(Weapons kids planned to use in a plot to kill their third-grade teacher)
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The tabloids are ablaze with stories of children committing unspeakable crimes, and for me, that’s entertainment, my friends. Prepube perps and tiny tyrannical terroristic tots are takin’ it to the streets. The kids are out there rapin’ and murderin’ and robbin’ and dope-dealin’ and burnin’ buildin’s to a crisp, and I’m lovin’ every frickin’ goddamned cocksucking motherfucking minute of it.
The young’uns are on a rampage, and I think that’s absolutely delightful. Spastic, Ritalin-fueled sugar fiends and crack babies born without brains and burned by momma with a Bic lighter on their thighs every day throughout infancy are showing that kids can commit serious crimes, too, and I think that sends a positive message.
As a public service, I’m going to share some details of the more lurid and sensational cases of preteen criminality ever recorded. And after that, I’ll briefly analyze what it might all possibly mean. In order to, eh, “protect” these little murderers, rapists, and arsonists, their names are routinely withheld, and you rarely find out whether or not the anonymous nippers ever received official punishment. Although that’s all very disappointing, let’s have a look, anyway…
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• In the early 1870s, Jesse “The Boston Boy Fiend” Pomeroy sexually tortured seven boys, then savagely murdered a ten-year-old girl before violently slashing a four-year-old boy to death. Pomeroy had been ten and eleven at the time of his crimes.
• In 1968, on the day before her 11th birthday, a spicy British lass named Mary Bell strangled a young boy to death. Two months later, she and another girl choked a three-year-old boy into extinction. She also carved an “M” into his stomach and used scissors to snip off part of his genitalia. Mary Bell is now a free woman who lives under a different name.
• In February of 1993, Jon Venables and Robert Thompson, both ten, abducted two-year-old James Bulger from a Liverpool, England, shopping mall—the kidnapping was recorded on surveillance cameras—then led him to some local train tracks, where they covered him in blue paint, forced batteries into his mouth, and eventually bludgeoned him to death. Venables and Thompson are both eligible for parole this year.
• In 1997 at age 11, Nathaniel Abraham from Pontiac, MI, fired a rifle he’d stolen at someone standing two hundred feet away in front of a convenience store, killing him.
• In August, 2000, two girls aged five and six smothered a three-year-old boy to death in his California home. No motive was noted.
• In 1998 in Namibia (a lot of black people live there), an 11-year-old boy axe-murdered his six-year-old cousin. Three years later, and apparently free the whole time, the productive young criminal was back in court facing rape charges. A Namibian official commented that as part of his job, he’d encountered rapists as young as seven.
• In 1999 down in insect-ridden Florida while demonstrating some “wrestling moves,” 12-year-old Lionel Tate crushed a six-year-old girl to death, lacerating her liver and fracturing her skull. After being released from custody a mere four years after his sentencing, Tate promptly pulled an armed robbery at a pizza joint.
• In 1985 while playing with an eleven-year-old friend, a nine-year-old Brooklyn girl stabbed her to death while arguing about a rubber ball.
• In 2003 in Woodbridge, NJ, a ten-year-old boy reportedly convinced a three-year-old boy to follow him out of a library, whereupon he raped and beat him, then dumped him in a drainage ditch. The three-year-old died the next day.
• Late last year in Orlando, FL, a thirteen-year-old boy named Demetrius Key reportedly beat his eight-year-old brother Levares to death with a hunk of metal because Levares had eaten a piece of dessert he wasn’t supposed to eat, and Demetrius didn’t want to get blamed for it. (I know I said these were examples of “preteen” criminality, but for fuck’s sake, he killed him over dessert!)
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So what are we to make of all these li’l rascals?
As potential street thugs, children face several impediments, chief among them their size and naiveté. But although hampered by such shortcomings, child criminals are greatly aided by the fact that they’ll never do serious jail time for their crimes, even if it’s murder. The tremendous advantage of being a preteen criminal is that, relatively speaking, you’re never going to be seriously punished, because the adult world is under the delusion you didn’t know what you were doing in the first place.
But should someone’s criminal responsibility disappear merely because they’re little and cute?
Does anyone really think that growing pubic hair and sprouting a full-blown sex drive ever gave anyone better ethical judgment? It’s the other way around, fools. Adulthood makes people do even dumber things. But kids who kill and rape and burn down buildings truly have no excuse.
