They say that you can tell a lot about someone by their choice of footwear. That’s true. It’s also more true that you can tell what kind of person someone is by their favorite Appetite for Destruction-era Guns ‘N Roses member. As such, Dr. The Libertine is proud to present the Guns ‘N Roses Personality Test. Prepare to plumb the deepest depths of your psyche.

Here’s how it works:
Listen to either “It’s So Easy” or “Night Train” to get yourself pumped up.
Choose your favorite Appetite-era GNR member. Wait — you don’t know already? What are you doing with your life???
Read on to learn things about yourself, things you didn’t know.

Here we go:
STEVEN ADLER

Oh wow, you chose Steven Adler, the drummer. I mean, it’s cool because it’s a pretty obscure choice, but boy are you fucked. Anywho, your choice says that you probably have pretty rad hair and that you add tasteful yet rocking cowbell to everything around you. You’re the life of the party, but you’ve been known to overindulge and will definitely have substance abuse issues later in life (if not right this instant). You’ll be the first to be ejected from your social circle, but you can revel in the knowledge that everyone will eventually look back and concur that shit was best when you were around, even if you didn’t really have anything to do with it. (Photo courtesy of Addiction World, lol.)

DUFF MCKAGAN

You’re pretty solid compared to the other yahoos around you. Chances are you spend a deceptively large amount of time at the gym because damn, you’re ripped for your age! If you join a band, you will sing the best songs on its quickie album of punk-rock covers. You still have a responsibility to try and persuade the lead singer to choose a different album title and cover art, though.

SLASH

Your love for hair product, silly pseudonyms, top hats, and snakes knows no earthly bounds. You can be moody and may at some point find yourself shredding outside of an improbably small church while one of your friends gets married. You are successful with the opposite sex, which is attested to by the fact that you are able to drive your car off a cliff but somehow end up wailing on your guitar on the cliff as the car expires in a fiery ball below. You absolutely refuse to age gracefully. Oh, and your dad may have been David Bowie. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?

IZZY STRADLIN

Congratulations, you’re awesome. You write the best songs of anyone in your social group, you dress the best, play the coolest guitars, have the sweetest dope habit, and you will not embarrass yourself too badly as you get older. Despite this, you may never get the props you really deserve. You may be kicked out of your social circle because some prima donna is jealous of you, but it’s all good because you were the one who wrote “Night Train.”

AXL ROSE

What the fuck is wrong with you? You used to be so cool. Remember when you would wear the leather pants and aviator sunglasses and do that weird dance while screaming like a coked-up banshee? That was rad. As you grow older and crazier, you’re going to have to resist the urge to film ten-minute-long videos with dolphins, put your hair in corn rows, have appallingly bad plastic surgery, and get into fights with Tommy Hilfiger. Or, if you have to fight Hilfiger, just make sure you kick the shit out of him. Go ahead and ask Jack White for proper pummeling advice.

Well, there you have it. I hope you learned something about yourself today. Lawd knows I did. Before we can love someone else, we must know and love ourselves. Or something.

-THE LIBERTINE
asspocketofwhiskey.blogspot.com

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