I am currently in a period of my life where I feel like I may give up on masturbation, particularly when it’s anchored to internet porn. I feel like I’m giving a part of myself to each of the women I jerk off to (or is that jerk off “over”? I’ve never been sure). Like, why do all these porn stars deserve my sperm? What have they done to deserve it? They haven’t giggled at my shitty jokes or boosted my ego by telling me how big my dick is. They’re just doing their jobs. Independent whores trying to earn a living.
My sperm is precious. It makes babies, little human beings who grow up to be bus drivers and plumbers and astronauts. Think about that for a second. An astro-mother-fuckin-naut. How awesome is that? Something that comes out of my penis may walk on the Moon or Venus one day. Why should I waste that on you pornstars? I should savor it for special occasions like my birthday or payday, rather than throw it at every pussy on the internet. So see this post as my final farewell to all the big asses and fake tits that have kept me going through the lonely periods in my life. I’m gonna miss you guys, but I really can’t continue to sell myself short.
CHEROKEE D’ASS
Hey Cherokee. I used to stare at your ass-cheeks and wonder if I could even handle them. Would they swallow me whole? Drag me into some kind of chocolate vortex and spit me out in a thousand itty bitty pleasurable pieces? I guess I’ll never know the answer to those questions. Bye bye, Miss D’ass.
ALICIA TYLER
Hey Alicia, did I ever tell you my ex was named Alicia too? She was a slut though. She wasn’t perfect like you. Which is why I call you Per-licia, and her Whore-licia. You know, so I don’t get the two of you mixed up. Not that that matters, now.
BELLADONNA
Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you do lots of porn while you were seriously pregnant? My mother wouldn’t have approved, but I hate my mother. She’s always telling me what to do with my life. “Donald, get a job.” “Donald, tidy up your room.” She treats me like a fucking baby.
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STREET BONER 1127
Being straight edge as a kid is a great way to rebel against: puking, getting pregnant, and wrapping your parent’s car around a tree.
Bad Behavior has blocked 4406 access attempts in the last 7 days.
A noble move, D. Crunk.
11.13.09 at 10:25 am
Dude, I give you like a week.
11.13.09 at 10:26 am
I’m going to be like that King who chopped that baby in half and offer a comprise. Why don’t you just stop stroking before you finish? That way you can exploit those ladies and not mess up your socks.
11.13.09 at 10:35 am
It should be “I jerked off ‘to’ her,” not “I jerked off ‘over’ her.” Unless you’re British. Then you wank over her.
11.13.09 at 10:55 am
Shit, i can barely get on a computer without an instant pavlovian reaction.
Pussy-legs-tits-n-ass 24×7
11.13.09 at 11:19 am
belladonna for breakfast, sunny lane for lunch, more stuff for supper
11.13.09 at 11:37 am
I am a borish singleton, i could never give up wanking, there’d be a wank shaped hole in my life.
11.13.09 at 1:09 pm
chewn pussy lips
11.13.09 at 3:05 pm
belladonna is grody.
11.13.09 at 3:43 pm
I’d never heard of Cherokee D’Ass. Thanks!
11.14.09 at 7:32 am
Alexis Texas will stop all this nonsense.
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=alexis%20texas&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi
11.14.09 at 8:46 am
Better to take a break than wind up so neurologically blunted that you end up like poor Mike Hutchence. Crikey!
11.17.09 at 3:40 am