Oh what a long, strange trip it’s been. Last week’s episode about made up words was the best one so far and word on the street is that tonight’s episode is going to be off the motherfucking chizains.
Who made up “off the chain?” I made up the word “immersionism” and I was an integral part of “cougar” though nobody believes me. You too? Okay, you want the story? Back in 1993 some Canadian designers named Helios noticed they got more work when they fucked marketing women. These ladies were usually in their 40s, very driven, single, lonely, horny, and successful. They dressed ridiculously young for their age and were a bummer to be around. Every record label’s marketing staff is populated almost exclusively by these women. We tried the trick too and, though it was fucking gross, it paid the bills. I started mentioning cougars in various articles that were spread all over the world and BOOM it became a word. If you don’t believe me go ask Helios.
Now, the fact that women are now trying to own the word and make it into MILF is a bastardization. On Top Chef the other day they called their team “Cougar” because they thought the older woman in the group was hot. Cougars are not hot. They are not “An older woman that’s into younger guys.” They are the ovaries that time forgot and they want revenge on all penises. It’s basically the female, heterosexual equivalent of the gay word “Troll.” So stop pretending it’s a compliment.
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my friends think i suck. i watched the sarah silverman show, and didn’t think it was funny. i gave it a chance on more than one occasion. i watched the one where she’s licking the dog ass. the one where she runs the dude over and a few other ones. i dont get what’s supposed to be so funny about her show.
she does have a sweet set of tits. that’s the one thing that kept me coming back. i like tits a lot
12.11.08 at 12:10 pm
So cougar has nothing to do with female lions that prey on the young and defenseless?
12.11.08 at 12:10 pm
that story is straight trash. you, who wrote this, had nothing at all to do with the coining of the word cougar. i made that shit up.
fucking helios? really? just ask them, right?
12.11.08 at 12:13 pm
To the first poster – I don’t think that’s the only thing you’re not ‘getting.’
12.11.08 at 12:15 pm
yeah that dude is totally dot nosing it up.
12.11.08 at 12:50 pm
how much is comedy central paying you to pretend that sarah is funny?
im sure eventually you’ll be good enough to start pretending that
jimmy kimmel is funny too.
12.11.08 at 1:50 pm
bhwuup….bhwuup …that’s the sound of the “Lie Police”.
12.11.08 at 1:52 pm
Other words Gavin has made up: Birds, Canadian, OKAAY, & Blognigger
12.11.08 at 2:02 pm
yea i gave the sarah silverman show a buncha chances but its just not that funny. there are at most like 3 funny moments per episode
12.11.08 at 2:11 pm
dont forget sugar booger
12.11.08 at 2:13 pm
which isn’t bad considering it’s only 15 minutes in duration.
12.11.08 at 2:14 pm
most overrated bitch ever.
12.11.08 at 3:21 pm
yeah yeah you invented cougars, I think it might stick this time I gotta good feeling about time one million. isn’t it in the intro to the Vice Guide book as well. I’ll make sure when you die that I write a letter to the obit section of the Gawker that says “he invented Cougars while eating about a 100 gallons of aged big cat pussy foam in the nineties”. it’s wrong and pretty gross but I always got a dong reaction seeing some 39 year old broad dressed like an electric circus chick oiling her way thru Industry.. they have most of the skills of old whores but have fucked hundreds less dudes
“and now the legacy begins” – rancid cream warriors
12.11.08 at 3:29 pm
The guys that cougars fuck are always the bottom of the barrel. They are the rejects of women their own age.
12.11.08 at 5:25 pm
my dad claims to have invented the term trophy wife when from when he lived in LA.
12.11.08 at 6:23 pm
“The guys that cougars fuck are always the bottom of the barrel. They are the rejects of women their own age”
or just guys who like treating nasty old sluts like trash. don’t give us your moral “ooh stick to your own age and peer group” varsity nerdball team opinion like it’s anything approaching orthodox you romantic whipped numpty. I’m like a smart 9 and a half and could charm your sister/girlfriend/your faggot ass into bed no worries but I’d prefer to make your unhappy mother make that “auuhhhuhh” sound thru the hole I ripped in her ravey diaper. there’s many men having sex in her shitty cos she’s thinks she’s amanda in sex in the city and it’s lover eyes in my head
12.11.08 at 7:15 pm
ma mamma mama mama
12.11.08 at 7:21 pm
Can we use Puma instead?
12.11.08 at 8:04 pm
http://www.seducedbyacougar.com
12.11.08 at 8:07 pm
That show isn’t funny. I can’t even watch the commercials.
12.11.08 at 9:25 pm
how can you stomach pretending sarah silverman is funny. that chick is beyond irritating. if she didn’t have tits the 4 people watching her show would turn it off. oh and cougars rule. rrrrowwwrrr.
12.11.08 at 9:28 pm
Based on the video snippet of the show, NOT FUNNY AT ALL. Jimmy Kimmel’s show is funnier than this shit.
12.11.08 at 11:57 pm
“like an electric circus chick oiling her way thru Industry”…you know when you you wake up the next day sans control of your inner dialogue. Twitching and blurting laughs and expletives. I just got that.
12.12.08 at 3:44 am
what about boo ya tribe
12.12.08 at 1:15 pm