I haven’t even heard Flaming Lips since about 1989 but holy shit do they ever pull out all the stops live

Why didn’t you go to All Tomorrow’s Parties by the way? Was it was because it was too expensive? I don’t believe you. How much money did you spend this weekend? How much would you pay to see Animal Collective, Melvins, Suicide, Black Dice, Boss Hog, Nick Cave and the Dirty Three, Crystal Castles, The Jesus Lizard, Deerhoof, Boredoms, Suicide, El-P, David Cross, and Bob Mould playing Hüsker Dü songs with No Age? Even at the full $235 ticket price that’s about $16 a band and I only picked the ones I like. Things would be about 60% cheaper if you just went with a day pass. AND I’m not including the hotel rooms that were included. AND I’m not getting into what a shitty rainy weekend it was with nothing else going on.

Besides, we met a couple (who refused to be photographed) that just winged it and went without a pass. Nobody checked their wrist bands once and they just slept on the couches instead of getting a room. That’s balls. You’re smalls.

Didn’t you regret it when you missed it last year? Remember? It’s in a weird old Jewish hotel in the Catskills that goes on for miles and has half a dozen bars and two huge stages and an arcade and air hockey and a pool and shit. If this isn’t worth your time what is? What’s the matter with you?

The Fuggedabuddies (Jon Glaser and Jon Benjamin being gumbah assholes) was so fucking good I sent them this email the next day…

From: Gavin McInnes
Date: September 12, 2009 1:08:36 PM EDT
To: Jon Glaser, jon benjamin
Subject: the fuggedabuddies

Back in the 50s, before the “anyone can do it” age, someone would make a bookshelf and you’d go, “Wow, that’s way better than I could do. This craftsman really knows his shit.” Today you want to snatch the hammer out of the guy’s hand and go, “This is a piece of shit. You need to make the shelves different heights for different sized books you fucking idiot.” Occasionally however, someone is still so good at their craft you can just relax and enjoy the fact that God made some people better at certain things. I felt that way when I watched the movie Adaptation and I felt that way last night.

They responded with, “What is this, a eulogy?”

Oh yeah, they do this thing where they admit they say fuggedaboudit a lot but if there’s one thing you should never say fuggedaboud about, it’s 9-11. BUT THEY FORGOT TO DO THE BIT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MOTHERFUCKING 9-11. I gotta piss.
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Everything about this place was bizarre. Even going to the bathroom was a trip.
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Crystal Castles were so fucking HUGE, they made me embarrassed for punk rock. All those bands just took the classic rock and roll format and weirded it up. Why even bother with that? The Sex Pistols were just a rude Lynyrd Skynyrd. Crystal Castles don’t even dignify rock and roll with a response.
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David Cross is about to go on an American tour promoting his book and doing all-new stand up. Are you going to miss this too? Goddamnit. You’re killing me ovah heah.
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The rooms were obviously designed back in the 70s and nobody saw the need to change them. Apparently the venue, Kushter’s, stays afloat by having festival after festival but I can’t figure out how. Some exterminator who lived up there told me they had the worst case of bed bugs in the country and lost their shirts cleaning it up. Exterminators are all liars though so it’s tough to tell.
Anyway, this guy did a front flip from bed to bed but we had to cut it short on some Herzog / Grizzly Man shit. He didn’t want you to hear the audio of the attack and we didn’t want you to see this kid collide into the closet doors. You wouldn’t have been able to handle it. In fact, we already deleted the footage. It was the elephant in the room.
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I apologized for bumping into this guy at the Hüsker Dü thing and immediately regretted it.
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Going for a swim gives hangovers nightmares.
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Talked to the organizer for a bit. They accepted 0 corporate sponsorship. This sounded awesome at first but then I thought, “Can you not make some bucks off a banner or something? I mean, Ford and the Flaming Lips Present… sounds lame but this hotel is hideous. I don’t think anyone would care if you had the odd Budweiser poster up there.” I told him this but couldn’t convince him I was serious.
I brought it up because I heard they barely broke even this year but got bored about halfway through the investigation and dropped it. Booze makes you a terrible detective.
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Animal Collective’s stage show was so fucking amazing, I felt like I was on shrooms. I tried to tell their manager that but he really was on shrooms. He said, “Taking a shit on shrooms is NOT fun.”
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1- Bob Mould and No Age did “Makes No Sense at All,” “Something I Learned Today” and “New Day Rising.” Holy fucking shit.
2- Wouldn’t have hated a bit of “Data Control” and “Diane” though.
3- Met a guy that night who was convinced Grant Hart was dead. Drunk people are stubborn.
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Josh Wildman is one of the few thirty-somethings who can pull off Rockers NYC tee. We came up with a wasted joke where we pretended to be disgusted by him for being “easy.” The next day the concept of a male being mocked for being too easy seemed a lot less funny. However, the idea of the misogynist who has lots of gay friends but he hates women so much, he only hangs out with tops, still seemed funny the next day.
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I saw a guy wearing this hat in the lobby later on. That was a mistake (seeing that, I mean).

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