I have this thing where if I think about people fucking with children, it causes me to get this stomach cancer feeling where I can’t stand up. If I think about kidnappers, child abusers, etc – it just goes to a special place where I need to drink Hydrocodone syrup and have a do-over.
Remember I created that Pyramid of Evil, where fucking with children was the worst thing you could do in the universe, and then all these commenters were like: “I don’t understand why abusing one kid is worse than killing a million people in a war?” They had a point, but like, my logic brain just shuts down when it comes to this topic.
So here’s my question: Since I have such an insanely strong reaction to people fucking around with kids, how come I can’t shake the feeling that no matter WHAT Michael Jackson did, he just wasn’t all that bad?
Three disclaimers:
a) I think the entire membership of NAMBLA should be put to death.
b) I think the parents who let their kids stay at Michael’s house, trading their children’s safety for a saucer of celebrity porridge – should be put to death.
c) I think that Michael Jackson, from a PR perspective, was possibly the stupidest and most clueless celebrity of all time. When he got on TV and said that he just liked to share his bed with teenagers and what’s so bad about that – from a PR standpoint, it made PETA’s flyswatting complaint look like Radiohead’s “free” album. His entire Marketing agency should be put to death.
But Listen:
I used to play gay little games when I was a young boy. There was never any actual dick sucking, but when I was real young, my friends and I had a game where we’d pretend to be at a school, and one of us would fuck up, and then he’d have to pull down his pants and go over the other one’s knee, and have a spanking on his bare ass.
I loved it.
When I was a bit younger than that, I used to go into the closet with my playdate, and we’d both show our penises to each other while our parents were having coffee in the living room and talking about Reagan.
On one occasion getting older, a friend and I jacked off in front of each other.
I think a lot of boys do shit like this, but no one ever talks about it. It was probably “homoerotic” – consensual, titillating, and ultimately harmless.
SO: let’s proceed. Remember, it’s just us here on this shitty little site. I’m not going to tweet about this post, or blog about it – it’s just you, me, and toolong.
Michael Jackson had a mental problem, and he was not fit to live in this world. He was severely damaged goods – abused by his father and society, and effectively grew into a retarded skeletal son-of-frankenstein. Half black, Half pink, he was a big perma-child, PROBABLY castrated to keep his voice high and prevent his hormones from making him too male and hairy.
I don’t think ANYONE believes he was evil or malevolent – he was just a big hulking child of peace and love and rainbows. He was mentally unfit to be called an adult – or to be held accountable as such.
Now here’s my question: Where are the victims? Aside from the kids whose parents ingeniously managed to extract millions in lawsuits, do you really think anyone left a night a Neverland being damaged?
Maybe they were scarred for life, but I was scarred for life by my spanking games as well. Was it really that bad a scar, or just ultimately, LEGALLY even, an act of childhood experimentation?
Yes: I’m trying to rationalize the curious lack of stomach cancer that I feel when thinking about Michael Jackson’s sleepover parties. I’m not star struck and it’s not cause the guy wrote Beat It – especially in the 90’s, I wasn’t even a fan.
I simply don’t feel the innate hatred and sickness that I’d feel if I thought about a child molestor locked overnight in a Suite at the Waldorf Astoria with a bunch of 10 year old boys. I don’t feel the dizziness and nausea I experience whenever the thought of a child being hurt enters my mind.
Why is that?
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that’s because he had the helpless, victimized schtick facade down to a tee. your feelings about him are much the same as the ones we experience when we hear about a woman who killed her kids. heinous, unthinkable acts….”but it was a woman.” the same rage that we would feel if it were the dad just falls away. we become emotional eunichs when we hear about or even witness crimes that are perpetrated by seemingly “helpless” types. the fact that he attempted to feminize himself didn’t help any either. don’t fall for it. always beware the victim, they can do the most unspeakable things and still feign victimhood.
i loved your post up til here: “They had a point, but like, my logic brain just shuts down when it comes to this topic.” and then my brain too just sort of shut down knowing where you were going with this.
