O.K. So I’m really into lists right now…not lists to get into clubs and parties but like list, lists. Kinda like how my girl, Hanna Montana made a list of 7 things she hates and 7 things she likes about that shitty faggot that broke her heart from the Jonas Brothers. So here is my list of 7 Things that drive me nuts and 7 things that I fucking adore.
7 Things That Drive Me Nuts
1) Shitty Faggots…a breed of fag defined by Sophia Lamar. Like her, I cant stand shitty faggots!!!!
2) I’m super fucking pissed off at the Art Dept my Daddy’s Factory. They had the audacity to put this graphic at the new Santa Monica Store!!!!
I know it’s from a photo series that my Daddy took from Apollo Braun, a shitty LES Store and I know it also says “No American Apparel Bags Allowed in This Store”…. But Paris isn’t gonna get that its supposed to be some humorous artistic statement!!! I’m so sad because I was just becoming better friends with her. I got to go to her Halloween Party!!! Now she’s gonna be pissed and I will toats be on a Hollywood Ex-It Girl Black List!!!! Remember what happened to Tara Reid???? Paris, It wasn’t me!!! I swear, I love you, I mean it!!!!!
3) Mormons. They deserve to be anally raped by demons in Hell forever!!!!! They started that Prop 8 mess. Just when I fell in love at first sight with this French dude during Fashion Week. I’m pretty sure that Sal petit tapette is probably gonna break my heart anyway, but I don’t care. I will do ANYTHING to Gay Marry him! He is the sweetest and cutest!!!!!!
4) It drives me SO nuts that there are hardly ANY bidets in the States!!! A girl never knows when she’s gonna be offered analingus… You gotta keep it fresh as a daisy!!!
5) I hate that Facebook got WAY cooler than MySpace!!!! They give you such a hard time about using your stage name!!!!
6) The song “My Baby” from Britney’s “Circus” album….. Girl, you were doing sooo good! You ruined it by singing about those kids you don’t even care about!!! Let K-Fed deal with it! You got a show to do!
7) PUSSIES
7 Things I Fucking Adore
1) My life… So gay and so fun!! 24/7
2) Alex Blagg…Wherefore art thou??? You started my career as an internet celebutante!!!! Now you are making fun of “Real Celebs” on B.W.E.??? What happened to our myspace messages??? We were supposed to meet and I was gonna play with your stubbies wubbie and spoon your sexy widdle bear cub belly till something gross happens! PLEASE COME BACK I LOVE YOU AND FUCKING ADORE YOU!!!
3) “Fashion, Put It All on Me, Don’t ya Wanna See these Clothes On Me?”
4) Grammy Award-winning producers to make me hits!!!?
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5) Pig Roasts?
6) Baby Clothes For Adults. Ga Ga Goo Goo Peggy Noland!!!!
7) Duh…I told you last week…My Daddy!!!!
-Jonny Makeup
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STREET BONER 1118
Just to be clear, this is not a hole in her tights. It’s a hole in the ass-time continuum that will swallow your entire paycheck if you go near it.
Bad Behavior has blocked 5634 access attempts in the last 7 days.
ooooooookie. gavin, even your better writers are kinda dissapointing. you’ve got to consider some new writers. i think i’m giving up on this site.
a lot of people stay here because you’re like microsoft. they trusted internet explorer for so long… and it was the first one they trusted… why try firefox now? oh, cause it’s better (i don’t even know if it, but it’s what geeks keep telling me.) ok, i’m using internet explorer and i don’t know shit about computers… so… i’ll give another analogy a shot…
Street Carnage is like the family member that becomes such a manipulative cock ferret you spend months considering whether you should really always stick to your family. nobody’s a 100% evil and maybe he’s trying. his life looks rough and he needs one responsible, supportive force. so you exhibit patience. and then he jacks your printer, calls your wife a ugly, and eats all the gourmet vegan food you prepared for a party with all your work cronies. you get RILED… and then you’re like “well, my wife is kinda ugly and my boss is a pussy who only eats gourmet food. he barely even pays me and he has a fucking Louis Vuitton clipboard thingy.”
but then he starts “Into The Great Wide Open” by Tom Waits and you’re like “wait, fuck this.”
01.09.09 at 4:10 am
TOM PETTY
TOM PETTY
I can’t believe I just said that about Tom Waits. Fuck.
