I lived for many years in Buffalo, NY. I went to high school there, ate chicken wings there, suffered through Sabres / Bills fandom, and shoveled maybe three metric tons of snow there.
More importantly, I wore Zubaz without irony. Walked miles and miles of desolate train tracks, dodging arrows fired from bow-toting metal heads hiding in the weeds. Drank Labatt’s Blues for $2 at the Old Pink ’til 4 in the morning.
Another guy from Buffalo is Vincent Gallo. He went to St. Joseph’s Catholic Themed Collegiate Institute, right down the street from my boyhood home. Young Vince left the B-Lo and ended up in NYC doing things. He made a movie featuring Ruff Buff. You may have heard about it.
Anyway, Vincenzo decided to premiere this movie in Buffalo — hilarious. The venue of choice was the North Park Theater, this grand old crumbling and hollow place. There’s a stage, rickety old seats, and a mural painted on the dome set into the ceiling. It’s a beautiful old artifact.
The day of the premiere is huge for North Buffalo. Press is there. The whole neighborhood is out, lining Hertel Avenue in lawn chairs, watching celebrities pull up in limos. But no one knew what the hell was going on. No one on Hertel Avenue had heard of this skinny underwear model.
I was around 17, working as a waiter at a little coffee shop / cafe next door to the theater. I stepped outside for a bit to watch. The proprietor of a local Italian-themed restaurant, which will remain nameless, walked up the block to check things out. He and I had never talked, but I knew who he was. I guess he knew me, too. He saw me hustling at the cafe and told my boss I was a hard worker and that he wanted me to come work for him. At the time, to me, this was a great compliment.
Dude was old school. He wore a lot of suits, usually pretty shiny. His white hair was always slicked back, and he had those dope tinted eyeglasses that changed into sunglasses at the slightest hint of sunlight. He smoked like Sinatra and had a rusty old voice box. He offered me a Camel and asked, “What’s the rumpus?”
We watched the scene for a bit: limos, flashes popping, crowds milling around. Then out of the crush, emerging like a greasy prince, there’s Vince Gallo. He’s super skinny and all “heroin chic” in leather pants and jacket. Long, matted, black hair. Unkempt, unshaven, squirmy. He kind of shuffles and fidgets his way over to me (ME!) and drawls in his whiny nasally voice, “Not only do I have to write it, direct it, and star in it, but now I gotta seat 300 animals.”
I laughed a little I guess, but then it went dead silent for a long second. Just me, Old School and Vince in a bubble of silence. Then Old School leans right into Vince’s face and snarls, “Dose ain’t animals. Dose are Buffalonians.”
Vince kind of shrugged and shuffled off. Old School nodded to himself, gave me a little grunt and walked away.
-ABU ZIA
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Ha! Zubaz
10.16.09 at 12:46 pm
saw’re vincent gallo look-a-like last nite dressed in paint by numbers hipster gear.
10.16.09 at 1:00 pm
plus that was an awesome piece
10.16.09 at 1:05 pm
that movie was workin class cool. but i knew it wasn’t actually set in b-lo by the compplete lack of neon zeebra print from anywhere. yo, abu zia, why don’t you post some shots of you in the zubaz?
10.16.09 at 1:10 pm
Woooo!!! Buffalo! I haven’t lived there since I was 18, but I’m pretty sure people still wear Zubaz without irony. Just stop into any DMV, especially in the ‘burbs. Zubaz. Mullets. Faded Super Bowl 25 sweat shirts. Awesome!
10.16.09 at 1:13 pm
VBS, Spike Jonze, “Movie Opens Today!”, feature on Cinematographer, did Buffalo 66, Vincent Gallo, Street Carnage article. What amazing synergy.
10.16.09 at 1:33 pm
Ahhh Skinny Vinny. Nice film. Too bad Mr. Gallo didn’t cast Old School for the part of Billy Brown’s pop. Would have been a good fit. Fit rhymes with tit and on that point – the bar scene where Vinny walks into the strip joint and blasts the fat ass owner away, is that a real joint in town? Looks like a fine establishment. Bet they have tasty lil ham sandwiches w/ onion rings and nice cold draft beer.
10.16.09 at 1:47 pm
and then chloe smoked his pole and swallowed his splooge on camera so that he could be a super rad guy in everyone’s eyes
10.16.09 at 2:07 pm
HEART OF THE SUNRISE!
10.16.09 at 2:28 pm
Yeah Schwarma Kebab – that’s a real place, or used to be, a strip club across the street from the defunct Bethlehem steel plant
10.16.09 at 2:32 pm
Anyone who goes to Buffalo should only worry about three things to keep busy: the Falls (your parents will love the photos), wings, and The Pink. Try to go for Chicken ‘n’ Porn night.
10.16.09 at 5:05 pm
A friend of mine that works for Vincent Gallo’s PR whatever, drunkenly gave me Gallo’s cell phone number. Sometimes when I’m really hammered and trying to impress friends I will prank call him. He usually doesn’t answer but one time he did and I had no idea what to say so I just started making up semi-plausible bullshit until he got mad and hung up. I also got Crispin Glover’s cellphone number from the same person. He’s way more fun to prank.
10.16.09 at 5:24 pm
thats a really cool little story. i would read a whole book of that crap.
10.17.09 at 4:28 am
I miss buffalo too. Old dudes, fat women, greasy food. Cold. I cant wait to go back for christmas.
10.17.09 at 2:28 pm
that’s a good post.
10.17.09 at 7:51 pm
White Hots
10.18.09 at 1:28 pm
I would have sex with Vincent Gallo if I weren’t afraid of contracting the ‘hiv.
10.18.09 at 6:32 pm
This makes me nostalgic for those days… Hertel Avenue hasn’t changed much tho, but now there’s a Tunisian restaurant and a halal butcher in among the Italian places. Couscous with chianti??
11.06.09 at 2:04 pm