07.01.09 at 12:39 pm
Best shit ever on this site.
07.01.09 at 12:42 pm
Jesus Christ. My brain can’t fit this much information.
07.01.09 at 1:09 pm
Agreed BN. The kid touching allegations are upsetting, but he was such a severely damaged person, through and through. Although I’m sure most pederasts are damaged as well, however, his life was so extremely aberrant and incomprehensibly meteoric that it would be difficult to find someone who wouldn’t be incredibly screwed up in more than one way. I think it was his general lack of maliciousness that also made all the allegations easier to digest. Ultimately it’s still unforgivable if he erotically touched children, but who knows what really happened at this point.
07.01.09 at 1:12 pm
I think Jackson was probably innocent. The first family that accused him he stupidly paid off to make them go away, so then there was plenty of motivation for the other families to make up stories. He was clearly fucked up, but a pedophile?
Our society has pedo-panic thanks to TV like Oprah and L&O:SVU. My sister literally thinks her children are constantly at risk of being raped any time they are out of her sight (she never misses an episode of Oprah.)
In reality there’s more chance of being struck by lightning, and the majority of abuse happens by a relative or authority figure. Not by a stranger, let alone some billionaire celebrity pop star.
07.01.09 at 1:12 pm
Anonymous was definitely offended by the experimentation stuff BL was talking about early in his post.
07.01.09 at 1:16 pm
opps i meant BN not BL
07.01.09 at 1:17 pm
no idea why that is but i feel exactly the same way too.
07.01.09 at 1:20 pm
so you all would have been a-okay living any kiddies you might have alone with him, right? you’d be this understanding if he’d just “experimented” with your little ones, is that right?
oh man.
07.01.09 at 1:26 pm
People say Michael Jackson wanted to be a white man and I think that’s only half right.
He wanted to be a white boy.
07.01.09 at 1:29 pm
Only Macaulay Culkin can settle this.
07.01.09 at 1:34 pm
it doesn’t turn your stomach because anyone who has any actual knowledge of jackson’s career and doings, knows that he’s innocent. he’s a superhuman being living life through the eyes of a child due to some regressive ass mental complexes stemming from shoddy child rearing.
people only find his behavior suspect because they can and have been told to find it weird by bias of social stigma. i don’t know why it became the popular and socially acceptable stance on michael jackson, but he was a fucking legend.
07.01.09 at 1:35 pm
@lb: How did you come by your information? Are you in the 10th or 11th grade?
07.01.09 at 1:50 pm
shut up and just let him rot already
07.01.09 at 1:56 pm
He probably didn’t put his pee pee into any kids poo poo. Perhaps your lack of stomach problems is due to the fact that you ate too many soft shell tacos.
07.01.09 at 2:22 pm
This was well written, you must be taking your meds and limiting your self-medication. Moronic,but well written.
“Why is that?”
A failure of the imagination. You simple have to picture his prosthetic nose falling off as he tries to jam his tongue even farther up your child’s ass for the stomach cancer feeling to come back.
07.01.09 at 2:26 pm
Allen Ginsberg supported NAMBLA.
07.01.09 at 2:33 pm
i learned 2 play billy jean cuz dude died…
07.01.09 at 2:35 pm
How come nobody else but you and I fess up to our childhood experimentation? With other boys! Natural as the sunshine.
But remember that first time with a girl? An older girl…show me yours quid pro quo?
That feeling of “ahhhh this is where we go; the anal inside!”
I can’t wait for that to someday happen to me.
07.01.09 at 2:40 pm
Ha! The iPhone/Freud slip: “animal inside” not “anal.”
Jesus do I need a nun to rap my knuckles.
07.01.09 at 2:42 pm
This is like a who’s who of impressionable bone heads and/or secret perverts. Mad lolarious. Get therapists.
