce to do a sympathy duet with her, I am pretty sure T. Swift cannot do a damn thing Beyonce can, because Beyonce was born a force of nature. There is no glory in being an ungodly skinny, picture perfect, dumb blond theater kid with a decent home life and stockbroker dad. Sure, she’s cute. That’s why she got a little moon man. But she sucks at the fundamentals of having a music career (i.e. BEING GOOD AT MUSIC). Or maybe Kanye’s just racist.
THIS SUCKS.
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I can’t believe you spent time writing this and I spent time reading it. Kill yourself.
09.14.09 at 5:13 pm
The only thing Kanye did wrong was that crop circle haircut.
09.14.09 at 5:22 pm
Hey this is actually pretty good!
PSYCH!!! It sucked. Kill yourself.
09.14.09 at 5:33 pm
oh man, I thought about having this contrary viewpoint because I hate american idol cuntry and I hate pink and kelly clarkson and katy perry and kings of leon (all who leaped to “diss” kanye on twitser. and so yeah I thought, y’know what Kanye may be an egotistical cokehead shit fer brains but y’know he has a poin- then I thought WHOA WHOA HOLD UP. fuck kanye, fuck this fake controversy, fuck all that lame ass shit.. but most of all Fuck Off Kanye. I was unlucky enough to be stupid enough to waste my money going to see his concert last year (which was actually Sewper Fun) but before I controdick myself any more lemme tell you he did a 20 minute spoken word autotune abomination in the middle of the show that was hands down the worst thing I have ever seen anyone do on a stage ever, and it actually moved me at the time. that’s how bad it was.. it was the most self indulgent fuck you to a paying audience and I thought to myself this guy has severe mental problems and I hope he’s in another car accident only this time I hope his head is smashed to sblithereens and they have to feed another cord into his skull so he writes “Thru The Wire Part Deux” but this time the cord is making a bleeping stephen hawking dalek saying Pleashe KILL ME , KIIIIILLL ME like a Mr. Hudson And The Library (shittiest matchbox 20esque wiggerband in London) cover of Metallicas ONE. one love, people. RIP Kayne.. go join ya mudder in H E DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS forthwith
09.14.09 at 5:37 pm
People almost forgot he existed, so he had to refresh them in the only avenue that is still open to him. Since talent wasn’t working for him…
09.14.09 at 5:43 pm
Kanye is definitely a self-righteous racist. What he did was a little fucked, but if she wants to make it in the biz, she needs to get used to that type of negativity. Her music sucks, but so does Beyonce’s along with the ten other musical acts that filled a two hour block of shit. MTV is worthless and any type of award show glorifying such blatant lack of talent or scope should not be taken seriously… but why am i telling you guys this? The pictures on the right show me how to dress.
09.14.09 at 5:46 pm
you know he hella fucked her in the butt
09.14.09 at 6:13 pm
totally missed the mark
09.14.09 at 6:13 pm
Street Carnage, You were my only refuge from this kinda gawker.com/mtv/celebrity douche juice news…..and now….THIS!??! What have I done to deserve this?
09.14.09 at 6:22 pm
Kanye, Taylor and Beyonce all suck equally. But Kanye’s fatal flaw is that he doesn’t realize “profoundly stupid and inarticulate” and “topical and outspoken” are not a good combo.
09.14.09 at 6:31 pm
I think the real point here is that Kanye made a bunch of people feel sorry for Taylor, and one dude (you) feel sorry for Beyonce. None of us should give a shit about any of these people. Beyonce comes from a stable, middle american home too you dumb fuck, and she’s already been winning awards for like 10 years now, it’s not like Kanye got up and defended some underdog. Also, “force of nature”? How fucked up is you?
09.14.09 at 6:31 pm
Also, Taylor Swift’s songs might suck serious ass (I don’t know since I am not a 13 year old girl so I never listen to them) but she does write them herself. Beyonce just recreated a fosse girls video from the 70’s wherein her and a bunch of similarly linebacker-thighed girls do a routine worse than the 3 50 year old women who did the original. And Kanye was so clearly coked out of his mind that he jizzed all over himself watching it and decided it’s the best video of all time. Still, this article manages to just slightly out-retarded that whole trifecta of pop assholes, which is actually a pretty large accomplishment.
