Working alongside crazed directors like Orson Welles and Sam Peckinpah while starring alongside stunners like Sophia Loren and Janet Leigh, Heston made a career out of playing bad guys, boy-toys and sons of god. No matter the ending, a life like his was goddamn well lived.
Compared to today’s lily-livered actors, Heston was a movie star of the first order. Dude was cooking with gas for a good long run before old age cramped his lordly lifestyle. It’s a strange fact that Alzheimer’s sufferers often live long after the disease takes hold because all the stresses of life have been muted, leaving one to exist mostly in a world of memory. I’m not privy to the final years of his life, but if Heston mistook himself for Caesar or George Taylor or Moses, it would, at the very least, have been a more theatrical fade from reality than most of us are due.
Early in life Heston was a Hollywood liberal but history will most likely remember the conservative bent defining his later years, specifically his Second Amendment harangues and position as President of the National Rifle Association. Like Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and his self-proclaimed Woody Creek Rod & Gun Club, Heston found succor in Right to Bear Arms unity. “Guns are fun… These are mine… Don’t fuckin touch ‘em!”
Michael Moore didn’t understand Heston’s pro-gun stance or why a good American would feel the need to arm himself to the teeth but then, Michael Moore never saw the future and how sad the Statue of Liberty will look in a world gone mad.
Kids reading this from the safety of a well defended home never forget, guns like drugs, don’t kill people, people kill people. People like Charlton Heston kill people. Granted most of his kills were damn dirty deserving apes but what the hell, that’s Showbiz.
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I’ll never forget Cam back in Montreal saying his favorite part of “Planet of the Apes” was where Charlton Heston is so mad at everyone for calling everything Ape this and Ape that he goes, “It’s not an Ape Hose this is a Man Hose, a ma-a-a-a-an ho-o-o-o-o-se!” I didn’t remember anything being called an Ape pencil or an Ape shovel or an Ape garden hose so I rewatched the movie and the only part that comes close is when Heston is first captured and he screams from his net, “This is a mad house, a mad ho-o-o-o-use!”
It was a scary glimpse into Cam’s mind and the way he remembers things.
04.07.08 at 11:52 pm
Has anyone seen his toes when he’s on that raft in Ben Hur? They are to die for. Some of the nicest feet in the history of film.
04.07.08 at 11:58 pm
That picture is really too much. hahah. Sometimes i wonder after a night drinking if that’s the kind of shit that happens when i blackout.
04.08.08 at 1:19 am
Mr.Heston R.I.P.!!!
04.08.08 at 4:00 am
hahaha. Brilliant obit. spot on!
04.08.08 at 7:21 am
Egg salad.
04.08.08 at 9:03 am
i hate every ape i see, from chimpan-a to chimpan-zee…
04.08.08 at 9:07 am
What movies Charlton Heston do with Orson Welles?
04.08.08 at 1:56 pm
trace, good work. good obits are hard to find.
* looking at that picture I realized you actually look kind of like charlton heston.
04.08.08 at 2:00 pm
brilliance personified!
will you write my obit come that fateful day?
04.08.08 at 2:15 pm
Hold on SBTVC or whatever your name is— Is this site where VBS.TV employees go to die? Or to write about people dying? Trace Crutchfield was a star of the streaming screen who now writes under a pen name? Who the fuck is buying that? And to what end? To be the Rob Brezsny of the obit pages. Nice career move dude.
And how come you guys only write about famous white men dying? What about cutting edgers like break dancing pioneer Frosty Freeze? No enough drugs and sex for you?
04.08.08 at 2:16 pm
blue blah blue blah o noes you writted about the dead white peoples!
Shut up, holy fuck.
04.08.08 at 2:37 pm
[...] retrospect, Chuck should have screamed “It’s a man hose…A MAN HOSE!” Unfortunately he didn’t and because of this he never capitalized on a line of crowd [...]
04.08.08 at 2:44 pm
Ouch!
Looks like it’s time for a new website boys….TvCareerCarnage.Com
04.08.08 at 4:17 pm
VBS and SBTVC bickering aside… i remember going to see the recent Planet of the Apes in the theatre (no idea why). A friend sitting next to me, who is a notorious slut, kept making these quiet and strange “Mmmmmm” type noises, so i says to him, i says, “ok Dave, who would you rather bang, the ape or the girl” and he says, in absolute seriousness, “i’d give the ape a try”. I laughed so hard i cried and i am a terrible story teller…
04.08.08 at 7:25 pm
trace, can’t u stay out of fucking trouble?
04.08.08 at 11:09 pm
charles heston was the best heston
04.09.08 at 3:43 am
Does this mean Micheal Moore gets to take it away from his “cold dead hands” now?
04.09.08 at 6:32 am
where did you find that pic?
04.09.08 at 11:50 am
the VBS post is proof positive that not even bloodsucking corporate entities should be posting shit after coming home from a night of drinking…
sad
04.09.08 at 3:10 pm
Dirty Donny from Montreal said it best…”There are two kinds of movies, Ape movies, and other movies”. Where will we find another hairy chested, gun nut, to fill Chuck’s sandals. If only there were a hawaiian shirt-wearing gun advocate who could carry the torch that has started this towering inferno. Some kind of oh…mega man with a red Ferrari perhaps. Otherwise, the Rosie O’Donnells of the world will damn us all to hell.
04.09.08 at 4:00 pm
vbs.tv sounds a little bitter. yucky!
04.09.08 at 9:59 pm
This man was clearly an arsehole. And a zoophile is would appear. Quite unseemly, USA, please do better in future.
04.10.08 at 7:53 am