07.01.09 at 2:58 pm
Word. I’m actually dropping friends because their fashionably contrarian approach is NOT CUTE when directed at MJ.
07.01.09 at 3:31 pm
@ Kaitlyn: anyone who says “mad lolarious” deserves absolutely no respect. Go run into an AIDS tree.
07.01.09 at 3:41 pm
Good post. Couldn’t agree more.
07.01.09 at 3:44 pm
Wait oen minnute, Dereck! I to believing that AMERICA USA is “innocents before proveing guilts” right? King of pop never CONVICTTED of any crime ever. ANY CRIMES.
Yes, he looked the part of homosexuels mans but never convictt of crime against laws.
Hiprocrites and liars for calling King of pop boy touching mans. I becomeing angry and more angry Derek Blognigger. And maybe it was YOU who touching boys and mans. Maybe it was YOU.
You dont even know laws of your counttry.
From preck!
07.01.09 at 3:48 pm
Honest and good shit. You’ll be severely punished.
07.01.09 at 3:51 pm
michael jackson was a fucking creeper, and just because he’s dead and being fawned over by the press doesn’t change the fact that he was probably a boy-lover. imagine if he’d tried to pull the same shit with little girls? wigga would have been strung up.
07.01.09 at 3:58 pm
preck leaves the best comments. GO PRECK!
07.01.09 at 4:10 pm
@Fat Jesus: obviously said in jest. Go run into a summer comedy blockbuster and bring your moleskine + pen light.
07.01.09 at 4:36 pm
vane$$a wrote me to say that he no longer reads bn posts because he hates the guy like yoko
07.01.09 at 5:05 pm
you might be gay? or maybe it’s a black thing? MJ’s face on OJ’s body was pretty awesome, tho’ …
07.01.09 at 5:20 pm
Damn, this dude is funny. I forgot all about “BN” until I saw him on Gawker today. Thanks for the laugh..and your own site is a riot.
07.01.09 at 5:29 pm
It reminds me of an episode of Law and Order, where this guy was raping and almost killing little girls, and I thought “what a scumbag, hurl the book at him.” Then, it turns out he’s schizophrenic because he saw his little sister get gangraped when she was ten, and he stopped taking his meds and went nuts. Then, when he went back on his meds, he felt so terribly he wanted to get the death penalty, and I thought “what a poor, sad man.”
Granted, it was a television show, but still. It’s all about perspective.
07.01.09 at 5:41 pm
Let me guess, y’all din’t exactly scream “injustice” when Mr. OJ was let off the hook just like you don’t feel the stomach cancer when you think of some black freak show ruining the lives of white children. Oh, and let me guess, we shouldn’t declare a vow of celibacy waiting for Public Enemy and Spike Lee to call out Michael Jackson for being a complete douche like they called out Elvis for being a “racist.” Hey, here’s a thought, just because someone doesn’t want to hang with you, it doesn’t mean that they dislike your race, it just means that they don’t want their silverware to get stolen.
07.01.09 at 7:07 pm
^^^^happy?^^^^^
07.01.09 at 7:08 pm
@Vane$$a let’s fuggin’ giv’er! That’s Canadian for “I hate this asshole, too.”
07.01.09 at 7:21 pm
I got molested a bunch of times as a child. It’s not really that bad.
The supermodel PhD that molested me wasn’t really that bad of a person either.
07.01.09 at 7:26 pm
I didn’t write anything on this board that’s been attributed to me so far. I could give a shit about Michael Jackson. Kid was a butt.
07.01.09 at 8:00 pm
fantastic, top of your game.