Kudos Lori, you did the impossible.
09.14.09 at 6:37 pm
Yea this gay horseshit has no place on sctv. this whole big bullshit is YAWNtastic. Does anyone over the age of 14 even watch the VMAs?
09.14.09 at 6:42 pm
I just let Kanye and Serena Williams do whatever they want because they scare me.
09.14.09 at 6:48 pm
Lori, Shhhhhhhhhh
09.14.09 at 6:57 pm
I’m sorry i even listened to that horrible shit. what a disgusting vile putrid singer…my day was already going horribly, now im going to kill myself. thanks asshole.
09.14.09 at 7:02 pm
Kanye West doesn’t care about white people~
09.14.09 at 7:10 pm
Today a good friend (used to be in hardcore bands and has worked in music biz for 15 years) said Beyoncé is “The greatest artist alive today. Even better than Michael Jackson.” He challenged me to come up with someone better. I didn’t know where to begin. I said Crystal Castles for one. Fuck, how about Triple C’s? He looked at me like I was insane or just lying. I looked at him like he was insane oe just lying. When gay friends tell me about sucking dicks I feel like I get it more than this shit about B-Greasy being the greatest artist alive. WTF? She is for geriatrics. My Great Grandfather would love to see her perform. She’s pre-flapper. She’s from the 10s.
09.14.09 at 7:16 pm
If you really think that everything you wrote about Taylor Swift isn’t equally applicable to Beyonce, you’re uninformed. Just because someone’s black doesn’t mean that they come from poverty. Beyonce’s family have money and connections in the record business, and she grew up going to private schools and getting expensive lessons in music and dancing from a very early age. She wasn’t born a force of nature, that’s stupid. And hell, I don’t like Taylor Swift’s music either, but at least she writes her own songs. Can Beyonce say the same? (Hint: No.)
Really, though, this controversy isn’t about Taylor Swift or Beyonce. It’s about Kanye West, who is an egotistical douchebag. End of story.
09.14.09 at 7:17 pm
If it was Miley Cyrus he did this to, I’d be pissed. I love that little firecracker. No wait, kill yourself.
09.14.09 at 7:20 pm
I’d let Beyonce take a shit on me and normally I find African Americans really annoying.
09.14.09 at 7:28 pm
who cares about these sacks. self sucking industry
09.14.09 at 7:37 pm
Yeah, and we all know how deep Kanye is. If someone’s qualified to call someone out on their lameness it’s sure as shit that dude, especially when it’s done in the name of propping up a vanguard of depth like Beyonce (at least she has the semi-good taste to hit up a Grizzly Bear show with her old man). And what about that fucking she-man Serena Williams jumping all over the Asian line-judge at the US Open, stealing the spotlight from the blond Euro working mom in her moment of victory? If my instincts are right and the trends are true, black people have declared open season on everyone a slight shade paler than Puerto Rico. When will it end?
09.14.09 at 7:44 pm
Alright. Come on now.
If Kanye West is a black racist then my pasty ass is Huey Newton sitting in a wicker chair kissing Angela Davis.
Kanye West is clearly gay. He’s a loudmouth punk asking for a beatdown.
More importantly, he is jealous of a pretty 19 year -old white girl because he IS a pretty teenage white girl.
Whatever. Let him have a catfight in the ladies’ room.
The End.
09.14.09 at 7:46 pm
@ depre$$a
“when will it end?” how’s about when you get back on your meds…ho.
09.14.09 at 7:47 pm
“He’s a loudmouth punk asking for a beatdown.”
Translated: He’s passive-aggressively hoping to get roughly felt up by a white man? I don’t get it.
09.14.09 at 7:50 pm
Sorry, I should have said:
Translated: He’s passive-aggressively BUCKING to get roughly felt up by a white man?
09.14.09 at 7:51 pm
Incredibly enough, Kanye’s booked on Leno’s show tonight! What a coincidence!!
09.14.09 at 7:54 pm
you are a fucking idiot.
09.14.09 at 8:06 pm
MTV is the “music” that jocks listen to after whatever practice they were at that day along with their dopey mall rat girlfriends.
I’d rather listen to my Dream Syndicate, Roxy Music, Ramones, etc.at home by myself than have Beyonce moan through whatever it is she sings while Kenny West is tagging her and Taylor Shit is pleasuring herself with a corncob right in my living room.