The way the deck is currently stacked, the only sort of criminals expected to take full responsibility for their actions are adult white males. The only white males who get a free pass are the ones whose nuts haven’t yet fallen from the tree.
If a woman commits a crime, there’s always a man to blame.
If a chocolate-colored person commits a crime, white people in general are always to blame.
If a child commits a crime, everyone and everything on earth gets blamed but the fucking kids themselves. Their parents and “society” are always fingered. And “society” means screen violence. Grand Theft Auto. Satanism. Popular music. Permissiveness. Human secularism. All the kids who made fun of them before they snapped. But none of these things are to blame. Child criminality isn’t even Street Carnage’s fault.
I think that in a free and equal society that encourages diversity, children have every right to be criminals, too. I say blame the kids themselves, because these snotty little fuckers know precisely what they’re doing. I think they rape, kill, and commit arson because, at the time, it seemed like a fun idea.
I don’t believe there’s some magical “age of reason” at which a kid suddenly realizes it’s wrong to splatter open some other kid’s dome with a sawed-off shotgun. If you point a gun at somebody with the intent to kill them, it shouldn’t matter what your age is. Intent means everything here. I’m not talking about two-year-olds in diapers who accidentally blast somebody because they were playing with a gun that daddy left on the coffee table—I’m talking about anyone who picks up a gun and points it at somebody with the intent of snuffing them.
As every authority figure I encountered throughout my childhood made a point of telling me, some kids are just born bad.
As with all crime, as long as I’m not the victim, I don’t really care about anything other than how entertaining it was. And with child criminals, it’s almost impossible not to be entertained. Even though it’s obvious that kids are willfully capable of such grotesqueries, it continues to come as a surprise.
I don’t want to publicly encourage children to commit serious felonies, and hey, kids, you really shouldn’t be on this site, anyway, but every time I hear of another pint-sized preteen monster bustin’ caps or hymens, I’m gonna laugh.
So let the children kill. Let the children rape. Let the children burn the whole fucking city to the ground. So long as it’s funny, consequences don’t matter to me.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4422 access attempts in the last 7 days.
i don’t necessarily disagree with everything this dude says, but you’d have to be crazy or joking to say that the deck is unfairly stacked in favor of black folks. i believe he’s even quoted the statistics in other writings:
u.s. population by race: http://www.hrw.org/backgrounder/usa/incarceration/images/figure1.2.gif
state & federal inmates by race: http://www.hrw.org/backgrounder/usa/incarceration/images/figure1.1.gif
04.08.08 at 9:34 am
It’s true—kids make the cutest felons!
04.08.08 at 10:52 am
I see nothing wrong with a bit of the old ultra-violence every now and then. Sometimes a droog needs a real horror-show tolchok to the gulliver,oh me brothers.
04.08.08 at 11:09 am
I like you Gavin – and what you write – just wanted some clarity on this point.
“If a chocolate-colored person commits a crime, white people in general are always to blame.”
You can’t honestly be trying to say Black people don’t get punished for crimes. Have you ever seen a jail – its FULL of Black people. I guess I don’t get your point. Are you saying they don’t get punished – or they do get punished but liberals think and say they shouldn’t get punished? the latter seems fairly true – the former just factually ridiculous.
and yes – a kid that rapes and kills another little kid should be in state custody in some fashion pretty much forever. If a kid did that to my daughter and I could find the little fucker lets just say the constables wouldn’t be called.
04.08.08 at 11:12 am
Jim Goad wrote this dummy.
04.08.08 at 11:32 am
I think the issue here might be society’s ideas of criminal responsibility. Black and female criminality tend to be viewed through a lens of “historical oppression,” while kids are presumed to not have any fucking idea what they’re doing.
04.08.08 at 11:34 am
Gavin? Do you not know how to read a by-line? Let’s give Jim some credit where it’s due…
04.08.08 at 11:35 am
alex, you are a
fucking dumb ass
04.08.08 at 11:46 am
I’d like to see a VH1 reality show featuring extremely young criminals living together a la “Surreal Life.”
04.08.08 at 12:49 pm
I agree. Children who murder should be awarded with their own television shows.