07.01.09 at 8:54 pm
This boy-love article brings up a lot of interesting points, but it ends with the same thing it started with. If MJ was in fact a boy-lover, why is it that the author has to separate him from other pedaphiles? Can’t he use this empathy he seems for have for MJ for others as well. Hurting children is obviously bad, and certain things should never be done to a child – their bodies and minds aren’t ready for intercourse. but I think people are so afraid of pedaphiles because society has made them into these pariahs – and people can’t really handle the thought of one because they are afraid that they see the same qualities of the pedaphiles in themselves. Murdering and injuring children comes from a sick place in a person (often from being abused when they were a youngin’) – but I bet there are many people out there who find children to be attractive in different ways for various reasons. Children are not asexual, but many people like to pretend that they are – this only makes people over-police their own thoughts, and brings shame to children exploring their sexuality with other children.
P.S. MJ obvi wasn’t castrated, he had children of his own.
07.01.09 at 9:13 pm
^^^ you’re a fucking idiot – MJ isn’t the father
07.01.09 at 9:30 pm
He was innocent! Sucked dry by human leeches from the moment he was born. The shit his dad did to him no one should have to go through, and after he got away from his dad he was latched onto by anyone who could convince him that they were not going to hurt him. No one made more people rich than Michael Jackson, and no one got less in return. So long Michael, sorry you had to live in this fucked up world.
07.01.09 at 9:46 pm
I grieve for him; but I also grieve for the culture that created and destroyed him. That culture is ours’ and it is a lethal and brutal one: with fame and celebrity as its core values, with money as its sole motive, it chewed this child up and spat him out.
07.01.09 at 10:44 pm
I need a really good cure for depression right now, and when I say “really good,” I mean REALLY GOOD.
07.01.09 at 11:10 pm
MJ WAS TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!THE WORLD DIDN’T DESERVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!
07.01.09 at 11:50 pm
kill yourself vakneesa
07.01.09 at 11:52 pm
@Vane$$a: Lots of your favorite liquor plus your favorite sad/angry music. Take until you lose consciousness. Repeat until you wake up feeling better.
07.02.09 at 12:33 am
It always ends up being all about Vane$$a. She even upstages the freshly deceased Michael Jackson.
07.02.09 at 12:53 am
This just in! Canadians are not only funny, they’re polite too!
07.02.09 at 1:29 am
The childhoold molestation vs. exeperimentation question haunts a lot of us, I think.
Like it’s creepy to see little kids playing war games with guns, it’s creepy to think of kids and sex. But–is that the actual worry for the kids or is it adults projecting ideals and the pain of lost “innocence” on little beings who are ultimately practicing to be adults who may one day kill people and have intercourse?
We live in an extremely fucked up culture that over-sexualizes young girls and glorifies violence, DUH. But…I remember playing games with friends. I can chalk it up to abuse and over-exposure to the dark side of sexuality through media and unsupervised time in front of tv, or justify it as a response to adult male babysitters telling me icky stories about anal hamster play at the tender age of six (that happened), but the truth is I was and still am fascinated by sex. I loved it before I knew it. I have a healthy relationship with sex and my own sexuality now, and those games with friends were not harmful to me in the long run.
I don’t want my own kids, when I have them, to re-enact sex scenes they saw on tv, but really, isn’t it kind of the same as how you don’t want to think about your parents doing it? Thats gross. EW. Right? Or–sexually active fourteenyearolds. Jesus. The smell of pubescent hormones, like the smell of a dirty highschool hallway. Ugh.
I actually don’t want to think about anyone I actually know having sex. My friends or co-workers. Bleugh. It’s a weird invasion of privacy, maybe.
I re-read an article about Mccauly Caulkin’s testimony about Michael Jackson and sleeping in is bed and it came down to: nobody fucking KNOWS what it’s like to be a child star and to be socially mutilated and the desires to heal or destroy are like, totally foreign (thank god) to most of us. Home Alone said he felt alone and Jacko was an instant kindred spirit. If you are a bonzai human being, developed from a formative age simply for the entertainment of the masses…I forgive you. You were twisted and bent for our viewing pleasure. It is not for me to judge.
07.02.09 at 2:48 am
you swat one fly and I’ll kick the fucking shit out of you.