09.14.09 at 8:21 pm
It’s true, Matt. It’s true. Us nuts don’t know shit about fucking. We just leave it up to the dick and just wait to do our business.
09.14.09 at 8:23 pm
I didn’t even know this debacle happened until 5 minutes ago. Thanks, Street Carnage!
09.14.09 at 8:36 pm
i esp. like how this author (in a way completely un-necessary to the content of equates being black will all that is good and respectable, ie., Beyonce’s clearly, as a strong black woman, being a “force of nature,” ; this is contrasted with Taylor’s being skinny, blonde, presumably boring and unsexual and disgusting and every other trope used by guilty journalists and film-makers and professors to make white people hate themselves. i dunno who wrote this, clearly they just wanna get fucked by a black woman.
09.14.09 at 9:38 pm
so help me god I’m gonna shove this ball down your fucking throat!!! Who cares about Kanye, taylor or beyonce. The whole thing was staged. move on.
whatabout healthcare and crazy rednecks?
09.14.09 at 9:47 pm
Do you know whats even lamer then Kanye’s hair??
This post!
09.14.09 at 10:15 pm
seriously now, dont they both suck as “artists”. I’m pretty sure they do. Just because Kanye is partial to Beyonce doesnt mean she deserves and kudos for talent. Doesnt anyone remember Destiny’s Fucking Child? GEEZUS FUCK they were a piece of shit. As far as arguing “music” or “artist” with any of these fucks, its a waste of time. and BTW Kanye and his fucking chrome 80’s throwback image/glasses can BLOW ME.
09.14.09 at 10:25 pm
ungodly skinny, theatre kid, decent home, stockbroker dad. you just described every douche in williamsburg. suck it.
09.14.09 at 10:26 pm
Get this shit off the site. Its not interesting, well written, or newsworthy.
09.14.09 at 10:53 pm
Didn’t Kanye really have it easy? Ohhhhhh, College dropout? Bad-ass. He grew up in the burbs with his well-off mommy. Taylor Swift has good tunes.
09.14.09 at 10:58 pm
Thanks for this post. It’s actually very helpful: Doesn’t do shit for the reader except help him or her realize that this blog — like Kanye’s music, T. Swift’s music, the MTV Music Video Awards — is a complete waste of time.
09.14.09 at 11:26 pm
I don’t see nothin wrong with a little bump and grind
09.15.09 at 12:49 am
@Kathy Hagoopagopian: Clearly you’re talking sexy to illustrate your point and it’s working. Point taken.
09.15.09 at 1:22 am
While I commend the author for taking the unpopular stance of defending Kanye, the bashing of Taylor Swift is incorrect and total BS.
How is Taylor Swift not good at music? Yeah her voice isn’t as powerful and strong as Beyonce’s, but the girl writes her own music at least. Most artists can’t boast that.
09.15.09 at 2:33 am
Really?
You all are worked up because a drunk, possibly coked up asshole got loud and obnoxious at a huge party?
How fucking retarded is that?
09.15.09 at 6:05 am
And Gloria, most artists who sing can say they wrote their own songs. They’re just broke and unknown.
09.15.09 at 6:08 am
Taylor sucks,Beyonce sucks and Kanye sucks.
And thus the circle of suck is complete.
09.15.09 at 9:10 am
“falsely humble, middle-American indecency that people like Mr. West spend their lives desperately refuting.”
Kanye spends $10,000 a day to look that pretty. He’s the drive shaft in the machine that feeds middle America’s indecency.
09.15.09 at 12:06 pm
Are you kidding me? Since when does being rich and talented mean that you should be insulted for your success? I think someone is just a little green with envy? It’s pretty much bigotry isn’t it? justifying a cruel behavior because of a grouping, in this instance social class? Grow up.
09.15.09 at 1:45 pm
i laughed so hard at that one comment where someone said crystal castles were better than beyonce.
09.16.09 at 9:01 pm
I’m not going to deem Kanye a racist until some present to me tangible evidence to accurately prove this claim. What is clearly the case here is Kanye’s severe case of narcissism. His little fiasco at the VMAs was not to glorify Beyonce but just another opportunity for him to make himself seem far more important than what he really is.
04.20.10 at 9:25 pm