04.08.08 at 2:15 pm
Children bring an unspoiled, innocent exuberance to violent crime that I find absolutely endearing.
04.08.08 at 2:40 pm
If my dad had fucked me in the ass when I was 3, I’d probably be fucking 3-year-olds in the ass by the time I was 10. Crazy kids should still have their heads chopped off to release their burden from society, but chop those kids’ parents heads off too. And make sure to fuck ‘em in the ass first.
04.08.08 at 3:52 pm
Yo!
I know damn well that if it were not for the corrosive cultural ooze escaping the mouths of NWA I would have a clear conscience. I would not have executed the entire “Toddling’ Tots” assembly at the Goldenseal School for the Blind with a soldering iron. I would have not boiled their pet turtle. I would have not sold sweet Ms. Jones into the Romanian sex trade. I would have not broken into Pet Palace and surgically attach googly eyes onto every last chinchilla. The quest for survival in this modern world is futile. Society has a well establish scheme that eliminates the chance of a mentally sound youngster escaping into adulthood without committing a heinous crime. Needless to say, it’s the Government at fault.
You tactless cocks! We OWE the African-American people centuries of reimbursement, countless amounts of ex-slaves roaming the streets without reparations! I say at least a quarter of your annual income, minimum. Oh, and incase you were unaware, the prison system doubles as federally subsidized housing, they weren’t actually guilty. Man, naïve or what, like the news is accurate.
04.08.08 at 4:03 pm
Well, that was a waste of my time.
04.08.08 at 7:03 pm
good article, but what would have turned it into a proper ‘writing gig’ would be if in the middle somewhere you’d talked about how you went to a celebrity party at some cool new bar and saw a lot of your famous friends who are in bands that we would think are amazing if we were as cool as you.
sorry, im still bitter over that stupid fucking london bitch and her parties and photos article with the words ‘writing gig’ in it which makes me want to have a seizure and spray puke through my clenched teeth.
i LOVE this one though. (not that anyone cares)
04.08.08 at 8:40 pm
no byline on my view. don’t know why…i guessed Gavin. oops – doesn’t matter really anyway. ok – so same question then to the great Jim Goad. sorry fellas.
04.08.08 at 10:47 pm
i don’t know how to read a by line.
wow, some people really do like to get up on their “i know more than you do horse”.
and yeah… fuck you “ummmmm”
real cute.
04.08.08 at 11:41 pm
I kinda notice how people put women and children on this pedastal of holy innocence for simply who they are. It was Bill Hicks who said it himself “That’s what I hate about this child-worship syndrome going on. ‘Save the children! They’re killing children! How many children were at Waco? They’re killing children!’ What does that mean? They reach a certain age and they’re off your fucking love-list? Fuck your children, if that’s the way you think then fuck you too. You either love all people of all ages or you shut the fuck up.”
04.09.08 at 6:59 am
I was having fun up until “the way the deck is currently stacked”, then it turned into the daily internet special: angry white male dreck.
04.09.08 at 8:27 am
Hey Gabe, have a gander at the other part of this site, one half of Streetcarnage. Hilarious Black Male Satire. I’m sure he gets angry too sometimes, if that makes you feel better.
Just cuz he looks mixed, Beckles gets no love!!!!! ???
04.09.08 at 8:37 am
Derrick Beckles gets plenty of love, and not only coz he’s black.
04.09.08 at 9:48 am
This is well thought out filler
04.09.08 at 11:39 am
Oh you naughty boys.
04.09.08 at 11:47 am
the thing about child-killers, is, they grow up to be doctors and lawyers and insurance brokers and bankers and judges, the difference being, they weren’t caught red handed, when they were children; or they waited till they got into their chosen career fields before they killed.
04.09.08 at 12:43 pm
yeah i didn’t even read any of these other comments and i’m sure that plenty of other people commented on it, but i also just wanted to say that although this is another great post, your comment about black people’s crimes having the blame shifted toward some white cause is like…what?
04.10.08 at 12:07 am
then again, i am the first person to finger peoples parents.
04.10.08 at 12:10 am
What is this the nihilist narcisist page, lol. Every1 of u has a radical opionion that would co-incide with the best of early 90s german hate metal music. I would be offfended if i was not so entertained, lol. peace… uh… i mean…. war if you prefer, lol.
02.13.09 at 11:53 am