07.02.09 at 4:41 am
ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK: MICHAEL JACKSON
By Chaunce Hayden
It’s time for the voice of reason. Michael Jackson was an asshole. There, I said it, and I’ll say it again. Michael “creepy, boy-loving” Jackson was an asshole. Got a problem with that? Too bad. I refuse to jump on the “rest in peace, we love you, Michael” bandwagon and shed tears over someone who was so f-ing despicable. How quickly the world forgets or conveniently chooses not to remember.
Allow me to quickly recap the life of this troubled superstar: Michael Jackson was a pedophile. Michael Jackson was a drug addict. Michael Jackson abused his own children both physically and emotionally. Michael Jackson was a deadbeat who owed millions in unpaid bills. Oh yeah, and Michael Jackson could sing and dance like a motherf–ker. And now, he’s dead. Boo hoo. What surprises me is how long this frail child molester was able to physically walk the earth. Let’s face it; Michael, for all intent and purpose, had left the human race years ago as he morphed into one of his Thriller video characters before our very eyes. But like the “Emperor’s New Clothes,” the world chose to ignore the true horror of this self-mutilated beast.
For 50 years, this soft-spoken mummy moonwalked his way through life leaving a trail of victims in his wake. God knows how many brainwashed boys were befriended by the ghoulish performer with the lure of cash, toys, exotic pets and an alcohol concoction Michael cleverly called “Jesus Juice” to loosen ‘em up before a night of debauchery. Imagine your own child lying in bed next to Michael wondering why the room is spinning while a wig-wearing 5′10″, 115-pound grown man in clown makeup gropes at his innocence. Yet, we cry for this animal as if Christ himself was crucified before our eyes. Please, spare me.
Someone should have put Michael out of his misery many years ago. A stake through the heart would have been more merciful than to allow this half-human/half plastic thing to slither through his backyard amusement park, hunting for his pubescent prey. In the end, I believe Michael himself knew what he had become and made the choice to put a stop to the madness. While the word “suicide” has yet to be brought up between all the blind tears, it’s my hope that Michael, in an effort to stop himself from hurting any other child, put an end to his own miserable existence.
I will not mourn the death of Michael Jackson no more than I would mourn the death of any pedophile that hunts down children for deviant pleasure…Regardless of his musical abilities.
Tonight, as I write this column, my heart and tears go out to those children who grew up much too soon thanks to the “King of Pop.”
07.02.09 at 8:55 am
Michael (and Janet for that matter) appear like cartoon characters when they are up there bumping and grinding. You wonder if they have a clue what this is about; they are like five year olds trying to act sexy. Two of the most sexually undeveloped entertainers ever. I don’t buy for a minute that MJ was this innocent in a man’s body just wanting to talk to kids about video games and homework and having sleepovers with cookies and staying up late and riding the carnival rides. Dude was in his thirties, forties, get a clue Whacko, you’re not that out of touch with the rest of society, I don’t care how many times daddy Joe made you miss bike riding witht he kids so that you could rehearse. I wouldn’t have wished him dead, but I wouldn’t be standing out there crying over him like a dope, eitehr.
07.02.09 at 9:13 am
I think the reason why you don’t feel the same disgust for Michael Jackson is because when it comes down to it, he WAS a child. In a sense, it was just ‘childhood experimentation’ because MJ wasn’t capable of anything remotely resembling an adult decision. If you read the testimony it wasn’t all just a non-stop pedo fest at neverland; they would do shit like take go-carts out all over the property and stay up all night eating ice cream and drinking coke, stupid shit that an eight-year old would do if they were left to their own devices………. except that it was a 40 year old man doing it.
The strange thing about it is, in the end, all of these questions aren’t about “innocent” vs. “guilty”. In fact, the discussion seems to prove that our notions of criminality are a lot more complex than we are used to. You could make the facile argument that if he touched the penis, the act is done, he’s a pedophile, throw him to the lions, bla bla bla. But remember, in our legal system you have to prove criminal intent (mens rea) for a criminal act. The question becomes whether Michael Jackson ever had control over his actions.