See, I’m a commenter. The people who work here will write an entire post that is innacurate and then not respond to the comments questioning their premises or at least post and update. You guys don’t even have intelligent commenters and when you get a few you don’t give them the respect they deserve.
GOD. Even commenters freak out when they have a major factual innacuracy in their posts.
01.09.09 at 4:15 am
I can’t believe Jack McBrayer is writing for SC. That’s a real “get” as they say in the biz.
01.09.09 at 5:18 am
this guy’s a shitty faggot.
01.09.09 at 5:24 am
I can’t believe this talentless douche has a “career”. Nothing in this posting is witty, insightful or even the least bit entertaining. Why would anyone give two shits about Johnny Makeup’s retarded lists???
Wasting time to read this nepotistic attention whore’s contribution (and I use the word contribution very lightly) reminded me why I don’t own a tv and avoid 95% of the interweb.
Gavin et al. please up the quality control.
01.09.09 at 5:25 am
Far too many exclamation points. We get how unfunny you are without you having to over-emphasize.
01.09.09 at 6:08 am
Leo Fitzpatrick?
01.09.09 at 7:57 am
“They had the audacity to put this graphic…” It’s hardly a graphic.
01.09.09 at 9:01 am
Ha ha ha. THis homo had me spitting out my latte. I am a died in the wool fag hag, but didn’t think I would like this one. I bet he’s a laff riot to hang out with. And probs verrrry annoying! Boy George said once; I much prefer people to hate me than to have no opinion whatsoever. I think JM subscribes to this dictum.
01.09.09 at 9:40 am
please just like… dont let this guy post anything on this website ever again.
for reals.
01.09.09 at 10:18 am
the first time i heard of this guy was on this site in a post that said how funny he is.
how wrong it was.
01.09.09 at 10:38 am
I try not to judge too often on this site, cuz’ you know there is a lot of judgment being passed already…….That being said I feel like my brain just vomited as a result of the pain it just had to endure. Fuck that was terrible. In fact it wasn’t so much as bad but more……well…..who gives a fuck? And what the fuck is it about being gay and acting like a swooning 12 year old girl? Its fucking annoying when 12 year old girls do it, its fucking retarded when a grown man does it.
01.09.09 at 10:40 am
fluff
01.09.09 at 10:42 am
I can’t say I care much for this young man. I do agree with him about the bidets and analingus though.
01.09.09 at 10:58 am
I’ve never commented on this sight before but this post is so bad that I feel it’s my duty as a fan of this site. Start filtering your content or go fuck yourself. Thanks for your time.
01.09.09 at 11:40 am
This convinced me to become a Mormon.
01.09.09 at 11:44 am
IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE HE HAS A PENIS BUT HE LIKES PENISES, GET IT? IF YOU HAVE A PENIS YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO LIKE VAGINAS BUT HE DOESN’T, HE LIKES PENISES. HE GOT IT ALL WRONG. ALSO HE LIKES BUTTS, HOW MESSED UP IS THAT??????
01.09.09 at 11:52 am
This guy is shit.
01.09.09 at 11:58 am
what a shrieking poof. at least we didnt have to hear his awful speaking voice. Can you imagine him and a mormon in a gay-rights debate? We’d all be fundamentalists within a day.
01.09.09 at 12:06 pm
who gives a shit about Johnny Fuckup? Really?
01.09.09 at 12:30 pm
FAIL.
but I really liked that Sativa post from yeserday
01.09.09 at 12:51 pm
Uncle Tom homo.
01.09.09 at 1:01 pm
You spelled his name wrong! Better fucking correct it before Jim (aka Streetcarnage Fonzie) gets a whiff of this shit! No h in Jonny!
01.09.09 at 1:18 pm
Wow. He linked us to THE myspace home page, not his, but just that general starting point home page. What a fucking treat. Nothing like a creative piece of intra-webs linkage to add zing to your “journalism.” At least show us some pussy. Theirs, not yours.
01.09.09 at 1:21 pm
DO US A FAVOR, GET AIDS ALREADY, SIR.
01.09.09 at 1:59 pm
Burnt popcorn is better than this post. At least be ignorant or stupid or obese. This is boring and unfunny. You are not an interesting person.
01.09.09 at 2:14 pm
That’s it, fuck Google Alerts.
01.09.09 at 3:11 pm
Who the fuck is Johnny Makeup??
01.09.09 at 3:41 pm
he reminds me of 2003.
