Two days ago everyone’s favorite spinster got an abortion. She’s not saying who the “baby” was but Aniston admits she was having second thoughts in the operating room. That sucks. Apparently the pregnancy was kind of far along and it almost clogged the vacuum. Doctors reported a large THUD sound when it hit the Plexiglas. When asked to describe the fetus Dr. Carrie Picard said, “Imagine taking a loaf of white bread and just mushing it down with your hands to as small as you could make it. That’s exactly what it looked and weighed like.” This description brought up the possibility that it could have been a self-made pregnancy wherein a fetus is made up of hair and teeth and all the other parts women can do by themselves AKA a teratoma. Pathetic.
FOR THE RECORD: I am a male and would never pretend to say I know what women go through but I do occasionally have shits so big they split my ass in two. Like most people, I look at these shits as they’re going down the drain and take a mental picture of the beast. For hours after I will see that image in my brain and even think about it with some regret. That must be a tiny hint of what it’s like to have an abortion and my heart goes out to Aniston and the dozens of other women whom have done the same.
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STREET BONER 1118
Just to be clear, this is not a hole in her tights. It’s a hole in the ass-time continuum that will swallow your entire paycheck if you go near it.
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shes hot.
02.06.09 at 10:35 am
abortions make pussies smell sooo bad.
02.06.09 at 10:39 am
This is either the dumbest thing I ever saw, or incredibly postmodern and smart.
02.06.09 at 10:41 am
What the hell ever happened to doctor/patient confidentiality? “Doctors reported a large THUD sound when it hit the Plexiglas.” What the fuck, a doctor reported that, and then went on to describe an aborted fetus as a squished loaf of white bread? I demand sources for this info!
02.06.09 at 10:44 am
Oh I guess I’m just really gullible and dense, sorry Gavin
02.06.09 at 10:49 am
classy. very classy.
02.06.09 at 10:55 am
everytime Aniston and dozens like her is forced to rip her asshole on a huge log she’ll be thinking the same thing, don’t worry. sucks to be them i guess. OH well. they’ll be back in the swing of things in no time. It’s the whole point. I imagine she fantasized the baby she was killing was a miniature version of brad pitt, therefore resolution to any unanswered questions she might hav had about jolie and pitt.
02.06.09 at 10:56 am
thank god for abortions. Not just for the 2 kids it saved me from, but for the next 10 years of bikini pics of this aging impervious women. She’s time proof.
02.06.09 at 11:05 am
ha ha ha “dozens of other women”. That was genuinely funny. go gavin!
02.06.09 at 11:05 am
an abortion or an std. silly women letting men slip it in w/out rubbers. dummies. if a guy asks, pleads, begs to put it in w/out a rubber just tell him that you will as soon as you get done watching him take it up the ass bare from another guy that swears he is totally clean.
02.06.09 at 11:23 am
^ FYI you can still get STIs when using a condom during sex, I did.
02.06.09 at 11:51 am
well done.
02.06.09 at 12:00 pm
source please
02.06.09 at 2:18 pm
pretty fucking funny
02.06.09 at 2:23 pm
dude, how stoned are you? this is great, I’m gunna go smoke some hash now!!!
02.06.09 at 2:51 pm
oh, best part “looked and weighed like” HAHAHAHAH
02.06.09 at 2:51 pm
talk all the shit you want about aniston, i would still run up in her rawdog style. skeet skeet skeet. she can abort my kids any day
02.06.09 at 3:22 pm
I’m surprised that it looked like white bread. I’d have thought that she was on Atkins and the fetus would have looked like a nut loaf.
02.06.09 at 3:27 pm
More like Jennifer Aniston IS an abortion, amirite?
02.06.09 at 3:39 pm
This is the funniest thing I have read so far on this site!
PS: I wish I was an abortion.
02.06.09 at 6:41 pm
Jennifer Aniston would never have an abortion. She’d have to have ovaries n a uterus in the first place! zing!! p.s. Hahaha, whiners suck has STD’s and ur doing it wrongs going to hell!!!
02.06.09 at 7:28 pm
Jesus CHRIST that ass of hers is ROCKIN’.
02.06.09 at 7:34 pm
Wow. I just remembered jerking off to that first photo when I was like, fifteen.
02.06.09 at 9:13 pm
ahah, Dozens
Hey! anyone ever crush up crackers and put maple syrup on them?! YUM!
02.07.09 at 1:46 am
i got dragged to see that ‘he’s just not that into you’ movie last night and i wanted to rip out my eyeballs.
jennifer aniston was one of the only pseudo-redeeming things about it though so i’ll give her that.
02.07.09 at 12:31 pm
holy fucking shit, who wrote this??
you broke new ground. good lord…
02.08.09 at 5:43 pm
Why do people find her attractive? She is less physically appealing than Renee Zelwegger by far to me. Is she a woman that women like because she is so non-threatening?
02.08.09 at 11:28 pm
Blech! Get more men to write stuff, please!
02.09.09 at 4:49 am
# Beef Says:
02.09.09 at 4:49 am
Blech! Get more men to write stuff, please!
– This was meant for the post below this. Oh, internet and your silly games.
02.09.09 at 4:51 am
she looks like a dude.
02.09.09 at 11:21 am
all of gwyneth paltrow’s babies end up coming out like toothpaste
02.09.09 at 6:34 pm
Jennifer Aniston would never have an abortion. She’d have to have ovaries n a uterus in the first place! zing!! p.s. Hahaha, whiners suck has STD’s and ur doing it wrongs going to hell!!!
12.31.09 at 2:31 pm