Do you remember this article from Vice?
http://www.viceland.com/int/v14n6/htdocs/happened.php
This chick goes and meets MJ for 30 seconds for an art project (whatever). The one thing that stuck with me was how she said he just stood in a corner while his handlers barked orders. He had little or no say in what happened in his life, on a Very basic level. The question is, if you have no control over your life on that sort of level, where people determine your schedule and career and ridiculous photo-ops that constitute your life, can you really be held accountable for your actions?
I’m not going to answer that question. All I’m saying is that it’s more complicated than ‘Did He Do It?’
07.02.09 at 10:32 am
The KING of pop
07.02.09 at 10:42 am
” he was just a big hulking child of peace and love and rainbows. He was mentally unfit to be called an adult – or to be held accountable as such. ”
nice description of the pedophile’s point of view. try viewing that “experimentation” from the child’s point of view. does it seem like this fifty-year-old is just another child?
no it doesn’t. from the child’s perspective the pedophile is an adult, one with authority over the child, who has taken the trouble to build a trusting relationship with the child. someone with the physical strength and development of an adult, and the life experience to be very good at manipulation. it’s entirely different than fooling around with another child, and being told that it’s not is yet another mind-fuck for the kid.
07.02.09 at 10:49 am
The argument that he did it because “you wouldn’t let YOUR kids stay the night at Neverland” is stupid. The truth is I wouldn’t let my kids stay at Neverland, my neighbors or YOUR house simply because I don’t know you or trust you…not ‘cuz i think you’re gonna whack off my kid. I personally think that a lot of parents were using their kids as potential lottery tix…”my kid sez he got touched by Michael..JACKPOT”! Here’s a question: Why wasn’t the mother in the 2nd trial tried for child endanderment? She did say that she had her doubts..but yet she still let her child stay at the house…Just sayin!
07.02.09 at 12:57 pm
“He’s molesting angels now.”
That one still gets me every time.
07.02.09 at 1:55 pm
hello?
07.02.09 at 2:55 pm
man it’s because he gave us the music, and as far out as he was, he wasn’t all r. kelly or kanye west about how good the music was.
07.02.09 at 4:25 pm
i’m sure the people who keep insisting he’s innocent actually don’t even believe he’s innocent. they are just labyrinthine playlet gnomes engaging in collective fiction and winding everyone up like the clockwork toys Jackson would have employed if he didn’t have videogames to lure boys into bed with him.
07.02.09 at 7:34 pm
I reckon he just went overseas to fuck with little boys, men and lady-boys.. He could totally go to town in asia… And I’m totally in agreeance with the castration theory…
07.03.09 at 1:18 am
[...] you might remember, I’ve been known to become slightly irrational whenever I hear about people doing harm to children. In this case though, I’ve had a few drinks, and I do think I’m in the right frame of [...]
09.02.09 at 11:17 am
Well, I don’t know if he did anything to kids. It’s weird yes to want to be surrounded by them, but that could just be that he enjoyed their company because he was a child himself emotionally.
Do you think it’s more likely for parents to lie about their children being molested to get money or take hush money for their children being molested? Pretty sick either way.
09.26.09 at 11:14 pm
Amen erin
i’m a mother with a son and 2 daughters and i dare say if any of them got molested i don’t see myself taking any amount of money to satisfy me that the person who did it shouldn’t be strung up.fuck that…
also someone else said that the second mother should have been tried for child endangerment…and amen to you too. seriously the first mother could have played the oh i didn’t know bullshit and then i took the money coz i don’t wanna further traumatize ma kid. fine but after that if you let your kid have sleep overs with michael jackson you are simply asking for trouble and lose your right to turn around and sue him-your stupid ass should have done a bit more investigation into the goins on before you sent your kid there love.
09.28.09 at 3:05 am