01.09.09 at 4:05 pm
Is this supposed to be so ridiculously unfunny that it’s funny again? God I hope so.
01.09.09 at 4:20 pm
I love the gays. They get away with murder. I mean, Dov Charney is GUHROSS but I love his lists. So good. Carry on then Jonny!
01.09.09 at 5:03 pm
Johnny, you go boy! You have a lot of haters though.. I still your a sweety and miss you tons!! Keep having fun for those of us who can’t 24/7!!!!!!
01.09.09 at 5:46 pm
I love you, Jonny!! You are amazing. All them haters are just SHITTY FAGGOTS. haha
01.09.09 at 6:09 pm
At least Jonny Makeup didn’t write “I still your a sweety and miss you tons!!” But he was probably sniffing airplane glue with JP when s/he did.
01.09.09 at 6:38 pm
And can’t we all stand up and admit that we read this post because that is an immaculate picture they’re running on the homepage (and top of this one). I mean it.
Really do.
01.09.09 at 6:39 pm
this makes want to go out and commit a hate crime. but first i have to go find the ew imposter and rape his eye sockets. looks like its gonna b a long nite. toodles!
01.09.09 at 7:14 pm
fuck all of y’all he’s cool
01.09.09 at 7:15 pm
Fuck this guy, he can eat my box – it would be the only good use of his mouth at this point, and I’m even starting to have second thoughts about THAT.
01.09.09 at 8:08 pm
I think I’m in love. I need more Jonny Makeup in my life.
01.09.09 at 9:59 pm
what a slob. i’m sure his asshole looks like stargate.
01.09.09 at 10:26 pm
um, penisbreath.
01.10.09 at 1:13 am
This was legitimately useless.
01.10.09 at 1:34 am
not only does his writing suck.. He is an ugly motherfucker..
01.10.09 at 2:27 am
I want my 50 seconds back. Total junk article. No redeeming value.
01.10.09 at 12:14 pm
make him do wasted pushups in snuggies
01.10.09 at 5:06 pm
wait…. gaysted pushups with sam meteer in a shared snuggie
01.10.09 at 5:14 pm
So that dude;s gay or something?
01.11.09 at 4:05 am
His flagrant use of punctuation is appalling.
01.11.09 at 8:36 am
i love jonny makeup. he’s actually really sweet
01.11.09 at 2:16 pm
im thinking i dont know him. but i guess i should. its true that these people make the world go round. go jonny go!
01.11.09 at 2:33 pm
No, real people who actually work for a living make the world go around. Pathetic fags like this are simply parasites.
01.11.09 at 3:22 pm
SOOOOOOOO fucking predictable for this Prefab Fag to blame California’s dozen or so Mormons for killing that Gay Marriage Bill.
His politics simply don’t allow for the truth, which is that black and Hispanic voters killed it. I’d love to watch him try and explain to some Guatemalan immigrant family that he’s had a hard life.
01.11.09 at 5:55 pm
this guy is fake gay. actually now that i think about it the internet is done. this has gone too far. Quote me on that.
01.12.09 at 5:12 am
Terrible.
01.12.09 at 6:39 pm
“i’m sure his asshole looks like stargate.” holy shit I laughed so hard when i read this, thanks for that.
01.12.09 at 7:54 pm
this really, really could of been a lot worse. this post really wasn’t THAT bad.
01.12.09 at 8:14 pm
buy my stuff!
http://www.americanapparel.com
01.12.09 at 9:09 pm
Yes it was. check yo shit.
01.13.09 at 11:25 am
johnny love-hates Blagg
01.13.09 at 1:21 pm
OMG WANT YOUR SHOES
01.13.09 at 1:23 pm
Faggot
01.18.09 at 3:30 pm
i pictured him having bigger hair. he’s not even a cool fag.
09.26.09 at 8:55 pm
INTO THE GREAT WIDE OPEN. Yeah you hit it on the head. Street Carnage is way off. Real hipsters are no longer hipsters. Uh, I remember when I was 15, uh, 12 years ago and it was cool to rail on tom petty. Now it’s just like what the fuck, Tom Petty? Are we in the 1950’s. No street carnage is about as insightful as the 1950’s.
Too many canadians getting information second hand too many years later. Get some angry former hipsters from the midwest, who know all the bitter jokes that the canadians won’t pick up on for another 12 years.
01.18.10 at 11:41 pm